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**** YOU LOL I HATE YOU
An essay about a hobby
for Mrs. Jacobi’s 2nd period English Literature class
by Brandon
1/7/2012
Okay, now that I’m finally unbanned, I have a few things I’d like to say to clear the air. It’s not flaming when I tell you to uninstall LoL and then hang yourself by the neck until you are dead. It IS flaming when others defend themselves from my insults and/or mute me. See the difference? It’s easy to understand if you aren’t a noob. But you are a noob so are probably mentally ******ed. I’ll type slowly so you can understand easier.
OMG (insert any champ name here, but probably Tryndamere) is OP. When I play my fav champ (insert any AP carry champ name here), that other OP champ counters him/her. Anything that can counter my fav champ is by definition OP because anything I can’t learn to beat is OP. That’s because I’m amazing. I’m so awesome. Anything that beats me must be even more amazing, which is pretty unlikely since I’m like SUPER amazing. My consistent difficulties with the OP champ have nothing to do with the fact that some champs are good at countering other champs. It has nothing to do with my own inability to handle this champ. The only POSSIBLE explanation is that the game is rigged somehow to make me lose. Because I’m super amazing, only cheating or imbalance can explain why my every act is not an expression of my amazingness.
To any of you nay-sayers who would dare challenge my awesomeness, behold! Irrefutable evidence of my amazingness: my mom thinks I’m really creative and talented. I’ll accept your apologies in the form of RP gift cards.
I hate noobs. Anyone who isn’t me is a noob… so I hate a lot of people. They get on my team and they can’t compare to my aforementioned super amazingness. The match-making software seems to think that they have a similar skill level as me. Since I’m amazing, they’d have to also be amazing to be matched with me. But they are not amazing. Since I am definitely amazing and unwilling to even begin to contemplate alternative theories, the match-making system must be broken. It’s the only possible explanation.
When the other team is full of noobs, it makes me just as mad. Only noobs pull off 3v1 ganks on me. That’s such a noob move. Only noobs play (insert any champ name here) because that champ is so OP. Also, only noobs play (insert any champ name here) because that champ is so UP. You made my game suck because you were too easy to beat. I’ll never forgive you.
Did I mention that I don’t know what noob means? I’m pretty it’s just a generic insult word, that’s why I called my math teacher Mr. Hopkins a noob right to his stupid face when he gave me a C- on my pre-algebra test.
Anytime I score a kill, I have to say something in /all that is incredibly witty and poignant. Something like “lol noob” or “omg lol” or “lol omg noob”. Anytime anyone on the other team dies it’s hilarious. Other people’s shortcomings are funny because I don’t have any and can’t even comprehend what it’s like to have any.
Anytime anyone else on my team gets a kill, they stole it from me. That’s because all kills are mine. You scored a kill while in the same lane as me, ergo, you are a poacher. You’d have to be some kind of immoral low-life who defends thieves if you disagree with that. But be warned: if I don’t secure the kill and the enemy gets away, it’s all your fault. Where were you? Why didn’t you finish him off? Wtf noob!!! I know it seems like a no-win situation, but that’s just because you are unfamiliar with the caste system that I discovered. I’m 1337, you are all noobs.
Any time I get killed, it’s not because I made a mistake or because the other team is good. I would never admit to being outclassed or even acknowledge that an opponent did something impressive. And I would never, EVER give them any props in /all like a good sportsman. Sportsmanship is for noobs and I’m not a noob.
If I get ganked or harassed behind my turret or ever die EVER, only one party can be blamed for these crimes: My Teammates. They must have messed up somehow. Why didn’t they jump in front of every attack like the Secret Service? Why didn’t they soak up all the hits, die, and let me get all the kills? Don’t my mates know what team game means? Team means we have to cooperate so that I get all the glory and gold and my team sacrifices themselves to that end, only to be chastised by me because they are feeding. There’s no “U” in “TEAM”.
THIS IS THE PART WHERE I’M REAL ANGRY. YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE THIS IS ALL WRITTEN IN CAPS. I JUST GET SO ANGRY SOMETIMES. THAT’S WHY MY MOM WON’T LET ME DRINK MOUNTAIN DEW ANYMORE, SHE SAYS IT GETS ME ALL WORKED UP. I WISH MY MOM WAS A COMPUTER GAME SO I COULD UNINSTALL HER.
THE HARDWORKING FOLKS AT RIOT ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE FOR FORCING ME TO PLAY THIS GAME WHICH IS VOLUNTARILY AND I HAVE CHOSEN TO PLAY AS AN ACT OF FREE WILL. **** THEM AND THEIR TOTALLY FREE GAME WHICH IS SO GOOD THAT I PLAY IT ALL THE TIME AND I HATE IT.
I’ll be reporting you for some kind of violation you not guilty of. It’s not like anyone will actually read the transcript of the match and evaluate it. I’m only telling you this because when you get banned, I want you to know I was the one who got you banned.
THE END
references:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
An essay about a hobby
for Mrs. Jacobi’s 2nd period English Literature class
by Brandon
1/7/2012
Okay, now that I’m finally unbanned, I have a few things I’d like to say to clear the air. It’s not flaming when I tell you to uninstall LoL and then hang yourself by the neck until you are dead. It IS flaming when others defend themselves from my insults and/or mute me. See the difference? It’s easy to understand if you aren’t a noob. But you are a noob so are probably mentally ******ed. I’ll type slowly so you can understand easier.
OMG (insert any champ name here, but probably Tryndamere) is OP. When I play my fav champ (insert any AP carry champ name here), that other OP champ counters him/her. Anything that can counter my fav champ is by definition OP because anything I can’t learn to beat is OP. That’s because I’m amazing. I’m so awesome. Anything that beats me must be even more amazing, which is pretty unlikely since I’m like SUPER amazing. My consistent difficulties with the OP champ have nothing to do with the fact that some champs are good at countering other champs. It has nothing to do with my own inability to handle this champ. The only POSSIBLE explanation is that the game is rigged somehow to make me lose. Because I’m super amazing, only cheating or imbalance can explain why my every act is not an expression of my amazingness.
To any of you nay-sayers who would dare challenge my awesomeness, behold! Irrefutable evidence of my amazingness: my mom thinks I’m really creative and talented. I’ll accept your apologies in the form of RP gift cards.
I hate noobs. Anyone who isn’t me is a noob… so I hate a lot of people. They get on my team and they can’t compare to my aforementioned super amazingness. The match-making software seems to think that they have a similar skill level as me. Since I’m amazing, they’d have to also be amazing to be matched with me. But they are not amazing. Since I am definitely amazing and unwilling to even begin to contemplate alternative theories, the match-making system must be broken. It’s the only possible explanation.
When the other team is full of noobs, it makes me just as mad. Only noobs pull off 3v1 ganks on me. That’s such a noob move. Only noobs play (insert any champ name here) because that champ is so OP. Also, only noobs play (insert any champ name here) because that champ is so UP. You made my game suck because you were too easy to beat. I’ll never forgive you.
Did I mention that I don’t know what noob means? I’m pretty it’s just a generic insult word, that’s why I called my math teacher Mr. Hopkins a noob right to his stupid face when he gave me a C- on my pre-algebra test.
Anytime I score a kill, I have to say something in /all that is incredibly witty and poignant. Something like “lol noob” or “omg lol” or “lol omg noob”. Anytime anyone on the other team dies it’s hilarious. Other people’s shortcomings are funny because I don’t have any and can’t even comprehend what it’s like to have any.
Anytime anyone else on my team gets a kill, they stole it from me. That’s because all kills are mine. You scored a kill while in the same lane as me, ergo, you are a poacher. You’d have to be some kind of immoral low-life who defends thieves if you disagree with that. But be warned: if I don’t secure the kill and the enemy gets away, it’s all your fault. Where were you? Why didn’t you finish him off? Wtf noob!!! I know it seems like a no-win situation, but that’s just because you are unfamiliar with the caste system that I discovered. I’m 1337, you are all noobs.
Any time I get killed, it’s not because I made a mistake or because the other team is good. I would never admit to being outclassed or even acknowledge that an opponent did something impressive. And I would never, EVER give them any props in /all like a good sportsman. Sportsmanship is for noobs and I’m not a noob.
If I get ganked or harassed behind my turret or ever die EVER, only one party can be blamed for these crimes: My Teammates. They must have messed up somehow. Why didn’t they jump in front of every attack like the Secret Service? Why didn’t they soak up all the hits, die, and let me get all the kills? Don’t my mates know what team game means? Team means we have to cooperate so that I get all the glory and gold and my team sacrifices themselves to that end, only to be chastised by me because they are feeding. There’s no “U” in “TEAM”.
THIS IS THE PART WHERE I’M REAL ANGRY. YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE THIS IS ALL WRITTEN IN CAPS. I JUST GET SO ANGRY SOMETIMES. THAT’S WHY MY MOM WON’T LET ME DRINK MOUNTAIN DEW ANYMORE, SHE SAYS IT GETS ME ALL WORKED UP. I WISH MY MOM WAS A COMPUTER GAME SO I COULD UNINSTALL HER.
THE HARDWORKING FOLKS AT RIOT ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE FOR FORCING ME TO PLAY THIS GAME WHICH IS VOLUNTARILY AND I HAVE CHOSEN TO PLAY AS AN ACT OF FREE WILL. **** THEM AND THEIR TOTALLY FREE GAME WHICH IS SO GOOD THAT I PLAY IT ALL THE TIME AND I HATE IT.
I’ll be reporting you for some kind of violation you not guilty of. It’s not like anyone will actually read the transcript of the match and evaluate it. I’m only telling you this because when you get banned, I want you to know I was the one who got you banned.
THE END
references:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
This is many differnt kinds of amazing rolled into one.