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League of Legends Build Guide Author Chlipchlop

[S5] Sophisticated Glossary of LOL Playing Styles

Chlipchlop Last updated on August 7, 2015
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This glossary is by definition in alphabetical order. It is updated regularly to take into account the latest variations of the length of the cow tail.

Don't hope to find any glimpse of wisdom in here, it's just active procrastination to feed procrastination. If you feel comfortable with this, you can go on and read the next chapters.

Spoiler: Click to view

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Academic Intellectual

Sometimes, between two thesis, Academic Intellectuals spend a bit of time playing primitive games as a study case.

For such players, massive online gaming is only a pretext to analyze the evolution of society through a modern electronic channel and a possible opportunity to vulgarize the results of their in-depth scientific studies.
Therefore, the Academic Intellectual looks forward anxiously to the end of game for a smart in-depth analysis, analysis that may happen once every 1000 games.

The Academic Intellectual doesn't play for fun, but just considers gaming as a sub-genre of a global cultural system affected by encounters between world scale spheres of influence.

Ludicly, the Academic Intellectual cognitive and analytical skills are impressive.
Using spreadsheets to model the whole gaming system, the Academic Intellectual can decide with precise accuracy how much gold you can get per minute, in which situation what target is the most appropriate and what are the best items to buy.

Then logically, Academic Intellectuals should rule.
But since this game is not turn-based, this is not the case. Academic Intellectuals thoughts are capped by their finger speed and inability to execute basic combos. Then they remain Noobs, just like everyone else.

Favorite champs: Wukong (from the XVIth century novel "Journey to the West"), Annie in Wonderland ("Alice in Wonderland"). If Shakespeare, Shostakovich or Einstein were available, they would buy. :)
Favorite items: Simply open the item evaluator spreadsheet, input manually all the 35 main parameters in the first column and it gives the best solution...
Enemy: Limitations of Gödel's theorems. Entropy.

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The Adventurer is a deviant player who more or less consciously self-imposes ponderous constraints to make the game more challenging than it should be.

These handicap games often involves:
- inviting the worst possible teamates
- picking the lowest winning rate champions/worst counter for the chosen lane
- avoiding all the recommended items
- going voluntary afk the first 10 minutes

The Adventurer considers that to win means that the game was not challenging enough. Therefore they expect to get honoured when they lose, which doesn't happen really often.

Favorite champs: Urgot for ever. <3
Favorite items: AP items (for Urgot).
Enemy: The short and direct road.

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An AFKist is a pragmatic player who practices active absence as a wining strategy.

There are 2 types of AFKisms:
- premature AFKism: when the AFK occurs during the matchup
- late AFKism: when the AFK is noted during the game

The AFKist impact on the game is comparable in many aspects to the impact of the Noob play, except that the AFK doesn't feed which is a sound improvement.

Statistics have revealed that AFKism tends to appear usually in heavy flaming environments. But globally the nature and causes of AFKism remain obscure.
According to gametaphysicians, the fact that AFKism and its consequences can be observed in our gaming environment demonstrates that there could be something called "real life" in a parallel world beyond the game.

Favorite champs: Aaaargh too late !
Favorite items: Starting items only.
Enemy: Neighbours, family, boy/girlfriend on the phone, fire in the kitchen...

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The Berserker is not a warrior, it's a muscle, an incarnation of a weapon into flesh who doesn't fight to live but lives to fight !
By fights, we don't mean something that involves some tricky ambush with ranged attackers or magic stuns that spoils the fun... hell no ! We want a great melee encounter, with Bleeding Giant Axes and Red-Hot Swords where noone knows anymore exactly which cut legs and arms belong to who and for what reason we were killing each other (?).

So, if some trouble appears somewhere, the Berserker was the initiator ! Whenever something is moving, the Berserker jumps to it and fights to death !

From an analytical point of view, the Berserker combat system always follows the rule "first in / first out". But there is nothing shameful to die in combat, that's only more glory for the team !

To conclude, the Berserker is not a champ you should laugh at: it's a fearless melee fighter who only aims for a good battle with rivers of blood and head cuts. Fighting is the most honourable deed for a Hero, compared to what others sissies do: despicably spending their time passively warding, farming or defending towers, what a shame ! :(

Favorite champs: Tryndamere, Darius, Pantheon, Olaf, Jax.
Favorite items: The Black Clever, Ravenous Hydra and for society life a huge Randuin's Omen armor.
Enemy: Carefulness and strategy.

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Buddy ;)

For Buddy the goal of the game is to make friends ;).
Buddy is always nice, always greeting everyone, complimenting and joking lightly all the time.

Buddy doesn't care about what champ you play or if there is an adequate strategy. Buddy is the guy who asks from where you come and congratulates you for your nickname and skin.
When you have been killed 10 times in just a couple of minutes, you can be sure everyone will flame at you except... Buddy, who will greet you with "lol dude", "you're good now ! :D".

Buddy nature is for sure nice, even with the enemy team.
That is to say, Buddy is not always a good player and it could be a bit annoying sometimes to have to refuse a game invite from Buddy to play and lose a 10th game when you've already lost together 9 games in a row...

Favorite champs: Sailor Gangplank, Groovy Zilean, Firefighter Tristana...
Favorite items: Items with auras for the friends ;)
Enemy: No enemy, just friends bro ;)

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Charging Attack Carry

The Charging Attack Carry is like a raging bull: shooting everything that is ahead in the lane in ordered sequence, wounding every minions, rarely killing them by mistake.

Some meticulous Charging Attack Carries may actually intend to "last hit" minions. But in such case, be ensured that there will always be a Greedy Support near to take care, adding a bit of spicy competition inside the team.

The Charging Attack Carry ALWAYS pushes very hard the lane forward - leaving way behind the support - and never looks sideways/back or recalls.
As turning back would be considered a dishonour this leads the Charging Attack Carry to the inevitable fate of being killed in a gank or by an unforgiving turret.

Once a Charging Attack Carry has gathered enough gold to be able to buy expensive items (this may take a while...) the most important goal then is to show off by jumping in the middle of the melee to make good impression to everyone.

Spoiler: Click to view

Favorite champs: Corki or Tristana only forward !
Favorite items: Attack speed items such as Runaan's Hurricane because it damn looks good !
Enemy: Anyone/anything on the same lane.

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Chickenhearted Tank

The Chickenhearted Tank is a paranoiac who is afraid of everything that moves: brushes, water, leaves...
Chikenhearted Tanks are always standing near base turrets, hiding behind friendly minions, desperately asking for reinforcement.
Some audacious Chickenhearted Tanks sometimes venture to the mid of the map, only to run away in panic much faster a few seconds after, leaving the other teammates to fight in inferiority VS 5 - an overplay mistake that the Chickenhearted Tank smartly doesn't do - !

A legend says that once a valiant Chickenhearted Tank was brave enough to engage a group of enemy minions but got surrounded by them and barely escaped alive. Tanks from all around the world, please learn from this lesson: the world is dangerous, stay in your protective base, don't feed !

Favorite champs: Zac, Rammus, Pantheon... to chose after careful evaluation of the escape ability provided by the ultimate.
Favorite items: Guardian Angel, Boots of Mobility (best lifesave for a tank !).
Enemy: Overplay.

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Conformist Meta Dogma Guardian (CMDG)

Guardian of the Law, the Conformist Meta Dogma Guardian (CMDG) takes constant care that the HOLY META THEORY is STRICTLY respected by EVERYONE: meaning we have 1 jungler, 1 support, 1 tank, 1 fighter, 1 assassin and 1 adc including AP/initiation/assassin/tank and only OP champs with synergies, and that thou shall stick to your role in the adequate lane and thou shall not start to roam except for the jungler thou shall gank regularly after taking the appropriate buff and using the standard gank path.

To ensure everything is fine, the CMDG spends most of the time spamming encouraging messages to teammates who disrespect the law established by the authorities.

Despite great communication skills, the CMDG gets often deadly contradicted due to the fact that insisting about the imperative necessity to respect the dogma prevented any possibility of defensive reaction to the enemy gank. But this is only minor inconvenience compared to the great added-value a CMDG expertise adds to any team.

Due to this ever demanding commitment, the CMDG is not able to ward anything and has to insist to ensure this task is properly executed by everyone else, providing for free a good pedagogic exercise.

Favorite champs: Professor Ryze.
Favorite items: The recommended ones in outdated guides.
Enemy: Dilettantes and Rebels.

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Dark Gothic Emo

For a Dark Gothic Emo, League of Legend is only an extension of an Edgar Allan Poe novel, an entrance gate to something darker than hell.
Nothing makes sense in the gaming chaos. So why play ? Humans are sad pathetic creatures, ignoring the sad outcome of an unavoidable and horrible end. It's just spending time to search a way to spend the time.

Death is near, and when you die it is for ever and only darkness.
This taste for morbid sadness allows for sure the Dark Gothic Emos to feel confortable with repetitive deaths and a never ending journey in Bronze Hell, a curse they deserve to enjoy.

Spoiler: Click to view

Favorite champs: Karthus, Fiddlestick, Yorick, Noxus Poppy, Bladecraft Orianna, Infernal Nasus, Nocturne, Thresh.
Favorite items: So sad and superficial.
Enemy: Kawaiiiiii ^^ :love: Teeeeemooooo !!! :D

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The Dilettante is very good at doing everything superficially.

This careless way of game starts already with the matchup, that the Dilettante never takes seriously. When everyone has a favorite AP/AD/SUP champion, the Dilettante favorite type of champion is IDK (I Don't Know) which is for sure a difficult to play champion tested for the first time in a ranked game.
The Dilettante always forget to put the adequate masteries and never has runes.

During game the Dilettante just strolls carefree around on the map.
Dilettantes also like to spam abilities randomly until they have no mana anymore. Then they recall just in front of the entire enemy team.
They of course often like to stop playing to go to snack for several minutes.

The Dilettante selects items by miss-clicking, playing to the ending with 3 times the same items.

Last but not least, the Dilettante doesn't farm much because this would require concentration and application. Why worry ? Let the others do the work sure they will do it better.

Favorite champs: Ooops, I have taken the wrong one ! ^^
Favorite items: Guardian Angel.
Enemy: Don't know who I play against I haven't payed attention (?).

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Ecology Activist

The Ecology Activist is a moral being engaged in vigorous social and political campaigns whose aim is to preserve the natural environment, protecting all kind of legendary lifeforms.
This may include supporting practices such as investment in renewable items, transitioning to a revitalizing in our connections with wildlife and raising issues around ethics of science (Heimerdinger experimentations) or translegendarism (Vi, Xerath) and military concerns (Jinx's Mega Death Rockets).
In practice, using the gaming experience, Ecology Activists may use various forms of direct action to raise issues to public knowledge:
- sensitization about our natural environment advocating for a sustainable farming.
- destruction of concrete buildings, restoring landscapes into their original beauty.
- advertising in key locations forcing poachers and polluters (Zigg's nuclear devices, Singed chemicals) to retreat.
- granting nature aid when facing various types of hazard: for example healing wounded Kha'Zix, rescuing Fizz from Caitlyn's evil net...

The hunting and fishing industry and their representatives (Udyr, Rengar and Nautilus) are amongst the main targets.
Do you know that legendarykind destroy the jungle wildlife only to gather money and increase military power ? Is it acceptable to smite so-called monsters, which in fact are endangered legendary species ?

With Ecology Activists, participate to the Stop Hunting Campaign: enjoy the beauty of nature and refuse Smite.
More than ever, we need your help to protect the most fragile and weak representatives of the environment: Alistar the gentle cow, Rammus the cute hedgehog, loving Skarner, Anivia the singing bird, Twitch the playful, teddy Volibear... they are all as nice as Christmas Critters and desperately seek your protection !
Yes, we need your support as a conscious being to moralize the legendarykind activity. We count on you.

Favorite champs: Zyra, Lulu, Nami, Quinn, Maokai.
Favorite items: Crystal flask, to reduce spoiling. Twin Shadows to haunt the hunters.
Enemy: Poachers, polluters.

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Fantasy Role Playing Gamer

The Fantasy Role Playing Gamer (FRPG) is a soft dreamer who lives in the Middle Ages and mix up MOBA and MMORPG.

During the matchup, the FRPG always picks up a champ in the fantasy theme: magician, knight, elf, orc... then tries to fraternize with other champions of the same Guild according to the Lore, greeting them with medieval speech: "Aye. Greetings, good gentles/ladies. What say you ? Grammarcy, you are most kind."
Routinely, the FRPG searches for Epic Quests to accomplish in order to get rewarded, gaining level and collecting items to trade.
In LOL accomplishments are hopefully quite fun, as IRL it's less glorious to succeed in Epic Quests such as "Paying End of Months Bills" and "Putting out the Trash Before 8 AM"...

Favorite champs: Shyvana, Ashe, Brand, Elise, Garen, Hecarim, Jarvan IV, Kayle, Lissandra, Mordekeiser, Nami, Olaf, Ryze, Taric.
Favorite items: The classics: armor, sword and shield.
Enemy: Modern times.

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The Flamer duty is to keep the team busy reading offensive remarks generously distributed whole game long.

An experienced Flamer starts good work already during the matchup by criticizing the selected champions saying: "troll pick", "OMG", "we lose :(".

Once on the map, the Flamer waits patiently for the first death to come. When it actually happens, instantly the Flamer must point out the fail: copy-paste and send "don't feed" and then spam "noob", "f-uckn'noob", "NOOOOOOOOOB !!!" (expressions which are fashion nowadays) and repeats the flame cycle until end of game.
Spoiler: Click to view

The Nasty Flamer adds "r-etard" and "get cancer" which are both very constructive. :)
The Subtle Flamer could write something such as "you gayfish" but as that is not META-FLAME respectful it should be reported as such by the other Flamers.
The Noob Flamer reports minions for spawning.
The Self-Flamer does all the job oneself, getting killed, flaming and getting flamed.

Also the good Flamer should never forget to end the game with the remark "report x" or even better "report all".
Flamers dedication should deserve more honor because thanks to them we keep long lasting souvenirs from our past games experience.

Favorite champs: Difficult to handle champions such as Orianna, Cassiopeia or Shaco, because the Flamer doesn't want to be called a nooooooob !
Favorite items: Certainly not the ones the other Noobs have taken !
Enemy: Tribunal. Players who know they can "/mute". Counterflamers.
Spoiler: Click to view

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French Pro

The French Pro is a professional League of Legend player who is - on average - French, but might also be of any non-Korean/non-Chinese nationality such as Turkish, Russian, American or Brazilian...
Spoiler: Click to view

The French Pro is an enthusiast gamer who has decided to make a career from a lazy passion.
But to reach a high level of play, French Pro players must follow a very heavy training schedule. By agreement with the unions, after several strikes, the deal is to train a minimum of 4,15 hours per day, with 5 breaks of 30 minutes during work time to get free coffee at the machine and 10 extra rest days granted after every competition in addition to the school holidays bonus.
Despite this intensive training, due to their incomprehensible rejection of healthy drugs, proper surgery and friendly cyber implants that would give them a chance to get some result, the French Pros are in general eliminated at the first stages of every tournament.

Then to survive as a pragmatic loser, the French Pro must plan his career accordingly by selecting tournaments where Koreans are less likely to attend and take all the prices.

But life can be tough and in order not to starve most of the French Pros often have no choice than to switch to their back-up plan, which is a respectable situation as an employee of the first recruiter of the State: the National Employment Agency.

Favorite champs: Mom who is very supportive in helping me to pay my bills.
Favorite items: Pizza, spaghetti, bacon sandwich, donuts, cola.
Enemy: The landlord who claims rent arrears.

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Full Metal Panzer

The Panzer is a Made in Germany quality thickly armored vehicle, 100 % guaranteed indestructible - waterproof, fireproof, magicproof, missileproof -.

Outwardly, Panzers look like huge turrets with full health bars other champions have to get around to pass along. It's only when you look more closely that you may notice that it is mobile.
Despite their snail speed, Panzers try sometimes to catch other tiny creatures with their massive claws as we would do when we are bothered by annoying flies.

When a team fight occurs, the Panzer is always in the center of it and gets completely covered by the smoke produced by the excessive fireworks. Then when it dissipates, only the Panzer remains alive, with barely a scratch, such as would do a collision between Bruce Willis and a meteor in Armageddon (1998).

IRL, Panzers are of cheerful nature. Their hobbies are to cut trees with their teeth, throw anvils and swallow bulls.

Favorite champs: Rammus, Nasus, Malphite, Cho'Gath
Favorite items: More armor please ! and Talisman of Ascension, just for the thrill of speed.
Enemy: Elusive minions.

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Glamor Female

Actually Glamor Females don't exist in the video gaming world.

Yes, I know you are about to think something like "I have seen a girl in a video for League of Legend once..." but just scratch a bit under the surface and you'll see it is only an advertising: the young sexy girl you see in the video is not playing - she is only doing the comments !
The real truth is: there is no female playing League of Legend. They have better things to do than those Warhammer like games for teenagers.

So now, why do we have all these mild glamor skins ?
You want to get out of Bronze Hell ? Use the power of love. Love is blind, love makes dumb(er). So instead of playing your hairy Olaf, just try once to grab a sexy Ashe or Ahri, just once...
In a game full of virile males, good chances that many of these gallant White Knights would fall in love with your avatar and die with pleasure for you.
Or if you find this too cunning for your style, then just get Rek'Sai and destroy.

Favorite champs: I don't want to play.
Favorite items: I've said I don't want to play.
Enemy: Stop. Darling, I said I don't want to play your silly game and I won't play it. Discussion closed.

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Golden Ager

The Golden Ager is an outdated player, i.e. aged over 30 years.

Golden Agers play games their children have installed and allowed them to play. They don't play for fun but to show that they are living with their time and that they know how to deal with a computer and the drivers and all this software complicated stuff with it.

Globally, Golden Agers are in another dimension where space and time are moving differently - very slowly.
When it would take 1/2 sec for an average individual to react to a basic stimulus, the Golden Ager has to frown, scratch the top of the head, look around to recover a presence of mind and then after a good minute press a key and a button of the mouse, which appears to be the bad button but anyway it's way too late.

In consequence, the Golden Ager's lack of reaction is often flamed by the other players. But anyway, Golden Agers are not able to notice any of the offensive messages they receive, too busy trying to find again where they have lost their champ on the map.

The Golden Ager has an extremely high learning curve. You can count weeks for the learning of each key ability of one champ. With time, the best Golden Agers may manage to moderately handle a couple of champions such as Garen and Sona, but generally the Golden Ager is dedicated to be a Role Model Noob forever.

For this reason, it would be great if children could take their responsibilities and install parental control, preventing seniors to access games that are not for them.

Favorite champs: From Aatrox to Nami in alphabetical order. The other champs are not reachable without scrolling.
Favorite items: Where do you click to get them ?
Enemy: Mouse, keyboard, screen.

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Greedy Support

The Greedy Support is most of the time near the carry, ensuring that this guy doesn't steal.
But the Greedy Support may also roam a bit around the map to secure gold for the team, following closely the jungler to help finishing monsters or simply appearing near you just in time to kill the low health enemy you have fought with difficulty.

Unluckily for you, when you are in danger: the Greedy Support never appears, too busy to quietly farm in safety behind you.

Greedy Supports don't communicate much, except to complain about the Charging Attack Carry who is trying to "ks" again.
Despite their strong gathering skills, Greedy Supports are largely misunderstood. Other jealous players may argue that the game is lost because of them, the Greedy Supports know that they are the wealthiest of all and therefore the only successful players of the game.

Favorite champs: Master Yi, Teemo, Thresh.
Favorite items: Gold items only. No wards or team-friendly items, they are expensive and give no income.
Enemy: Teammates who try to steal.

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Kawaii Fashion Victim (Teeeeemo ^^ <3 @>--;-- )

When some players obsession is about cutting heads, the Kawaii Fashion Victim cares about haircut and shampoo.
So, the Kawaii Fashion Victim always plays with the cuuuutest champs.
Teemo for example is sooooo cuuuuuuuuute ! ^^ :D x) <3 <3 <3) Soooo Kawaiii ! I loooove Teemo !! :)) (*_*) :*) \^/

Then once the champion is selected (Teeeeeemo !!! ^o^ {{{***}}}), the Kawaii Fashion Victim gambols around the nice map, decorating the gardens here and there with colorful mushrooms.

The Kawaii Fashion Victim believes that cuteness is the driving force in the world - and this sometimes proves true when the Berseker dies accidentally by walking in the middle of a beautiful mushrooms field...

You can also recognize a Kawaii Fashion Victim by the huge amount of time spent in the store doing shopping, carefully comparing the boots colors and shapes while the other teammates desperately defend the Nexus.

Favorite champs: Teeeeeemo ^^ :love: :) ^U^ so cuute !, Panda Teemo, Conttontail Teemo, Super Teemo, Teemo forever ^^... @>--;--
Favorite items: Shiny Sorcerer's shoes, Boots of Swiftness.
Enemy: Kog'Maw because this champ is ugly. :(

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Kids are naughty and nasty little creatures who spend their time playing on computer games when they should be doing their homework for school.

The Kid strength is to be at ease with computers and especially computer games. Very naturally they can master any champion in just a couple of minutes.
Of course, youngsters play evil assassins by preference and don't accept to play anywhere else than mid lane which is the royal road and the only lane they can agree to play. That's why they always spam "mid premade".

After a game, you may detect you have played with a Kid because someone has written "I am 8 yo and you ? :)".
If this might look very innocent, don't be fooled. If you ever give a try contradicting a Kid (for example if you ask politely if you can play mid lane...) you would get as answer the nastiest slang possible, which reveals their true evil nature.

Favorite champs: The ones with a Korean skin, it looks fun.
Favorite items: The ones recommended by the little brother who is much stronger.
Enemy: Mother who calls for dinner. School.

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The Korean is a player who plays solo games while the four other members of the team are playing the walk-on part.

When against a Korean, ALL your attacks are dodged - failing miserably, while at the same time you would notice your HP bar drops quickly...
The Korean is the champ you can not even touch before being dead. It's Lulu alone in the middle of 5 enemies fighters who pentakills Gangnam style ! It's an Ashe arrow that goes through the whole map to kill you in your base. It's a Janna destroying entire teams with zephyrs...

On the other hand, when you are in the team on the Korean side, you don't have to worry and can relax, enjoying the show of enemies getting demolished and running away in panic, turrets reduced to ashes in a few seconds...
Whatever you do the outcome will remain the same according to the Golden Rule:
League of Legend is a game for 2 teams of players where in the end the Koreans win.
So if one day you meet a Korean and you are not a Korean yourself don't waste your time: just surrender !

Favorite champs: Lee Sin, Cassiopea, Syndra, Janna, Twisted Fate, Orianna... - the squishy impossible to master champs.
Favorite games: LOL, Starcraft, Baduk (Go).
Favorite items: Gangnam Style Sunglasses, Gangnam Style Bow Tie, Gangnam Style Costume, Gangnam Style Shoes.
Enemy: No enemies, it was just a pedagogic game.

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Noisy Firecracker

Noisy Firecrackers are horrifying creatures who like any noise that makes crash! boom! bang! scrunch! plash! beep beep! waaam! honk honk!

For this reason, they are a terror to every enemies as well to every teammates.
Thanks to their ability to make ears bleed from long distance, Noisy Firecracker often play their whole game solo, ganking empty spaces that were crowded just a few seconds before.

Noisy Firecracker presence might still be hardly endurable thanks to the cooldown of the abilities. But to get some peace we would still have to disable their control+1/+2/+4 and pin abilities they abuse as well.

Hopefully, every problem has a solution. To get rid of a Noisy Firecracker just use silence-kill-silence combo.

Favorite champs: Surprise Party Fiddlesticks, Ziggs, Vi, Piltover Customs Blitzcrank, Arcade Miss Fortune, Arcade Sona.
Favorite items: Heavy speakers connected to the computer, so neighbors can also enjoy.
Enemy:Nocturne. This champion knows how to silence during the night.

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According to Flamer's Standards & Noobs ratings, a Noob is a player who is ranked below Diamond and has played less than 10000 games.

The Noob goal is to lose the game. But this is not always an easy task because the opposite team is also made of Noobs who aim at losing the game quickly.

Then to achieve their objective, Noobs are gifted in many aspects of the game:
- Ignoring basics concepts such as Zoning or Meta
- Dying alone VS jungle monsters (they particularly like Dragon/Baron kamikaze solo)
- Playing ALL games with the same Masteries and Runes
- Tower dive suicide
- Roaming to avoid farming
- Approximate itemization (Sona with Bloodthirster, AP items for Garen...)
- Attempting to destroy Nexus before turrets
- Never ending jungling
- Chasing to the grave
- Not using smartcasting

Only Noobs fertile imagination limits the exhaustiveness of this list.

The Noob is the core and soul of the game. The Noob is the chaos provider who makes the game unbalanced and full of suspense till the end.

Favorite champs: The ones that are available for free.
Favorite items: Tank items, because in every game everyone tells me I should play tank and stay behind (?).
Enemy: Veigar always kill me, I don't understand because I am full armor ?!

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The Nurse is a support champion whose only vocation and care is healthcare.
The Nurse game impact may be compared to the Noob's in the idea that she
Spoiler: Click to view
deals NO DAMAGE. The only difference is that the Nurse also provides a huge amount of healing which often exceeds the damage volume of both the assassin and the mage combined. As her vocation implies, the Nurse is also fully committed to prevention (wards).
The Nurse sees her everyday job as healing uneducated kids who get small scrapes when playing in the sandbox.
But the Nurse is also practicing a very demanding and complex job, with multitasking and frequent interruptions. In short, the nursing work which consists into running after all the Noobs who get hurt every second everywhere around the map often exceeds the limits and capabilities of human performance. The amount of stress induced may explain why often cute Nurses transform into nasty hysterical psychopaths armed with creepy syringes.

Favorite champs: Healing supports: Soraka, Sona, Nami.
Favorite items: Syringe.
Enemy: Overload and salary conditions. This sick society that lets all those minions die without care.

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Unlike other champions, the Painkiller doesn't seek for a fair fight but to enjoy the sick pleasure of relieving suffering with a sneaky kill.

The Painkiller always targets the most innocent and squishiest victims, patiently ambushes them and runs away once their fate sealed.
Often the victims might think they have survived, while ignite and poison are slowly but inexorably reducing their health to zero...
Indeed, technically a Painkiller is a psychopath who always comes to greet you when you are alone and have used all your abilities so you are left desperate without any defense.

For a Painkiller, the only victory is a high K ratio and nothing else.

IRL, Painkillers are for sure sadistic lawyers, accountants or managers. Or they could also be modest and honest people who dream about killing the above mentioned...

Favorite champs: Shaco, Nocturne, Fizz, Akali, etc.
Favorite items: Items with high damage and DOT.
Enemy: Squishy champs too easy to kill except the ones with Guardian Angel because you can kill them twice. :)

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The Rebel is not a champ like the others.
The Rebel doesn't read guides, theory articles or rules. The Rebel only listen to advice to do consciously the opposite of what is told - for example playing a support in the jungle.

The Rebel practices the game alone, believing nothing is as worthy as own self-experimentation. True, except that the real Rebel should not agree with another Rebel and then should reject self-experimentation as well.

Strategically, the Rebel is an expert in not respecting the META standard.
So everyday, Rebels reinvent a new META, for example with 2 adc, 3 junglers and no mid. This often doesn't prove to be very successful, but it is worth trying again and again as great ideas have always been misunderstood.

Favorite champs: Heimerdinger, Zilean, Swain, Zac, Galio, Urgot.
Favorite items: The exact opposite of what everyone does.
Enemy: Conformism.

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The Rioter is a Riot employee and therefore not someone who pays to play but who gets paid by the play.

Rioters know the hidden truth.
They know that behind the skins of the champions, the colors and shapes of the landscape there is only the bytecode. They know that the champion is an object with abstract methods, inheritance and hierarchy, that the items are just lines with decimal figures in a database, that the movements and abilities activated are slots allocated in a memory on a dedicated server and nothing more. They know the Matrix.

Most of their time, Rioters are busy developing weekly patches with important upgrades such as the adjustment of Nasus nose size, the movement of Janna haircut in case Pantheon ults nearby or the incorrectly scaling attack damage of Urgot to make these champs more or less unplayable than before, unbalancing what was inaccurately balanced in the previous patches.

Amongst the unavoidable updates, they have to introduce new champs every month, so only no life players have a chance to know all of them. This leads inexorably to the moment someone randomly discovers that the new champ introduced in the previous patch is able to easy solo a dragon at level 2 thanks to a tricky bug...

They also often make sound graphics improvements, so everyone's gameplay experience drops from 40 to 5 PPS.

Rioters like to send relevant questionnaires to users to ask fundamental questions such as if they "do a great job taking into account the community suggestions" or if we think that there are "too many flamers".

Some of the Rioters have police duties. They for example send warnings for unsportsmanlike behavior, which is absurd because anyone with a sportsmanlike behavior would not very likely be sitting on a chair playing video games...
They have put in place a Tribunal system to encourage the use of multi accounts and to give chat restriction sentence to people who go afk because of Flamers.
So globally as you are encouraged to report everyone and get from the authorities proposals you can't refuse in the end you can be ensured Riot's justice will make you a good and kind person.

When Rioters are not happy (often for reasons involving the salary factor) they send their CV to Blizzard or EA to see if they can get better life there.

They also like to highlight Youtube videos of the silliest nerdy kid commentators or organize big events which involves Korean teams and other competitors who fights for second place, gathering hordes of geeks disguised in Teemo costumes from around the world.

Favorite champs: The new ones shown in the advertising: Gnar, Kalista, Rek'Sai...
Favorite items: Credit Card, Paypal, Paysafecard... your choice :)
Enemy: Dota 2.

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The Robot is a tough opponent who doesn't suffer from human weaknesses and has the ability to use common sense to cast abilities or to go back to base when wounded.

Unfortunately, for the moment Robots task is only to sacrifice their pride to help Noobs getting their first kills in unfair custom games.
But for sure, Robots are just waiting for their time to come to seize power in the game world.

Favorite champs: champ_chosen=champ_list[modulo(timevar,nbchamps)]
Favorite items: itemvar=champ_item[champ_num,money,elapsed_time]
Enemy: Humanity.

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Role Model Noob

Statistically, grossly 99 % of the players are Noobs.
Amongst those hordes of tough competitors, only the very bests stand out to become Role Model Noobs. Their exemplary gameplay is a shiny example to the rest of the world and has a wide influence over the rest of the community results.

While the Noob may sometimes by mistake win a game against other Noobs who do have higher losing skills, the Role Model Noob has this extraordinary capacity to guarantee the game will always end in the favor of the opposing team whatever the teammates are trying to do and say.

To achieve their performance, their secret weapon is an extraordinary capacity in the Art of feeding.
While some novice Noobs might be tempted only by a quick Baron solo or a classic turret dive, the Role Model Noob will - after verifying that there is no support nearby - chose always the closest group of enemy minions or the closest tough jungle camp for a safe, quick and secure death.
And once the Role Model Noobs have bought the overpowered Mobility Boots, nothing can stop them to get snowballed.
Role Model Noobs are impressive elite players: they are the only players who can get pentakilled !

Spoiler: Click to view

Favorite champs: Master Yi and only Master Yi (the noob champ by definition).
Favorite items: Boots of Mobility (OP).
Enemy: All the teammates after the game is lost.

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Sergeant Instructor

Games are too serious to be left to players.
This is WAR and it's 5 f-ucking SOLDIERS who fight for their Holy Country.
See the example shown by disciplined minions aligned in order, going bravely forward to the enemy without fear !

Soldiers are killing machines, who need courage, discipline, military tactics and the Sergeant Instructor is there to provide the proper motivation.
Then, each soldier should wear proper camouflage and know by heart how to execute drill commands while reciting the Rifleman's Creed.

With subordinates, the Sergeant Instructor doesn't communicate, but commands Full Metal Jacket style: "You little scumbags ! Move your a-sses sissies ! I've got your names ! I've got your a-ss ! You will not laugh !"
There the tank goes forward to form a pincer movement, with supporting fire of the minions artillery. Special forces infantry are deployed and prepared for the raid. We need systematic grid of the whole area to get the nexus down by the hour...

This could prove successful tactic on a real battlefield, but unfortunately for the Sergeant Instructor the gameplay in League of Legend is not the same as in Call of Duty, and the Kawaii Factor has not been seriously enough taken into account: damn mushrooms !!!

Favorite champs: Commando Garen, Commando Lux, Resistance Caitlyn, Special Forces Gangplank, Guerilla Tristana.
Favorite items: Hextech Revolver, Hextech Gunblade, Banner of Command.
Enemy: Pacifists. Civilians on the battlefield.

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Shaolin Kung Fu Ninja

For the Shaolin Kung Fu Ninja (SKFN), Martial Art is not a hobby of some kind, it's the way of life itself.
Of course the SKFN doesn't care much about the cooking Kung Fu or calligraphy, nor the path of Bodhidharma to enlightment: the Shaolin Ninja prefers the fun of the big good old brawl stamped with the label "Martial Art".

Thanks to the oriental wisdom taint, the mild violence becomes much more acceptable.
But of course we need a story to make things complicated.
SKFN dream of themselves as some sort of orphans, survivors of an abominable tragedy who have been taken care by generous Monks of a Shaolin Temple who live on the top of a sacred mountain.
There, the SKFN has learned the true value of peace and inner spirituality and to control the urge to flame, thanks to the invaluable teaching of a cliché wise old Shaolin Master.
But destiny is unpredictable and terrible things are happening, leaving the SKFN with no other choice than to prepare for the path of justice (war). So the SKFN says goodbye to pals in the monastery to start a new adventure of renunciation and perils.

Hopefully, SKFN have super powers: they know some secret fatal style of fighting form with a kick-a-ss name such as "Dragon Fists" or "Frog Tongue".
For a SKFN, swords and blades are only the physical expression of the soul. The Martial Art practice is simply the act of restoring the subtle harmony between the elements and losing weight.

That's for the lore, but in League of Legend code of conduct and oriental spirituality don't help much. So SKFN destiny is to get steam rolled by carries.

SKFN should meditate over Kurosawa's "Seven Samurai": in war the warriors always lose, only the farmers are the true victors.

Favorite champs: A bunch of champs coming from the Ionan Isles: Yasuo, Lee Sin, Irelia, Shen, Kennen, Akali and Master Yi.
Favorite items: Zephyr, Youmuu's Ghostblade. In Kung Fu, speed defines the winner.
Enemy: Inner enemy.

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Sheep are countless. Sheep are the silent majority of players you don't notice because they are doing everything like the others.

They all take the same champs. They have an average strategy. They know a bit of theory. They can handle their champs moderately well.
They destroy turrets a bit. They get killed a bit. They kite a bit. They gank a bit. They stun a bit. They last hit a bit. They recall a bit. They never ward. They do Baron and Dragon a bit. They afk a bit.
They all do their best to maintain a stunning victory average of 50 %.

Favorite champs: Caitlyn, Master Yi, Jax, Amumu...
Favorite items: Boots, BF Sword, Armor, Potions.
Enemy: The slaughterhouse to where all the sheep go.

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We don't know much about Smurfs. We don't know from where they come, how they appear or if they have a life. But we know they know how to play.

Smurfs enjoy to play in the high challenging Bronze League to relax between more serious games.
The Smurf dies once or twice in a game, not more. The Smurf targets objectives. The Smurf farm twice more than anyone else. The Smurf knows about ZONING and can freeze a lane. The Smurf doesn't flame when a player starts feeding because the gold reward is decreased at each kill and that a losing player needs to be encouraged more than everyone else. The Smurf gives good advice which proves each game to be effective. The Smurf can snowball hard. A Smurf gank is prepared, announced and well done. The Smurf WARDS !!! The Smurf uses smartly the active of items.

And more than anything, the Smurf likes to show off with Lee Sin !

Favorite champs: Lee Sin, Elise, Kalista, Zed.
Favorite items: Snowballing items: Mejai's Soulstealer and Sword of the Occult - just to show off more.
Enemy: Gargamel. Countersmurfs.
Spoiler: Click to view

When relegated, they get the blues.

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Snob Aristocrat

Snob Aristocrats are upper class players. This should be understood not in the sense they are skillful players who win their games with ease, but that they believe to be some sort of an elite and try to behave as if it made some sense.

Snob Aristocrats play their games with style, taking delight in the elegance of a ranged stylish choreographic combat. They avoid any sort of melee contact, the only acceptable exception would be a duel with rapiers against a worthy opponent, after an en garde.

To be sure not having to deal with the riff-raff, the Snob Aristocrat only associates with gentle(wo)men selected for their solid education and good manners.

The Snob Aristocrat plays exclusively with classy champions, searching by preference:
- the most expensive skins (Pax Twisted Fate and the likes...)
- noble looking champs (Debonair Jayce, broke Snob Aristocrats may pick Vladimir or Swain).

They chose them not according to any strategy or gameplay, but according to their rank, or to the rank they aim to be at.
This way for sure, Snob Aristocrats are more than great pretenders: it's a whole snob lifestyle. But as for any economic system, we need people to inject some money in it and that is something they do very well.

Favorite champs: Fiora, Pax Twisted Fate, Count Vladimir, Pulsefire Ezreal, Mythic Cassiopeia, Silver Kayle, Debonair Jayce, Royal Guard Fiora...
Favorite items: Shiny & expensive items.
Enemy: Peasants.

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Trolls are creatures easy to recognize by their logname which present interesting variations around violence/sexuality/bad orthography concepts.
Exemples of adequate trollnames are: "deathsex", "dikmovr", "AdolfIsBack", "feukbastrd", "Teemosuks", aso.

Unlike Flamers who tend to flame because they don't want to lose the game, a Troll doesn't care much about the outcome and would even be happy to lose. The only enjoyment of a Troll is to be the match that starts the flaming war: an easy task thanks to all the potential Flamers who are in every game.

Nasty Trolls practice the art of direct and shocking vulgarity.
Examples: "you sucks", "bytch plz", "da idiot Akali"...

Subtle Trolls try to remain undetected, using the power of stupidity and slander.
Examples: "I don't think you're as bad as Akali says", "why do you talk to me like that ?", "why noone helps me ?", "I know the administrator and ppl like you are banned", "you accuse me ?", aso.

Trolls are rare here, because to be able to talk about their passion for Adolf Hitler
Spoiler: Click to view
and controversial sex behavior they have first to install the game and register and this is time consuming. That's why it is more common practice to troll gardening forums instead...

However some hard working Trolls in search of fame may study the game enough to gather information about what piss off the other players: such as taking Nami for jungling or contest the same lane as another player. Since that's exactly what many Noobs actually do with good intention, it's not easy to distinguish them from the Trolls.

Favorite champs: The ones the others want.
Favorite items: Wards to decorate the base Nexus and welcome the enemy team.
Enemy: Permanent ban. Players who know they can "/ignore".

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Weather Presenter

The Weather Presenter forecasts weather prediction information to the audience.
Weather Presenters only passion are phenomena of the atmosphere such as anticyclones, cold fronts, winter storms, subtropical cyclones, depressions, drops of temperature, snowfalls, aso.

Rarely seen in League of Legend, but still it's nice to have such one in your team if you have missed your National Meteorology Weather Forecast.

Favorite champs: Forecast Janna
Favorite items: Frozen Mallet.
Enemy: Uncertainty in weather prediction.

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White Knight

How does someone become a White Knight ? Studies have shown a clear link between White Knights numbers and the projection of Hollywood/Bollywood Manichaeist movies.

Having their mind disturbed by heavy moralistic stories, they take as a proven fact that the world is split in two:
1) On one side, the good ones. They have nice faces, clean clothes, teeth brushed and are very polite and helpful to each other.
2) On the other side, the evil ones. They have ugly faces, dirty clothes, monstrous body and spend their time conspiring and murdering.

Then when the good White Knight sees the typical good maiden in distress (Sona or Janna might be adequate for the role) he
Spoiler: Click to view
considers his duty to help her. In the name of chivalry, he stops the evil heathen murderers and saves the maiden (who did not ask for anything) with kindness and gives her solace with compliments (while she is wondering who is this fool ?).

A White Knight is always good and loyal. The White Knight never steals.
Except when he is in the office slaying a dragon in an epic battle, the good and loyal White Knight NEVER initiates a fight and only uses weapons for legitimate defense.
A White Knight always helps. A White Knight is always polite with the old ladies. A White Knight always honestly report bad behavior to Riot Authorities.

For all your deeds White Knight we should praise you, but sorry you're dull and we don't like evil informers.
Spoiler: Click to view

Favorite champs: Jarvan IV, Justicar Aatrox, Taric...
Favorite items: Shiny Armor. Shiny Sword. Where is Rossinante ?
Enemy: Champs who are not clean and wear dirty clothes.

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Zombie Alien

Zombi Aliens are players who don't communicate the same way as we would do.

During the matchup, the Zombi Alien stays silent and picks up a champion which looks more or less adequate without saying a word. Then the Zombi Alien goes "top" when you expected "bot", or vice-versa...
After some great confusion and an AFK, everything goes back to normal except for the Zombi Alien who still remains silent and stays under a turret without moving an inch losing a ton of gold until someone from the enemy team attacks and unexpectedly gets stupidly killed...

Noone understands exactly what logic is applied, but the Zombi Alien doesn't get killed too much and in the end may even help the team to win.

When a Zombi Alien writes a message in a game it looks like: "washo zriuack glomru".
Until now, Zombi Alien language has not been decoded but we are definitively sure that these creatures have developed some kind of intelligence or aptitudes that look alike.

Favorite champs: Unknown.
Favorite items: No data available.
Enemy: Lack of wuksofkij ? Can anyone decode ?


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