Humor Guide by porklord69
Not Updated For Current Season
This guide has not yet been updated for the current season. Please keep this in mind while reading. You can see the most recently updated guides on the browse guides page.
Not Updated For Current Season
The masteries shown here are not yet updated for the current season, the guide author needs to set up the new masteries. As such, they will be different than the masteries you see in-game.
Guide by: Porklord
Welcome back my children, Porklord has returned from hiatus. After a Teen Angst filled Season III and the departure of (EGO) from Team Aamir & Co, Season IV has opened up more legs and backdoors for the Porklord. Now ranked @ Bronze I, I find myself playing support as the number of assists correlate to snake length and deaths correlate to circumference (Girth for you perverts). Always keep in mind that this applies to Support roles only. Bad Foresters/Gun Killers/M1 Abrams/Gandalfs are not excused and will be persecuted for their feedery. So grab your Razer Naga mouse, SAMSUNG 840 EVO MZ-MTE1T0BW 1TB mSATA III TLC Internal Solid State Drive (SSD), and your burritos and lets begin the Coup de grâce.
For those of you who are new to the Meta, please refer to this before proceeding:
An Endless Fusion Coil Respawn: The 68th Hokage!
Runes now make a difference this season, as they prevent you from providing the enemy team with nourishment throughout the early phase of the battle. All runes are pretty much shyt however, with Kevlar and Mana Ravioli being the only ones that make a difference. I'd rather watch Attack On Titan and Imagine Dragons Secs Tape at the same time while eating the shyt moist and cold leftover chicken marsala from papa john's than use any of the other garbage runes.
Masteries are as clytical as runes are, however once again there are a select few that actually matter. Scavenger is probably the only one you need because it gets gold for you as you proceed to receive blumpkins and tuggers from the girls volleyball team. The rest of the masteries are cool too but there's no time to dawdle when there's a sleeping, vulnerable, 3/4ths naked Ryan Galik covered in vodka sauce in his infamous Lexus IS300 waiting for you to clean him up.
- Q is to secure the booty
- W is to charge and release some pre-come
- E is to give the the andouille
- R is comparable to last seasons select R ability. The Target Designator stun's opeenis is much larger than the opeenis of the Spartan Laser.
- How to combo effectively
- R -> R -> R -> R -> W -> E -> Q
- Allows for maximum juice excretion
- Works sqrt(4761)% of the time
- Hope your Richard ( Ezreal), Mrak ( Jinx), or Hugo Chavez (Dan) ( Sivir) can secure the kills so that your team can proceed to destroy the enemy ham wallet.
This season has seen a change in items, with the introduction of 3 new items:
- Erect Quaggan Stick ( Frost Queen's Claim)
- Steve Jobs's Left Nut ( Talisman of Ascension)
- G-Spot Shield ( Face of the Mountain)
All are fairly useful except for the Erect Quaggan Stick. The Poaching/Selling/Use of EQS is illegal in 420 countries, for good reason. SJLN generates the owner gold by producing high quality, overpriced apple bricks and distributing them to the masses. GSS allows for the owner to collect creep score for themselves while at the same time shooting Nickolodeon slime at your ally. Slime on your teammate is an invaluable asset, as when they are covered in goo you can get more gold and proceed to steal all the Ariana Grande/Miranda Cosgrove/Josh Peck poos your aorta desires.
We can't however, forget about the items that brought us to where we are today. Here are our favorites that still continue to lead to our success in this broken op unbalanced champ game.
Puso King's Comepilation of Success
- Filled Pimp Cup: The best item returns, more pimped and filled than ever.
- Pimp Cup: Other best item in game, used in any and every build ever conceived.
- DP Stick: Useful for bursting through all sorts of Mana Ravioli and placentas alike.
- ButtThirster: Just like last season, only effective during its time of the month.
- Doublesword: Back to saving your money once again, this item provides two swords for only one low low price of $19.99 (Plus S&H)
- Move Really Fast Boots: These shoes > Sonic's shoes he bought while studying Kinematics overseas in Turkey.
- Gun Boots: Seal/JTF2/SAS/GSG9/Spetsnaz approved. Allows for maximum efficiency for Primary Weapons.
Magic Penne Vodka Boots: Retrieved from the College of Winterhold. Perfect for Blissey and Assault Vest Tyranitar.
These items were in found in previous seasons, but their potential was finally revealed in this new season.
Protectors of Puso
- Riot Shield: Make sure you have your Tactical Insertions and Throwing Knives to be optimized for Team Tactical.
- Sunflower Cape: Once deemed a Brazil item, it has been redeemed by proving to the world that it can secure a kill faster than a Vayne, easily denying her pentakill.
- Cold Stone: Better than that Hamilton Marketplace Yogurtland trash.
- Ninja Eye Juststu: Predict your opponents next move saskay!
With a build containing at least one of these item, you will see more success than George Clooney riding Terramorphous the Invincible through the newly opened Ruby Tuesday's Drive Thru.
First of all, don't be this bhadius.
Here is where the true skill lies:
1v5ing is no easy task for the average bhadius. According to a CNN Poll, a shocking 96.69% of summoners are either bad or really bad. This is where teamwork comes into account. With a full team, the bhadius per player percentage tends to see a downwards slope. Here is a look at some summoners with their Pros and Cons.
- 1/3 of Mjilin Triad.
- Less deaths than the sun (0).
- Living library of Cartoon Network/Nickolodeon references.
- My duodenum can get a better flappy bird score than him.
- Causes Cheese Ball/Burrito depletion.
- Plays DOTA.
- 2/3 of Mjilin Triad.
- Makes enemy summoners feel like beginner bots.
- Increases team snake average to new heights.
- Owes Josh 12 Gold on G-Dubz.
- Is a charr.
- Steals all puso within a 5k radius.
- 3/3 of Mjilin Triad.
- Excellent choice in major.
- Can provide team with tactical thread count and recommendations for power toothbrushes.
- Requires intimacy
- Illiterate and unable to distinguish the difference in Yellow/Brown/Black skin varieties
- Impaired bwain, especially in terms of strategy and teamwork
- Total bro: Cars, Guns, Women.
- Calculus Prodigy.
- Racist and good duo bot partner :^)
- Corvette aficionado.
- Has the worst headset/mic out of everyone.
- Thinks he is OG Jessica Nigri fan.
Bacon has d/Bacon10110
- Washboard Abs.
- Best little spoon NA.
- Wears that same element shirt with the arby's sauce stain.
- Successful blitz pulls are equal to how many times his magic stick has seen action.
- Eats all the doritos.
- Reason why the KFC double down was boycotted in NJ.
- Jaques Cousteau Disciple
- L.A. Lyon up to date with lore
- Epic sax man
- Terrible at Pokemon.
- Like really bad. Disgustingly bad. He uses bad NU pokes and PokeGen.
- Seriously, He lost to Cody. Jordan Hamm and Dom Giordano are probably better.
- Best trash talker LAN/LAS/NA.
- Beyonce-esque backing vocals.
- House appropriate for Parties, Social Gatherings, Sausage Factories, etc.
- House guest skills are equivalent to a raging donphan with 3 legs.
- Fransisco Ortiz Aguilar Flores Lopez Ortiz Ruiz Alvarez Garcia Martinez Pena Salazar Castillo Garza Medina Perez Sanchez Castro Gomez Mendez Ramirez Santiago Chavez Gonzales Mendoza Ramos Soto Cruz Gutierrez Morales Reyes Torres Delgado Guzman Moreno Rios Valdez Diaz Hernandez Munoz Rivera Vargas Espinoza Hierra Nunez Rodriguez Vasquez Fernandez Jiminez Ortega Romero Vega is better than him at COD/Halo/LoL/GW2/Runescape/Club Penguin/Wizard's 101.
- A él le gusta comer el chorizo.
BeefyKittensYum/Vyland/Ogres and Onions
- Equipped with Synchronized Primal Cake Detector.
- Jeremy Clarkson
- Actually buys music and Premium gas.
- Fuzziest Wuzziest Heart NA
- Dreamy Eyes
- Second to David Evans in every way.
- Didn't bring the sloth home.
- Beatles fan.
Remember children, a good League Player is a Happy League player. Refrain from harassing your jungle for not giving you blue or not ganking ( ). League is simply a (The) gAm3 and should be taken in a less serious manner. If you would like to enter a more competitive scene, try Magic The Gathering or Pokemon TCG. I leave you now with the wisdom of the Porklord in the hopes you can someday reach the peak at which I stand and UAV all. Thank You for your continued supprot. GGWPGNILYSMBBY.