Day 1 - Who are you?

"Are you a boy or a girl? What's your name?"

As professor Oak asked the questions, I thought his midnight sessions with his Vileplume where finally affecting his brain. I mean, I've lived next door for the last 12 years and I've been secretly circlejerking with Gary, his grandson. When he asked what was his grandson's name, however, I knew he was completely braindead and my chances of finally getting my hands on some Pokemon had been shot down.

Unless I made some drama.

Day 2 - It's dangerous outside, take this!

Today I set my plans in motion. Having rested early, I can sneak up on my mom (tv addict, not hard) and walk to THE TALL GRASS OF DOOM (I have to walk since I'm crippled and my old Running Shoes are broken, I've asked Oak to fix this but I'm pretty sure he was high that day too).

As I approach THE TALL GRASS OF DOOM I cannot help but take a deep breath: I could die there! You see, THE TALL GRASS OF DOOM is where wild pokemon hide, and since I'm waaaay too helpless to kick a 1 inch tall bird in the beak without a pokemon of my own I might get Tackled to death.

I take one step. Then another. As I lie nigh a step from THE TALL GRASS OF DOOM I hear a shout behind me:


I turn around. It's Oak! Perhaps my plan had worked!

"Omg don't do that you might die get pokemon my lab now come!" Oak told me, his eyes not able to retain contact.

YUS. IMMA GET MY OWN POKEMON! I accompany him to the lab where my prize awaits. As I get inside, I see Gary, my waifu, who shamefully stares at the floor. Is k my dear Imma take my pokemon and be on my way.

There's three pokeballs on the table. I eagerly wonder what beast lies inside.

"So like, your ID ends in 3 and you get a bulbasaur Pedro"

I stare back at the professor. What the **** has he been smoking? Still, you shouldn't look a gifted horse's teeth or whatever the saying goes so I walk towards my much awaited prize (which somehow I can identify through the pokeball without opening it). SUCCESS! "I WILL CALL YOU POPPY!"

That same second my waifu, Gary, gave me the nastiest look and shouted: "FIRE TRUMPS PLANTS I TAKE CHARMANDER FITE ME NAO I WILL BE TOP!"

Can you believe this unruly *****? Trying to counter my baddass Poppy like that? Oak starts rumbling about Menus and **** but I decide to send my Bulbasaur to teach this misbehaving waifu his place.

Man was the fight ridiculous.

Gary's Charmander kept scratching at my Poppy while I couldn't get my Bulbasaur to do anything but Growl and Tackle it. What a ****ing joke. Somehow knocking a fire lizard into the wall was a good plan tho coz I won so my Waifu better be ready for tonight's parteh.

Not even close.