Views: 862 Growing Up
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I don't know why I even ever do blogs, no one cares what I have to say, I'm a nobody. ;(
ANYWAYS, on topic now...
So I got to thinking about time and growing up. I'm 16 right now, about to leave my sophomore year of highschool. I'm getting my drivers license on June 12th, so I'll be able to drive around, have more freedom, but also more responsibility. My point to this is that I'm growing up. I'll be an adult in a couple years, and I'll be off to college and then a career, family, and adult life. To me, that's a strange and scary thought. I don't think I'm ready. In 8th grade, which wasn't that long ago for me, graduation felt like a million miles away, and now it's pretty much right on me. Time flies man, and I hate it.
I don't think I'm ready to graduate. I don't have the life skills I need. I don't have a good work ethic, and I don't know the first thing about doing my own taxes, balancing a check book, and I have terrible social skills. I'm not an unpopular kid, but I'm not a preppy super popular kid. People tend to like me, but I can't hold conversations and I can't really start them that well either. I'm really awkward and just strange overall. I'm independent, I don't really need my parents to make me food, tell me when to go to bed, tell me when to wake up, I can handle all that, but I don't have the other necessary life skills that I'll need for life, and I don't feel like I have the time I need to get prepared for life at this point. In all honesty, balancing a check book probably won't be that big of an issue with technology advancements, but it still seems like something I need to know, and I don't know if my parents could teach me something like that in the amount of time I have left before I graduate. I started driving when I was about 14 1/2, and I'm still not that good. I'm a good enough driver to pass my test, but I still scare my parents quite a bit when I drive. Life skills like this and balancing a check book are the type of things that are hard for me to learn. I'm a quick learner, but when it comes to important things like those, I just take a lot longer to learn them.
It's scary to me knowing that soon I'll be living on my own. I don't know if this is something every teenager goes through, but I know it's scaring the hell out of me. I want life to always be this easy rollercoaster that it has been so far. Last year was by far the best and worst year of my life. I went through my "sceney emo suicidal **** everything" stage that year, which most kids barely even go through, but my hormones and emotions hit me like a ****ing truck and dropped the ball of what getting older is like, and I never really let it hit me. I fought it. I did my best to NOT get older. I wanted to stay that age forever, but eventually I just let it in, went through that stage, had my hair swept across my face, wore all black, hung my head, hid from people, though about suicide, grades dropped, I didn't talk to anyone, I just shied away from everything, but eventually I gave in, I let it go, cut my hair, started shaving, started talking to people, started dressing nicer, and actually started caring about myself. I realized I'm a decently attractive person, and I'm pretty photogenic, although I hate taking pictures, I grew up and my life got better. However, before I let it all go during the summer of my freshmen year (Which is when I cut my hair, and grew up into an actual teenager rather than a little kid), during second semester of my freshmen year, I met a girl that I thought I loved. I chased her for the rest of the year, but she crushed me when I learned that she didn't like me the way I did her. It killed me, but I let it go, and we're still pretty close friends to this day. That was when life really started looking up for me, and that one event is what made my freshmen year so much fun. Although I said freshmen year was my best and worst year, I have to say that this year, sophomore year, has been probably the most eventful and just best year of my life. This year really just made me happy. I met some new friends, met a few more girls that may someday be more than a friend *winks*, and I grew out of my anxiety disorder (That **** sucked man, but getting through it is like the best feeling ever). This year was so good that it made my 4th grade summer and 5th grade year look like literal hell (More on that in another blog if you want to hear about that). Life really has been looking up, but also the dawning fact that I'm getting older hit me hard this year.
I've said it a thousand times, but I'm not ready to grow up. I recently watched the movie Project X. It was easily the best movie I've ever seen, but it made me realize that I'm sitting here, talking to people online and not going out and having like I want to. I'm not doing what I want to do. I'm not going out, getting a little buzzed (I laugh at the thought of a *little* buzzed. heh) every weekend, and just having fun. I'm not going to parties, I'm sitting at home sucking at league with no foreseeable future events changing. I need a change, but until I get my license and a car, I can't really do anything, and it's killing me knowing that my junior year isn't going to leave any time for me to do fun things (I have 4 AP classes (kill me now)). I want to go to McGill University, Polytechnic University, Concordia, or the University of Tennessee (I live like an hour from here so it makes it a nice contender) to study Bio-engineering in the field of organic engineering, but my parents don't have the money to send me to college, so I have to rely on getting college credit from school and scholarships. I'm not that kind of kid though, I'm the kid that teachers look at and say "This kid is a genius, but he doesn't do anything with it. He takes this hard classes and just glides through them.". I'm too lazy to be doing these hard classes. I'm taking AP Calculus next year. Do you know how hard that is? I'd assume that a lot of you took that in highschool, as you all seem like college students or older, and all seem really smart, but damn it's going to be hard. I'm also taking AP Psychology, French III, AP English, and AP World History. French is a hard damn language to learn, however my French professor is a great guy, so I'm sure he'll be able to give me all the help I need.
Rant almost over, but I just can't stress how scared I am enough.
I want some of your opinions and thoughts. Did you go through something like this? Any advice to help me?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Please no
. This is really serious to me, and although I don't think any of you here are like that, I just really don't want people to be all like "man u just suk, school is ez and life is ez.", because do that to me a lot, and it really pisses me off. If you actually read through all this, I commemorate you for your persistence, and I thank you for giving me actual attention. ily bby.
ANYWAYS, on topic now...
So I got to thinking about time and growing up. I'm 16 right now, about to leave my sophomore year of highschool. I'm getting my drivers license on June 12th, so I'll be able to drive around, have more freedom, but also more responsibility. My point to this is that I'm growing up. I'll be an adult in a couple years, and I'll be off to college and then a career, family, and adult life. To me, that's a strange and scary thought. I don't think I'm ready. In 8th grade, which wasn't that long ago for me, graduation felt like a million miles away, and now it's pretty much right on me. Time flies man, and I hate it.
I don't think I'm ready to graduate. I don't have the life skills I need. I don't have a good work ethic, and I don't know the first thing about doing my own taxes, balancing a check book, and I have terrible social skills. I'm not an unpopular kid, but I'm not a preppy super popular kid. People tend to like me, but I can't hold conversations and I can't really start them that well either. I'm really awkward and just strange overall. I'm independent, I don't really need my parents to make me food, tell me when to go to bed, tell me when to wake up, I can handle all that, but I don't have the other necessary life skills that I'll need for life, and I don't feel like I have the time I need to get prepared for life at this point. In all honesty, balancing a check book probably won't be that big of an issue with technology advancements, but it still seems like something I need to know, and I don't know if my parents could teach me something like that in the amount of time I have left before I graduate. I started driving when I was about 14 1/2, and I'm still not that good. I'm a good enough driver to pass my test, but I still scare my parents quite a bit when I drive. Life skills like this and balancing a check book are the type of things that are hard for me to learn. I'm a quick learner, but when it comes to important things like those, I just take a lot longer to learn them.
It's scary to me knowing that soon I'll be living on my own. I don't know if this is something every teenager goes through, but I know it's scaring the hell out of me. I want life to always be this easy rollercoaster that it has been so far. Last year was by far the best and worst year of my life. I went through my "sceney emo suicidal **** everything" stage that year, which most kids barely even go through, but my hormones and emotions hit me like a ****ing truck and dropped the ball of what getting older is like, and I never really let it hit me. I fought it. I did my best to NOT get older. I wanted to stay that age forever, but eventually I just let it in, went through that stage, had my hair swept across my face, wore all black, hung my head, hid from people, though about suicide, grades dropped, I didn't talk to anyone, I just shied away from everything, but eventually I gave in, I let it go, cut my hair, started shaving, started talking to people, started dressing nicer, and actually started caring about myself. I realized I'm a decently attractive person, and I'm pretty photogenic, although I hate taking pictures, I grew up and my life got better. However, before I let it all go during the summer of my freshmen year (Which is when I cut my hair, and grew up into an actual teenager rather than a little kid), during second semester of my freshmen year, I met a girl that I thought I loved. I chased her for the rest of the year, but she crushed me when I learned that she didn't like me the way I did her. It killed me, but I let it go, and we're still pretty close friends to this day. That was when life really started looking up for me, and that one event is what made my freshmen year so much fun. Although I said freshmen year was my best and worst year, I have to say that this year, sophomore year, has been probably the most eventful and just best year of my life. This year really just made me happy. I met some new friends, met a few more girls that may someday be more than a friend *winks*, and I grew out of my anxiety disorder (That **** sucked man, but getting through it is like the best feeling ever). This year was so good that it made my 4th grade summer and 5th grade year look like literal hell (More on that in another blog if you want to hear about that). Life really has been looking up, but also the dawning fact that I'm getting older hit me hard this year.
I've said it a thousand times, but I'm not ready to grow up. I recently watched the movie Project X. It was easily the best movie I've ever seen, but it made me realize that I'm sitting here, talking to people online and not going out and having like I want to. I'm not doing what I want to do. I'm not going out, getting a little buzzed (I laugh at the thought of a *little* buzzed. heh) every weekend, and just having fun. I'm not going to parties, I'm sitting at home sucking at league with no foreseeable future events changing. I need a change, but until I get my license and a car, I can't really do anything, and it's killing me knowing that my junior year isn't going to leave any time for me to do fun things (I have 4 AP classes (kill me now)). I want to go to McGill University, Polytechnic University, Concordia, or the University of Tennessee (I live like an hour from here so it makes it a nice contender) to study Bio-engineering in the field of organic engineering, but my parents don't have the money to send me to college, so I have to rely on getting college credit from school and scholarships. I'm not that kind of kid though, I'm the kid that teachers look at and say "This kid is a genius, but he doesn't do anything with it. He takes this hard classes and just glides through them.". I'm too lazy to be doing these hard classes. I'm taking AP Calculus next year. Do you know how hard that is? I'd assume that a lot of you took that in highschool, as you all seem like college students or older, and all seem really smart, but damn it's going to be hard. I'm also taking AP Psychology, French III, AP English, and AP World History. French is a hard damn language to learn, however my French professor is a great guy, so I'm sure he'll be able to give me all the help I need.
Rant almost over, but I just can't stress how scared I am enough.
I want some of your opinions and thoughts. Did you go through something like this? Any advice to help me?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Please no
. This is really serious to me, and although I don't think any of you here are like that, I just really don't want people to be all like "man u just suk, school is ez and life is ez.", because do that to me a lot, and it really pisses me off. If you actually read through all this, I commemorate you for your persistence, and I thank you for giving me actual attention. ily bby.
Also - even if graduation now seems close, think about the possibilities afterwards. You can change the direction of your life multiple times or even take a year off of studying to think about what you want to do. Even if you aren't ready to live on your own or anything, you may find yourself suitable for it in no time after you've tried. This was my case when I studied at the natural sciences upper secondary school for a year. I thought I wasn't ready but I learned so much by just asking, listening and trying.
I am not saying that you'll get a free
(Also a tip for languages - search some good TV shows which are spoken in these languages and watch them first with subtitles on. Helped me to actually learn adequate and somewhat understandable English.)
You know, being optimistic really helped me to get through high school. Though I'm crying because of my groupmates aren't working on our thesis, rushing to finish school projects the night before the deadline, I made it through. Get scholarships in some colleges, for it will really help you and your family. Do not be like me, for I didn't search for scholarships and I ABSOLUTELY REGRET IT.
I am one of the persons who do not want to grow up. But as someone said, "Growing old is inevitable, growing up is unnecessary." Basically, I am that kind of person that the personality does not fit my age (people call me that I'm acting like a 12 year old), but my maturity builds up as I grow old, so I could say I'm "growing up". Most people are really are just finding what are they want in their lives, even to the point when they are old that they found out what they desire.
TL;DR - FOR REAL, HAVE FAITH ON YOURSELF. SOMEHOW YOU CAN MANAGE THROUGH IT. *virtual hug coming from me and
As I am reading your it, I just remembered a BGM that suits to your entry. It is from Persona 3, one of the best games of all time (for me). It just gives me nostalgia thinking of my high school days. I'm crying right now. For real. Thanks for reminding me of the memories I made with my precious friends. T_T:
I can tell you though that the idea that there's some huge difference between being an adult and where you are now is wrong. There is no moment where everything clicks and you magically become wise and mature and able to cope well with new situations, everyone is pretty much just winging it and hoping for the best 90% of the time. Most "adults" are just as lost and confused in life as you are.
Also yeah no one will see your blogs unless you/someone else comment on them.
Anyway... I can tell you right now that pretty much everyone has felt like you're feeling right now at one point or another and it's completely normal. Most people were worried and thought they wouldn't be able to handle adult life on their own, but they somehow managed and so will you.
I don't know what AP classes are and I don't know much about the American school system in general, but uh hang in there buddy. What I do know, though, is that my sophmore year in high school had like 18 subjects. 17 that you attended, 16 that were graded. My major focused on languages and history and so it wasn't really anything that was easy to learn, but at the same time I feel as though sophmore year is like the chillest, because you've already been in high school for a while and you know the ropes.