Blitzcrank Build Guide by AnonymousArabian
Not Updated For Current Season
Not Updated For Current Season
LANDING THE Q
For some reason, landing the Q is the bane of most Blitzcrank players when it should be rudimentary and easier than pleasing a woman. Regardless, here is my guide to landing the infamous grab, but first, here is an ancient proverb written in the Holy Scriptures:
"You will miss 100% of all grabs that you do not try to make."
The first thing to note about the grab is that it does collide with enemy minions, so positioning is key to landing a solid grab. Also, take the range you think the grab has and slightly increase it, trust me. Remember that it costs a ton of mana and has a very long cooldown, but don't let that stop you from attempting grabs. Also keep in mind that while an enemy is pulled towards you, they are completely stunned.
Now that the mechanics have been aptly explained, I shall now explain the attempting of a grab. First of all, identify your target of choice and position yourself accordingly for a chance to get some of that booty. These next few steps are very key to landing the grab, so pay close attention. You are going to start by slowly relaxing your bowels, achieve this by slowing your breathing and heart rate and keeping your legs very still. Your stool should loosen, but don't think this is your cue to go number 2. Nay nay, sit still and be very, VERY, relaxed. Next, you are going to lock eyes on your target and follow their every movement. Continue to follow their movement and position yourself for the glorious grab. You will know when you have found the perfect grab because your loosened stool will slowly release your once-trapped feces. When you reach this ecstatic climax, let out a terrifying screech whilst your feces are evenly spread across your pants, and as you let out the screech, fire your fist into the enemy's unsuspecting tickle spot and pull them towards your luscious, decadent cast-iron body.
Congratulations, you have succeeded in grabbing your opponent.
Playing Swagcrank at an optimal level
If you read the first chapter and practiced the technique, you should now being grabbing opponents with ease. However, grabbing is only half the battle. Now here comes the next part: THE FISTING.
Upon landing the grab and pulling your victim next to you, activate your mighty fisting fister (E) and knock them up so hard they basically become pregnant. Once they are suspended in the air, use your ultimate to do tonnes of damage and silence them, so that no one can hear their screams as your fist penetrates their delicate bodies like a hot Kanye West through Kim Kardashian. If your opponent is somehow not dead, you just didn't stack your Occult Sword completely yet. Regardless, activate your W and pursue your victim or find a new one if the fist hit your initial target too hard.
Fun facts about the Swagcrank: Power Fist (E) does DOUBLE YOUR ATTACK DAMAGE IN DAMAGE. And knocks them up. You will understand why this build is titled "Mister Fister".