Hello folks! Welcome to the one true Heimerdinger guide. I will not go over what you can and can't do, I will go over what I play because it works. You might think, "but Yezarul! why should we listen to you over any of the other players? Heisenberg/****/sol (whatever you want to call him) is THE Heimerdinger main!" Or any of the other "mains" that you may know.

The answer is quite simple. I'm better than them. My win rate doesn't lie.
Out of the top 50 Diamond tier+ players on NA right now, only one person has a higher win rate than me.
http://na.op.gg/ranking/champions/name=heimerdinger
"dominating swag" has a 74% win rate over 58 games. Piltover Customs (me) has a 71% win rate over 117 games.

Heisenberg has: 59% (81 games), 63% (51 games) and 51% (738 games).

A few combo's that can be used with Heimerdinger.
Q + RQ + Q = Best possible way of getting turrets down. There is an internal global cooldown delay that will not allow you to immediately place two turrets. To get around this you can drop a normal Turret (Q) drop ultimate turret (RQ) and then immediately drop a second normal turret with Q.
Best Used -
When getting ganked and you are away from your turret factory.
When pushing another lane after your tower fell and team gets engaged on.
When you normal turrets get cleared in a gank (Smited or aoe'd down).

E + RW = Your burst combo. Used when you desire to kill a squishy or anyone else low. Good for stopping ganks as well.

Q Q Q E RW = Your Heimer bush death strategy. Sweep a bush, drop a ward (I prefer pink wards as they will attack them and stay put for a second), stun them (remember you are maxing E second so it does a good amount) hit them with your ultimate rockets.

Death Brush Locations:
What it looks like.
Open this link to see a more detailed location/explanation.
Like all games these might work and they might not. Each game is different but these are the standard areas. (Note that the pink ward "baits" are for leading to Baron/Dragon areas depending on the side you are on. You can use Pink ward "baits" at any if you desire, they just work better in those places.)
imgur.com/HqyyV0u.jpg
You can also do death bushes in the enemy blue buff areas as well. Usually they won't venture to it if you've the dominance in their jungle to get away with it but it is possible.

There are notes on the items above you can read or if you are too lazy you can read here and I'll be posting further reasoning below.

Your start is determined based on what MMR you play at and what you want to do/get away with.
Most of the time I steal an enemy buff (whether red or blue) and I start with "Start 2".

If you know you can likely get to their buff without being spotted, you can drop a vision ward near their buff that will last for a while and give you vision of the enemy jungler. This allows you to get the buffs and gives your team vision of them so they can play aggressive/passive as needed.

Your first back is ideally from 1500-2000 gold, this will net you a large rod + pots or any of the other items listed. You want the Needlessly Large Rod as it gives you damage, gives your turrets damage and gives them health (minor but still!). If you can't afford it, you must make the decision to either buy the other components or wait, usually buying the components will be your best decision.

You should ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!!! rush Rylai's Crystal Scepter. I tell you three times. Hear me three times. This item will give you the slow on your rockets/turrets/stun that will allow you to: Get Kills, Get away from Ganks and assist your jungler in getting a gank off. Ideally your jungler shouldn't ever have to gank for you but if he's there, it helps.

Your second and third item can be either or Liandry's Torment/Morellonomicon. This is up to you but against champions that have good sustain (Read: Vladimir, Mundo, Garen or any ranged AD with Vamp Sceptre/Warlord Mastery [graves]) it's probably best to get Morellonomicon second item.

You rarely have a game go past 3 items + boots as Heimerdinger but if you do your next item is usually going to be Void Staff if they have tanks. With Liandry's + Sorc + Mastery/Runes you should have enough MPen to get through anyone but you might still want to pick it up if they are heavy MR. If they have two tanks, it's almost a must have.

After your core is finished the option is up to you on how you build. If you need defense Zz'rot + Zhonya's or Zhonya's + GA if you just don't want to die. If your team is lacking and you need to really step up the game pick up Banner + Zz'Rot. If they have no real tank and you just want to be a pain pick up Hextech Protobelt-01 + Abyssal, at that point if anyone try's to assassinate you, Ultimate Rocket (RW) their face and hit them with the protobelt for instant satisfaction.

In almost every game you will max your Turrets (Q) followed up by your stun (E) for the stun cooldown.

The times when you don't max Q is when they can be cleared. During those times you will put three points into Q to get two charges and keep at least one at your turret to prevent dives.

In this situation you are playing Mage Heimerdinger instead of Control Heimerdinger and as such should be focused on team fighting more than bullying your lane.

Firstly, most people will think "O Heimerdinger? That's banner and zz'rot rush for tower pushing." and that's all they really think of. Even midlane they would think that and on the off chance they didn't? They'd think full damage would be the way to go.

Again quit listening to others that have no clue what they are talking about and have horrendous win rates.

The core items you should always go for:
Rylai's Crystal Sceptre, Liandry's Torment and Morellonomicon.
It has been the staple of my builds for the last 75% of my games and currently has an 87.5% win rate compared to the next highest "core" build at 50%
http://na.op.gg/champion/heimerdinger/statistics/top
Update: Since this Guide came out more people have begun using my core build. It is now ranked #1 for Top Heimerdinger with a pick rate of 4.67% (32 games) and only dropped to 71.8*% Win Rate. The highest winrate is 81.82% out of 11 games with 1.61% pick rate. That build is Morello + Rylais + Deathcap (instead of Liandry's Torment). My thoughts on this are: The Deathcap is probably being replaced with Liandry's if there are no tanks/health stackers on enemy team. Another possible thought is that they are getting far enough ahead and the Deathcap pushes them further before people can get tanky/healthy thus causing it to win. Not a horrible choice to go but the odds of no tanks and no health stackers is practically nil with the curret meta and that build should be very situational where-as this is an always build.

Depending on how you started (Whether you stole a buff or took Gromp/Double Golems to get xp lead) you will come into lane with either 1 or 3 turrets on the ground.

The most important thing you will know as Heimerdinger is where to place your turrets. If the enemy champion has easy clear on them, always keep them spread out. You should always keep the three of them in range of you so you can stand in the middle/kite around if you are ganked/engaged on.

If it's a hard match-up for you, one you are afraid of losing early, it's probably best to start with three turrets in lane. Two on either side of where they will meet up and a third a little further back in the center. As one dies replace it or slowly inch your way forward so you are constantly near their tower.

If they are a melee champion harass them with autoattacks constantly, stepping into the bush to keep from taking too much minion aggro. Always try to land a stun on them if they are going for the kill on a cannon under tower. Melee champions are some of the easiest lanes you can play against.

If they are a ranged champion try to harass with autoattacks/rockets when you can but ALWAYS keep enough mana for a stun. Ranged champions + a gank are where most Heimerdingers will die. By being able to stun the jungler/mid lane gank you can survive and return tons of damage.

Try to delay backs as long as possible, even if you have to take a tower shot. While doing this be aware that jungler might be there to gank you and that tower shot COULD be the end of you. So ward up! You are stronger than almost any lane opponent before backs (Turrets op bro!). By stopping them from backing until you can buy the items you need is in your best interest.

Using the CORRECT ultimate upgrade and WHEN becomes a big factor. it's on a "relatively" short cooldown window. If you couldn't stop the enemy from backing or you really need to back yourself you can ult + rocket the wave and clear it (If it's a cannon wave, your early ult + rocket will clear all but the last minion, of which one AA will finish it). IF you are getting ganked 99% of the time you will always Ult (R) + Turret (Q). If they are below 70% and aren't tanky, if you land a stun Ult + W will usually kill them or nearly. Your Ult (R) grenade (E) combo is best for engaging on the enemy for your team. It slows + stuns. Probably my favorite crowd control in the game.

I've no problems playing Heimerdinger into ANY lane.
That being said there are some lanes that just aren't fun. You are constantly on your toes and having to deal with turrets being destroy constantly, jungle camping and more.
The following is a list of champions I don't "enjoy" playing against but again I will and reasoning behind it.

Azir - Doubtful you will ever see him top but possible and possible if you get mid. He clears your turrets with soldiers without ever getting in range of your grenade or turrets so gets free clear.
Counter - Keep turrets spread out so he can't get more than 1 with-out having to summon a second soldier or Q his soldiers to the next. As soon as he Q's walk forward drop a Turret (Q), grenade him (E), then either ult rocket (RW) or (W) depending on how low he is. At the least you will get a flash or a base from him. If he doesn't you have a kill next time.

Darius - This one isn't that bad of a match-up to be honest. The only frustrating thing is he can hit your turrets with his Q even when you have them relatively spread out.
Counter- Drop 3 turrets in lane asap to get the wave pushing immediately. Darius' spike is level 1, level 6 and level 11. You don't have to worry about him unless he gets a jungle with CC and then it can get dicey. If you get ganked, drop ult turret immediately and kite around your turrets dropping your Q turrets if they fall. If he pulls you in, don't panic, just stun him immediately and walk away laughing maniacally. Mastery Spam for ultimate BM.

Gangplank - Until his first back you can pretty much man-handle Gangplank. Your real danger comes from when he hits level 6 and jungler ganks.
Counter - Try to keep him pushed and delay his back as long as possible. Most gangplanks will rush Sheen and 1 shot your turrets after that. After he has sheen just play aggressive. Keep killing his barrels, keep your turrets spread so barrels can't hit more than one and be ready to drop that ult at a moments notice. When it comes to a gank drop your ult turret and kite around dropping turrets as needed. Ideally don't get ganked if GP has his ultimate.

Garen - Relatively easy lane. His E spin clears turrets easy enough though.
Counter Don't let him clear your turrets with E. Keep them spread out enough that he can't hit more than one at a time. If he comes in to silence you drop a stun (E) and press W on his face then walk away.

Graves - Pain of a lane. Can kill turrets with Q too easy. Stays out of range most of the time.
Counter Keep turrets spread so his End of the Line (Q) doesn't his multiples and gets free clear. Walk up and harass him constantly. No need to worry about ganks really.

Lulu - Lots of harass/clearing of turrets with her combo EQ. Has an ultimate that might stop you from killing her.
Counter Just farm as best you can. Her combo of clearing turrets and harass in very mana hungry and as such she will need to pick up mana items (RoA usually) first if she wants to compete with you. If she does? Her damage won't be as much as yours and you will outscale her. Try to dodge her Q poke, get stuns and rockets on her. Avoid ganks as best as possible.

Rumble - Can kill turrets easily with flamespiiter/harpoon/ultimate.
Counter Set turrets up so he can't hit more than one at a time. Try to keep them behind minions so his harpoon doesn't hit. Don't put more than one in the center of the lane/wave so his ultimate doesn't hit more than one. You can 2v1 most lanes with a Rumble and at least go 1 for 1 if not better/worse. Keep minion wave pushed to his tower (he has a hard time last hitting them all) and stay warded so you can be prepared.

Sion - Bastard kicks turrets all the time.
Counter Keep turrets to the side of the minion waves, stun him during his Q charge, never be in line with him and a minion/turrets. If he lands his ultimate on you, you can still press R and when you are unstunned you can drop an ultimate turret.

The last 22 Heimer games over 5 days. only 9 games going past 3 items with about half of those only be 3 1/2 items.