The following is a humor guide meant for entertainment only. Any rude or insulting comments contained inside are purely bluster and do not reflect my actual opinion of how you or anyone else builds Hecarim. Always build what works for you and have fun with it.

Let's get one thing straight right now. This is a guide for real summoners who want to play REAL PONIES. So if you came here expecting some My Little Pony guide, you're at the wrong place, buddy. I mean, it's cool if you're into that, but in this guide we don't talk about what shade of pink looks best on your items, or how to arrange flowers in your little pony house. This guide is for real pony players who want to build strong, carry hard, and attract babes/studs. Moving on...

As a pony, Hecarim obviously gains attack damage from his bonus move speed. So naturally, in all the time I have seen Hecarim in games, there is one thing I have never understood:

WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT BUILDING ZEPHYR??

Zephyr is the best item in the whole game for Hecarim. It offers the highest move speed bonus besides boots. I guess there's also that hextech sweeper dangly eyeball thing on Crystal Scar that USED to give movement speed, but we don't talk about that. This is a guide for REAL SUMMONER'S RIFT PONIES, and we don't need any dangly eyeballs to help us carry!

Even if you were on Crystal Scar back when hextech sweeper Dangly Eyeball DID give 10% bonus move speed, you would be stacking Zephyr, not hextech sweeper Dangly Eyeball. Zephyr gives you attack speed. Zephyr gives you damage. Zephyr gives you tenacity. hextech sweeper Dangly Eyeball gives you an ugly thing to hang on your windshield. What will people think of that? They'll think you're weird. What will people think if they see a Zephyr mounted on your wall? They'll think you're awesome.

I see most Hecarim players building substandard move speed items like Trinity Force or Statikk Shiv as their sources of bonus move speed. This is a poor choice. These items give 6% or 8% move speed. Zephyr gives you 10% move speed plus all the other things I listed above, PLUS 10% COOLDOWN REDUCTION. There really should be no comparison here, people!

You know what I think of people who fail to build Zephyr and don't optimize their champ? I think that those people are weakponies.

WEAKPONIES!

Just to make sure that we're all clear on why Zephyr is the best item on Hecarim, I'll explain all its awesome features below.

Why you should build Zephyr AKA WHAT WEAKPONIES DON'T KNOW ABOUT

Zephyr has 10% move speed. Ponies convert speed into damage. Buy speed. Get damage.

Zephyr has 50% attack speed and 10% cooldown reduction. This makes Hecarim attack faster and spam his abilities more often. REAL PONY PLAYERS NEED TO HAVE HIGH DPS. Trinity Force doesn't give you cdr. Statikk Shiv doesn't give you cdr. hextech sweeper Dangly Eyeball looks ugly. Get Zephyr.

Zephyr gives you 25 attack damage in addition to its attack speed. If you want damage per second, you have to actually be dealing damage with your attacks. Weakponies like to get items with only attack speed. Then they have to go and get damage items separately because they didn't optimize their builds. Zephyr gives you both stats.

Zephyr gives you tenacity. There's nothing I hate more than being slowed for long periods of time or getting stunned. In fact, crowd control is just obnoxious in general. Real pony players find ways to reduce crowd control effects on them so that they can carry hard and score babes/studs. Zephyr does this for you.

Zephyr stacks. Every single part of Zephyr stacks except for the tenacity. Buy multiple Zephyrs.

Why only 3 Zephyrs? This is an important question to answer. You see, there are caps on attack speed and cooldown reduction. With 3 Zephyrs, you have pretty much maxed out your attack speed. That's why you get Black Cleaver to finish up your cdr and give you some health, because if you didn't have some bonus health, you would die and that would suck.

Okay, now that we're all on the same page, let's move on to the next thing you shouldn't mess up on: boots.

Alright, let's talk about boots for a moment. Some of you may be tempted to maximize your move speed by building Mobility Boots, AKA Move Really Fast Boots. This is a TERRIBLE idea common among weakponies, which becomes pretty obvious after you land your first hit. Oh look, you entered combat. WHERE IS YOUR MOVE SPEED BONUS NOW?? That's right, it went away. Now you get to watch your bonus attack damage go away with it while you're in combat, which is precisely when you need attack damage.

Now I don't know about you, but I would rather keep my stats while in combat and be able to actually rely on them. You can't call your build fast if it isn't consistent. Yeah, that's a really nice fast build you have in combat with those Move Really Fast Boots. They seem to be carrying you about as fast as all the other normal tier-2 boots. OMG you're so fast.

Weakpony pls, just get off the server.

The other thing I see people do is get the homeguard enchantment on their boots. Not only does the move speed not last for very long, it goes away as soon as you enter combat. I cannot count the number of games I have been in where some

NOOBLORD WEAKPONY

decides to build Homeguard Move Really Fast Boots on Hecarim. Good for them, they are now the most effective single shot base turret in the game because that's all they can do effectively now. These are probably the same players who buy Dangly Eyeball to complete their build.

REAL PONY PLAYERS build Enchantment: Furor! Then their attack damage goes UP in fights! Duh, WINNING!
(Thanks to Gott der 7 Meere for recommending the Furor enchantment.)

Now let's move onto the fun part: numbers.

As informed pony players who play Real Ponies, it's obviously in our interest to know how good our builds are, and the only way to do that before actually testing the build is by looking at numbers.

Now because no one likes wasting time on stuff they don't care about like Dangly Eyeballs and stacking Zeal in an attempt to get move speed, I'm going to get straight to the important stats, which are move speed, damage per second, and cooldown reduction.

Move speed: Alright, Hecarim's base move speed is 345. His items, runes, and masteries give him 36% more move speed for a subtotal of 345 x 136% = 469.2 move speed. Hecarim's boots give him 60 flat move speed, so we add this on to get a total of 529.2 move speed.

Now unfortunately, League of Legends has this thing called a soft move speed cap which you may not know about. Basically, when you start building too much move speed, this thing kicks in and reduces your bonus! This is clearly an attempt to stop Hecarim from growing too powerful and it is totally unfair! However, we will simply have to live with it until Riot can be convinced to remove it. Hopefully this will be soon.

I'll cut to the chase here and tell you that Hecarim's actual move speed in game
rounds to 494, making his bonus move speed 149. At level 18, Hecarim adds 30% of his bonus move speed to his attack damage, so he gets 44.7 bonus attack damage from this Real Pony build. That's like getting an extra B. F. Sword!

Damage per second: Hecarim's dps is super easy to calculate. You just multiply his attack damage by his attack speed to get 593 damage per second. Awesome!

Cooldown reduction: Hecarim clearly has 40% cdr from his items, but there's one sneaky use of all this cdr. Hecarim's Rampage normally has a cooldown of 4 seconds, but as anyone who plays Real Ponies knows, hitting enemies with it can temporarily reduce its cooldown by up to 2 seconds. 40% cdr brings its cooldown to 2.4 seconds, and then applying the additional reduction brings the cooldown to 0.4 seconds, which means that Hecarim's Q can be made to have the shortest cooldown in the entire game. That's 2.5 spins per second.

WHAT NOW, GAREN??

What should I do if my jungler doesn't gank?

If you have been asking for ganks and never getting any help, it's time to do the only sensible thing and leave the lane. This is a perfect time to head over to mid lane and gank with your E. You can also farm that lane since you're no longer in top lane. Feel free to roam the map and farm. Farm the enemy jungle too. That's always fun. Remember to gank often though, since champion kills are an important part of your gold income.

I think that trinity force and statikk shiv are actually good items on Hec-

WEAKPONY, GET OUT! GO BACK TO LEAGUE OF DANGLY EYEBALLS!

How do I become a Real Pony player?

Playing a Real Pony takes practice and dedication. Just keep playing games, build Zephyrs, and gank lanes. You'll be winning in no time.

What should I do if there's a weakpony on my team?

Remember that some people are weakponies simply because they aren't aware of how awesome Zephyr is, so be nice to them. Tell them about Zephyr and how it has all the stats they need and encourage them to try it. If they whine or insult you, just ignore them and keep playing the game. There's no use arguing with some weakpony who wants to ruin your fun.

What should I do if there's a weakpony on the enemy team?

There's only one thing to do. Dominate them with your superior Real Pony build. Then laugh in their face when they rage at you.

Do I have to copy the build in this guide to have a Real Pony build?

No. Any build with Boots of Swiftness and Zephyrs can be a Real Pony build. Try Sunfire Aegis, Iceborn Gauntlet, and Spirit Visage in addition to the items used in this guide's build. In time, you will develop your own unique build to crush your enemies and score lots of babes/studs.

Because real summoners who play REAL PONIES need music with good lyrics, here are the lyrics to a parody of Shut Up and Drive that I came up with. Alternatively, just have Shut Up and Drive on repeat as you play.

Shut Up and Drive (Hecarim parody)

He’s been looking for a player who’s qualified,
So if you think that you’re the one, saddle up and ride.
He’s a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine
Who clears the solo top minions in one swing.

So if you want him, let him know, know, know.
Click on his icon and let’s roll, roll, roll.
Winged boots help him avoid the slow, slow, slow.
Press ghost and E and watch him GO, GO, GO!

He’ll cross the whole darn map and get the jump with Sheen.
He’s got a ride that’s smoother than the kills he brings.
The most badass pony who wins every fight.
Stack some Zephyrs up because he’ll go all night.

He goes from 0 to 60 in 3.5
And now you have the reins.

So shut up and ride (ride, ride, ride)
Shut up and ride (ride, ride, ride)

He’s got class like an Alienware laptop set.
You’ll need that kind of gear just to track his cs.
He charges full speed into the tower dive.
Cooldowns at 40 and aps at 2.5

So if you want him, let him know, know, know.
Click on his icon and let’s roll, roll, roll.
Winged boots help him avoid the slow, slow, slow.
Press ghost and E and watch him GO, GO, GO!

He’ll cross the whole darn map and get the jump with Sheen.
He’s got a ride that’s smoother than the kills he brings.
The most badass pony who wins every fight.
Stack some Zephyrs up because he’ll go all night.

He goes from 0 to 60 in 3.5
And now you have the reins.

So shut up and ride (ride, ride, ride)
Shut up and ride (ride, ride, ride)

Those other champs haven’t got what he’s got.
Go ahead and line up his ult; it’s a sure shot.
Sunfire cape makes sure his ganking stays hot.
If you’re in a hurry, no need to worry.
Just ride (ride, ride, ride, ride, ride…)

So if you want him, let him know, know, know.
Click on his icon and let’s roll, roll, roll.
Winged boots help him avoid the slow, slow, slow.
Press ghost and E and watch him GO, GO, GO!

He’ll cross the whole darn map and get the jump with Sheen.
He’s got a ride that’s smoother than the kills he brings.
The most badass pony who wins every fight.
Stack some Zephyrs up because he’ll go all night.

He goes from 0 to 60 in 3.5
And now you have the reins.

So shut up and ride (ride, ride, ride)
Shut up and ride (ride, ride, ride)

So shut up and ride (ride, ride, ride)
Shut up and ride (ride, ride, ride)

“PENTAKILL!”
“ACE!”

*If you want to record this song and actually bring it to life, PM me first for permission.