Congratulations summoner, if you are coming to a point in the game to where you are playing Cassiopia it means either the rest of your teammates are quite skilled friends who are going to carry you through the entire game, or it means that after 29 queue dodges you found those random arabic, hispanic, chinese, and israeli players who only have time for one more game and don't know how to tell you in english not to play Cassiopia. That being said, this guide is to show you how to minimize the amount you feed the enemy team, and make you as little of a liability as possible. Hopefully you can end the game with a spread of 0/9/1 or so, safely staying in the single digit deaths and providing a slight contribution to the allied team with a single assist.

Since no amount of runes will help Cassiopia kill someone, the best plan is to prevent yourself from being firstblood. Cassiopia has a number of innate passives that many players don't know about, which I will be instructing you upon during the course of this guide.

1.) Ringer- Cassiopia has an 85% chance to give the enemy team a double kill for first blood if she leaves the turret for more than .085 seconds. This percentage chance increases with every level of the enemy team until firstblood is achieved, usually upon Cassiopia.

To prevent this, your best bet is to stay in the spawn until you can get several quintessential items for Cassiopia. You get gold in the spawn, the enemy team can't kill you there, and you don't farm well anyway. Some people worry about the lack of levels but hey! the enemy team kills you just as readily if you are 4 levels over them as they do if you are 4 levels under, so why bother feeding them more than you have to right?

2.) Damp Waffle- Cassiopia's spells and attacks make the enemy Champion's giggle, encouraging them to be more aggressive and kill her more readily. This occurs until the Cassiopia player loses.

This is a tough innate to get around but there is a secret: don't attack. If you are not hitting them they aren't sure what your next move is, they may be foolish enough to believe you could harm them with your full mana bar.

As for Cassiopia's active spells: The only one that matters is her Q. It lets her run faster to get away. Get her W next because it slows the enemy, once again letting her get away. Rank anything that matters however you like, just having one of either is usually enough to save you once. You can get her ult at 6/11/16 but it is useless so if you want simply wait till 16/17/18.

Some may look at my build of items and scratch their heads, but it is really quite intuitive. Being able to get away is quintessential to not dying, and as such you want to get boots asap. Since Cassiopia can't kill minions fast, and can't kill champs at all, you need to get health pots to stay in lane longer, and wards to protect yourself. Usually 6-7 wards can keep about 25% of the ganks from being successful on you, provided that you have them all down at the same time. The Doran's shields are great because they are inexpensive which means you should have at least one by the 10 minute mark, and give you health and armor, which again...keep you alive a little bit longer.

Cassiopia can't do teamwork except to run away.

This should be obvious, there are only 2.

Heal, to keep you from dying to minions.
Ghost, to keep you from dying to the 1v1 ganks.

Cassiopia Can't farm. You will find yourself doing extraordinarily well to get 25 minion kills in an hour long game.

With my masteries I build the standard 0/28/2 Cassiopia build, getting improved heal and ghost. The idea is to make yourself a little bit less squishy, and to maximize your ability to not feed more than a dozen kills or so.

Pros- None. Not even her name or art is cool.

Cons-

smells bad
looks ugly
hits like a damp waffle
has no hp
has no mp ratios
her ult is laughable
she has a stupid name
no one liked her in elementary school
can't jungle
can't lane
can't lasthit
can't KS
can't get away
her joke isn't funny
her taunt is dumb
costs too much IP or RP (which is any)
can't get many games
feeds
feeds
also feeds.

DON'T YOU EVER PICK HER IN A RANKED GAME. EVERY TIME SOMEONE PICKS HER IN A RANKED A KITTEN DIES. EVERY TIME SOMEONE PICKS HER IN A NORMAL GAME AS IT IS, A KITTEN GETS NEARLY TERMINAL LEUKEMIA.

In conclusion, Cassiopia is a not fun champ with poor skills and art and smells bad. But if you insist on playing her, I have shown you how to maximize her skill list and not die.

If you like this guide let me know, I am considering making a few more guides such as:

"Nida-LEAVER"
"Diemore-dinger"
"Gali-OMG NO"

Don't forget to rate!