Evelynn Humor Guide by Dr Vexx
Introduction of the ages.
Welcome, to my humorous guide/build for farm master Evelynn
. This is my first build I have ever done on mobafire! This build is for fellow players, whom, like myself, very much so, enjoy farming my cs way past 300 during a game. If you are unsure, whether or not you have a minion farming fetish, you may want to try out this build for a game or two and see if this is your forte!
But before you do or read on, ask yourself a few questions.
-Do you not care about getting kills or assists but enjoy taking down minion waves merely by running by them and toss a Q at them?
-Do you enjoy getting raged at, reported and blamed for your teams loss?
-Do you not believe in team work, or have no interest in what your teams goal is?
**If you anwsered yes to all these questions, then this build may be just for you! Move to the next section! If you anwsered no to any, or all, then just leave this page, uninstall your internet, and go get laid, because online computer games are not for pissin' glitter fabulous gamers like you.
Evelynns History and life story. Summed up in two paragraphs! What a life!
Evelynn's origins are shrouded in vines - a vine she herself helps to perkulate. What everyone does know about Evelynn, however, is that she is one of the best farmers in Valoran. It is clear upon first meeting her that she is not quite human. Some theorize that she was cursed with a perfectly shaped body for using a hoe. Supporters of this theory contend that her ability to sap the very life essence of her opponents minions on (and off) the Fields of Farming, while still being able to tolerate direct sunlight for years on end. There is some evidence that Evelynn originally came from the Laksoil Isles - the mysterious island located northwest of Valoran that is eternally blanketed by a thick, unnatural fog, and lacks the joy, and luster of plants. It is thought that the Laksoil Isles are home to countless forms of dead plants, though no one seems eager to perform the exploration necessary to find out the truth. Evelynn neither confirms nor denies her connection to Laksoil Isles.
The power brokers of Valoran know that Evelynn's services come at the highest of premiums, and her recent addition to the League of Far...err, Legends indicates that her ambitions are growing, just like every plant she...well, plants. Her savagery on the Fields of Farming has been so great that new rumors about her origins are now circulating. The most popular one - an abused cotton picker, off of some southern fields, raped and brought back to life (with revived) her abuser, then repeated this over and over again, till he became merly soil for the cotton - always makes her smile when hearing it... an act that bares her crocked teeth and furry tounge. Evelynn now curries favor from League summoners, gaining influence for reasons known only to her (might be her lack of clothes and purplish bluish skin). While the nature of her plants- much like almost everything else about her - remains growing, slowly taking over the lands.
''There is little mystery about her to me - she is the ultimate farmer. Just look at how well she trimmed my bush'' - Jax
Pros / Con
The wieght diffrence between the pros and cons just makes me...sooo...f'n moist...
*Ability to stand there, not autoattack, and still take out full minion waves (sunfire cape and thornmail)
*Can spam Q every second to take out a whole wave of minions
*Life steal she gets, gives amazing substain
*Her stealth allows you to go from lane to lane, unnoticed by the naked eye. F@ck wards! No one wards anyways.
*B.o.n.e.r.ific champ to watch, with one hell of a sexy voice
How to farm?
What is farming you, as a level -17 (congradulations on achieving the impossible, btw) ask? Well, let me explain it, in the most simple of ways.
Farming is like...real life farming. Yea! That's it! Just like farming on your local countryside! You plant things. Help them grow. Then farm them and sell them for cash. The only diffrence is...just about everything.
In lol, you don't grow crops. Nor do you help crops grow. Nor do you farm crops. Nor do you sell crops for money. You kill (aka farm) minions. Minions are those little annoying purple creatures. With farm master Evelynn, you need to focus on killing them. Every time you kill one, you get experience. If you last hit the minion, you get gold AND additional experience.
The focus of this build is to make you a god at this. Meaning You > Everyone.
Now, how good is the farming with farm master Evelynn?
Fantastic farming! You should have 300+ cs by 24 minutes in! If you have trouble farming while using this build, then you are one of three things:
-Mentally disabled. If you are mentally disabled, pull your hands out of your pants and contact someone who can show/explain what I am saying.
-Blind. You may want to reconsider playing video games at all. Having someone read to you, this guide, thinking youd be playing this build...well...that person should check the above option because they may fall under that catagory.
-Illiterate. Wait, if you were illiterate, how did you...I don't even...forget it. Go play some pokemon or something, and catch me a vulpix to sell to furries, you damn, illiterate slave.
You and your team work...goodjob!
Team work is non-existant, while using this build. Imagine none of them are there. Ignore there pings and there alerts. However if they rage at you, reply with "I am doing the best I can, bare with me. I need to farm." OR " I carry team, yes? Let me farm, farm, farm till I am all powerful so I carry us to victory, k?." Also, altars do not exist to you. What is a altar even in the game? It's as foriegn to you as licking the left pink nipple of a exotic monkey...hopefully at least...
You may get blamed for your teams loss, or reported for not listening to your team, or, unskilled player. But, do not fret! It is only a minor set back! One day everyone will see our way! You'll see! You'll all see one day, sloshy carpet munching scrubs! ..... -cough- anyways...uh...onward!
Believe in yourself.
Yes. I said it! Believe it! (naruto fist towards the sky) Playing this build is only half the battle. And half the battle is believing you can farm beyond pixelated control. Which makes believing...2/3s the battle? Unless you took it the other way in which case its 1/4 the battle? Idk, and honestly I don't give a gargled feece. I am not here to do math. I am here to MOTIVATE YOU! Get pumped up because you'll be the best farmer in the league! What's better than that?!? I mean com...oh, your right. Chuckie Cheeses is better than that. Idk, if i agree though. PERSONALLY, my votes more towards, a trip to like, flordia beaches. But then again, some people don't like the beach. I for one LOVE the beach! I don't care what all of you baby punchers think. Beaches excite the f'n cream out of me! I am talking, like, fancy whipped cream, not the cream you find in a hoho. Anyways...what were we talking about again? ... OH YEA! Believe in yourself, follow this build and you'll be a recognized pro farmer! Scouts honor!
Greater Mark of Mana Regeneration
Greater Glyph of Mana
Greater Seal of Mana Regeneration
Greater Quintessence of Mana Regeneration
You may have been asking yourself, "Where did you come up with that pro rune combination?" Well, let me tell you. It came from the fact that, those are the ONLY viable runes for Evelynn! Any other rune choice, and this whole build wouldn't work! The runes are the glue keeping this build together! Without them, summoners rift would fall apart as soon as your summoned in game! Never, EVER, change the runes around! Got it? Kthxbye.
Masteries of all masters!
Masteries. I went 13-15-2. Why? Because it works. Does there need to be another explination? NO! My reasoning is my own! You do not question the master of this build! For he knows why he made it the way he did, and you shall just believe in his choices, and follow his ways! I will make you successful! Me! Not you! My choices is what makes you good at what your going to do! Do not take credit for my decisions! I am the decider. You are the follower. Its like your the slave and I am your master...if only that was not illegal. ~sadface~
Items to set fire to the rain! I hate adele <.<
Below I have listed the items, and why I chose them. I apoligize for my freak out earlier, and have decided upon giving you a little bit of information of why I made the decisions I did. You will be farming gold like crazy so you can just buy the items as a whole, instead of piecing them together.
- Health regen. Plus it is creepy, which will look perfect on Evelynn!
- Everything near your gets hurt by fire...because you are on fire. It seems to be a hot item with tanks, so why not with a farmer?
- You shoot f'n lightning from your f'n finger tips, every few attacks. Every champ should have this item. Its beyond shocking!
- It gives you massive health regen! Not to mention, It looks like a heart, something of which, Evelynn is lacking.
- As if doing damage yourself wasn't enough??? Now you reflecting attacks back! Holy double f'n rainbows! Have lux try to explain that one!
- Its a gun, and a blade? Everybodies dream weapon! Oh and it has spell vamp and some other stoof..and stoof.
- Splish, splash. Attack one enemy, attack all around him! Nothing better. Except shooting lightning from your finger tips. Or fire from your back.
Skill Sequence you will never rememeber!
Best skills in this game! By far! There overwelming! No questions about it! Heres what they do, you, undeticated Evelynn players!
Passive* (Innate): Evelynn stealths into the shadows only being seen by nearby enemy champions or true sight. While stealthed, Evelynn regenerates 1% of her maximum mana every second.
Casting spells, taking damage or dealing damage reveals Evelynn for 6 seconds.
**A nice passive to have, to hide during minions waves, and to safly move from lane to lane, unnoticed.
Q* (Active): Evelynn fires a line of spikes through a nearby enemy, dealing magic damage to all enemy units in its path.
-Cooldown: 1.5 seconds
-Cost: 19 / 23 / 27 / 31 / 35 mana
-Magic Damage: 40 / 60 / 80 / 100 / 120 (+0.45 per ability power) (+0.4 per bonus attack damage)
**Your bread and butter. Max this first. Use it constently! That is why you have runes based around mana regen!
W* (Passive): Evelynn's spell hits on enemy champions grant her bonus movement speed for 3 seconds. This effect stacks up to 4 times. Bonus Movement Speed per Stack: 4 / 8 / 12 / 16 / 20
(Active): Evelynn removes all slows affecting her and gains bonus movement speed for 3 seconds. Champion kills and assists refresh Dark Frenzy's cooldown.
-Cooldown: 20 seconds
-Bonus Movement Speed: 30 / 40 / 50 / 60 / 70 %
**This is pretty much worthless in this build. Max this last, sense, you wouldn't be using it at all.
E* (Active): Evelynn slashes a target twice, dealing magic damage with each strike. Evelynn then gains bonus attack speed for 3 seconds.
-Cooldown: 9 seconds
-Cost: 50 / 55 / 60 / 65 / 70 mana
-Damage per Hit: 35 / 60 / 85 / 110 / 135 (+0.5 per ability power) (+0.4 per bonus attack damage)
-Total Damage: 70 / 120 / 170 / 220 / 270 (+1.0 per ability power) (+0.8 per bonus attack damage)
-Bonus Attack Speed: 60 / 75 / 90 / 105 / 120 %
**This is a good move to take down the bigger minions or super minions. Max this second.
R* (Active): Evelynn impales all enemies in the targeted area, dealing magic damage equal to a percentage of their maximum health and slowing their movement speed for 2 seconds.
Evelynn siphons their pain, gaining a shield that grows in strength for each enemy hit and lasts up to 6 seconds.
-Cost: 100 mana
-Range to Center of AoE: 800
-Diameter of AoE: 500
-Cooldown: 120 / 100 / 80 seconds
-Magic Damage: 15 / 20 / 25% of target's maximum health (+0.02% per ability power)
-Shield Strength: 150 / 225 / 300 per champion hit
-Slow: 30 / 50 / 70 %
**This move can take out a whole minion wave! Sadly we can't max this till level 16, which will be our third maxed skill.
Summoner Spells of gods.
Summoner spells. I think they were pretty obvious why I chose them. But for you lesser brained people, I shall give your a quick explination behind my reasoning. Noobs.
- I chose this spell so you can keep your minions alive and assisting you. Also to make it more difficult for others to farm your minions early game!
- I chose this spell so you can get back to farming, asap, after you recall.
How to play with farm master Evelynn?
No, but seriously. It's a pretty easy task playing as farm master Evelynn. But I shall explain it for all you, whose curiousity have went, from moist to wet.
Early game - Farm...alright, alright, I will give some explination of what your supposed to do, you semi-aquatic gorillas! Kill the minions as quick as possible. Focus on last hitting. DONE!
Mid game - Farm harder. DONE!
Late game - Farm so hardcore that your neighbors think you are getting laid. DONE!
A interview with Evelynn herself! Part 1. It's EXPLOSIVE!
I am here today with the amazing, new, farming evelynn! Say hello to our audience evelynn!
Don't tell me what to do scrub. Hello noobs.
Hey now! Be nice to the audience! There here to hear what its like being a bombin' farmer!
I don't care if there even here to cure cancer, they are still noobs to me!
Woah, woah, what is with your explosive attitude? You need to relax!
An enemy has been slain
Geeze!!! What was that for.
I'll be darn if that was only tourettes!
You mad bro?
Yea i am!...ugh...just forget it, moving on. Before you became a farmer, what was your original job?
Stipper. You death from all your dynamite?
No, I just expected jungler.
You can't imagine me as a stipper? -strikes a smexi pose-
-gulps nervously- uhh...oh my...
;) Gangplank was a big fan of coming to watch me. Sometimes I would let him steer his vessel within my dock an..
WOAH WOAH! To much information!
HEY! Get your mind out of the gutter!
A enemy has been slain
STOP THAT! And don't blame it on tourettes again!
Hey, tourettes is a serious problem, affecting us evelynns these days.
Cool story bro, tell it again.
Will be right back after this respawn break...
Summary beyond control!
<--Evelynn in the olden days, farming with her long lost daughter, Ezreal...errrr...Bertha >.>
To sum it all up. Farm. Farm. Farm. Farm. Farm. Do nothing else but that. That is what will make you unstoppable. Your team will handle the rest and will win the game, while you keep all the minions under control. That is your role. Minion farmer. Be the best one possible. And this build will allow you to achieve that! Welcome to the new age! <3
**Test my build out and upvote!
**Got any funny jokes for this guide? Message me them, and if I like them, I'll put them on here and give you credit at the end!
Customer champs, review! (lamest puns ever, chapter)
I was surprised how well this build worked! It is truly, truly, truly, superfabuloussss.
--Taric, The SuperFabulous Knight
I wish I had boobs like farm master Evelynn...
--Ezreal, Transexual in the closet
With all of DEMCIAAAAA! I garen-tee you will love this build!
--Garen, The guy obbsessed with spinning his blade
This build exploded onto the scene! I was da-bomb on my team!
--Ziggs, That one dude, with the bombs.
Farm master Evelynn had the opponents frozen in fear! They were to cold to react!
--Anvia, The champ that looks like the pokemon, Articuno.
I didn't think this build was gonna that great, but i soon found out this build was hot! It had be burning thru the lanes in know time!
--Brand, This dude be wakin' and bakin' every morning!
I have grown to love farm master Evelynn! Careful! You'll be tangled up into using this build in no time at all!
--Zyra, Evelynns Sunflower.
TL:DR (Totally Lazy : Didn't Read)
Lemme guess, looked at the chapters, saw this one, and went straight to this one, right? You f'n lazy, trout testies muncher! You honestly think I am going to give you a TL:DR, on a humorous, troll build, that I have spent lots of time on, just to get you to laugh? Insensitive beached whale! Turn your beach ball sized butt around, and bounce your way up to the first chapter, and start from there! Don't let me catch you reading this chapter again, unless you've already read my build! Got that, you lusicous chicken leg humper? Kthxbye.