Gangplank Humor Guide by Rhyme Dissector
Not Updated For Current Season
This guide has not yet been updated for the current season. Please keep this in mind while reading. You can see the most recently updated guides on the browse guides page.
Bankplank ~money money makin'
Not Updated For Current Season
The masteries shown here are not yet updated for the current season, the guide author needs to set up the new masteries. As such, they will be different than the masteries you see in-game.
This guide is to tell you how to win almost every matchup in the history of anything ever. I mean seriously if somehow Mike Tyson where to enter the League of Legends Bankplank would send his poor *** packing. If you want an 16 minute IE follow these four simple rules:
1. You must now refer to Minions as cheques and killing them as cashing in
2. In chat you have the option to either speak like a gangster or a pirate
3. When going balls deep for a kill shout out as loud as you can, "ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK".
4. Listen to this song at all times
Now some of you slower individuals may be asking why I'm calling this Money Makin' but only getting one GP10. Well since the most recent patch most of the Gp 10's now suck *** to put it nicely. the point of this build is to get high damage items quickly and completely deny you're opponent from getting ANY ITEMS.
Just read on and all will make sense.
Pros / Cons
You're a pirate
Quick easy money and unparalleled lane dominance
Impossible to fall behind
You're a pirate
Good early damage
Good mid game damage
Good late game damage
You're a F*cking Pirate
Shoot b*tches get money
If you're put against a sustain laner you're slightly f*cked but just cash cheques and you'll be fine
Pretty self explanatory. Tear and Avarice are the most important items in this build for lane dominance. To be perfectly honest IE should be bought by 20 mins at latest and Sheen soon after. These two synergize to create a majestic symphony of destructive pain. So basically the essentials are Manamune,IE and Tri-Force. after this just fill in whatever you feel you need.
So Rhyme, why would you max Q first?
OH SH*T WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?!
Hold on there Timmy that was just the sheer BRUTALITY of a maxed out Q with a crit.
Seriously though Rhyme Dissector I need some help man i just got shot.
Ah, stop your whining Timmy you puss bag. It only did a MOTHER F*CKING QUARTER OF YOUR HP AT LVL 9.
but but it really hurts...
Tell you what hurts more Timmy? discovering that that same bullet that hit you if used this ability to cash in a cheque. added to the Avarice blade gives you a bonus TEN GOLD. HOLY SH*T BRICKS.
So, Timmy, now you see why Q is the HIGHEST PRIORITY on our pirate buddy? good.
But... But... why the oranges next?
...Timmy your a dense mother f*cker ain't cha. Let's have a look at the facts. Pirate's oranges are some of the most DEEEEEEEEEEEEELICIOUS thing you will ever set your eyes on. These baby's are known throughout the league Timmy because they REMOVE ALL CC. Ashe ult? eat orange's. Malz ult? eat oranges. Rammus Taunt? SINK YOUR TEETH INTO THE CITRUS AND SHOOT THAT SON OF A B*TCH. Oh so now your thinking this ability is decent. well lets continue. When this baby is maxed out it will heal you for 300 health plus 100% of your AP. By level 13 you should have your sheen (if you don't... get the **** out) which means it heals you for 325 health. THIS IS MORE THEN HEAL WILL GIVE YOU. YOU LITERRALY HAVE A SPELL BETTER THAN HEAL ON AN 18 SECOND COOLDOWN. If you're not already drowning in your own semen YOU AREN'T HUMAN.
So what's so good about raise morale?
O SWEET JESUS DID YOU JUST GET GANKED?
No worries, there as soon as you get cc'd eat dat citrusy goodness and shoot at the air to run faster like a real pirate.
Uh-oh you're bot just lost a tower now you need something to negate that abyss. HOW ABOUT A TOWER OF YOUR OWN GENIUS?
OH NO you don't have enough DPS. SHOOT THAT PISTOL AND GET SOME MORE ATTACK SPPED.
Oh look, there's a skirmish happening down near the river and you're not close enough to pop a cap in anyone's ***! NO PROBLEM! Press E and watch as you get free assist gold.
Okay, okay I get it now! but what about Cannon Barr-
FOR F*CKS SAKE TIMMY IT'S AN ULTIMATE JUST F*CK SH*T UP.
Now this is where the magic happens.
I bet you're looking at this and wondering what I'm smoking but let me tell you this is the most broken page that has existed since the hack when you could get 100% CDR on summoners.
Offensive is obvious enough; Attack speed, Attack Damage, Armour pen. Who gives a f*ck.
F*ck defensive you're a pirate
Now for the main event. THE UTILITY TREE. Let's go over what we got;
Movespeed: Get back to lane after spending your copious amounts of wealth
Mana Regen: BECAUSE YOU CAN
Improved Recall: Get to the shop to spend you're ridiculous pile of gold
Mana: You run out of mana less easily and you get more dmg from Manamune
Money Money Makin': ...you dumb?
Experience: Doesn't even matter if your out of lane. You'll be 2-3 levels higher than your opponent at all times.
And now for the main act...
HOLY MOTHER OF SH*T BALLS RHYME! YOU'RE HIGH OUTTA YOUR MIND!
WELL LISTEN UP FOLKS. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE ENTIRE GUIDE!
PICKPOCKET GIVES YOU MONEY WHENEVER YOU ATTACK A CHAMPION ON A 5 SECOND COOLDOWN.
PARRLEY'S COOLDOWN IS 5 SECONDS. YOU SEE WHAT IM SAYING YET?
THAT'S RIGHT YOU GUESSED IT! IF YOU USE YOUR MOTHER F*CKING GUN ON THAT D-BAG IN YOUR LANE YOU WILL GET 5 GOLD EVERY 5 SECONDS. DO YOU SEE NOW, NON-BELIEVERS?
Q TO HARRASS= 5GOLD
Q TO FARM= A BONUS 10 GOLD
MONEY MONEY MAKIN' MONEY MONEY MAKIN' MONEY MONEY MAKIN' MONEY MONEY MAKIN' MONEY MONEY
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD RHYME YOU ARE A MAD GENIUS. I know...