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League of Legends Build Guide Author MrCoon

how to rape as skarner

MrCoon Last updated on January 9, 2012
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Hello hello hello.

hello and welcome to my guide on skarner. since i started LoL i was like 'man how cool would it be if riot made a giant purple scorpian thing that, instead of using stingers, used gemstones?' well, when skarner was anounced, i knew that phreak had answered my prayers. i stayed up til 3am that night waiting to buy skarner with my rp. i was kinda like this when he was released

nevertheless, i am pro skarner playing 2.1k elo now living the good life so i decided to share my knowladge with you mortals.

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step one: understanding

to play skarner you must first understand him. without doing so this may be you

if you want to keep your brain, i suggest taking the easy steps to understanding him

SUBSTEP ONE: meditate on the concept of skarner. take a deeeep breath. in, 1-2-3 out, 1-2-3. now imagine a purple scorpian. he is chasing you. he sticks his giant blue stinger through your back. remain calm, as it will only come out your stomach in a split second. now, watch as he drags you to the nearest tower and you are blown to bits. remember, remain calm.

SUBSTEP TWO: understand diamonds. understanding jewels are the key concept to withstanding the playing of skarner. if you must, steal a diamond from the nearest mueseum. first, create a fake vault, then film yourself breaking into it. bring the tape to the security desk and insert it into the camera feed. once it is playing, break into the real vault and take the diamond. once you have the diamond, escape with it in a bag. i hope you remembered your swat team suit, because the security and police will blow you to bits right before you get on your plane if you dont use a swat disguise to escape with the diamond. now, you have the diamond. drive to the middle of nowhere in oregon. you are a veteran of vietnam. remember, if you get stopped by a policeman, dont talk to him, and dont let him harass you. if he does indeed harass you, he will almost gaurenteed be part of a government conspiracy and a ton of crazy cops will come after you in the oregon woods and try to kill you. you must kill them all in a manhunt 1v100 slaughter. do not fail.

SUBSTEP 3: PLAY MUNDO!!!!! mundo is skarner's older, bigger, and fatter cousin. they are both purple tanky deeps that do a ton of damage. if you can master mundo, playing him on ranked, you can start to grasp the concept of playing skarner. MUNDO IS NOT BROKEN. IGNORE ALL THE NOOBS WHO SAY HE IS. HE IS NOT BROKEN. HE IS DEFINENTLY NOT ****. if any of these noobs harass you, say to them "i'm learning skarner *****, back off." and like we discussed before, it may end in a 1v100 manhunt. do not fail me.

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step two: stretching

playing skarner not only requires the mental flexibility of the mind, but the body too. let's run through the exercises. this should do it. 3 times a day, every day, for a year.

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step three: soul stretching

not only do you have to stretch your mind and body, but your very soul needs to be ready to play skarner. first, lay on your bed. then pray these following words, hands on your head:

"dear mother riot,
I request to thee the permission to play skarner. kthnxbye."

three times a day, every day, for a year. it works. trust me. umean cmon. look at me. then look at yourself. then look back at me. im riding a skarner... backwards.

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skarner: the thing with forty teeth and holds back a monster

you are now ready to play skarner. you have one of three options.

    save up enough IP

    beg riot for skarner :( plzplzplzriot can i have skarner for free kthnxbye ;)

    get a job and pay with RP (not recommended)
but i regress, when you get skarner, you must autolock as soon as you get in lobby. this requires some training. dont worry, if somebody autolocks him before you, he is most likely an imbecile and didnt read my guide, so he is vulnerable to the head explosion talked about earlier, and will most likely die of head implosion then q dodge.

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skarner: mundo on crack

so your in game. get ready to rock. or diamond. but that makes no sense. but its kind of funny because hes not rock, hes diamond. or gem. whatever the fook hes made out of. unless you get the blue rock version of him. then you are stupid and use rp to buy things and do not deserve to play skarner in the first place.

either way, you will go jungle skarner, because it is the only way to go. many people have not grasped the concept of skarner mid unless they are 2k elo+. dont worry buddy, youll be up here with me and the LoL gods soon enough. but in between, go jungle.

start at wolves, then blue, then dragon. you can dragon at level 2 becuase skarner is made of out jewels, and fire cant melt jewels that easily (just ask pokemon, its not very effective...) so after you get dragon, burrow underground to their nexus and kill it. do it. it takes a lot of balls, and you must have atmas impaler to dig. not many people know this trick, but if you crystal slash for 5 straight minutes at the wall to dragon, you will be prompted with a minigame to dig. if you can dig enough, you will hit the enemy nexus. creep up through the basement, and flip through the pages of your amplifying tome. if you take your blood, and spill it on the page of the back cover, an ancient word of power will be revealed, and you can shout the enemy nexus to peices. this may take the assistance of shyvana, but it is worth it. you will instantly win and all the enemy's will be like WTF HACKER SHIIIIIT but just ignore them, put on your glasses, and ride on.

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Outro: rehab

after playing skarner, you will never want to go back so dont. play skarner until you get bored of LoL, then go outside, maybe. only once youre in LoL god kingdom like me will people start to recognize you. you may need rehab from skarner, as he is just that good.

MrCoon is not liable for any damage done to the mind of the reader of his guide, nor any lasting effects done to the physical or soul-related physique.


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