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Humor Guide by Dysisa

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League of Legends Build Guide Author Dysisa

Official Slappzter Tier List

Dysisa Last updated on October 7, 2012
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Chapter 1

Hello once again, it is I,

MR LINDGREN (FOR IT IS HE)


ready to aid you in choosing the best champions in game. I have read many tier lists, but none of them are correct, so I,

MR LINDGREN (FOR IT IS ME)


will offer my expert and correct guidance. What makes a good champion? I have spent many days and nights researching this phenomenon, and believe I have found the key.

+
Champions played by me: +100
Champions who teach me about life, and myself: +75
Champions that swim: +50
Champions from Zaun: +50
Champions I have gotten more than 1 kill with: +45
Champions that wear purple cloaks: +40
Champions with great killsteal abilities: +40
Champions with witty jokes: +30
Champions who can make the great revival: +25

-
Champions played by asians: -250,000
Champions played by meatheads: -5000
Champions played by judoka:-1500
Champions played by autists: -1500
Champions meatheads use in their ruffian 1 v 1 matches: -1000
Champions that make me feel insecure in my rigid homosexuality: -750
Champions from Demacia: -750
Champions with bigger muscles than me: -725
Champions from Noxus: -700
Champions that are too difficult to play: -600
Champions who are not big and green: -500
Champions who use fists only: -200
Champions who are "foreign": -175
Champions without the quote "Jajajajaja, it's the Ginsk": -50
Champions not named "Bong Green - The Blunt Axe of Zaun": -15
Champions not named "Sir Lindgaren - The Templar of Zaun": -15
Champions not named "The Great Lindgren - The Balls of Zaun": -10


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Tier of the Goddess

:
The perfect Zaun champion, I wear his cloak whenever I am at important social gatherings.


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He also wears a purple cloak, but looks foreign so he is not as high on the list.


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Malcolm Graves (or The Graves Revival as I call him) is a very powerful champion, the ultimate is very strong for killstealing.


:
I very much enjoy this champion, great clear speeds in the jungle, very swedish champion. I often call the boar "Mr Lindgren". How witty of me.


:
He bears resemblance to many swedish men, and he has mastered the ancient "Musk Ghost Summoning" technique, even the notorious "Musk Revival".


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Very strong top laner, powerful harass and movespeed buffs, and once he hits 6, he has the great revival. As he is probably from Malmo, I think he deserves a spot in this esteemed tier.


:
I get a ryze in my pants every time I play him, but his nerfs have put him on the lowest rung of top tier. He still gives me pantakill.


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Tier 1 - High Tier

:
Another very strong Zaun champion. I don't like that he has a bodybuilder skin, but because he is from Zaun and is purple, I will put him at the top of Tier 1.


:
I have found out Miss Fortune is a pirate hunter and because of this, she will move to tier 1.


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I have an inflatable Soraka matress at home, and it gives me health and mana everytime I go to sleep. Of course, Mr Lindgren never sleeps, so she will not be eligible for the top tier.


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Clothed in the sacred purple, high pitched voice, and a user of the white snow, the mary jane, the big green. A true Lindgren champion.


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A very witty champion from Piltover who has the word "meager" in his lore, thank you Riot for making a character based on me, Mr Lindgren.


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I would've put Skarner in top tier, but once, he grabbed me and threw me into the nexus turret. It still hurts to walk.


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He is ambiguously gay, my favourite type of champion. My spear is restless indeed...


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LeBlanc's early game burst isn't great, but once she hits late-game with a Void Staff, she will demolish entire teams.


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He sounds like me and also wears purple, so I put him high up. He is quite a weak mage though.


:
A very strong top lane champion, and in her tight leather, she looks like my mother.


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A truly outrageous champion, he only misses out on top tier because I have to buy his pink skin.


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Urgot is quite powerful, but he is also fat, so I put him in tier 1.


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I too, have no friends, and understand Amumu's pain. Also he has a very powerful stun on his ult.


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Another champion capable of the great revival, and fairly easy to play.


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I love fur.


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Badass 'fro, automatic tier 1.


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I love the television show "My Little Pony" and Hecarim is a pony so he will go into tier 1. I love ponies. Ponygren.


:
Karthus' face scares the chinese, so I will put him into Tier 1. However, the only man to ever wound me, Polus Polus, mains Karthus, so he will not be eligible to enter the higher tiers.


:
He can swim 4km in under 2 hours, giving him 1350 points on the Lindpoint Scale. Sharks scare me however so I will not put him in the top tier.


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Tier 2 - High/Average Tier

:
Garen is very strong, garen-teed to deal lots of damage, but he is Demacian and I don't like Demacians. Because of this, he is in tier 2.


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Average burst, but his multiple flashes are very powerful. I recommend taking flash on him for ultimate escapes.


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Powerful as an AD carry, but because he is Grave's mortal enemy I had to put him in tier 2.


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Riven (or Bouncy Bunny as I call her) is a very weak champion. She is only saved by her Battle Bunny skin, which I have found arousing in many ways, some I believed were only available to certain plants.


:
I enjoy entering the Lar-Zone, however Yi is completely outmatched by Fiora, and therefore useless.


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Tier 3 - Average Tier

:
His Q is very difficult to hit, lowering his DPS considerably. Deserves tier 3.


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I don't know what a cougar is so she will stay here until I find out.


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I learnt a lot about a convincing british accent from her, along with putting cupcakes into bear-traps.


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Shen would be good, but his ultimate cripples him, stopping him farming and causing many deaths. I don't recommend him.


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Very average character, his ultimate should be changed to "The Pope Killer" if Riot want me to put him higher.


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Very strong, but is played by idiots so I have taken her from tier 1 to tier 3.


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Lasers always kill me when I try to escape like a coward. Only tier 3 because she is Garen's sister.


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Lasers always kill me when I try to escape like a coward. Only tier 3 because she is Taric's girlfriend.


:
He told me my legacy would drift away, blown into eternity, like the sands of the desert. I put him at the bottom of tier 3. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, *****?


Guide Top

Tier 4 - Average/Low Tier

:
Only good against bots, not very strong otherwise.


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Fiora distracts me because I am always looking at her gluteus jaximus so she is tier 4 material.


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My love of the infamous "Vlad Game" is the reason Vladimir is in Tier 4. After one hectic night, I lodged my mother's ***** deep into my body. I still feel it sometimes.

:
Not very powerful, awkward CC, only a heal on the ultimate. She can walk through minions, however, which puts her in tier 4.


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A weak champion, meant for ****mongrels and newbs. I enjoy looking at her rear when she moves.


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His grab is very difficult to use, I often have to ask for a -WARNING- BLITZCRANK GRABBING -WARNING- in chat before they grab.


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Very weak, no late game. Also pirates are terrible as they are all from Bristol.


:
Isn't very strong, but is better than Mordekaiser.


:
She keeps trying to seduce me, but has no place I can insert the 3" Mr Lindgren Jr, so she will go into tier 4.


:
He stole the patented "LindBot" designs from me and used them to get into the league. I have nothing but hatred and fury towards him. Also I always launch his ultimate out of the map.


:
I usually like little girls, but Annie has a very scary bear that sets me on fire. Tier 4, 7 years old, no trial.


:
I hate bulls and people under the Taurus sign because they are all muscleheads.


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Tier 5 - Low Tier

:
Tryndamoon is a terrible champion, he always kills my team and goes EUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGHHHHHH when I try to kill him.


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Ultimate meathead champion, also very bad in game.


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"A guardian is always prepared". In this case, he is always prepared to feed.


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Not very strong, if you want a champion with good displacement abilities, pick Blitzcrank.


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While I am turned on by small blue midget women, I would play Mass Effect 3 if I wanted to romance them.


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I am too easily aroused by PiaAhri, and I am compelled to play her with my tongue.


:
I was thinking of putting him in a higher tier, as he is a swedish norse patriot, but over time I have realised that white belt judoka stain his reputation.


:
Riot have nerfed her into the ground with this remake. Now she is unplayable. Using my vast legal technical knowledge, I will sue Riot more making me waste only on all of her skins.


:
I hate black people almost more than I hate asians, automatic tier 5.


:
Weak in lane, especially against melee champions, weak mid and weak late. A weak champion for a weak summoner.


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The worst AD carry, only saved from Jarvan Tier by his fantastic passive.


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I hate monkeys. Once, I had gone to Kolmarden, and dropped my hot dog in the gorilla cage. Bravely entering the cage, I was violated by the gorilla finger when I bent over to pick up my hot dog.


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He tells me "You will lose.", and is always correct, so be very careful about playing him. However, his ultimate is a great dash.


:
He is asian champ, and asian people scare and intimidate me because I am weak and unable to build muscle. Also he goes HA HAU URG HA UGH MOH HAA HYAH HUUUUU HO HA HO HA HYOOOO HAAAAAAAAAA and it hurts my ears.


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Tier 6 - Jarvan Tier

:
I might as well be playing a ****ing goose because anyone who uses the moon as a source of power is waiting to be crushed and ****ped on like a mangled ape. Whoever thought the moon was a good theme for a character should be placed close enough to a nuclear blast zone so that their skin is violently torn from their body and they feel nothing but extreme searing pain for the rest of their worthless lives.

:
Absolutely worthless champion, no decent CC, no damage, no defence, no alibi, no justice, no dreams, no hope. He should be deleted from the game and anyone who enjoys playing him should be executed. The man who designed him should have his children killed in front of him, and then be killed himself with a slow acting nerve poison. Then his remains should be fed to a dog, and then the dog's **** should be mixed into a Big Mac so I can eat it and look smug while doing so. Whoever designed him literally made Adolf Hitler get off his ****-throne in the midst of the flames of hell, walk into the bathroom, and sob quietly in the corner of a shower. He held a bottle of cheap whiskey in his shaking hand, no longer secure in his position as the world’s least likeable human being.


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