yo,

My name is DJ C H R I S Y E L R O Y and I'm going to teach you how to be a s1ck****. I've been playing for five/six seasons and am currently in Plat 3 however I rarely play ranked. It doesn't matter. Nothing really matters except mastering the ****, the most mystical and respected champion within the accolade of cancer that is League of Legends.

I have been ranked #1 Heim OCE by league of graphs on previously occasions and currently hovering in top 2.0.

I often play League inebriated (like a lot of the OCE community) and I find that this is the most enjoyable way. Before I get into the details of this ****, I would like to emphasis that not all people are gifted enough to play the ****er himself.
Please refer to the following NECESSARY RULES used in regards to playing Heimerdinger and understand that it has been passed orally down through the League community and it is a grave offence to ignore (one step trip to the tribunal).

I stream sometimes on here: (my twitch) but I mostly write music (under the same name - look me up on Spotify/soundcloud etc cbf dropping linx bruh).

Entire countries could be based around the concept of Heimerdinger. His intuitive and defensive nature makes him an ideal form of Government and collectivism that we should aspire and admire accordingly. I have learnt more about myself and through this discovery have become enlightened in my path to Glory.

I have undertaken the enormous task of impressing this considerable wealth of knowledge which I have accumulated over the years. I have specialised specifically in the Heimerdinger as no other champion comes close... or mildy close.

The first thing to consider is this:


It becomes clear that ****er is on another level altogether. Not only is he elevated spiritually, he has an overwhelming knowledge of artificially induced experiences. Some might argue this lives to a more wholesome and fulfilling life; his laughing & provocative nature is indicative of this attribute.




First things to do when playing Heimerdinger:
1) Hot-key Laugh to t.
2) Become acquainted to the keyboard's letter "t."
3) Make a playlist of gangster rap. Artists I recommend are early eminem, early snoop dogg, biggie smalls, eazy e, 50 cent, ice cube etc. Kendrick and Schoolboy are borderline (this information is quite dated obviously) - lofi is a good bet these days.
4) Most only play under the form of intoxication that must have occurred recently.

Heimerdinger has the most swag out of any other champion available on League of Legends. The fact he is not played more is an absolute joke as his damage output is stupidly high. When you master him you can effectively 3v1 any champion comp in the game and make some S1k plays leaving surrounding hot *****es moist.


Raise your ****ers you've just got to do it sometimes. This is the most important thing I have understood by playing him under the influence of psychedelics. When your team mates are sad, and someone's feeding like the little pre-elo *****es, you just have to raise your ****ing ****er, to the sky, dear sir. Place it up there in the clouds and let it bear down on society. You have placed it and in that effort you have understood the consequences of your actions and now bear witness to the world as a "sick-****" and an honest moral achiever.


Heimerdinger's main mini-game is not missing any cs. Recent patches have made it very difficult to farm pre-6 so you must focus on mastering this before proceeding. Once you farm all that ganja and you are big and fat, you can literally just mow any **** that gets in your way. For this reason, first 12 minutes while you are saving up for Zhonya's, try and play reggae music as you farm all dat ganja. This gets you in a good mood if you are stoned but also creates a rhythm that will carry you through until late game :)

Marijuana works effectively in focusing on every minion. It takes a lot of practice so don't get down if you suck the first couple times. It's probably because you're not OG yet. Don't smoke bush you hippy ****, only some strong skitz hydro 420 hulla hulla smoke weed everyday.
In this game Although my farm and general kill score is terrible, I ended up winning lane and dishing the dmg needed to destroy their team (to put into context their Graves was mid lane plus jg camped). It was a quick turn around once jg took the opportunity to super-roam.


I'm going to make a quick comment about Heimer's aa. He has long cooldowns early game and is fairly weak before 4 (unless you're an experienced user). His wrench is a powerful tool and with the runes I recommend, you can easily poke down any melee tank, squishy high dmg mid laner (I'M LOOKING AT YOU LB), and just slay their ***** ***es. It's also funny when you throw your wrench and it's the last 83 hp that kills them at the end. You get people mad and burn through flashes faster than you can pull cones.






How Heimerdinger plays under different substances:


- Alcohol is pretty fun ay but the community already has enough foreign french people turnt up at 3am. Heimerdinger prefers the marijungle.
- Cannabis is really good for farming and overall boosts enjoyment; too much cannabis will ruin game play.
- Tobacco helps mainly with focus and farming
- Caffeine helps mainly with focus and farming
- Amphetamines help extremely with focus and farming however be sure to block all forms of chat and communication with your team as you will quickly find this distracting
- LSD is really hard to play under and is best in low doses for League performance. I recommend candy flipping.
- NBOME 25i - that **** is ****ed
- Codeine/other prescription medication lead to really bad kda's and poor farming.
- Don't do meth in general hey.

```````````````````this section above was written when I was a kid but I will leave it because the majority of it's content is still very relevant```````````````````
*also to clarify drug use is not promoted and everyone should access their own medical situations independently to whatever **** they read on the internet.

Hi, I'm DJ, I'm going to teach you how to be the best Heim you can be. And honestly, it's actually quite easy. Just keep the swag up and pressure down and it all becomes quite apparent.

Pros

- High damage output
- Large base ability power
- OP ult
- OP abilities
- Turn every gank into a kill
- Instant carry no worries
- Don't look like a nerd playing League

Cons

- I can't really think of any that can't be fixed with build order.
- Very reliant to his turrets and their damage, so I guess not that flexible.
- he is pretty hopeless in the jungle I will admit and takes a bit of time to setup towers

Q

Your turrets are all your damage. The aim of playing heimerdinger is to run around your towers spamming laugh and use them to blow skill shots and other enemy's abilities. You need to have at least 3 points in this before you hit 6 otherwise you will fall behind very quickly as you will only store one extra turret, instead of two. Keep them in the ****er zone and they will get rekt.

W

Your W is your main sense of troll and the metaphysical extension of your ****. Every time you go to disrespect some ***** *** fgt that's been stuffing up your farming, you will slam them down instantly showing little empathy and immediately instilling humiliation upon your foes. This combined with Luden's Echo and Void staff will be sure to one hit any adc in the late game. (On a side note Luden's Echo is named after a player hating nigga who once staunched Heimerdinger's *** at a rap off back in 1961. ****a would not tolerate such disrespect and capped that skinny *** fool before thinking. It hit his arm which had been holding his mixture of mountain dew, ice, Jolly Rancher candies and prescription medication. It caused him to spill his Purple Drank and made that nigga very mad).

E

Your e is the hardest stun to land in the game. It's completely ****ed how rito didn't get right and when a player is spaced out on some skunk or skitz hydro, there is no way in hell he can hope to land his e. Your safest bet is to only use it after you are sure they have nothing else left to dodge your skill. Basically only if you are sure you can land it. Otherwise wait until they are physically attacking you and aim it directly at yourself. Practice makes perfect. If you can do it stoned, you can always do it.

This nigga did not land his e on anyone.

ULT

Your ult is the most situational and fun aspect of this game. Imma cut with the **** and tell you how to use each thing.

ULTY Q) Use sparingly. Often the safest and best option. Make sure you place it in accordance to your other towers (normally in ****A's VENN of DOOM). It can be used in 1v1s or 5v5s but make sure you don't stand to close to it. Run around it and troll, make sure you distract your enemies from the damage it is dealing. Spamming laugh is one of these ways.

ULTY W) Use mostly if you land an E on a less-than-half-health adc/apc/most non-tanky champs. It will instantly kill them if all of your rockets land. This combined with magic penetration will allow your **** to be effectively inserted.

ULTY E) Use to stun a group of enemies. Often helpful in winning a team fight. Use to kill a far away low health enemy. Has ridiculous range and can be followed up with a sneaky w or another long range ally's spell.

Look, it's not easy to master the King himself. I am 6 years on and can only get perma-stuck between plat-diamond using him. But every now and then you break through a "level" and understand why you play him... it's for the trolls. You can basically trigger any other enemy if you play ****er well. Not even if you're being bm or slack. You just can't lose your call, don't take any damage. Watch them get frustrated. I feel like only 1/100 players don't tilt when using this technique.

You keep your cool at all times. Make a disappointing E or W should just be laughed off - that's why it's helpful to have the hotkey "T" for laugh. Throw up an emote at a painful time, and watch them /all chat you with pain and frustration. Nothing is worse than getting beat by a **** in lane and the good news is, you should be setup to at the very least, equal/even your opponent - every game.

Learning ****er also provides insight how to dodge abilities without thinking. Once you have his kit mastered and understand W/E ranges etc., you must focus on the mechanics of his walking around. How to maximise his speed around your turrets as well as the map's turrets. Learning which bushes are best to setup your towers takes time and I would avoid jungle altogether once you're beginning to learn heim.

Avoiding high deaths is the game. If you can keep running around those towers and dishing dmg, your win rate as well as team participation will go right up. Definitely the easiest way to Plat without even pouring in 100s of hours.

Knowing which R to use and when is the most important notes you need to know when playing heimy. But as a general rule, Q during 1v2's in early game, W when you are 1v1 in early - late game, and E when it's a team fight initiation, /adhoc stun that will promote an objective etc. Ult E is super underrated and can be the difference between Baron or Nexus.

Here we go:

You're lined up. Buy your items quick and rush to bottom bush near enemy threshold (on river). Setup turrets for free vision. Don't worry if they get killed it gives 2g or 5g and is immaterial in the scheme of things.

Once positioned, you can setup for an invade OR setup for leash. Obvs don't leash for shaco/ivern type champs that do not require your boxes. You only need to place 1 tower and around 1:25 start walking to mid lane. If bot or top, alter your pattern accordingly.

Getting to lane is important. You cannot afford to miss many minions and you need to establish yourself and presence. Ensure that you have at least 2 towers placed at all times and try and work out what you're up against. If they're confirmed "good" you've got to play defensive, setup up behind the mid threshold and hold the minion waves just before the tower. Focus on hitting 2 before them and take e immediately. This will help avoid ganks and maybe convert a double kill.

Once you are three, if the enemy is "bad" basically go all in the second you have an opportunity. It helps to have ignite to take out the last hp stuff with auto attacks + ignite and maybe f out of tower reach. Things get pretty spicey.

You could alternatively bait a gank (my favourite) and get a double kill. You can always fake you're scared and turn, e/w combo and the tower lazers doze them off.

Once you hit 1600g ish it's time to back, grab boots and a spellbook or whatever it's called now. This will help you sustain in lane and give you mobility to avoid dying and move around the map quicker.

Heimerdinger is the best champion, prove me wrong. I invite you to any 1v1 on the rift or abyss cuzzy I'll take you any day.

There is a lot of information in this that is dated but I will commit to consistently updating this as there becomes significant patch changes etc. Once I hit diamond I will begin streaming again so keep an eye out for my Twitch.

Hope you learnt something from the guide. If so or you have any queries, messages, public concerns, please let me now so I can endeavour to provide a response as soon as possible. Your feedback comments and reviews are always greatly appreciated - not from a shill perspective (like I want fame hahaha) but from a constructive perspective. I want to adapt and improve and will always be happy to listen to critisims. Some people take red runes but I've noticed the AP difference has too big of an impact on your dmg output.

Support my music/socials etc whatever Idm - do what you want, live peacefully and contribute to your society like the great **** has.

Heimerdinger will raise his ****er when he wishes. Some believe he will return again. But one thing is certain: "42, what is it with that number?"