"Who u? Wat dis?"
I'm just a pleb, but you can call me teacher, for I shall type down some things!!1
Practically, this guide will cover what you need to do to win every single game, in RPG fashion and some comedic attributes included. This is how I roll.
Stuff -- Quick not to do list
AVOID ALL OF THE FOLLOWING WHILE IN GAME:
Raging, Chatting, Getting tilted, Dying to stupid calls, Missing CS, Missing Skillshots, Dying due to your misplay, Dying because you counted on someone else's excellent play
CHAT IS FOR SAYING GJ ONLY
I cannot stress how important is to NOT CHAT or BLAME someone.
If you want to give a honest opinion on someone else's play just do it in a way he won't be offended.
If you want to give a tip to someone give it but say something like: it's a tip I don't blame you. It's better typing an extra 2 sentences than to waste 30seconds of your time reading someone else's mad answers and then another 30seconds trying to apologize to make up.
Your only words in chat log should be "gj" and "STOP CHATTING".
You can also say stuff like "zac bot" to give away enemy positions if you're 100% sure that it's true.
Your brain must be functioning 100% of the time and you need an IQ of 420 at minimum to win 100% of the games as a noob. If your IQ is less than 420 I'm afraid you have to practice a bit before reaching this level.
Failing to last-hit minions, missing skill shots, and misplaying is NOT TOLERATED. (Skip)
When you see an ally make a call, you 100% HAVE TO RESPOND!!
Options are: Either follow the call, or ping to abort.
<IF YOU'RE NOT EXCELLENT YET PINGING TO ABORT IS NOT ADVISED, YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW INSTEAD!>
PS: Following the call does not give you the right to die and blame the shot-caller. DO NOT DIE!
You'll be under circumstances where Janna can just Shield you and get her 5 assists while u penta, but she only has 1 seconds to think and perform it.
Options are: Trust her until the end and risk losing, give her a limited time to respond getting you space to abort any moment, abort without trusting her
<YOUR ALLIES ARE NOT EXCELLENT BUT THEY SHOULD BE SOMEWHAT EXPERIENCED. TRY TO BUY SOME TIME FOR THEIR SLOW BRAINS TO FUNCTION OR MAKE THEM AWARE BEFOREHAND WHAT U EXPECT THEM TO DO!>
The "GOING" and "ASSIST ME" pings are great together, especially if you expect some kind of protection on the place you're going.
"Carry? Dis edible?"
Carrying is achieving victory with minimal or very restricted usage of your team's composition. It usually happens to one smurfing and rarely on one's main elo.
That saying 'carry' champions are those with fast to insta-kill potential, short cooldowns, and high mobility. Having some sort of engage is a must.
You can carry by utilizing those attributes and general game knowledge(Trap/objective/followup calls).
In most cases carrying is reserved to the person making the game-winning move. MEANING you can carry while 0/100 if you make the game-winning call or kill enemies out of position or kill their nexus.
In most cases catching and killing one or two enemies out of position is enough to "Carry", followed up with a good call for an objective(hopefully the enemy nexus).
You now know how to win 100% of the games.
In the future this will cover specific roles and playstyles