Joke Thread

[quote=Hell_Pet]"The best engine in the world is the vagina; it takes any size piston, it's self lubricating, it starts with one finger and does its own oil change every four weeks. It's only a pity the management system is so fucking temperamental."[/quote]

[quote=caucheka]lol xai you could really learn something about yourself by reading it :O[/quote]

[quote=Vaan99]lol @hell_pet @chaucheka i don't like what i learned from that joke, i'm in those 33% people that stopped reading after 1/3 joke xD[/quote]

[quote=Jebus McAzn]So a little boy and a little girl are playing together when the little boy says "Wanna play fire engine?" The little girl asks "How do you play that?" "It's simple. My fingers are the fire engine and they'll travel up your leg, and when you want it to stop, you say "red light!"" "Ok, let's try it" So the kid starts running his fingers up her leg and she eventually says "red light!" And the boy says "Fire engines don't stop for red lights"[/quote]

[quote=Trojan995][quote=Jebus McAzn] And the boy says "Fire engines don't stop for red lights" [/quote] this kid deserves a medal. So, a guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of vodka. The bartender asks, "rough day, huh?" The guy says, "yeah, I found out my oldest son is gay." The guy comes back to the bar a week later and orders another 6 shots of vodka. The bartender asks, "what's got you down this time?" The guy says, "I just found out my youngest son is gay!" The guy comes back a third time, orders another 6 shots of vodka, and the bartender says, "Jeez, does anyone in your family like women?" The guy says, "yeah. My wife!"[/quote]

[quote=caucheka]ahahahahahahahahahaha oh yes. oh. that was so funny. ok here i got one. so the perfect woman and the perfect man meet eachother. they go out on the perfect date and a year later they have the perfect marriage. so on christmas eve they're driving down the road and meet santa clause. he had crashed his sleigh and needed a ride. so the couple picked him up and kept driving. however they soon got into an accident and 2 of them died. who was the survivor? well obviously it was the perfect woman, because the perfect man and santa clause don't exist. girls you can stop reading here. so obviously that means that the perfect woman was driving, which was why the car crashed. also to all women reading this, you don't listen either.[/quote]

[quote=Jebus McAzn]^A+ Little Johnny got kicked out of class today! The teacher asked him, "If I gave you $20 and you paid $5 to Joanne, $5 to Jane and $5 to Katie, what would you have?" Apparently, "Three blowjobs and enough left for a kebab," was the wrong answer.[/quote]

[quote=Jebus McAzn]My wife miscarried last night. She really needs to brush up on her long division skills.[/quote]

[quote=Iratesniper]A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! " The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"[/quote]

[quote=Jebus McAzn]lol what the fuck A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."[/quote]