Hello! Do you love being told what to do by an awful player even if they are bad at math? Do you wish to be flamed if even the slightest thing goes wrong? Have you ever wanted to play mid lane, but felt there were too few skillshots to dodge? Welcome to Malzahar APC!

I am weirdobells in NA. I am awful at this game. I know that. I ply it to hang out with my friends and have fun, and sometimes i stumble across actually okay ideas based on the math supplied to me by our lovely RIOT overlords on how damage is applied.

Malzahar is not a great ADC, not even really a great APC. He's slow, his burst is awful, and his poke is reliant on the will of the gods and the ignorance of your enemies. However, the way his abilities are designed puts him firmly in the top of all the DOT champions in LoL. His E has a set damage, but continually refreshes Liandry's and Demonic and his Voidlings allow him to farm safely from a distance and dodge skillshots without worry. You even get a free do-over with his passive spellshield, as no one is perfect (myslef included.) If you can even slightly snow-ball as Malzahar, you become one of the best damagers in the game. I may be awful, but I have a 59% winrate with Malzahar APC, and have earned Mastery 6 in the botlne with him quite quickly. If anything, that has got to count for something towards this... whatever this is.

Because the salt that this induces is funny okay? I am a sadistic masochist, and i want others to share in my suffering. Enjoy!

PLAN TO BE INVADED AND PREPARE YOUR FINAL WISHES ACCORDINGLY.

KNOW YOUR ENEMIES POWERSPIKES AND HOW THEY RELATE TO YOUR OWN.

EXAMPLE: IF THERE IS A LEO ENEMY SUPPORT, DONT WALK UP LEVEL 2.

FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY, BAN MF.

READ YOUR OPPONENTS LIKE THEY ARE THE FINAL BOOK REPORT IN HIGH SCHOOL AND YOU ABOUT TO LOSE THAT AP COURSE CREDIT IF YOU DONT ACE THIS. THAT'S LIKE $2000 WORTH OF COLLEGE COURSES IN AMERICA, YOU CAN"T AFFORD THAT ****.

PLAY THE BEST DAMN DODGEBALL OF YOUR LIFE.

POKE OCCASIONALLY, AND TRY TO MAINTAIN SPACE AIDS ON YOUR ENEMIES WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

DO NOT GRIEF FOR KILLS, YOU ARE NOT THE CARRY. UNLESS YUOU ARE IN WHICH CASE YOU BETTER STOP AND RETHINK YOUR STRATEGY.

EVEN IF YOU ARE THE CARRY, DO NOT GRIEF FOR KILLS UNLESS YOU WANT THAT PENTA. YOU ARE WORTH MORE ALIVE THAN DEAD.

Remember to have fun. This is not necessarily a competetive idea, unless your plan is to ruin the enemies' mental status as a wincon.

Stay hydrated and out of the sun LEST WE BURN FOR OUR SINS AGAINST THE SANCTITY OF BOTLANE.

Also we play league, so we'd probably burn out there anyways.