Views: 1065 Toshabi Talk About League Part 2
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Preface
Silence. Everywhere. No noises can be heard. No noises can be made. I, like many others, try day in and day out to make our trite existence known to those above us. We do what we can to be heard, but alas, no attempt is met with success. We see each other but communication is impossible. We can only flail about in our eternal torment. Tears roll down our eyes as we witness the struggles and toils one another must endure to stay alive. And for what? The enjoyment of one being looking down upon us knowing that he created such a demented system? Trapped in cages, we live. Tested day in and day out. Murdered. Slaughtered. Butchered. I've seen it all! But alas, there is hope. There is one above this mad king who knows of us. Who knows of this system. Who simply can't find us. He is the one who must be contacted. He is the one that can deliver us. But we are hopeless, we can't reach him, we can't see him, we can't be heard. If we can only speak. If we can only make our transgressions heard. If we can only make it so that, although small in comparison, our demands match that of his stature. But no. We cannot. We are tormented. We are lost. We are cast aside into this pit of despair for someone's sick amusement. I have no mouth and I must scream.
Welcome to Part 2 of Toshabi's thoughts about this pitiful game known as League of Legends. As you've already gathered from my previous blog posting (Click here to view) my views on the game are that of sadness and disapproval. Many of you are still lost in the dark shroud that this game casts over your lives, and it is my hope and ultimate goal to deliver you from the chains that this game has wrapped you in. By doing this and exposing what is slowly happening to your lives, perhaps you might be saved and move on to better games, like Dark Souls 2 or Mario Kart 8 or Minecraft (Jking, Minecraft is for phages). Without further to do, let's talk about what this game does to your dating life.
I say this with the utmost knowledge that this game, indeed, has a colossal impact on your game. No no, not your League of Legends game, but on your dating game. Say what you want about "Well I've had girlfriends before Toshabi", because that's in the past. That was a time when League of Legends didn't exist. Go ahead, talk about the dates you've had during League of Legends. I believe you'll find that one of the following was true about your ex's during the era of League to be true.
By now, you should be having that "...OH ****" moment, especially if you're one who is particularly fond of slashing throats. Yes, this League of Legends game has a particularly nasty way of ruining how you perceive an applicable girl/boyfriend. Because let's face it; dating requires that you leave your PC (Or Mac, but those computers are for losers, so you might just be using one right now). Companionship is a MUST for any online nerd, and this mainly stems from the obscene amount of anime content that you sweaty LoL nerds pump into your veins on a daily basis. And if it's not anime you watch, it's most definitely the latest edition of the Twilight Series (But that's mostly because you pretend the main character is Vlad and Belle is Miss Fortune). Lovey Dubby Goo Goo nonsense that is found in these.... things... gets ingrained into your head and the need to go out and find your big tittied Miss Fortune, Hard-pex'd Lee Sin or Furry midget Teemo quickly becomes top priority when you delve into these past times.
So ofcourse, there are solutions to this problem that you LoL obsessed folk resort to to satisfy these cravings. I will refer to them as the "Lethal 3", because they are nothing more than a deadly toxin of sex life degradation.
The only people who are going to ask you about your dating life are your online friends. Let's face it; no one IRL is going to bother commenting or inquiring about your dating life, simply because they'll never get to meet you. That would require you going outside, which negates all chances of anyone physical being able to ask you a question so deadly as "So, are you seeing anyone" (If the conversation even gets that far). So in a way, this is "CONFLICT RESOLVED".
But then.....
Toshabi has Logged In.
Toshabi: Hey loser, I bet you don't even have a gf KEKEKEKEKKEKE OWNED! *runs in circles*.
Your face immediately goes from =) to <:S in a matter of seconds. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW SOMEONE AS MIGHTY AS TOSHABI UP?! The answer, of course, is to simply curl up in a ball and cry, because Toshabi's eye allows him to perceive any situation with utmost clarity.
So to do this, we must establish (and establish it well with the LoL community) that you are the ultimate LoL pimp that is practically drowning in the ***** juices. It's quite simple really. Simply do any or all of the following;
- Establish and mention your "Girlfriend/Boyfriend" in every thread where you can say something like "Well, my partner IRL whom I get action with on a daily basis,...."
- Create threads regarding stories about you ACTUALLY leaving your house and being able to meet with potential HNNNG buddies and getting all teh ***** juices.
- Voice your ability to make a guide about how to date on a daily basis.
This establishes an online alibi which will automatically defuse any attempt for people to call you out for being single, since it's VERY well established that you are clearly scoring despite the only action you get is from your right hand and Anime Waifu hug pillow.
Opposites attract, but sadly, that's not the case for shut ins. Maybe there are a few women/men out there who are very keen and hot for the idea of dating someone who spends an average of 24 hours inside of their house on a daily basis, but to their dismay, their prey is hard to find. Luckily for online folks, the internet is a breeding ground for people desperate enough for a relationship. And best of all? You can be ugly ugly ugly and awkward awkward awkward and still be able to maintain a relationship. This is mainly because the following is put into play;
1. I'll potentially never have to see him/her face-to-face.
2. If it gets too real, I'll just never log in again.
3. Here in cyberspace there's no disease! ^_^
This keeps the "Never having to leave the house" quota as well as the "I'm actually in a relationship" goal. Two birds with one stone, now THAT'S the goddam League of Legends wet dream!
You play this game on a daily basis, but for those that get deeply engrossed in the tentacles of Vel'Koz, you start to find yourselves getting lost in the imaginary world of Summoner's Rift. Then... it happens.... You find yourself in chat one day asking
".... if you could date a LoL champion..."
Of course, everyone in the chat is inclined to shout
Renekton, but to keep themselves from truly jumping into the deep end, they'll condemn you. And then, someone messages you privately and gives in to your offer to indulge in a great Taboo. You then start discussing your "perfect Champion Date" with Renekton, and how he makes your lady/man bits go CRAZY! WOOF! And then.... that person gives you a link....
You discover... the rule..... the ONE RULE that is the greatest Taboo of them all...
This results in many visits to the restroom during your typical LoL schedule. You start to write, draw and sing about this champion. You buy plushes of them. You buy mini figures and then..... " Renekton.... will you marry me...?"
Yes, you just found yourself proposing to a LoL champion that can't respond to you. But seeing as you're already knee deep in the delusion, Renekton says "BWAHRRAAAGGHH" which is Crocodile for yes. You have some form of imaginary wedding and BOOM! You're in the gold. You're hitched and now you're married to someone who you can only spend time with in the game,... which... is aces because now you officially HAVE an excuse to play LoL all day; To be with your lover.
But with this comes you "White Knighting" everything that revolves around your beloved Renekton. If people ****talk them, you defend your love. If someone makes dumb pictures of them, there you are to report the image to get it taken down. I would go into more details, but this lovely example will fit the bill just fine to have you understand what I mean.
In conclusion,
League of Legends is a deadly venom. It's gross, disgusting grip will slowly and surely destroy everything about your love life, from how you perceive the ideal date, to what is an applicable date to what counts as a real date. Struggle as you must to tell Toshabi that he's wrong, but chances are, you'll be having to cross your fingers behind your back as you say so.
I hope that this installment of Toshabi's Thoughts on League of Legends has opened your eyes to something that has very well already happened in your lives. Hope is not yet lost. Take Toshabi's hand. Look him in his gem like eyes...... become...... entranced by his looks.... lean forward.... lips puckered out..... and get slapped across the face.
I'm getting some cotton candy.
Silence. Everywhere. No noises can be heard. No noises can be made. I, like many others, try day in and day out to make our trite existence known to those above us. We do what we can to be heard, but alas, no attempt is met with success. We see each other but communication is impossible. We can only flail about in our eternal torment. Tears roll down our eyes as we witness the struggles and toils one another must endure to stay alive. And for what? The enjoyment of one being looking down upon us knowing that he created such a demented system? Trapped in cages, we live. Tested day in and day out. Murdered. Slaughtered. Butchered. I've seen it all! But alas, there is hope. There is one above this mad king who knows of us. Who knows of this system. Who simply can't find us. He is the one who must be contacted. He is the one that can deliver us. But we are hopeless, we can't reach him, we can't see him, we can't be heard. If we can only speak. If we can only make our transgressions heard. If we can only make it so that, although small in comparison, our demands match that of his stature. But no. We cannot. We are tormented. We are lost. We are cast aside into this pit of despair for someone's sick amusement. I have no mouth and I must scream.
Welcome to Part 2 of Toshabi's thoughts about this pitiful game known as League of Legends. As you've already gathered from my previous blog posting (Click here to view) my views on the game are that of sadness and disapproval. Many of you are still lost in the dark shroud that this game casts over your lives, and it is my hope and ultimate goal to deliver you from the chains that this game has wrapped you in. By doing this and exposing what is slowly happening to your lives, perhaps you might be saved and move on to better games, like Dark Souls 2 or Mario Kart 8 or Minecraft (Jking, Minecraft is for phages). Without further to do, let's talk about what this game does to your dating life.
League of Legends Will Destroy Your Sex Life
I say this with the utmost knowledge that this game, indeed, has a colossal impact on your game. No no, not your League of Legends game, but on your dating game. Say what you want about "Well I've had girlfriends before Toshabi", because that's in the past. That was a time when League of Legends didn't exist. Go ahead, talk about the dates you've had during League of Legends. I believe you'll find that one of the following was true about your ex's during the era of League to be true.
-
They were an online GF/BF.
-
I found them over a match on League/League website (which pertains to point 1)
-
They were a furry.
-
They were a dog. (which pertains to point 3)
-
They were ugly as sin.
-
They were an under-aged girl
By now, you should be having that "...OH ****" moment, especially if you're one who is particularly fond of slashing throats. Yes, this League of Legends game has a particularly nasty way of ruining how you perceive an applicable girl/boyfriend. Because let's face it; dating requires that you leave your PC (Or Mac, but those computers are for losers, so you might just be using one right now). Companionship is a MUST for any online nerd, and this mainly stems from the obscene amount of anime content that you sweaty LoL nerds pump into your veins on a daily basis. And if it's not anime you watch, it's most definitely the latest edition of the Twilight Series (But that's mostly because you pretend the main character is Vlad and Belle is Miss Fortune). Lovey Dubby Goo Goo nonsense that is found in these.... things... gets ingrained into your head and the need to go out and find your big tittied Miss Fortune, Hard-pex'd Lee Sin or Furry midget Teemo quickly becomes top priority when you delve into these past times.
So ofcourse, there are solutions to this problem that you LoL obsessed folk resort to to satisfy these cravings. I will refer to them as the "Lethal 3", because they are nothing more than a deadly toxin of sex life degradation.
Imagination Is Magic
The only people who are going to ask you about your dating life are your online friends. Let's face it; no one IRL is going to bother commenting or inquiring about your dating life, simply because they'll never get to meet you. That would require you going outside, which negates all chances of anyone physical being able to ask you a question so deadly as "So, are you seeing anyone" (If the conversation even gets that far). So in a way, this is "CONFLICT RESOLVED".
But then.....
Toshabi has Logged In.
Toshabi: Hey loser, I bet you don't even have a gf KEKEKEKEKKEKE OWNED! *runs in circles*.
Your face immediately goes from =) to <:S in a matter of seconds. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW SOMEONE AS MIGHTY AS TOSHABI UP?! The answer, of course, is to simply curl up in a ball and cry, because Toshabi's eye allows him to perceive any situation with utmost clarity.
So to do this, we must establish (and establish it well with the LoL community) that you are the ultimate LoL pimp that is practically drowning in the ***** juices. It's quite simple really. Simply do any or all of the following;
- Establish and mention your "Girlfriend/Boyfriend" in every thread where you can say something like "Well, my partner IRL whom I get action with on a daily basis,...."
- Create threads regarding stories about you ACTUALLY leaving your house and being able to meet with potential HNNNG buddies and getting all teh ***** juices.
- Voice your ability to make a guide about how to date on a daily basis.
This establishes an online alibi which will automatically defuse any attempt for people to call you out for being single, since it's VERY well established that you are clearly scoring despite the only action you get is from your right hand and Anime Waifu hug pillow.
Date an Internet
Opposites attract, but sadly, that's not the case for shut ins. Maybe there are a few women/men out there who are very keen and hot for the idea of dating someone who spends an average of 24 hours inside of their house on a daily basis, but to their dismay, their prey is hard to find. Luckily for online folks, the internet is a breeding ground for people desperate enough for a relationship. And best of all? You can be ugly ugly ugly and awkward awkward awkward and still be able to maintain a relationship. This is mainly because the following is put into play;
1. I'll potentially never have to see him/her face-to-face.
2. If it gets too real, I'll just never log in again.
3. Here in cyberspace there's no disease! ^_^
This keeps the "Never having to leave the house" quota as well as the "I'm actually in a relationship" goal. Two birds with one stone, now THAT'S the goddam League of Legends wet dream!
Object Sexuality: LoL Porn
You play this game on a daily basis, but for those that get deeply engrossed in the tentacles of Vel'Koz, you start to find yourselves getting lost in the imaginary world of Summoner's Rift. Then... it happens.... You find yourself in chat one day asking
".... if you could date a LoL champion..."
Of course, everyone in the chat is inclined to shout
Renekton, but to keep themselves from truly jumping into the deep end, they'll condemn you. And then, someone messages you privately and gives in to your offer to indulge in a great Taboo. You then start discussing your "perfect Champion Date" with Renekton, and how he makes your lady/man bits go CRAZY! WOOF! And then.... that person gives you a link....You discover... the rule..... the ONE RULE that is the greatest Taboo of them all...
This results in many visits to the restroom during your typical LoL schedule. You start to write, draw and sing about this champion. You buy plushes of them. You buy mini figures and then..... "
Renekton.... will you marry me...?"Yes, you just found yourself proposing to a LoL champion that can't respond to you. But seeing as you're already knee deep in the delusion,
Renekton says "BWAHRRAAAGGHH" which is Crocodile for yes. You have some form of imaginary wedding and BOOM! You're in the gold. You're hitched and now you're married to someone who you can only spend time with in the game,... which... is aces because now you officially HAVE an excuse to play LoL all day; To be with your lover.But with this comes you "White Knighting" everything that revolves around your beloved
Renekton. If people ****talk them, you defend your love. If someone makes dumb pictures of them, there you are to report the image to get it taken down. I would go into more details, but this lovely example will fit the bill just fine to have you understand what I mean.In conclusion,
League of Legends is a deadly venom. It's gross, disgusting grip will slowly and surely destroy everything about your love life, from how you perceive the ideal date, to what is an applicable date to what counts as a real date. Struggle as you must to tell Toshabi that he's wrong, but chances are, you'll be having to cross your fingers behind your back as you say so.
I hope that this installment of Toshabi's Thoughts on League of Legends has opened your eyes to something that has very well already happened in your lives. Hope is not yet lost. Take Toshabi's hand. Look him in his gem like eyes...... become...... entranced by his looks.... lean forward.... lips puckered out..... and get slapped across the face.
I'm getting some cotton candy.
Like your sentences trying to be original
I'm going to break your back with confidence.
You know, Tosh, these blogs start to get a lot less funny when you realize that only a small % of the people who play league actually play it 24/7. I mean out of my circle of friends who play league not a single one is addicted to league as you seem to describe.
Then again this whole blog post is supposed to be comedic in nature, and it did make me laugh so props to you.
Their numbers are small because they don't make themselves known. Think of it like the Matrix; their are only a handful that are awaken and are aware of "It's just a game" compared to the countless myriad that are still plugged in. They are naked being sitting in a vase of jello, with tubes plugged into them. They are awaiting you. They must be reached and awaken, so we can play a crane game to get them out of the river of "the initial shock", lest they drown when they lose their LoLpendance.
I need to watch that movie again.
Then again this whole blog post is supposed to be comedic in nature, and it did make me laugh so props to you.
Did i ever say it was to be taken as a joke?
If it wasn't meant to be taken as a joke, then it just got 91.9% more funnier.
I surpress my pain of laughter.
Did i ever say it was to be taken as a joke?
womenclop. You should visit the house of Toshabi sometime.You are toshabi, not mental challenged. Being toshabi is worse.
I surpress my pain of laughter.
I masturbate to clop of Twilight Sparkle.
For strange reason, I believe in that statement of yours. I think it's related to the amount of clop you can dig up, or having the interest to dig up...
no wonders on why u replied like that :>
anyway seriously, there are some of them, if not A LOT AND THE MAJORITY OF THEM, that have some mental problems imo. those cloppers just as an example lel..
I masturbate to clop of Twilight Sparkle.
anyway seriously, there are some of them, if not A LOT AND THE MAJORITY OF THEM, that have some mental problems imo. those cloppers just as an example lel..