Now I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I felt I should make this blog for a few people I know on Mobafire that are having a rough time.

A 15 year old's story/opinion thing..

All of you have probably heard about those teens complaining about school since they were little, but I really wasn't that type. I loved to learn and I loved the challenges. It was exciting for me. I was the strait A's perfect child that listens to their parents, went to church every Sunday, and I knew they were proud of me. In my opinion, it was all perfect because I was happy. Then my grades started slowly dropping as the years passed. School became a challenge. I went into high school, but my grades, of course, didn't improve and I kept changing emotionally. I went from all A's to A's and B's then a mix of grades, though they never dropped to C's, only very low B's. I also quit all my sports (lol I wrote supports at first, instead of sports. Dis game.)
Currently I feel like I've hit rock bottom, or at least I'm hoping it's as low as it gets. I'm not what I used to be and I miss those days where I was. People describe me as subdued, emotionless, and blank. A faded version of what I was. When I was younger I would smile at everyone, helped anyone that needed my support, and I would never react negatively to someone if they treated me poorly. I would try to imitate that personality that I had. It's not me anymore. Everything is just so overwhelming. I'm always worried. Every second I'm awake I'm either worried about grades, school, work, or my grandparents. I don't seem to enjoy anything like I'd hope I would. When I was much younger I at least had my parents. I stopped going to them for help and advice a few years back because it frustrated me. I'm not that kid that they were proud of, and all I hear from them now is how I could be doing better in school, or how I don't listen to them or do anything right. And the one time I did tell them how hard and stressful everything feels I got "You think you have it rough? I'd want to see you in my place." After that I just decided I'm done with them and I can get the support I need from myself. I know they love me, as all parents do, but they don't seem to understand a thing, or even try to. At times they have these silly fights about whose fault it is that I'm like I am right now. I hate them both. Yes, hate is a strong word. Maybe greatly dislike would be a better option... It's not just a 'phase' that I feel that way, or maybe I’m just young and taking all of it too sensitively, but they just make my life so much harder than it could be. I wish they could have supported me or understood how hard school, and life in general, was becoming for me. Now it's come to a point where I don't even want their support, or love, or anything at that since it's valueless to me. It's the only reason why I would resort to just keeping online friends as my company - some that I've known for more than 3 years now and still treasuring them. And I do apologize to my parents that I'm not like my older brothers who have such a bright future in front of them, with their perfect grades, perfect jobs, and soon perfect families. I'll be lucky if I have **** when I'm older. Pretty sure it's my fault how things will turn out. I don't have any tolerance or the strength to just keep up with daily problems. I procrastinate with everything and I never want to go to sleep because I know the second I wake up it'll be another day with another problem. The result is a sleep deprived kid. I don't know how my nerves are going to handle this to the end of high school, and maybe college. I wish I could at least relax at home, but not even here, the only place I have. "Why are you on the computer" " Why aren't you studying" "Why did you get an 88% and not an A?" "Why are you so LAZY" It really hurts my feelings. If only they knew how I stress over every little thing that I mess up. For the first time in my life since I was that perfect little kid I decided to just give up on this nonsense that's harrying me, and completely wrecking my health. It was as simple as that. I stopped dwelling over my mistakes or the work I forgot to turn in, or the condition the family is in right now. I would try the best I can and if I mess up... then oh well. What happens, happens. It's life. It won't pause for you just because there is a bump in the road.

And I'm sorry to 'society' for your high expectations for everyone. In my opinion - note how I am not stating this as a fact, but the very possible truth - you are destroying your own future with the pressure and competition. I’m not saying this just because that’s what I’m feeling right now or because if this is how I feel, everyone must feel this way - or even because I, myself, am a teenager-. It’s not an excuse either for how I’m dealing with school and life. I could do better and deal with these things. I do know for a fact that a good amount of teens do feel this pressure to excel and be at the top of their game all the time. A good amount of them succumb to the temptation of drugs, sex, alcohol, just to escape it all for a bit; the family problems, the relationships, and the academic pressure to succeed. Maybe they will be successful and maybe they won't, but either way would you think they would be happy with the life you set as everyone's goal? They are just children. They should be able to enjoy their youth to a certain extent while they still have it, not striving to uphold society’s expectations. Now I’m not saying they should go bail out on all their classes, just not let it affect their health something does not go as planned. You win some you lose some. No human, especially a child, is perfect. Now if they want that life, if they are willing to work for it no matter what, let them. If they don't want that life, then let them be. Don't automatically label them as the unsuccessful, because who knows; maybe they are happier with their life then you will ever be.


For my buddies :P