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What do you consider infidelity in a relationship and what do you expect from your partner(s) if they are unfaithful?
My position: I do not believe thinking other people are sexy or checking people out in the street is infidelity and will not accept anyone who is strict to this point. Likewise, fantasizing is something that cannot be controlled, and can accept some flirting. I stop being ok when there is overly sexual content being "traded" (nudes, cyber sex) and do not find any physical contact acceptable.
On the other hand, I think all of this is acceptable and am open to polyamory. Open relationships do not interest me as a demisexual and they leave me uncomfortable since the other party will have the choice to **** around while I have the choice but lack the interest. Perhaps this is unfair? I also can be ok with some things, such as in-relationship threesomes (your partner and someone else) or kissing other people.
There's a lot to it that can be discussed. I personally think the most important is dialogue, boundary establishing and respecting said boundaries. If they're broken, the offended party has all the right to end things if they believe they've been damaged beyond repair.
My position: I do not believe thinking other people are sexy or checking people out in the street is infidelity and will not accept anyone who is strict to this point. Likewise, fantasizing is something that cannot be controlled, and can accept some flirting. I stop being ok when there is overly sexual content being "traded" (nudes, cyber sex) and do not find any physical contact acceptable.
On the other hand, I think all of this is acceptable and am open to polyamory. Open relationships do not interest me as a demisexual and they leave me uncomfortable since the other party will have the choice to **** around while I have the choice but lack the interest. Perhaps this is unfair? I also can be ok with some things, such as in-relationship threesomes (your partner and someone else) or kissing other people.
There's a lot to it that can be discussed. I personally think the most important is dialogue, boundary establishing and respecting said boundaries. If they're broken, the offended party has all the right to end things if they believe they've been damaged beyond repair.
Thank you Byron for 2014's loudest laugh up till today
FalseoGod wrote:
What do you consider infidelity in a relationship and what do you expect from your partner(s) if they are unfaithful?
Fidelity to me would mean loving me only unless we had discussed the possibility of adding someone else to the relationship. In which case, I would consider fidelity at that point to keep loving ONLY the people in the relationship (however many that may be).
If a person in a relationship to me was unfaithful, I'd be hurt. Unfaithful to me would be going behind my back to create a relationship with someone else and falling in love with that person. I would kick up a fuss if War or Patch went off and had sex with some random for whatever reason, but I'm not sure if it'd actually hurt me as much as one of them creating another relationship without telling me.
As I believe that love is not a finite resource that can only be given to one person (do you love ONLY one of your parents? do you love ONLY one of your pets? do you love ONLY one of your games? do you love ONLY one of your scarves? do you love ONLY one of your siblings? etc), I can understand the feeling of growing close to someone and coming to love them, even if you already love someone else. As long as the love for all people involved is strong, I think the relationship will survive any hardships.
I agree with all you have said. I also don't think what hurts me the most is that they did X behind my back, but more that they were not honest about that desire. I also believe romantic monogamic love tends to exhaust relationships when it's seen more as a sort of "obstacle track" than something you sincerely desire for yourself.
Not to say that I believe poliamory is for everyone, but people should be honest to themselves about their desires.
Not to say that I believe poliamory is for everyone, but people should be honest to themselves about their desires.
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FalseoGod wrote:
I agree with all you have said.
Jokes aside, I guess faithfulness is relative to the set of unspoken rules (or spoken if you did clarify them) you decided to follow in your relationship. If you are in a couple and agreed that you wouldn't go to the church without the other then going alone to a church is an act of unfaithfulness.
Of course that's a pretty extreme example and there are stuff you can't/shouldn't "give up" for a relationship, mostly because there's no way you're properly measuring the price of your decision (I think there's a trade term for this but I couldn't remember it).
I guess we could also do some discussion on what would be some rational unspoken rules. Like, I could accept a poly relationship but that's the kind of stuff you have to explicitly ask for.
jhoijhoi wrote:
...going behind my back to create a relationship with someone else and falling in love with that person.
...creating another relationship without telling me.
...growing close to someone and coming to love them, even if you already love someone else.
Huh... you just scarily accurately described what my ex did to me
I can't take back the words I never said
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