Views: 1468 Why I believe I will never truly fit in
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Greetings and Salutations to you all,
I am sure that you guys are bored stiff of reading my negative blogs and forums, and I write this knowing that it will probably be my last because I am sure I will be banned from Mobafire for writing it but its something I want to cover and hopefully if it is my final piece that any issues that still reside between myself and the community will be laid to rest.
First off, I have absolutely no issue with anyone in the community, I do believe if people were not so judgmental about me that alot of us would have gotten on really well because at the end of the day I am just like all of you
I Love League of Legends
I have my favorite Champions
I watch Esports as much as I can
I even have my favorite teams and players
I know I am a rookie, an amateur, an "Noob", a beginner, a pup etc and I am actually cool with that I do not mind not being anywhere near as good as most of you because I am not too bothered if I am honest - Sure I wanna get better and play well but at the same time I am not looking towards anyone and aiming to be as good as they are because I know I will get there on my own some day and that's fine by me...Slow and Steady but I will get there.
I know I am also quite a hothead and that is why alot of you feel that I am disrespectful to the high elo players but that couldn't be further from the truth - I know some of you will not believe this but I actually do respect alot of you as players (yes I will admit I don't respect some of you as people but that is to be expected) and just because I am hot headed at times should never have been seen as a sign of disrespect but merely a sign of how passionate I am but I admit I can see why some people feel I overstepped myself and why some feel I am disrespectful to people.
I also know 99% of my ideas and what I write is a load of **** to alot of the community and I respect that, I am not the most intelligent guy in the world and of course no matter what Idea I could come up with I am sure that I will never come up with one that will have people raise an eyebrow in interest so why do I bother? because from ideas I hope to meet people who think alike and can see my visions and give me their opinions on what I think...I am not all about "This is my idea LIKE IT"...I actually love it when people are willing to tell me its bad idea or if what I said was wrong as long as its not done in a way of "GENIUS! you stupid" but done in a way that I can have a conversation with that person or those people and we could have bounced ideas off of each other.
I am quite aware that I have used the "I have Autism and Aspergers" excuse far too much since I have come to Mobafire and for what it is worth I apologize for using my disability as an excuse to make some people feel bad or feel sorry for me, I should use what is wrong with me as a reason to be a jerk sometimes because that is not who I am or the kind of person I am in real life - I have spent 30 years with the conditions and in my life I have worked hard to make sure that I could never use them as an excuse, I go to work, I made friends, I have a social life...Hell I even managed to get a girlfriend or two in my day and I did all that because I didn't want to live my life using something like that as an excuse to give up on life and I am proud of that but since I joined Mobafire I have used it as a reason to be an ******* to alot of people believing it was OK to be so because I am mentally disabled.
I am pretty much aware that alot of regular members do have an Issue with me because of how I have acted in the past and I do believe that its gotten to a stage where no matter what I could do those individuals will always have a major problem with me and I can not blame them for that because I realize I can be an annoying prick at the best of time but it does sadden me that I can not bridge those gaps between myself and them but that's how life is.
At the end of the day I know I am not perfect, I can be a prick, an *******, a great big C etc but deep down I am not a bad person and I only wish that I could have actually shown you all what kind of person I am but sadly I feel that whatever chances I had have been burnt, turned to ash and blow away because I was immature and I have nothing more to say on the subject expect that I am sorry and I wish you all happiness and success in League of Legends.
If this is to be my final blog I will say Goodbye now and hope one day I can return to this site afresh and anew so I can try again to properly fit in with you all
Thank you all for reading
I am sure that you guys are bored stiff of reading my negative blogs and forums, and I write this knowing that it will probably be my last because I am sure I will be banned from Mobafire for writing it but its something I want to cover and hopefully if it is my final piece that any issues that still reside between myself and the community will be laid to rest.
First off, I have absolutely no issue with anyone in the community, I do believe if people were not so judgmental about me that alot of us would have gotten on really well because at the end of the day I am just like all of you
I Love League of Legends
I have my favorite Champions
I watch Esports as much as I can
I even have my favorite teams and players
I know I am a rookie, an amateur, an "Noob", a beginner, a pup etc and I am actually cool with that I do not mind not being anywhere near as good as most of you because I am not too bothered if I am honest - Sure I wanna get better and play well but at the same time I am not looking towards anyone and aiming to be as good as they are because I know I will get there on my own some day and that's fine by me...Slow and Steady but I will get there.
I know I am also quite a hothead and that is why alot of you feel that I am disrespectful to the high elo players but that couldn't be further from the truth - I know some of you will not believe this but I actually do respect alot of you as players (yes I will admit I don't respect some of you as people but that is to be expected) and just because I am hot headed at times should never have been seen as a sign of disrespect but merely a sign of how passionate I am but I admit I can see why some people feel I overstepped myself and why some feel I am disrespectful to people.
I also know 99% of my ideas and what I write is a load of **** to alot of the community and I respect that, I am not the most intelligent guy in the world and of course no matter what Idea I could come up with I am sure that I will never come up with one that will have people raise an eyebrow in interest so why do I bother? because from ideas I hope to meet people who think alike and can see my visions and give me their opinions on what I think...I am not all about "This is my idea LIKE IT"...I actually love it when people are willing to tell me its bad idea or if what I said was wrong as long as its not done in a way of "GENIUS! you stupid" but done in a way that I can have a conversation with that person or those people and we could have bounced ideas off of each other.
I am quite aware that I have used the "I have Autism and Aspergers" excuse far too much since I have come to Mobafire and for what it is worth I apologize for using my disability as an excuse to make some people feel bad or feel sorry for me, I should use what is wrong with me as a reason to be a jerk sometimes because that is not who I am or the kind of person I am in real life - I have spent 30 years with the conditions and in my life I have worked hard to make sure that I could never use them as an excuse, I go to work, I made friends, I have a social life...Hell I even managed to get a girlfriend or two in my day and I did all that because I didn't want to live my life using something like that as an excuse to give up on life and I am proud of that but since I joined Mobafire I have used it as a reason to be an ******* to alot of people believing it was OK to be so because I am mentally disabled.
I am pretty much aware that alot of regular members do have an Issue with me because of how I have acted in the past and I do believe that its gotten to a stage where no matter what I could do those individuals will always have a major problem with me and I can not blame them for that because I realize I can be an annoying prick at the best of time but it does sadden me that I can not bridge those gaps between myself and them but that's how life is.
At the end of the day I know I am not perfect, I can be a prick, an *******, a great big C etc but deep down I am not a bad person and I only wish that I could have actually shown you all what kind of person I am but sadly I feel that whatever chances I had have been burnt, turned to ash and blow away because I was immature and I have nothing more to say on the subject expect that I am sorry and I wish you all happiness and success in League of Legends.
If this is to be my final blog I will say Goodbye now and hope one day I can return to this site afresh and anew so I can try again to properly fit in with you all
Thank you all for reading
Almost every thread he's ever posted has been shut down by mods. That's why he does blogs now.
Yes I do blogs now whats your point?
If you are here to harass me on my blog you may wanna remember you don't have to read my stuff, you see my name you have every right to ignore this blog but you choose to read it yourself.
"Even if I was to say "Sona is a support champion" I guarantee that people will dispute it simply on the grounds it was I who said it :/"
This is exactly your problem. You expect that we are always there to mock you and insult you. If you want to be a part of a community which is a bunch of people from the Internet you shouldn't do it. If you are seeking for compassion you have come to the wrong place. Seeking compassion on mobafire is like seeking compassion on 4Chan - useless.
My advice:
Stop making blog posts about you & the community and start to just comment stuff and be friendly to the people. They will eventually forgive you (if they are forgiving kind) and you'll have no problems such as these.
TL;DR blog posts like this aren't helping you at all.
Well considering everything I do and say on Mobafire has been severely mocked in the past I kind of have the right to assume that everyone is ganging up on me.
I mean look at most of my posts, threads and blogs - They are me apologizing to the entire community, showing that I am mature enough to admit I was in the wrong and in all those threads do you know how many comments I received that was full of hate towards me? 100s
Do you know how many comments I received acknowledging I was doing the right thing and accepting my apology for how I acted? Absolutely zero
End of the day I made one mistake in Mobafire and that was think it was perfectly ok to have my own opinion - I was wrong because you don't get to have your views unless you are a gold or higher elo player and whether you agree or not that is the sad truth - I had to learn that the hard way and I am still punished and mentally scared for actually having my own ideas.
This forum just got better if it truly means you're going to leave.
But given the luck and the obvious "This is for attention" theme, that's not going to happen. Oh well. Let's play the "MyBloodIsBlack" theme song and roll on to the next blog.
i cried because whenever someone posts a "QQ i have depression because i bit my lip and cant sleep cuz it reminded me of my ex" i post "CRAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN"
also ok go away just make sure if you come back you dont make another blog/thread about it
But given the luck and the obvious "This is for attention" theme, that's not going to happen. Oh well. Let's play the "MyBloodIsBlack" theme song and roll on to the next blog.
If that's the case, why make a blog to revive the issue?
This is exactly your problem. You expect that we are always there to mock you and insult you. If you want to be a part of a community which is a bunch of people from the Internet you shouldn't do it. If you are seeking for compassion you have come to the wrong place. Seeking compassion on mobafire is like seeking compassion on 4Chan - useless.
My advice:
Stop making blog posts about you & the community and start to just comment stuff and be friendly to the people. They will eventually forgive you (if they are forgiving kind) and you'll have no problems such as these.
TL;DR blog posts like this aren't helping you at all.
People forget, you should stop giving everyone a reason to remember the "old you". These kind of blogs are not really helping in my opinion.
-> No I do not think ill of you personally, actually I haven't taken part in any of your doings I believe, so we're complete strangers to each other but I'll just write my opinion here.
It looks like you are seeking pity at the moment rather than trying to fit in. You should just let it all slide. When I really think about it, I haven't seen any real targetting or anything on you. You're making a mountain out of a molehill. There is some general trolling but you're sort of taking it in too harshly and only boosting the harm imo.
Leaving and coming back later ain't gonna help. Change your attitude and try again. Proof your change trough deeds, not words alone.
I have proven that my attitude has changed from day 2 when I admitted I was the one at fault but as I said the bridge has been burnt down so much that I believe whatever I say will be regarded as the talk of an idiot.
Even if I was to say "Sona is a support champion" I guarantee that people will dispute it simply on the grounds it was I who said it :/
And I do not seek pity, I have tried that and failed miserably - I now only seek to try do what should have been done a long time ago and rebuilding the bridge that was originally destroyed...no more and no less.
-> No I do not think ill of you personally, actually I haven't taken part in any of your doings I believe, so we're complete strangers to each other but I'll just write my opinion here.
It looks like you are seeking pity at the moment rather than trying to fit in. You should just let it all slide. When I really think about it, I haven't seen any real targetting or anything on you. You're making a mountain out of a molehill. There is some general trolling but you're sort of taking it in too harshly and only boosting the harm imo.
Leaving and coming back later ain't gonna help. Change your attitude and try again. Proof your change trough deeds, not words alone.