Humor Guide by The_Nameless_Bard
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Farm, farm, farm, farm, farm!
You should be getting 3 gold/ sec due to your quints, but you still need to farm.
Janna: use your Q to last hit. Make sure to do it once your laning partner has done most of the work so it really pisses them off when you steal an entire minion wave.
Nidalee: use your E to increase your attack speed, again being sure to last hit minions with your basic attack after your laning partner has done all the work. Place traps in the middle of minion waves, but never in good places.
Master Yi: Alpha Strike and last hit with basic attack. Use Alpha Strike to last hit only if your laning partner has done most of the damage to the minions.
Kayle: use Righteous Fury to farm. Last hit as specified above.
What to do
Start with boost of speed and potions (or not)
Build them into boots of swiftness or boots of mobility.
Now go for your 1st phantom dancer, continuing your irritating farming as you go.
Continue farming and buying items until you have your speed up above 500: now you can start madly running around the map, using ghost whenever it comes out of CD. If you can help an ally out go ahead (don't avoid helping or intentionally feed), but do avoid direct confrontations. If you get CC-ed pop your cleanse and shurelya's and BEAT IT THE HELL OUT OF THERE, because you will suck at almost everything but running.
Go back and continue buying until you've finished your build.
Now buy potions, lots and lots of potions.
Again with max CDR also notice the piles of utility. The last 7 in defense are kind of pointless but that's the idea.
You may have noticed had you get all gold generation quints. This is so you can get items faster. You don't really need movement speed quints, the amount they'll give you will be too little to matter.
Max CDR is what you really need. You will be relying on abilities to farm, so you need them to come back fast. You also need mana regen so you can keep using them.
Obviously with Janna zephyr is taken first due to movement speed boost. Kayle takes heal that has movement speed boost first.
Nidalee and Yi both get farming abilities first, because their movement increasing abilities are their ults (and in Nidalee's case her passive too).
Once you hit six:
if you're playing Janna or Kayle take your ult, but you'll almost never use it.
Yi should use ult whenever needed.
Nidalee should use ult and stay in cougar form as long as possible, because it's faster than her human form. Nidalee should also be sure to utilize her passive by running through grass.
I'm sure all of you get why I chose ghost (it's kind of the "No duh" option). Why cleanse? it removes all CC. Allowing you to use your movement speed to get out of said bad situation involving CC. You should try to avoid 1v1-ing because speed is the only thing you will excel at.
You could also get flash or exhaust.
You will be uncatchable, but almost completely useless.
This is supposed to be a joke, but if you do decide to try it tell me how it went in the comments!