Humor Guide by Dotter
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Jarvan IV Build
Not Updated For Current Season
The masteries shown here are not yet updated for the current season, the guide author needs to set up the new masteries. As such, they will be different than the masteries you see in-game.
PokéLoL - Gotta Play 'Em All
This is not a helpful guide nor viable builds. This is mainly something you should do with friends, for fun. If you do this is solo queue, you will probably get hated, unless you actually dominate. Tell your friends about this, you'll have a blast. You can bend the rules in a way, that makes it as funny as possible for you and your friends. Let's move along to the ruleset, which I've played with...
The Ruleset of PokéLoL - If you break them, then **** you!!!
- Your Pokémon HAS to be from the origial 151. Not the new and stupid ones. I played the black version and it has a ****ing ice cream Pokémon..
- You must instalock a random champion, you can't choose one yourself.
- When you know, which champion you've got, you must choose a Pokémon to mix your name with.
You can see examples of such names later in the guide.
- You may only buy items in your Pokémon's dominant color. However starting with Boots of Speed is allowed, since some colors aren't represented by items, which you can afford with the 475 gold you start with. Furthermore you can't buy smaller items, which aren't in your color. Then you have to wait until you can afford the entire item. (This rule can be disabled to make the game faster at progressing)
- If there are no upgraded boots in your color, you can only buy Boots of Swiftness, since they are white and therefore more neutral than most other boots.
- If the items has some aura-looking stuff around the item, it can count for the given color: For example: Guinsoo's Rageblade - Can count for yellow/orange.
- You cannot switch color during a game.
- Consumables are allowed.
- You are not allowed to stack items. You may not have two of the same item, only different items. Unless there aren't six items in that color. Then you may have two times the same item.
- You can walk around the entire map, no places are disallowed to enter.
-If you break any rules, you will have to give the enemy team a free kill for each rule broken. Yeah dude, PokéLoL is tough ****..
- Further rules can be implied
If you have suggestions to different or additional rules, feel free to suggest them. Now, let's move onto ideas for PokéChampions.
Jarmeleon IV - The spear of fire
Jarmeleon IV is the a lovely hot blend between Jarvan IV and Charmeleon.
This guy has a thing for spicy accessories and therefore, he only uses items with a somewhat orange/red-like color. He even sets his clothes on fire, which Sunfire Cape is a prove of.
Item ideas for Jarmeleon:
Boots of Speed - The only allowed starter item, which isn't your color. Ruby Crystal is red and it is also a possible starting item.
Wriggle's Lantern - A nice item for jungling and farming. Provides some nice stats for Jarmeleon.
Boots of Mobility - Awesome speed when you're out of combat. Great for initiating ganks.
Kindlegem - Gives HP and CDR, which is both great stats for Jarvan.
Hexdrinker - A bit of damage, a bit of MR and a nice passive against magical PokéChamps.
Sunfire Cape - A great survivability item, which has a passive that synergizes well with Jarmeleon's ultimate.
Tiamat - Splash damage for the win!
Shurelya's Reverie - The upgrade of Kindlegem. It has a lovely active and some nice stats. The last item for Jarmeleon - You will blaze up your enemies and nobody wants to take on this flaming bastard! Did I forget to tell you? This guy is a jungler!
Pikadinger - We gonna rock down to Electric Avenue!
Pikadinger is the beatiful mixture of the famous Pikachu and the beloved Heimerdinger.
This fella truly loves shiny yellow stuff. His electric abilities compliments his technical abilities, since he is the source of energy for his own turrets. Pikadinger like to attack with rockets and lightning grenades. He also likes to dance to electric music by break-dancing, and he is a genuinly nice guy.
His favourite gadgets are:
Mana Manipulator - A shiny accessory, which grants a him more morale. This helps him keep going, so he can build more turrets and throw more grenades at people.
Boots of Mobility - Pikadinger is called the lightning flash! These shoes aren't branded by Nike nor Adidas, but he sure da hell runs fast in 'em.
Archangel's Staff - Who doesn't want something coming from an Archangel?
Guinsoo's Rageblade - Pikadinger likes to get his pulse up and running. This blade is so awesome that it gets him all psyched and ready to battle. Therefore he hits faster and faster until he needs a break. But then he proceeds to **** you up again!
Trinity Force - Pikadinger is a diva! He wants expensive stuff. Fortunately for this little fella is, that the most expensive item at the store is yellow! It gives Pikadinger everything he needs.
Nashor's Tooth - Pikadinger punches faster than Muhammad Ali. He uses swords and all sort of stuff to improve his lightning strikes. He is a little fella, so this is the last item, which he can carry on his tiny shoulders. But he will be a killing machine with these six yellow and extremely badass items.
Fun fact: He likes the tv-show, The Simpsons. And after eating a lot of bacon, he is sometimes mistaken for a school bus.
Bulbateemo - The grass isn't always greener on the other side..
Bulbateemo is a cute, but devastating combination of the grass Pokémon, Bulbasaur, and everybody's favourite champion, Teemo.
This fella digs grass, especially to smoke it. And smoking it, is exactly what he must have done before he bought the items in this build. He is constantly high, since he carries a bag of mushrooms. He is a true hippie, who doesn't wear shoes. He eats a lot of mushrooms himself, so it takes Bulbateemo quite some time to find new ones to place in the forest and on the lanes. This guy likes to have suits, which extend his life with more health. This is his favourite stuff:
Regrowth Pendant - Helps against harrassing, and is upgraded to Warmog's Armor later.
Hextech Revolver - He likes shooting darts, but he likes guns as well, since this item will improve the damage of his spells.
Heart of Gold - Bulbateemo is blessed with a pure and loving heart, which provides him with a healthy condition and he even receives money for his great personality and cute looks. Also, he likes turtles.
Leviathan - This is his shirt, which he wears under his armor. It protects him from ugly *****es such as Cho' Gath and Trundle - and even uglier... Sarah...Jessica...Parker. He knows fashion and a funny fact is that Bulbateemo once dated Miss Sarah Fortune.
Sword of the Occult - He carries this just to be badass. He sometimes uses it as a crackpipe, which makes him run faster, because he gets paranoid from all the people he has killed.
Warmog's Armor - This is his finest piece of clothes Bulbateemo owns. This armor provides him warmth, which makes him more healthy.
Madred's Bloodrazor - This is just something for Bulbateemo. He likes to shoot fast with his darts, and this item helps him do that, since it is a third hand. However, you need to save up tons of cash to get it. Bulbateemo doesn't want items, which aren't green... that ****ing WSPA *****.
Fun fact: He has huge testicles, which explains why he walks from side to side.
Rattadin - Purple is not a feminine color!
Rattadin is the masculine mutation of Rattata and Kassadin.
This void rat is all about purple. Some people consider him gay, and the reason why he is in the Void all alone, is because he was bullied. Rattadin has been told that Malzahar started rumours, which stated that Rattadin and Taric had an affair. Rattadin has been fighting Malzahar ever since. Rattadin digs martial arts, so he likes to be mobile, which is why he uses the fastest boots, when there aren't no purple boots available. He like staffs and swords and all sorta weapons. It takes a long time to save up for Rattadin's stuff, since the purple things are gay, and gays have a lot of money. He really likes fresh, purple and funky stuff,straight from the shop:
Boots of Speed - Starting item, since you can't get anything purple.
Boots of Swiftness - No purple boots, get the neutral ones. Rattadin is a fast fella.
Rod of Ages - It will take time to save up for this, but you might as well get it pumped up asap. It's also really ****ing purple, so Rattadin wants to get it before the game ends.
Wit's End - A relatively cheap item, which is purple and benefits his W-ability. Rattadin wants his ****ing people stuff. Rattadin has badass weapons, so needless to say, Rattadin would totally be the man in the relationship with Taric. If they are true? DUM DUM DUM DUUUUUM!
Moonflair Spellblade - Rattadin doesn't like to get caught up in tricky situations. Unless he is stuck on Taric's *****. Cheap one, I know.. Sue me if you want.
Youmuu's Ghostblade - This is a purple ninja sword.. 'Nuff said..
Abyssal Scepter - A purple scepter with some sorta skeleton head is just the thing to finish this epic, badass and purple build, which isn't gay at all.*
*Fun fact: Actually it is pretty damn gay.
Shenstoise - Blue is a ****ing manly color!
Shenstoise is the wet combination of Shen and Blastoice, which practically mean that we deal with a ninja turtle here. **** YEAH!
Shenstoise is well-known for his compassion, which he shows through protecting other people. He was once a policeman, dressed in a blue uniform. However, he got fired from not saying anything and hiding in weird places. His inner child wanted him to be a ninja. His fighting skills was rather solid, due to his policetraining. Shenstoise then went to Asia, where he was trained by a guy called Master ****ING Splinter. Master ****ING Splinter made an epic ninja out of Shenstoise. One, who could use swords, daggers and scepters for fighting his opponents. Shenstoise loves the color blue, since it reminds him of the good ol' days in the Police Force. So this is the ninja's preferred tools of destruction:
Boots of Speed - A ninja needs to be fast. Also, he will have them painted blue later, so it doesn't matter.
Chain Vest - He needs an armor for battling hordes of criminals. Female ninjas really dig a man in a uniform.. Shenstoise is well aware of this.
Mercury's Treads - Blue Suede Shoes. Yup, Shenstoise is also an Elvis fan.
Kage's Lucky Pick - He starts out with a small weapon, a dagger. Because Shenstoise is such an awesome ninja, he has sponsors, paying him some cash now and then, simply for using this dagger in combat.
Force of Nature - What? Two armors?... Yup, two uniforms mean double the ninja pus'.. amirite?
Stinger - Shenstoise actually stole this sword from Frodo. He just thought that The Sting Sword was a lame name, and renamed it Stinger. This is a lightweight weapon, which gives the bearer the opportunity of striking really fast.
Rylai's Crystal Scepter - Donatello used a silly stick to fight, Shenstoise uses an expensive scepter made of crystals and gold. And guess what? Scepters are for awesome people, like kings and wizards. That's why Shenstoise wants it.
If you see a Shenstoise bearing these six items, you better ****ing run! He will slash you, bash you and in the end he will rape you with his ninja*****. But don't worry, you won't even notice it, since he is a ninja.
Fun Fact: He knows stuff.
Primee Sin - Half monkey, half man
Primee Sin is a nasty, smelling and blind combination of the blind monk, Lee Sin and the badass monkey Primeape. Get ready to throw poos like no monkey has done it before!
Primee Sin is a badass fighter, who is ****ed up on Mountain Dew. He is blind, so he can't see what colours he is wearing. However, you always see Primee Sin in brown clothes. Why, you may ask yourself?
Well, he always covers himself in his own excrements and bathes is mud. Primee Sin is one nasty ****er. But he is a well-known fighter and he might kick your PokéBall straight back in your face, if you try to catch him.
Primee Sin will normally wear clothes without a brand. However, his shield is made by some dude named Doran. He got it from Doran by giving him his eyes, so he went blind. Doran's Shield is now protecting him from all the hits and blows he can't see. He also has some badass hammer made of tree or something. He sometimes stick a poo to Phage and throws it at enemies to slow them down. What a nasty douchebag that good ol´Primee Sin is. This blind **********er has some lightweight shoes that somehow magically makes opponent stupid ****s, who misses their punches towards him. How the hell can someone miss a blind guy?
His suit is a brown armor stringed together by some of Primee Sin's old toilet doings. There is a reason why the word war is in the armor's name. Warmog's Armor is the result of a fearsome battle between monkeyman and toilet. Even though this fella is blind he walks around with a damn book. Needless to say that his IQ is below the average temperature of a human body. Will of the Ancients is Primee Sin's own PokéDex, which he can't use.. cause he is Primee Sin, the blind monkey.
Finally Primee Sin uses a bow. This is ****ing dangerous, since he can't see ****.
Watch out for Primee Sin, you'll never want to catch one of his boys..
Fun Fact: He once dated Sarah Jessica Parker. He dumped her - Even though he is blind, he could still see she's an ugly *****.
I will keep updating this, as I invent new PokéChamps, but for now I'll leave you with these ideas. You gotta make up some PokéChamps yourself! Try this with some friends and see if you like it, I had a blast while playing PokéLoL. I hope you enjoyed reading it, though it was quite a short guide/build.
Mark my words.. One day, PokéLoL will be a huge thing!