Hello boys n girls,
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Have you ever wondered why it is "boys and girls", but "ladies and gentlemen"? It is always like: Female first because that is a social standard, keep the door open for a woman, take off the jacket of a lady before you take off your own and whatever. Yet when we look at youth it seems like we don't care.
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DOES THAT MEAN THAT ALL BOYS ARE WHITE PRIVILEGE?!?!?!
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idk what I am even talking about anymore, so here are the topics I will be talking about today:
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Table of Contents
1. Romance questionmark exclamationmark (big one, be warned)
2. Prooooooooooooooooojects
3. Forum Awards 2014 delay
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1. Romance questionmark exclamationmark (big one, be warned)
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

I am SUCH a noob at these things oh my god. So I guess most of you don't know the weird things that happened to me recently (at least I find them weird but w/e) so I shall start from the start:

The beginning
I am gay. Always have been even though I didn't want to be, because I thought it was wrong to feel the way I felt. All my friends were straight and talked about their female love interests and I was just like: Wow... uhm... okay... yeah sure she doesnt look bad I guess. Been like this for pretty much my whole teenagehood aaaaaand that wasn't particulary healthy. I realised this quite late at the age of 16 where I thought I found the courage to ask a guy I really liked to go out with me. He said no said he was okay with it aaaand.... shortly after that he told me he never wanted to see me again. So yeah that was a huge drop in hopes I had for a romantic future and practically continued hiding again what I felt to everyone I knew.

Three years later aka two months ago
So the whole suppression of feelings was still going on, but in the meanwhile I also started doing research. Why am I a ******, why is everyone else a ******? What is the science behind it? How do people react on other ******s coming out? Eventually I thought: You know what, I am a nerd, I want some love, 1+1=2 I went on a datingsite. Got spammed by some creepy old men, a lot of people that didn't respond to my requests, but eventually one dude responded, a guy called Hero. We made some contact, noticed that there was potential so we started planning dates and everything went great. I felt this freedom, this openness I have never felt before. That I was finally honest with who I was and who I wanted to be. Things were going so well, we hugged, we kissed and doing nothing was the best feeling when it was done together. So of course, I wanted to share this greatness. I told my parents about my relationship with Hero and eventhough they didn't understand why gay people are gay, they still showed that they were okay with it and that they actually wanted to understand, at least, my mom wanted. Hero however... was less lucky. His parents are superchristian and when they found out about Hero being gay, they gave him an ultimatum: Either you are gay or you are Christian, not both. This created a huge barrier between me and Hero as he didn't want to choose, and of course he shouldn't choose. However, this ultimatum meant I couldn't contact him, it be online or in real life. He didn't contact me either and after a while he explained this barrier and why he hasn't been responding. He was confused, scared, had a lot on his mind and the parents were watching him continuously. As Hero didn't know when he would be ready again to get further into contact, as the relationship was just a few weeks old and the fact that I wasn't even that sure what I wanted, we decided to break up the day before my birthday, offically closing off my teenage years.

Now
So now I am searching what I want. I am joining gay communities to share what I feel and to read about other peoples experiences, I joined some datingsite that has a significant lower amount of elderly creeps and am trying to be more open about it as well in real life, although that is still really hard to me.

Now I also feel feelings I haven't felt in a long time, feelings of confusion, being unsure, but still... I feel like things are better... that I learned things. Yet there is still a lot to learn. If anyone has any advice about anything of the above, I don't care what it is, any advice is welcome <3


2. Prooooooooooooooooojects
BOOM WOW SUDDEN TOPIC CHANGE WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!

So wow school is also happening during my romance drama. Even better said there are two projects going on at the same time, which is very unusual to me because until now we always had 1 project at the time. Not to mention that they are two complete different projects, one about impact assessments of building on a certain area and one about nutrient recovery from waste waters. The thing that I find interesting though is that I see how much people have developped and... how much I myself have developped actually, especially after the internship. Whenever I used to be a coordinator I would push the group forward and try to reach the goals asap... but meanwhile everyone else is annoyed by how hard I push and that others have less freedom to move.

Now in one project I am a coordinator again and I realise how calm I am and how much room I give to people. First I always thought that my group members were just stupid because they didn't say anything ever, but now I realise that they didn't say anything because I always talked over them. Things seem to go really well atm and I am glad that even though I am feeling like I am in a really weird position atm, that things still go well.


3. Forum Awards 2014 delay
I am sorry ;_;

The Forum Awards 2014 results have a delay of a few weeks. This is because I misspelled some requests to our favorite artist yayaftw, so the signatures had these misspellings as well. As yayaftw is a busy man, it might take another week or so depending on his schedule. But don't worry, the results WILL come!


4. Thanks for reading
This was a bit of a weird blog to me because usually I pretty much only share things lately in blogs that I think that are also interesting to you, whereas right now I am basically just talking about whats up in my own life. I hope that I didn't bore you too much... and thanks for reading <3