Taric Humor Guide by Genostride
Not Updated For Current Season
This guide has not yet been updated for the current season. Please keep this in mind while reading. You can see the most recently updated guides on the browse guides page.
Taric Jungle: No Plebs Allowed
Not Updated For Current Season
The masteries shown here are not yet updated for the current season, the guide author needs to set up the new masteries. As such, they will be different than the masteries you see in-game.
Allright you filthy F*cking plebs, do you want to be a ********ed man? Well.. DO YOU? AHHHHG!!!
Then by now through your years of being stuck in ELO HELL you shouldve realized who the BEST ********ED CHAMPION IN THE GAME IS.
THATS F*CKING RIGHT. ITS TARIC. MANLIER THAN A BLOODTHIRSTY SORAKA. YEAH. THAT MANLY.
So of course, whats the manliest lane? Top? ADC? Maybe mid you say? Well F*ck that Sh*t. MEN PVE, GET THAT BEAST IN THE JUNGLE AND F*CK UP DEM GOLEMS.
Allright, men. Manly men. MEN. Men need damage and a f*cking lot of it.
Taric allready has a high as sh*t basic attack damage, so what do you do? GIVE HIM MORE AD.
Stack 9 (GO BIG OR GO HOME PLEBS) Marks of Attack Damage.
As manly as you are, you hide behind some of the most insane armor this world has ever seen.
ITS NOT ENOUGH.
Stack 9 Seals of Armor for the most BRUTALS defense against those ******* golems. The dont deserve to hurt you, AND MEN SHOULDNT LET THEM.
Whats that? MAGIC? IN MY LEAGUE?
Stack 9 Magic Resist Glyphs, Those ******* in mid will COWER IN FEAR AS YOU DEFLECT EVERY QUEEF BALL.
Quints of Movement speed. Your armor is to manly for you. And considering how big your balls are, you just cant move as fast as you want.
You f*cking love damage dont you.
I bet it just wets those tender nipples of yours.
And those damned minions... THEY QUESTION YOUR MANLYNESS?
Generic ADC masteries is the way to go, Making sure to grab Butcher for extra minion dunkage.
Why not grab more in sunder you say?
YOUR GEMS PENETRATE ALL BUT THE STRONGEST VAGINAS.
Your shatter deals enough of a debuff to where those 2 points are meaningless. You must BUTCHER YOUR MINION FOES.
The extra points you must put into the defensive tree, Making sure to get Bladed armor and Vigor.
Those minions think they can just hit you without consequences? What is this, the League of Feminists?
You're tanky. Its f*cking obvious. One of the most tanky ADC's in the game. Thats right. I said ADC.
Your spells are just for utility. A steroid, armor stripper, a heal, and a mother f*cking stun?
Let me ask you a question. Do you like to f*ck b*tches? Well.. DO YOU???
Get the amazing and new Hunters Machete and 5 Red Sodas off the bat. Chop those f*cking minions right up.
Go straight into your wriggles. Its the best item in the game. Period. Youll kill those minions even faster, and have enough armor to save the mother f*cking day.
Next rush your Berzerk boots. Attack speed and crit are a must with men.. i mean Taric..
Saying that, Rush a zeal. More speed and crit. F*cking gorgeous. Your mana regens Due to tarics passive, the more you dunk, the harder you dunk, the more mana youll get back.
Next you have a choice.
Suggested you grab Ghostblade, The armor pen and attack speed bonus is just f*cking insane.
If you feel you have a need to chase more than deal damage, say, your ganks arent going very well, grab phage.
After which rush your Phantom dancer. You dont care for movement speed. Men take their time to dunk, but running full speed in the worlds most outrageous armor is even more fearsome.
Then, If you got phage, rush Ghostblade (and remember to f*cking use it) Youll start hauling so much ***, its like youve got Elise on your back. If you aquired Ghostblade, Rush phage.
Youll need health. They cant kill you if you ate your vegies. Rush straight into your Frozen mallet, for a perma slowing chasing GEM LORD OF DOOM.
Now, you can survive any team fight. Now you need to turn those 600 basic attack crits into 800.
Get that infinity edge, and your enemies will cower in FEAR to your MANLYNESS.
After this, suggested you run another Phantom damncer. GARUNTEED 900-1000 basic attack damage with your ult and shatter popped.
Thats right. You f*cking heard me.
1000 basic attack damage.
Suck my d*ck Darius.
Alternatives to the second phantom dancer.
If you're taking some heat, grab a Guardians Angel. 2 lives? Sweet. F*cking. Jesus.
It is truely outrageous.
Grab shatter first. Shatter the VERY SOULS of your foes. Giving you extra jungle tankiness and damage.
Then your stun. They cant hit you when they're stunned by your DAZZLING BEAUTY.
After a choice, you taking some heat? grab heal? If not. Another shatter, but heal is required after that.
Now, focus on shatter, dealing LOADS OF DAMAGE. F*ggots like darius, well, his armor just went and died now didnt it?.
Then, its a choice.
Preferably, Max your heal second. Show those ******* at RIOT how to heal a ********ed team. Every swing taric does on a minion reduces his heal CD by 1 second, on a champion? 3 second.
3. F*cking. Seconds. Now you know why you have all that attack speed and no life steal eh? every few seconds your polishing your gems if you know what i mean..
Or max your stun if you feel the need to stun every 7 seconds early game, not my preference, but its not bad.
Max the stun, and grab your ult every time you can. And your kit will be the deadliest in the game.
Creeping / Jungling
Rush blue first, More mana, means a bigger c*ck. Youll be able to spam heal and stun and shatter alot more often in jungle. increasing survivability and overall slam jamming.
Then head to wolves, wraiths, red, then either recall and smash those golems and go gank, or smash golems recall then gank, if you have the health that is.
Youll need blue one more time, after that, if your mid needs it like the vagina he is, give it to him/her.
Taric is slow. He got so sick of everyones bull sh*t that he just takes his time now. But who can blame him? I mean wards are basically free, and you can even teleport to teemo shrooms.
Thats right. Teleport gank taric. Speed to lane for an over push, or a quick im gettin the f*ck outa here spell.
Smite for obvious reasons. F*cking minions.
Pros / Cons
Hardest hitting basic attack in the game.
Armored like a truck.
Heals. Heals for days.
With red buff a gank is almost Garenteed.
Stun. Stun. Stun. Stun. Stun.
A shatter and a steroid. Loads of mother f*cking damage.
INFINITE MANA due to tarics passive. Youll be getting back a fifth of your mana per swing.