The Rules of League

[quote=ThePreserver]I'm feeling humorous today, so I thought I'd compile a list of gameplay guidelines you should follow to keep your team winning. [list=1] [*]Elo Hell is a real place. It's between No Kill Hell and Killsteal Way. [*]Do not chase [[Singed]]. No Exceptions. [*]Schrödinger's [[Garen]]: [[Garen]] is both in a bush and not in a bush until facechecked. [*]Do not chase [[Shaco]]. He is a massive time sink. He will juke you even if you block off all exits. He's not in that bush. He didn't just jump over that wall. He's not behind you. Just accept that he's somewhere in hyperspace, take an inevitable dagger to the back, and move on with your lives. [*][[Diana]] is a better dueler than [[Fiora]]. [*][[Fiora]] is a better dueler than [[Nocturne]]. [*][[Nocturne]] is a better dueler than everyone else. [*][[Jax]] will out lifesteal you. He will outduel you. He's broken. Deal with it. [*]You will always lose a mirror lane, except during the week your champion is in free rotation. [*]Skins get wins. [*][[Ahri]] will always hit her charm at the worst moments, especially while you are dashing at her. [*][[Dr. Mundo]] goes where he pleases. [*][[Draven]] pleases where he goes. [*][[Nasus]] does what he wants. [*]You will always buy pinks for [[Akali]]. You will either never use them in time, or forget to place them. [*]Do not let [[Nasus]] farm. [*][[Teemo]] is waiting in stealth next to every champion when you all-in. [*][b]Blind[/b] is overpowered. [*][b]Dodge[/b] is overpowered. [*][b]Parry[/b] is definitely overpowered. [*][[Evelynn]] will do sustained damage while chasing you. [*][[Yorick]] is retardedly tanky and has ridiculous sustain. [*]If [[Fiora]] is about to die, she will kill you with her ultimate. [*][[Fizz]] is always untargetable during any sort of burst damage. [*][[Kassadin]] will always get away. [*][[Katarina]] is equipped with a broom and a dustpan. Expect her to clean up every fight. [*][[LeBlanc]] is the master of jukes. [*][[LeBlanc]]'s sensei was [[Zed]]. The student always defeats the teacher. [*]You cannot blind [[Lee Sin]], he's already blind. [*][[Lee Sin]] can see you. No exceptions. [*]If [[Master Yi]] is fed, surrender at 20 unless your team has fucktons of CC. [*]Don't chase [[Nidalee]] in a straight line. That spear will hit you. She [b]will[/b] turn around and pounce you. [*]When [[Nocturne]] ults, just stand where you are and pray you are not his victim. [*]It is almost mandatory to say "but i dun liek the dark" when [[Nocturne]] ults. [*]You will not survive that [[Pantheon]] drop. No exceptions. [*]If you are at low health, [[Pantheon]] [b]will[/b] reach you before you get away. [*]If you manage to suffer [[Teemo]]'s global taunt, you will immediately be punished by stepping on a mushroom. [*][[Poppy]] will fuck you up. [*]Always check that bush while laning with [[Rengar]]. [*]The previous rule is a blatant lie. [*][[Tryndamere]]'s ult is always up. He will always escape with a sliver of health after roflstomping you. [*][[Hecarim]] is a ponycopter. No exceptions. [*][[Vi]] will catch you. Do not resist arrest. [*][[Xerath]] will always miss his first two shots and you will always accidentally run into and be killed by his third shot. [*]You will always be just within range of [[Xerath]]'s skillshots. [*][[Xin Zhao]] will do you, knock you up, then throw you away. [*]If you are not far out of range of [[Yasuo]]'s tornado, he will hit you with it while chasing you and you will be Sorye ge ton'd. [*][[Zed]] will ult you. It will always do sufficient damage. You're screwed. Running will not help. [*][[Blitzcrank]] [b]will[/b] catch up with you. He [b]will[/b] pull you. It will always be just the tip. [*][[Aatrox]] will out lifesteal you. [*][[Darius]] will dunk you. No exceptions. Get dunked. [*][[Diana]] is faster than you, unless you are Sanic, [[Rammus]], or [[Hecarim]]. [*][[Hecarim]] is facking sanic and will catch up with you. The same goes for [[Rammus]]. [*]Do not autoattack [[Rammus]]. No exceptions. [*]If gangplank gets fed, he can one-shot you in the most literal way possible. [*]If you don't get the first dragon, it is always gone or being taken by the enemy team. [*]If [[Lee Sin]] places a ward in your turret, run. [*][[Garen]] will chase you down, spin2win you, then ult you. [*]Don't lane with [[Heimerdinger]]. [*]Don't all-in [[Heimerdinger]] while he is near his turrets. No exceptions. [*][[Heimerdinger]] is always near his turrets. [*][[Gragas]] is the jungle god. Yes, he's fat and drunk, but he's still going to merc you. [*][[Jarvan IV]] will trap you in the arena everytime you fall for his bait. May the odds be ever in your favor. [*][[Jayce]] is super bursty. Say goodbye to your health. [*][[Kayle]] will always become invulnerable when you dive her turret. [*]Never dive a [[Lissandra]]. [*][b]Never[/b] dive a [[Morgana]]. [*]Mid lane [[Fiora]] is a thing. Yes, it [b]will[/b] be ridiculously overpowered. [*]Always rush [[Luden's Echo]]. [*][[Smite]] is for junglers. This goes both ways, anyone who thinks otherwise is trolling you. [*]Press D to dance. [*]With several years of planning, burning down, ulting, juking, and tons of burst, you may be able to do some kind of damage to [[Malphite]]. [*]Everyone takes fucktons of damage from [[Vayne]]. No exceptions. [*]Do not let [[Nasus]] farm. [*]When [[Olaf]] yells, haul ass. [*]When you hear [[Rek'Sai]]'s scream, stop what you are doing and cower in fear until your ally is slain. [*]Your support will always disconnect. [*]Your mid laner will always feed [[Katarina]]. [*]No one calls mia when it's needed and spams it during a false alarm. [*]You can say "care" all you want, but no one will care. [*][[Rumble]] has retarded damage. I'll be at your funeral as long as it's a closed casket. [*][[Sejuani]] is going to catch you. Get ready to be roflcoptered at the speed of a snail. [*][[Sion]]'s passive will trade. [*][[Volibear]]'s passive will win. [*][[Skarner]] will escort you where you need to be. [*][[Swain]] and [[Fiddlesticks]] are close friends. Caw Caw motherfucker. [*][[Taric]]'s gems are outrageous. No exceptions. [*]Purple [[Taric]] is fabulous. No exceptions. [*][[Urgot]]'s ult will always screw you but is useless when you are playing him. [*]Don't let [[Udyr]] stun you. [*][[Udyr]] will win that duel. [*][[Trundle]] is overpowered. [*][[Warwick]] is both within range of his ult and fast enough to catch you. If the ult doesn't kill you, his swipe or his team will. [*]The real [[Wukong]] is always somewhere in hyperspace. Good luck finding him. [*]You will waste your combo/ignite on the wrong [[LeBlanc]]. [*][[Zac]]'s team will kill you while he's using his passive. [*][[Thresh]] will pull you into his box. [*]If both a [[Katarina]] and a [[Diana]] are on the enemy team, prepare your anus. [*]If [[Annie]] Stuns you, open up the store and get ready to buy items. [*]Going in on [[Amumu]] means that he will kill you with his ultimate. [*][[Ezreal]] will always kill you with glitter. [*][[Cassiopeia]] will poison you to death. [*]Always assume that [[Cho'Gath]] is hungry. [*][[Janna]] is the supp god. No exceptions. [*]If [[Morgana]] snares you, you will have plenty of time to go run some errands and come back. [*]If you have a sliver of health, [[Karthus]] will always clean you up with his ultimate. [*][[Kennen]] is the champ everyone picks to run away from fights. [*]You are always within range of [[Kog'Maw]]. No exceptions. [*][[Lux]] will stun-bomb you and leave you with just enough health for her to fire her laz0r. [*][[Nami]] is a fishy. No exceptions. [*]You will never catch that low health [[Soraka]]. [*][[Twisted Fate]] is always within range. He always has a gold card. Run. [*][[Vel'Koz]] reigns supreme against melee laners. [*]You can't killean the [[Zilean]]. [*]Expect [[Shen]] to be watching. Expect [[Shen]] to teleport. [*]Never waste [[Caitlyn]]'s ult on [[Yasuo]]. [*]The moon > the sun. [[Diana]] > [[Leona]]. No exceptions. [*]Keep thinking that you'll win against [[Vladimir]]. Yeah, that'll happen. [*]Every champion is broken. No exceptions. [*]Don't chase. [*][b]Do not[/b] chase. [*]If there is a [[Shaco]], no fight is a 1v1. [*][[Diana]]'s ultimate has the greatest range. She will catch up with you. You will be merced while recalling. [*][[Teemo]]'s name is pronounced "Sah-teen". [*][[Shaco]]'s name is pronounced "Shay-co". "Shacuuu" is acceptable. [*][[Nasus]] is Susan. [*][[Fiora]] is baguette. [*]It is mandatory to say "bwoop" when you use [[Shaco]]'s [[Deceive]]. [*]i[[Blitzcrank]] has a longer range than regular [[Blitzcrank]]. [*]Don't stand in [[Karthus]]'s [[Defile]]. [*][[Karthus]]'s [[Lay Waste]] is impossible to hit. [*][[Ashe]]'s ult is a homing missile and has a deceptively large hitbox, unless you are playing her, then it always misses by 3 units. [*][[Ezreal]]'s ult will always kill you when you are about to win a duel. [*]Your first red belongs to [[Shaco]]. Accept defeat and move on. [/list][/quote]

[quote=Jimmydoggga 2.0]92, 93. EXXCUUUUUSE YOU. iblitzcrank is slower than normal Blitzcrank. He is also smaller and completely incompatible with EVERYTHING. [[Bard]] Rules. Do not stand near your teammates. Do not stand faraway from your teammates. If you see him place a [[Magical journey]] you must enter it unless you roll a 20. Do not stand in front of his [[magical journey]] In fact if he places a [[magical journey]] FUCKING RUN.[/quote]

[quote=ThePreserver]Chasing [[Bard]] into a [[Magical Journey]] has an 80% chance of being a 4v1 bait.[/quote]

[quote=observ3r]tl;dr, but what did read is hilarious!! Nice work haha.[/quote]

[quote=TheSilverDust]That was hilarious. When I am playing as [[Ahri]], no. 11 is always SO true. I want to add another rule, about having [[Soraka]] in your team and [[Karthus]] in the enemy team. Nothing will happen. Because they "R" ready.[/quote]

[quote=The_Nameless_Bard]everyone knows rule one of league of legends is "Don't chase [[Singed]]." [url=http://forums.na.leagueoflegends.com/board/showthread.php?t=903161]source[/url][/quote]

[quote=marciakas1]Great rules, liked it[/quote]

[quote=Canti]As a newcomer, I'm going to use this as my only guide for this game.[/quote]

[quote=ThePreserver]Why thanks, guys, I'm glad that someone enjoyed my post ^_^[/quote]

[quote=Theomathel]Made my day! One more: When laning against Anivia, don't let her "e" you after her "q". It doubles an already high damage.[/quote]