Ezreal Humor Guide by Derpalicous
Not Updated For Current Season
Not Updated For Current Season
The masteries shown here are not yet updated for the current season, the guide author needs to set up the new masteries. As such, they will be different than the masteries you see in-game.
-WARNING- Strong Language lies Ahead
This guide is just trying to insult most of the LoL community when your playing as a support. Many of these examples our from my experiences and my friends' experiences, but some will be made up. I'll try to keep the language used as accurate as possible during this "guide". And please don't actually take this seriously because I've ran in to many nice and supportive AD Carries when I was playing support.
So lets get this started.
Step #1- Always go in for the kill
Getting fed is a huge part of being a successful AD Carry. So never let an opponent get away. If your Ezreal for example, burn your flash and E as much as possible and if your skills ever go on cooldown, blame your support. Always be a complete tool and say something among these lines.
Soraka it's f****** 2 minutes in to the match how the flying f*** do you not have a s***load of Soul Shrouds to give me CDR you dumb B****!!!!
They may try to be nice and say something like:
I'm so very sorry dearest Ezreal, please forgive my complete stupidity of not having a single Soul Shroud 2 minutes in to the match. If we lose this game, everyone may blame me for our defeat.
Or those evil b**** supports will most likely try something like this:
You shouldn't have tried to 2v1 a Blitz and a Caitlyn at level 1 and there is no possible way to have even a single Soul Shroud 2 minutes in to the match, dip****.
Respond like this:
/all This dumbs*** Soraka didn't buy even one Soul Shroud off the bat. Everyone may feel free to report that f****** b**** for making us lose the game for her lack of skill.
If everyone says "LOL" or "You're the noob f***face." then report them all too since they are all idiots.
Anyways, getting back to the point if you ever miss a kill then you probably lost the game for your entire team and don't forget to blame that rat b****** support. Remember always tower dive and go 1v5 whenever you see the chance since your a f****** bad*** and can never die especially at LVL. 1. If you happen to somehow die, don't forget to blame the support :D
Step #2- KS whenever you see the chance
No one, NO ONE except for you should be getting any kills WHATSOEVER. Use Ezreal and Ashe only so you can always steal kills whenever you see the chance. If anyone steals a kill then lash the f****** s*** out of that b****. Here our some examples:
Swain you f****** son of a b**** you stole my kill and lost the game for us. How else am I going to get any gold. Kill minions, PFFFFFFFFT yeah, that'll work dumb****.
They'll most likely respond like this:
"You didn't deal a single point of damage how was that a kill steal?"
"Your probably the biggest n00b anyone has ever seen in the history of League of Legends"
"/all That Ashe said I just stole her kill lolololololololololololololol!!!!!"
"You can go suck your mom's d*** you f****** idiot"
Different champions than Swain may respond in different ways such as:
And I almost forgot, if a support steals your kill... omg omg OMFG!!! If that happens completely lose hope in your team (if you had any in the first place because they always rely on you) and say you'll go AP or some ****.
Step #3- Handling Surrenders
There are three different kinds of surrenders, and they will be explained in this chapter.
Now Let's Go!!!!!!!!!!
This is a very long and complicated process to correctly handle enemy surrenders, so get your snacks and drinks and s*** and get ready to start reading!
CALL THEM F****** P*******!!!
There are many, many reasons why your own team may have surrendered, but none of which ever happen at all if your correctly following my guide LIKE YOU SHOULD. So one common reason is that your carrying way too hard. You may have a groundbreaking score like 2/9/1 but your teammates will die instantly if your not there to save those p******. You will normally have nothing to worry about while going 2/9/1 so you'll go make some tea(scratch that tea is a p***y drink, drink something more bad*** like vodka). Once the enemies that were doing terrible having scores that can not even come close to staying on par with yours such as 13/1/47, they will come out from hiding in there base completely terrified of you and literally butt rape all your teammates. But remember none of this is your fault, it is obviously the supports fault and you can never forget that or else you are causing a terrible crime to the Summoner's Code and will be immediately banned and have your d*** chopped off but you probably just had a mangina anyway since your being a complete dumb*** by not blaming the support for everything. Sorry for the rant but it is completely necessary. That is the main reason why your team surrendered. I will quickly note a few more. Maybe since Riot Servers suck sometimes, the kind savior of your team (aka YOU) could not connect and since you 100% carry your team all the time, they probably got wrecked. Now I could go on and on but I'm just gonna go to the final main type of surrender.
Now they're are two different kind of troll surrenders. One is when you carried your team and made the support feel like a dumb*** since they make everything go wrong and your about to destroy the enemy nexus your team surrenders and you lose the game. This can turn out to be f****** hilarious to some people but your response should be something like:
WTF!!!!! First I carry all of you by going 3/9/7 but now you just f****** lost the damn game for us and you think it was funny! I'm not afraid to report all of you sons of b****** right now because of your extreme stupidity. This is gonna ruin my ELO why the **** would you do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay that example was a little nice but there is one more type of troll surrender. Basically at least 3 of your teammates completely troll and feed or some s*** and the other little p**** teammate of yours surrenders. Since your carrying and your so bad*** you'll say no and demand the trolls to say no. Well that was a f****** idiot move cause you made them all say yes.
Step #4- Countering your enemies
Some dumb*** enemies will go out and try to be a bother to you in many ways while the smart enemies will be cowards and hide in their base from you. Idiot enemies will sometimes place wards around key points such as dragon. If you ever see a ward get placed try to attack it but if it turns invisible stand on top of it and laugh. This will intimidate the ward and it'll try to attack you. You will need help defeating it so kindly ask your support like this"
Hey Lulu you useless b****! Help me destroy this f****** ward!
They may be smart***es and say something among these lines:
You can't destroy a ward without a Pink or Oracle's idiot.
(This actually happened to my friend once while he was support)
Supports are evil and they are never right. Pinks and Oracle's are for f****** p******, your a bad*** you don't need that s***.
Enemies may also try to group up for a push on your base. Never let them do that, NEVER. Always go 1v5 you will always win and if somehow you lose, then.. I think you know who's fault that is. Another way to counter your enemies is too start an all out war with them. Swear like never before, say they have no friends, no one loves them, and they have no life. This'll make them discouraged and weak and you won't feel bad at all since your so bad***.
FINAL STEP- In-depth Guide on Supports
I've mentioned many times that supports are why everything goes wrong in this world. Surprisingly, there is much more to them. Making a support feel like a dumb*** will almost always wipe that evil soul of the face of LoL. There are many ways to do this. Firstly, always call them Sona no matter what champion they are. Scream SONA!!! in chat if an enemy ever gets away, a teammate dies, and if you follow my guide correctly, this shall never happen, but if you die, F****** SCREAM YOUR A** OFF AT YOUR SUPPORT LIKE "SONA WTF WHERE WERE YOU TO SAVE ME WERE GONNA LOSE THE GAME BECAUSE OF YOU!". Another tip is report them as much as possible. If they ever die even once you must report them immediately for feeding or any possible reason all the time whatsoever! Thirdly, talk s*** about your support in /all chat ALL the time. Lastly if you ever take any damage and you don't have full health then lash the f****** s*** out at them, and if they say "Ever heard of cooldowns" immediately scream the s*** out them in /all chat and make everyone report her since she is not doing her job as a support.
Basically always let everyone know your in charge and always kill anyone you ever see. And if anything were to go wrong, then blame that damn support. You'll learn your own tactics as you rapidly raise your ELO because of this amazing guide(trolololol).If you ever get a kill, always mention me for my awesomenessnessnessness and if you don't, then I'll join your game, ban all ad carries and first pick one no matter what you say and make you play support. Thank you for taking the time out of your life to read on how to become the most amazing AD carry ever in history. Farewell Summoner, see you raping on the Fields of Justice!