Views: 548 Stop Doubting Yourself
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I've been telling myself for the longest time now that I want to become a pro gamer. It's very much within the realm of possibility, but there is something that I was missing until very very recently:
My computer broke and I've had to take a force leave of absence from League--the longest break I've had from any game in fact. And it was quite disappointing when my computer first broke; I was shocked because my screen became very glitchy and the pixels were so mixed up that it didn't appear to be displaying anything. The game that I was in when it happened was quite the promising one as I had just gotten a 2v1 double kill as Jinx, and we all know how hard she snowballs and all. It was perfect. When I tried to restart my computer it just stayed off, and I pretty much had a nervous breakdown. I sat there for the rest of the day just looking out the window feeling nothing but hollow.
A week went by and I was still pretty bummed about the whole situation but like a river, life moves on. I would go about my normal routine--go to school, eat lunch, work well into the afternoon, and then go back home. Every time I went back home I could feel nothing but empty as a huge void was just created right in the middle of my life. For the first time, I realized just how much I actually loved to play League of Legends. I wasn't mad at all that I had been thrown from a ranked game that I was doing very well in, I no longer blamed people for my being in Bronze, and I let go of my life. I would basically do nothing for the next two weeks but sleep because when I got home all I felt was drained and exhausted due to my not being able to do what it is that I love to do.
After a month, I began to get used to not being able to play the game. As an alternative, I began to theory-craft and expand upon what I know about the game. I just put most of my spare time into studying my gameplay and comparing it to those who have actually made it to where I want to go; there is a world's worth of difference between skill and play style. I became inspired and wanted to, now more than ever, reach that level and that place. I want to be one of the best and I want to win. But those are just empty words spoken by a Bronze player that supposedly doesn't know what he's talking about.
Quite recently one of my friends had the whole gang over at his place in celebration of his new air conditioner (pre-AC it was about 100 degrees pretty much all the time). So going to one of these was pretty nice. Everyone brought their computers except for me, but fortunately one of my friends had brought a spare that he let me use. I humbly accepted his offer and eagerly entered the Rift alongside the friends that I starting playing the game with.
We loaded in, and the game somehow felt, for lack of a better word...different. It felt like what it feels like to not have driven for a while and then proceeded to drive for hours on-end. It wasn't a bad or unnatural feeling though. I went jungle because I'm the only one who can play the role well. Each one of my friends have pretty much found their main role and champion while I'm pretty versatile and can play pretty much a little bit of everything with matching or even better skill. What I really enjoy playing is Vayne, no matter where she is I'll probably win lane with her. I've gone jungle Vayne many times before, but this time felt kind of strange--probably due to the time I had spent not playing the game. I did all of my usual stuff but when it came time to group up and fight, I surprised myself with how ready I was.
I got initiated on by a Volibear, Vi, and Ezreal. Of course Vi opened with the Assault and Battery routine where Voli followed up with a well-timed toss. I wasn't impossibly far from my team but it was quite the walk. I immediately activated Final Hour and began to kite and tumble. I got two kills from the skirmish as well as all of my friends asking me how I did what I did. I've been playing scenarios like such in my head ever since my computer broke and I saw it in YouTube videos so what I did didn't seem all that great to me.
In the next game we played I picked Udyr and proceeded to go into the jungle again. At some point during the game I decided to go for a blue buff invade, which was quite successful, but then Shyvana came literally fuming. I went maxed Phoenix and double buff so I knew that I could kill her. She did more damage than I thought she would but, without thinking, I flashed to get our of range of her E and activated R for the damage proc and the kill. The one considered to be the best player of the group (since most of my plays went unnoticed or upraised) asked me how I was so good. That was insanely humbling--I had actually gotten better without realizing it. I hadn't even been playing the game and I had still been able to progress as a player.
I noticed that when I played, I wasn't as conservative with my summoners as I used to be. It was a habit that I was desperately trying to drop, but since I've let go of my inhibitions, my inner-beast has finally begun to develop. It's been about a week since this happened and I'm feeling pretty confident in my abilities as a player. You can do the same if you just stop doubting your ability to make a play.
My computer broke and I've had to take a force leave of absence from League--the longest break I've had from any game in fact. And it was quite disappointing when my computer first broke; I was shocked because my screen became very glitchy and the pixels were so mixed up that it didn't appear to be displaying anything. The game that I was in when it happened was quite the promising one as I had just gotten a 2v1 double kill as Jinx, and we all know how hard she snowballs and all. It was perfect. When I tried to restart my computer it just stayed off, and I pretty much had a nervous breakdown. I sat there for the rest of the day just looking out the window feeling nothing but hollow.
A week went by and I was still pretty bummed about the whole situation but like a river, life moves on. I would go about my normal routine--go to school, eat lunch, work well into the afternoon, and then go back home. Every time I went back home I could feel nothing but empty as a huge void was just created right in the middle of my life. For the first time, I realized just how much I actually loved to play League of Legends. I wasn't mad at all that I had been thrown from a ranked game that I was doing very well in, I no longer blamed people for my being in Bronze, and I let go of my life. I would basically do nothing for the next two weeks but sleep because when I got home all I felt was drained and exhausted due to my not being able to do what it is that I love to do.
After a month, I began to get used to not being able to play the game. As an alternative, I began to theory-craft and expand upon what I know about the game. I just put most of my spare time into studying my gameplay and comparing it to those who have actually made it to where I want to go; there is a world's worth of difference between skill and play style. I became inspired and wanted to, now more than ever, reach that level and that place. I want to be one of the best and I want to win. But those are just empty words spoken by a Bronze player that supposedly doesn't know what he's talking about.
Quite recently one of my friends had the whole gang over at his place in celebration of his new air conditioner (pre-AC it was about 100 degrees pretty much all the time). So going to one of these was pretty nice. Everyone brought their computers except for me, but fortunately one of my friends had brought a spare that he let me use. I humbly accepted his offer and eagerly entered the Rift alongside the friends that I starting playing the game with.
We loaded in, and the game somehow felt, for lack of a better word...different. It felt like what it feels like to not have driven for a while and then proceeded to drive for hours on-end. It wasn't a bad or unnatural feeling though. I went jungle because I'm the only one who can play the role well. Each one of my friends have pretty much found their main role and champion while I'm pretty versatile and can play pretty much a little bit of everything with matching or even better skill. What I really enjoy playing is Vayne, no matter where she is I'll probably win lane with her. I've gone jungle Vayne many times before, but this time felt kind of strange--probably due to the time I had spent not playing the game. I did all of my usual stuff but when it came time to group up and fight, I surprised myself with how ready I was.
I got initiated on by a Volibear, Vi, and Ezreal. Of course Vi opened with the Assault and Battery routine where Voli followed up with a well-timed toss. I wasn't impossibly far from my team but it was quite the walk. I immediately activated Final Hour and began to kite and tumble. I got two kills from the skirmish as well as all of my friends asking me how I did what I did. I've been playing scenarios like such in my head ever since my computer broke and I saw it in YouTube videos so what I did didn't seem all that great to me.
In the next game we played I picked Udyr and proceeded to go into the jungle again. At some point during the game I decided to go for a blue buff invade, which was quite successful, but then Shyvana came literally fuming. I went maxed Phoenix and double buff so I knew that I could kill her. She did more damage than I thought she would but, without thinking, I flashed to get our of range of her E and activated R for the damage proc and the kill. The one considered to be the best player of the group (since most of my plays went unnoticed or upraised) asked me how I was so good. That was insanely humbling--I had actually gotten better without realizing it. I hadn't even been playing the game and I had still been able to progress as a player.
I noticed that when I played, I wasn't as conservative with my summoners as I used to be. It was a habit that I was desperately trying to drop, but since I've let go of my inhibitions, my inner-beast has finally begun to develop. It's been about a week since this happened and I'm feeling pretty confident in my abilities as a player. You can do the same if you just stop doubting your ability to make a play.
P.S. I enjoy studying the game as much as I do playing it and I am going to be challenger within a week or two. :)