Katarina Humor Guide by Zedera
Not Updated For Current Season
This guide has not yet been updated for the current season. Please keep this in mind while reading. You can see the most recently updated guides on the browse guides page.
Not Updated For Current Season
The masteries shown here are not yet updated for the current season, the guide author needs to set up the new masteries. As such, they will be different than the masteries you see in-game.
Hello everyone! I am your host for today's show, in which we get to interview League of Legends' front-page champion, Katarina! For those of you who don't know her, Katarina is the feared daughter of the infamous General du Couteau, of Noxian fame. Since an early age, she's shown great promise as an assassin, and has risen to fame as one of the deadliest people to walk Runeterra. In this interview, we'll get to know our favorite Noxian champion a little bit better, find out why her hair is pink, and maybe learn a few other things that we didn't know before. As you can tell from the runes above, Katarina has tendencies to be malicious, vigorous, forceful, and a little bit short-tempered. Keep that in mind throughout this interview. Now, let me be the first to say that I'm excited to have this opportunity to talk to a real-life Legend, and I can't wait to get started... Excuse me? What about the rest of the build? Who am I anyways? What's my name? Why am I wearing a helmet? Can...can we interview Katarina instead? Anyways, without further ado, It's my pleasure to present to you....
(Applause in the background)
Welcome to the show, Katarina! It's great to have you here!
...What's the matter, is your chair not comfortable enough?
...You said this was going to be a private interview, not a talk show.
I-I did? I don't quite remember that, sorry...
Would you like me to jog your memory?
N-no... Let's just move on to the questions now, shall we?
If you insist. (puts away knife)
Alright. And the first question i-i-i-s... (pulls out a piece of paper) Why is your hair pink?
I was born that way.
Y-you were? Wow, that must've been quite something, having a daughter with pink hair...
...What are you trying to imply?
N-nothing... Moving on! Why did you join the League of Legends!
To defend Noxus in affairs concerning the continent of Valoran. Same reason anyone would join the League.
Well, you'd be surprised. Some champions, like Brand and Nocturne, were actually forced to become champions, and don't really care about affairs concerning the world. They're just there to kill.
Really? Those are champions? I thought they were just target practice.
Target Practice, hehe... (sweating) Anyways, on to the next question. What do you think of the items recommended for you?
You know, like Doran's Shield, Sorceror's Shoes...
Oh, those...they're ok. I guess they help me sometimes, but for the most part, I stick to my daggers.
How do you respond to the fact that quite a few summoners prefer putting Ionian Boots on you?
Wha...no they don't!
Yes, yes they do.
Wait...are those the boots that look like this?
WHAT!?!?!? (jumps to her feet) THOSE LIARS! THEY SAID THEY WERE GOING TO GIVE ME NOXIAN BOOTS! I'M GOING TO KILL THEM!!!
C-calm down Miss Katarina...violence doesn't solve anything...
Violence solves EVERYTHING!!!
W-well, can you wait until after the show? There are innocent people here...
(takes a deep breath) Fine! (sits down)
That's better. Alright, next question. How's your relationship with your sister Cassiopeia?
What do you mean? We're sisters, so we do things together as sisters.
What, so you two go shopping for clothes together and things like that?
Shopping? Do you really expect a Noxian soldier to go shopping for clothes?
Well, not really, that's not what I meant...
And do you expect Cassiopeia, who's now half-snake, to still go shopping for dresses?
No...so what do you two do together?
Well...the other day we went to the beach...
...where we tore apart a group of marauding pirates who dared to invade Noxian lands.
Why, what did you think we were doing at the beach?
>.> ... May I remind you that I have people to kill after this show?
Oh, right. Anyways, let's move on to another subject that's drawn quite a bit of discussion over the years. Garen.
What about him?
Well...what you think about him?
He's a Demacian and an enemy, and the next chance I get I'm going to kill him.
Well...for one thing he's a warrior at heart, just like you...and for another, there are rumors that he has feelings for you.
I'm sure they're just rumors...
Do you see him in any way other than just an enemy?
(blushing slightly) ...Sometimes...what's with all these questions about Garen anyways?
Well, according Blitzcrank's "Fleshling Compatibility System", you two apparently make the perfect couple.
That's just ridiculous! He's just a machine, what does he know? Besides, what makes anyone think I'm ever going to make a "perfect couple" with anyone, let alone Garen!?!?!?
Well, I don't envy Garen...
I've had enough of this. I'm leaving.
Wait! I have one more thing to ask you!
Have you ever backed down from a challenge before?
No, of course not!
Then I challenge you to say "Danse Macabre" three times fast!
I-I don't...know...how to...um...say....that....
Oh come on, repeat after me!
Good! One more time, just for safety. Danse...
W-wait wait! I-I was just joking-!!!