Opinions?

[quote=The Overmyynd]Hey guys, im thinking about getting into an Epic Rap battles of history, League of Legends style project, with some of the other people on this forum. I've written my own rap, and plan to do a mix for it on FL9 later and do some recording, and was wondering if some of my more musically inclined peers could critique my work? would really appreciate it. Rap Battle: Cho'Gath vs Fiddlesticks Intro: Epic Rap Battles of LoL!!!! Chogath... VERSUS.... FIDDLESTIIIIIIIICKS BEGIN! [color=#ff0000]Cho:[/color] Welcome to the void, fiddlesticks, I'm about to snap you like a pile of twigs Cause thats all you are, a scare-crow wannabe That cant even do his job, they flock around like you're their mommy If i had one thought in my head That you would be a challenge for me I might bother with Maxing my stacks of Feast But as it stands im already head and shoulders above you Run along kid, isnt it past your curfew? I AM the monster sitting, lurking under your bed, Screw the boogey man, i already ate off his ugly head! Fiddle, there are stains upon your soul And i find that perfect Cause im about to smoke a bowl And use you for your side effects! [color=#008000]Fiddle:[/color] Take a seat, Rex, Before I wipe you out Like a million ton comet! They call you the terror of the void, what a joke, Ive seen you made into plushy dolls, Fear, that does not evoke! You think im afraid of you? Here, lemme show you the meaning of fear! You better look to the skies, because with me, the end is near! Cause I'm the Harbinger of Doom, That means I bring the pain Into each and every room, Your life will never be the same! I make nightmares come true, And heroes never come through, Seeing images you can't undo, Im not the kind of monster you're likely used to! [color=#ff0000]Cho:[/color] What can you do? You're nothing more than a wic On a powder keg of failure imminent! Try to jungle but you're clear time's a joke Gettin upstaged by this classy bloke! Try to take on mid, ill meet you there, Trust me on this, you're unprepared! Ill crush you like a house of sticks, Use your arm as my personal toothpick! I dominate any lane, AP or on-hit, Making the enemy team throw a burning rage-fit! A tank with no tank items, Heavy CC, knock-up and silence, What chance do you have, you scrawny little BITCH Go back to champ select, grab a real player, and SWITCH [color=#008000]Fiddle:[/color] Oh, please, you stone-age pussy, What could you do to make me lose, see I'm the scariest thing that ever hit the rift As soon as Ez sees me, he hits Arcane Shift Yeah, Im made of sticks, but I don't need stones to break your bones And crush your face, what a waste of space, a flat out disgrace! I'll drain your life away till you're nothing more than a sack of skin ran astray My crowstorm changes games, each of my birds kicks ass and takes a different name, They call me the demented crow herder, Think its a coincidence that a flock of them is called a Murder? You can't beat me, you're nothing more than a wussified tyrannosaurus, mixed with a retarded walrus, In fact I'm on the phone with John Hammond, he's a blast, He's on his way right now to shove a frog up your ass! Thanks for reading this through, advice, ciritcism, critiques, it would all be very much appreciated! thanks![/quote]

[quote=Turbo Punz]:D Love it. Hope you follow through with it. I'm here if you need any help of any sort.[/quote]

[quote=Lugignaf]If you need a voice for it, I could always lend a hand. Fiddles' parts don't seem to mesh very well together though. At least the first one doesn't.[/quote]

[quote=Arkharan]Man no lugi's voice is so annoying don't do eeet! Was an awesome lecture btw.[/quote]

[quote=The Overmyynd]Yeah, fiddle's first verse probably needs some work, i was still working on getting into my groove (i havent written rap or poetry in some time). While i was planning on doing the voices myself (thats kind of what i'm doing this for, its a bit of an interview for the position) i really don't have the patience to make a full beat on FL Studios 9, so if anyone wants to throw together a beat, i would def take that and make sure you get the creative credit! I would want something kind of dirty and creepy, if you know what im talking about. Thanks for the support and help guys![/quote]

[quote=Crows foot]I know you can write, but I'm not enough of a "rap nigga ganstah yo mama" dude to say something about it before it is voiced xD[/quote]

[quote=The Overmyynd]And does everyone know what im talking about when i threw down John Hammond?[/quote]

[quote=Crows foot]no idea, but then again I'm from Sweden.[/quote]

[quote=The Overmyynd]LOL John Hammond was the geneticist that created all the dinosaurs on Jurasic Park by taking the bits and pieces of DNA from mosquitoes and filling in the gaps with Frog DNA[/quote]

[quote=The LZ]Needs some work, as there's some bits which don't rhyme, when I think they should. Like, there were some dead ends. Could just be me.[/quote]