Nautilus Humor Guide by Alpha9630
Not Updated For Current Season
This guide has not yet been updated for the current season. Please keep this in mind while reading. You can see the most recently updated guides on the browse guides page.
Not Updated For Current Season
The masteries shown here are not yet updated for the current season, the guide author needs to set up the new masteries. As such, they will be different than the masteries you see in-game.
Get to know this Bioshock reference guy.
Nautilus is a stinky man who has not taken a shower in months. As a result, most of your enemies too afraid to approach you, take advantage of this by walking into the enemy Nexus and scaring all the summoners away so you can win the match 30 seconds into the game.
This build is specifically for Summoner's Rift while simultaneously playing Cho Gath's on Twisted Treeline. If you are not doing this, this guide will not work.
I suck with Nautilus, and keep missing with his "Q" about a foot
Buy some baby powder and then spank your bottom a couple of times until it turns red. Fear not though, because this will not hurt you because you're obviously a wimp who can't even aim properly to spank yourself on the butt if you can't hit with Nautilus "Q" a foot away from your opponent.
Why so many shoes? Is JC Penny having a sale.
Absolutely not, but Xerath walked into a JC Penny store and they told him to get out because he doesn't stand up unless he starts dancing. They told Xerath this wasn't cool because dancing is for reptiles impersonating flamingo's on a sunny day.
WHY THE ATTACK SPEED AND ENERGY RUNES?!?!?!
Nautilus's'ss'ss'ss strong point is that he has a passive that works every 12 seconds when he attacks the first time. We need to make sure that the first attack lands ultra fast so that he stops his opponent immediately instead of .023 seconds later. This will ensure that your team mates will congratulate you on your in depth knowledge of Nautilus, and never doubt your skill as a team member ever again.
The Energy runes are because he clearly can't walk very fast for too long, with this Nautilus will jog once in a blue moon on the Tuesday of that week.
How do I use Garrison on Summoner's Rift?
When you see a rainbow up in the sky, hit "Alt+G7^3" on the Hecarim welcome screen from 8 patches ago. This will prompt you with a math question asking what the square root of a duck is on Tuesday, May 13, 2042. Answer "DOES NOT COMPUTER PLEASE INSERT LOGIC". And you will be able to use Garrison on Summoner's Rift, but only on Mondays.
I can only seem to play three Cho gath's on Twisted Treeline instead of 4.
Duct tape a mouse, computer, keyboard, and maybe a monitor if you wish to see using duct tape and then play the 4th Cho Gath on that computer. If this does not work, switch the 2nd Cho Gath to a Tryndamere, and you will get about the same results.
How do I find the different pairs of boots in the item shop?
Attack > Life Steal > Ability Power > Mana Generation > Consumables > Movement > Spell Vamp > Movement > Health > Shoes
Why should I upgrade Cho Gath's ultimate 17 times?
Cho Gath only gets better with size. You want Cho Gath to be so big that the enemy can attack them when standing at their base. This will ensure that you can protect your red and blue buffs from the enemy taking them. When you have 17 upgrades on Cho Gath's ult, the cooldown drops to .00001 seconds, allowing you to Eat the enemy Nexus and win the match.
TWO PROMOTES?!?!?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
Cho Gath has a weird glitch where Promote will affect him instead. While standing under the enemy's summoner platform, wait 3 seconds, and then target Cho Gath with the promote spell. This will treat Cho Gath as a super minion as only they would be stupid enough to enter the enemy base, and allow you to cast promote on yourself. If you do this correctly, you will get a size increase from the Promote.