Humor Guide by
Not Updated For Current Season
Not Updated For Current Season
The masteries shown here are not yet updated for the current season, the guide author needs to set up the new masteries. As such, they will be different than the masteries you see in-game.
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Well, the story sort of begins (for now until I find a better one) with a dead bunny (pathetic I know). For some reason this bunny died in my backyard… so I take the bunny, to the wash, dig a hole, and bury him… Later I come out, and I also find a bird dead! Simple situation… toss the bird out in the wash… I hear a scratching noise behind me, so I turn to the wash, and then the bunny sucks the bird into the ground! Frightened by this rotted corpse sucking the bird into the ground, I run away to the house. I am scared and breathing hard, WHAT HAPPENED? I think… I don’t really know what happens from there though… About 4 weeks later, I hear something, some whispering voice… I think it is the radio, TV or whatever… so I take a look, NOTHING- now again, strange, then I have a flashback of the bunny, being creeped out, I head back to the hallway, to my room. I am suddenly stopped, as I hear a noise in the water heater… just to be sure things are fine, I take a look. BANG! The inside is suddenly punching dents into the outside! I start to turn around when the whole house goes suddenly pitch black… I Hear a crying-scream- a girl ghost/zombie comes out off the black and goes right into me, I fall onto some ground, but everything is still black, I hear my dog Barking crazily as if she were a 1000 yards away… I wake up; I hear a growling noise around the corner.
* side note, when I see myself in a mirror but not yet*(BURNT to death! Decay, burnt, falling apart, only in reflection-)
“It’s alright girl! What is wrong with you?” I said. She continued to bark and I backed up to the water heater in the hallway closet, she runs up and bites me while barking, OW! I said! I kicked her off, with difficulty, for she is a 50-pound pit bull. I head to my bathroom connected to the hallway… I look in the mirror and scream at the horrific site I saw, I passout by hitting my head from slipping, for in the mirror was a Demonic monster of some indescribable nature staring right back, which somewhat resembled the girl. After a good while, I wake up, and I dive out of the bathroom while on the floor, afraid of what creature lurks in my reflection. My dog is still afraid of me, and starts to back up, after biting me the first time. I am seriously disturbed and dizzy with motion blur all over, I walk out of my house, barely able to hold myself, I trip and fall. Someone came right then to me, then everything dimmed to a pale gray. I could still make out some shapes, but they were really fuzzy. I black out again, traumatized by what I have seen. I wake up, I hear a soothing pipe organ in the background, and realize that I am in a church. "I am an anthropologist, and I have come across some very strange books indeed. Don’t ask me how I have gotten them, for this is as strange to me as it is to you." he says. "What do you mean," I replied the chemicals boiled out of my mouth, he chokes from seeing this, Y-you are p-p-p-ossessed! What? I asked. He goes on about how some spirit evolution, which is actually the perfect being, god’s replacement, or one that has tried, that it has defied god in what controls what. He talks about how I am the only compatible match for this creature, and that I cannot die, or else it will be destroyed, and the Earth will end. My soul is its living force now. I am quite frightened from all of this information, What can I do? I growled. That is what you need to find out, he said. I left the church, suddenly, the spirit flows out of me, the gigantic floating rag disappears in the mid-daylight. I told the anthropologist that I needed to get home, and he took me. Apparently he fed off of my soul, and is going back to the house…
When I arrive at my house, the whole place is darkened from the rest of the homes, it is separate, moving? I feel a slight rumble, all the while, the house is moving back and forth ever so slightly… I hear wood crackling. I walk in the front door, and the anthropologist screeches his tires, as he speeds off. I head in… it is DEAD silent, no nothing, just a moan coming from the house, where is my dog? I whisper to myself. I walk into the main center of the house, next to the counters, I hear a noise at the laundry, I turn, and a zombie busts out of the door that is there. He comes out and sees me, he mutters something, but I am too scared to stay and listen, he stops crawling toward me, and he walks faster, I turn screaming. The hallway instantly became darker, I ran for my bedroom, I became suddenly very dizzy, and my world begins to twist and turn. I run into the water heater door, I get up, I run to my bedroom. I get inside, and lock the door, I find my dog in there, and run out as she is a zombie, I close the door, and she breaks through, I run out and the zombie is at the main counter, I run into my dad’s bedroom, I grab his gun which is out, and I shoot the zombie five times in the head, it falls off. The zombie falls over I run to the back door and open it, I find complete blackness, with a HUGE wind blowing me way inside, I let go of the door and it slams shut. I see my dog at the other end of the kitchen, she runs after me, I turn the corner into the main room, I am attacked by my dog in the main hall. I shoot my dog, the shot gives a loud ping in my ear, and a blinding flash, I come out of this daze as a zombie is on top of me, I hit it on the head, as It knocks the gun out of my hands. I hear other zombies , They are tearing through the carpet, The tile beneath me becomes moving. I step away, the zombies come through the tile, I run to the front door, I notice outside is fading black, fire becomes all around, I try to open the door, but it is WELDED! I try to break it down but only get my foot stuck, zombies are outside, biting my feet, I scream, the zombies inside begin to bite my head, I shoot the zombie*forgot to mention that I picked up the gun again*, stunning it for a second. I run back to my bedroom, I lock the door, they begin to crawl in, I barricade it with my dresser as I fire the last shot. I get on my bed, terrified; I hear a louder turbulent rumble. It seems to be moving through the front door, I hear metal bending and twisting, It SNAPS< BANGS! SCRAP! As it slides through my wall scaring me almost where I fall off, as it is lodged sticking 5 feet into my room. I hear it *rumble thingy* break through the hallway, as it bulges my walls, it breaks in my door, LONG STRANDS OF BLACK ENERGY WAVING FROM THE GIRL, SKULL, A DEMON? It rips off my arms and legs with its supernatural claws, It rips my eyes out of its sockets. It takes my eyes, and as it rips them out, I see myself with my eyes, then it rips the cord, I am a blind bloody mess, arms, legs, eyes ripped, decayed, destroyed. My last scream is heard, as all is black….
The swat team rushes in. They see the zombies; they blow limbs off of limbs! BOOM BOOM BOOM! The constant echo of firepower being dispersed by the swat members. They clear the house, they begin to think the battle is over, being all of the zombies, laying dead on the floor. They hear a scratching noise, red and black 8 legged demons arise from the ground; their bloody mess leaves pools behind them. They head towards swat, the swat teams take them out, but more keep coming. They are soon forced into the back room again, my room, they are horrored at my sight, being that I am still, somehow alive for the moment, they hear a loud rumbling noise, apart from the rest. They hear it begin to move through the house, screeches from the zombies and other horrors are heard. They hear all kind of liquid flesh tearing noises. They are running out of ammo. Black strands of dark light appear in the hallway, this slug, demon, girl? The whole room shakes everything off of the walls, desk, etc... this Thing begins to approach them, they shoot, but all of the bullets go straight through. Soon they are ripped into fresh meat, I am still alive, but I am a rotting corpse, only kept alive by some unknown heavenly force, I would rather die than lay there, blind, crippled, half dead. but there I am, limbs torn off, blind, hurting like heck, barely able to manage a moan. My room is spattered with blood, everywhere, blood surrounds me, blood is all that is left. My walls soon begin to leak with it.
Now, that You have read that, that is just the typed version, I wasn't scared while typing the typed version, it was the written one that scared me.... some quotes from what I wrote, slight alterations that will most likely be included....
"Front door suddenly becomes beat on by an unnatural force, In my room, zombie comes in, shoots head off, zombie drops with bugs crawling out, another zombie/giantbat-like creature melts out of wax and wall, unnatural force at door breaks in, rips arms and legs off, eyes ripped out, phases into 3 years later," *where the swat teams come in! This is the part in the story where I talk about my* "Swat finds my zombie/skinnless/bloody/stomache eaten out, bug and rat infested corpse on my bed in five pieces. Bones were snapped, brains blown out. Swat are then ripped apart bye this mumbling force. Huge red muscle 2 legged 3, creature dripping guts the size of hell." * ooo I like that part, that part was cool to write, oh yeah, then the angels come in* " Angels come from heaven and start kicking serious butt!" *COOL! heh, and they are kind of like night crawler, if anybody saw x-men two... they teleport on every move they make, only this ain't no blue cloud! this is white sparks.... heh, gettin off track, where was I? oh yes, angels... when it's all done...* Halls are littered with human blody parts screams everywhere heard, house starts to grow base of evil" * what I mean by base of evil... is that the walls are crunched by this green root thing that sprouts from the roots of hell... this is the ultimate spirit's tower, its domain. The green roots almost look like green bark of a tree, only dark, and on fire! woooooo yeah! pyro-mania! on FIRE FIRE FIRE! I hope to put a lot of fire in this too...
Well, sometime later in the story, I hope to put a floating portal, and stones, and everything else that looks REALLY REALLY old, and put them floating about a mile above Tucson... I somehow get to this gateway of several portals, floating on nothing but mid-air... This will be a cool scene, as only the wind, which is constantly blowing REAL hard, like I am skydiving, is holding me up...
At some point, we phase to a different character, where things go horrible wrong at some kind of factory that has things and rollers, and weights, that Squish people into liquid! (anything that tight) and this guy gets all freaked, guess what, he is the next target for this demon/ultimate being! Oh joy... another victim... or it could be one of those metal melthing thingies with all of that magma! woohoo! FIRE! ok, back to the point, he begins to hear all of these voices ans crud right? He begins to halucinate! uh oh... at night, spirits arise in the factory... everyone in the factory begins to notice him right away, they scence evil... they fear it, they hate it, this desire to kill overcomes them, and ol' boy here gets trapped in the factory with these freaks... he somehow lights a fire, and they all catch, now they evolve to "fire zombies" (yes fire!) with the aid of the super/ supreme being... spiders crawl out of every crack of the wall... hmmmmmm well, he somehow escapes, the help of someone, the escape route, the explosion, whatever... he gets out, he heads home... oooo more hallucination! pardon my spelling... anyway, he heads in... hehehe, here we go again, demon pets- check-) melting/ rumbling walls-check-) zombies-oooo I guess not... anyway, he does hallucinate them! Then he finds that they have no power over him, as he just only sees this... but him believing they aren't real is going to kill him in the future... anyway, he heads into the bathroom ( hehehe last time we almost died from seeing ourselves!) It begins to rain very hard out... he looks at the bathtub.. he sees himself dead in the tub, a pool of blood in the bathtub (thank you video games! I forget which one I get this from... but it takes place in a mansion, with this girl and a book... trying to stop this evil... and there is this one scene in the haunted mansion on the second floor, in the bathroom where this happened, ah games, such wonderful things! :P) oh yeah, back to the story, so he sees himself dead... and he soon ends up that way... I don't really know who our hero is yet, maybe the angels that are late to arrive, maybe god, maybe some priest, maybe swat :P, maybe fire(hehehehe), whatever happens, the good dudes win, we are all happy, about 500,000 more peoplz are dead though, but we win! yay.... anyway, that is my story in progress! what do y'all think?