Now with the recent Skyrim activity here on MOBAFire, where most people seem to be quite pleased with the game itself, or at least pleased once it has been modded, I felt that it was a great time to do an official review on the game in a brand new series that I'll happily call GMD! Which stands for, Game Making & Development. Yes very clever, I am well aware. Before I start off, I must stress that I will look at every aspect of the game, and most of you will probably argue that I am nitpicky or simply expect too much. So if you're one of those people, I suggest that you quit reading right now, and go back to playing Call of Duty 78: Futuristic Warriors Evolved or whatever. Also, I will give this game an honest review; if I find anything good then I'll point it out, although, don't worry, that won't take long. Generally this is all a matter of opinion, except when it's my opinion, then it's right. Oh, also, MissMaw got Platinum.	Table of Contents The Set-Up The Main Plot A World Without Consequences Internal Contradictions: A Vast And Empty World I Thought This Game Was In 3D? An Appeal To The Dumb Masses Redemption: The DLCs The Verdict

The first, and most glaring problem with TESV: Skyrim is the entire way the whole game starts. There's so many things wrong with it that I cannot even wrap my mind about the entire thing. Now before I get into the juicy details of this I want to point out three things I really dislike about it. One: We're forced to view this exhausting scene from first person perspective, and not because it would be more immersive, but simply because we haven't been given to create our own character yet. So it's not so much the idea of it being first person, but the reason why it's forced. The second part of this is that the first person view feels faky fake, it instantly takes me out of the game and shoves me back into my chair in my basement next to the hooker I chained to the wall... Anyways, the first person camera in TESV: Skyrim is always the same (regardless of race and size), feels like a camera rather than eyes, and you cannot even see your own body! I mean, what the **** is up with that?! Sure in the days of Halo: Combat Evolved I was okay with it, but nowadays, when we can do entire fluid simulations in real-time, I think this is not a luxury anymore.

So anyways, part two of why I hate the cart ride scene more than life itself is because it's long and boring. After fifteen seconds it already gets boring, and you just want to get off.. get off the cart, I mean. Oh jeez, that came out wrong. I must add, this is probably one of the very rare situations in the game in which you and your character become one: bored. See? I told you guys I'd point out good things! Additionally, the cart ride scene is some kind of dumbass plot device to feed us information about what's going on and present us the first bit of shallow and skewed information, but more on that later. Now, we've all seen James Bond movies (if you didn't then get your ****ing head checked) and we've also all seen the scenes in which our protagonist is captured and the main villain is explaining what's going on and what they're going to do. This situation is sort of the same, but executed incredibly poorly, and there's no real tension or drama because we don't even know our own character yet! From the moment it started I was already capable of playing out the entire sequence; the guy in blue is portrayed as a good guy, the other guys in red are probably bad guys, and the idiot-looking horse thief is a redshirt. Then, something bad's about to happen and something or someone intervenes right before it's too late. The latter was probably gonna be a dragon as everyone already knew that Skyrim was going to be about dragons. So in short; the scene is dull because nothing happens, we can already play out the entire sequence before it happens, and the trope is used ineffectively due to our lack of emotional connection to the world, our character, and the other characters.

Now let's jump into the next part what is actually wrong with this, from an RPG-perspective. First of all, experienced RPG players are most likely to assume that whatever the guy on the cart is telling you is either a lie or just true from a certain point of view. Obviously, this turns out to be true, but let's just ignore that fact for the time being. The only real things we're informed on are: Apparently we crossed the border into Skyrim illegally (regardless of whatever character we decided we wanted to play (Nord Nobleman, Altmer Thalmor Justiciar, Dunmer Diplomat, Imperial Solder, etc.), the rest - aside from the thief - is part of the so-called Stormcloaks and they are - apparently - rebels, we were all caught at the same time and thrown onto the same cart, and we're most likely going to get executed (for whatever reason). Through this entire sequence we're supposed to believe that the Imperials are the bad guys - because you know, Empires are evil - and the Stormcloaks/Rebels are the good guys, Original Star Wars anyone? We're also informed that the Elves are involved which gives us two clues: One, this guy might not be very objective. Two, we probably shouldn't hate the Empire just yet as the Elves may be behind everything. Next up, if you didn't forget you were a human being - Oh I'm alive I guess, and I'm playing a game, I guess - you can finally start to create your character according to very limited options, but I'll discuss the details of the limitations later. Then we're forced to endure our approaching doom, in which we have no interest because we haven't had the time to establish an emotional connection with our character. RPGs are there to transport yourself in a different world and take on a different character and persona; it allows our imagination to thrive and does not, in fact, differ much from acting. Once that's finally over, we can start playing, uhm well, sort of since we still can't perform any actions, go to third person mode or figure out our own way out. Additionally, our character, the protagonist, has no real control or understanding regarding the current situation they are in so everything is just really boring and tedious.

Then, to make matters worse, Ravar and Hadlof, or whatever their names are, become our very first *****ing betties, but I suppose the designers thought the opening cutscene went on for long enough. The point is, that the next choice will not have any conflict on the state of the game, future storylines, etc. and isn't really a choice, from a role playing perspective. The reason for this, is that no clear-minded sentient being would choose the side of the Imperials as not only they decided to kill you for crossing the border illegally (according to what's his face), but there's also no guarantee that after this they won't capture you again. I mean Imperial here might think you're an okay guy or gal, but his previous actions didn't actually imply that he has any influence whatsoever, or a spine for that matter.

Now, I shall stop the introduction here and apply some RPG rules and ideas to the opening of TESV: Skyrim. First, a common TTRPG trope is that the entire party meets in an inn, and Skyrim uses a spin on a variant of that. Yes, I'm aware that Skyrim is a single player game but there's no reason that classic TTRPG rules or ideas cannot be applied to this. The fact that Skyrim uses a dumb follower syster rather than a true party system is baffling to me to be honest. Anyhow, TTRPGs often use a storytelling device called the omniscient narrator, also called a DM (Dungeon Master) or GM (Game Master). The idea is the same; to chronicle the events of the plot in an impartial way. They have full access to all events occuring in the world, at any point in time, rendering their account the most complete and accurate. In some cases, instead of the omniscient, third person, narrative, a first person or even second person perspective is used; in which the narrator is a character who is part of the story, or the audience is a character in the story, respectively. The latter two are rarely used in TTRPGs, but, especially in RPGs for a computer or game console, they are perfectly usable.^[?] The reason I'm mentioning this is because TESV: Skyrim attempts to use a narrative mode, namely the first person one. However, they utterly fail at implementing it as they're using a trope that's made for a party to find eachother, force upon you an unreliable source of information, and pretty much throw you in the deep end using the most convoluted situation, that applies to almost no type of character in a seemingly realistic way, plot device ever - completely there for convenience. On that subject, we shall proceed.




Alright, once the pointless, exhausting, tensionless, consequence-free, uninteresting, lame introduction is over, you return with either red guy or blue guy to Riverwood where you will get to follow the exact same questline. I mean, the dialogue is almost identical. The Hadvar stuff is slightly more realistic and feels more real than Ralof's, but not by a whole lot. Point is, in both cases you get prompted to warn the Jarl in Whiterun about the dragon because "Riverwood is defenceless" even though the dragon is already gone, there's no reason to believe that the dragon will actually attack either Whiterun or Riverwood, no one will be able to do anything against a dragon because not only does no one have experience with it but they're also giant flying reptiles who breathe fire, and apparently they are also immortal sentient beings and not just mindless beasts who like to prey on humans for food or whatever. So anyways, we can conclude that whatever you're going to tell the Jarl isn't really going to matter because no one has any real knowledge of dragons nor do they have any possible way to defend themselves against them. I do want to mark that dragon was last sighted in Helgen, which kinda means you'd have to go to the Jarl in Falkreath to tell them one of their settlements has been burnt down, but you know, let's ignore that.

Alright, now once we arrive at Whiterun the guards will tell the player that the city is closed because of the dragons. So, they seem to know what's going on, even though there's no sign of a dragon being around, no one has seen these mystical beings in thousands of years but still everyone just instantly believes dragons are back. We are allowed in the city once we tell them that we have news even though we could also be thief who's lying their *** off to just get in, but hey! Who needs proof? Am I right? After that, however, we're never spoken to again and we can just freely enter and leave whenever we please, which really ruins immersion. They also mention that they'll be keeping an eye on you even though nothing of that sort seems to happen which also kind of takes me out of the game. However, I'll talk about this stuff a little bit later. Point is, we don't really have any news at all, besides the fact we're a real eye witness - just like Varof/Hadral but they can't go even though Whiterun is impartial in the civil war - although we have no more information than they already seem to have gathered, and lying is generally wrong, well, depending on what character you're playing. I supposed it'd fit Chaotic Good but that's probably it. Anything evil wouldn't care for warning them in the first place. Anyways, we can just freely walk into the palace and approach the Jarl, but that's okay because I don't know what exactly a Jarl is because no one told me! I'd assume that they're important leaders because he 'runs' a hold, of which I also have no clue what that is either because, according to the English language, a hold is not a piece of land which is what the game implies. This kind of struck me as odd because I feel that guards should just stop you at the palace and be like "Hey what the **** do you think you're doing?!". In the middle ages you could not just walk up to the Earl/Duke and say "hi", they were important people and therefore you'd better have a damn good reason to be there, but again, this has to be open world right...? Riiiight. Ok, so at least there's this dark elf who stops you and immidiately approaches you with her weapon drawn.. so there's the other aspect. First we don't care at all what you're doing and now we treat you like a potential assassin who's, apparently, terrible at their job. Moving on, you tell them about the dragon and immediately a discussion starts going on about how the Jarl of Falkreath will see it as a provocation or something. Also, do bear in mind that the player is never informed of the political map of Skyrim, so unless they did research on their own, the player will have no idea what they are talking about, thus rendering the scene even more confusing and boring than it already is! These things may seem trivial, but they're not. Later we'll see that Riverwood is going to receive two guards, two! Yes that's a real provocation right there. Also, we musn't forget that - as I've mentioned before - they just lost an entire settlement to that very same dragon but no, they'll probably view it as a provocation. At least the Jarl makes an understandable decision despite the fact he just pointed out that even their walls aren't going to be any good against a dragon. Then again, at least they can help getting citizens to safety and it's a symbolic act as well. Then, as quickly as we entered the realm of common sense, we will leave it with the same speed as the Jarl will give you a random gift from his personal armoury, and he'll tell you that he can use your help because of your "particular talents".... First of all, why aren't we rewarded in the form of gold? Like, why do we get a random, often useless, unless RNGesus is on your side, armour? On top of that, we suddenly seem to have a talent to deal with dragons, even though we told the guy that the dragon was at Helgen, destroyed everything, and that we just ran away like a helpless girl in a dark alley. Like seriously, we didn't do anything, also, we have no option to just decline and be like "Dude really, I'm just a traveller who was in the wrong place at the wrong time." No, we are forced to take on this quest just so we can find out more about dragons.

Alright so let's get into this laughable plot a little bit more and see what it is about. The idea that dragons were revered as gods is something I actually like. However, from that point the plot starts to waver because apparently the Nords rebelled at some point and managed to overcome their dragon overlords. Now first, we aren't told how and why they did this. The dragons were supposed to be viewed as gods right? How does one even rebel against gods? And how would you defeat them? I mean, according to the lore, dragons aren't even mortal! The problem is that no one tells us really what the **** is going on and answer these questions. On top of that, stated is that dragons considered themselves higher than humans because they had more power, and humans saw them as gods, so I don't really see a reason for anyone to rebel, but with all these complex elements totally unexplained we have to move on. There are very few scenes or moments in TESV: Skyrim that really try to delve deeper into the lore and explain stuff. In fact I like the exploration of the Sky Haven Temple and Nchardak the most, as someone is explaining us what the hell is going on, what happened, etc. Some backstory. This all, while we are exploring, fighting enemies, and solving puzzles. In fact, while The Path of Knowledge is sort of tedious, it is one of my favourite quests. Anywho, we're off to retrieve a stone, which location is just too convenient for game design "...no doubt interred in the main chamber.", not sure if that's a breaking the fourth wall joke or if it's just terrible design. Point is, why is it important to have that? Why is it there? Who made it? Who buried it? Why are we just handing this over to this jerk who doesn't want to tell us anything? So many questions, so little answers; it's like the first time having sex all over again. After receiving another pointless armour, we're off to fighting a dragon, even though no one knows if we can kill it, if so, how to kill it, etc. etc. Currently we know nothing, they know nothing, no one knows anything because dragons haven't been seen in thousands and thousands of years. Though, while having almost no information at all, we're off to fight a dragon. How hard can it really be?

After an epic confrontation that lasted a good 4 minutes, we're absorbing poor Mirmulnir's soul, of which we later learn that this is the only way to actually defeat dragons so it's a really good thing that we were present when this all happened, otherwise those poor guards and dumbass elf wouldn't have stand a chance. Now the absorbing of the soul has a cool visual effect, I interpreted this purely as game element in order to show the player that something epic happened, but apparently everyone can see this. Then a mere guard tells you that you're dragonborn and that you can shout. Again, remember, dragons and Dragonborns have not been seen in forever but this ******* seems to on the case. Why isn't this brought to us in a creative way? Why ... ugh.. Also I want to add that it's kind of strange to put this Dragonborn idea into an RPG as people are creating their own characters. It's highly unlikely that a random Argonian adventurer turns out to be Dragonborn but whatever.. Am I making any sense here? Then there's a random call from the Greybeards who seem to know that you just absorbed a soul... What is this?! Did we suddenly end up in the realm of Star Wars and are dragon souls the TES-equivalent of The Force?! Like how do they know? Oh yeah, we're never told, are we? Then, again, some random non-scholar tells you everything, well not everything, but a lot of detailed stuff about things that happened thousands of years ago. Everyone's grandfather knows of this, etc. Also, the conversations, especially here, are terribly done but more on that later. My general issue is that the air of mysticism is just completely gone; it's one the big internal contradictions that not only make the game feel lazy, but it just fails to connect with the player because it doesn't feel real! Characters act illogical, and everyone seems to know what is happening except the player. Now in some cases that can be a normal thing, for example if your main character is a fish out of water, then it really makes a lot of sense. However in an RPG, where the player can be anything, then that concept is no longer applicable. The whole dragon idea is well chosen since it's very mythical and thus only a few would know about it, but here, everyone knows about it so the suspense is gone! Also, these scenes all take place in some kind of dumb room. How about the dragon grabs the Jarl and in all the suspense we suddenly learn to shout and use that technique to save the guy from otherwise certain death? Even if that would all be a - non-interactive - cutscene, it still would be worth going through it. It's exciting and we get a real sense of power. But instead, because designers are lazy and producers like money, we just get this information through sleep-inducing dialogue with a dull, one-dimensional, NPC who has a monotone voice which makes you wish you were never born. Then, as reward for killing the dragon, we get an axe, because you know, that's how you thank everyone. I'm no American, so correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that, even in the good ol' U S of A you don't get a gun as reward for anything. Like you give the police a tip which leads to the capture of a wanted criminal and they give you a big shotgun as reward. Additionally, stat-wise, the axe turns out to be pretty terrible even if you are a two-hander. Also we get Lydia, a ***** female dog who has no personality, like almost all NPCs, and she's a housecarl. Now they're some sort of bodyguards or something, so she kind of fits the follower-system, but there's just no real fun in dragging her along. TESV: Skyrim is an RPG who completely abandoned the party system that other, well-designed, RPGs such as KOTOR and FF use. The reason for this is obviously simplicity; easy to design and we still get money. Also we only can have one follower at the time so it's a good thing that all the characters in the game are cardboard cutouts otherwise it might've caused a dichotomy between min-maxing and actual role playing.

Alright, now we're off to the Greybeards which is actually a pretty good part. I also like the fact that the trip to the monastary is pilgrimage, that there's a guy who brings the Greybeards supplies, that there are other pilgrims. However, there are a few things that are just off. One. There's a Frost Troll out there even though a lot of people walk there and everyone will tell you that there are only some wolves out there. Two. The pilgrimage in total takes like 5 minutes to walk up which is like 1:20 in-game time by default. Though even if you half the game time it's still only 2:40. I don't know how many of you guys have been hiking before, but my average hiking trip has taken 5-8 hours, and sometimes as much as 12+ hours on a day. The 2-3 hour trips are just nothing really. And this is coming from a fat, drug addicted, alcoholic murderer. Again, a perfect example of how much of a contradiction this is. Although I do like to mention that once you're up there, it does feel like you're on a mountain, that's at least a redeeming quality. With some proper graphics mods and the settings at ultra, you can take some really really fancy screenshots.

Now we're in the monastary of the Greybeards, which is overall a good scene, but you can feel that it is rushed and in the end, it gets completely ruined. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if George Lucas was behind the overall storyline. How does it get ruined you say? Well first we learn about how the Thu'um works, how it works for dragons, why we learn so quickly compared to these guys, and so on. We even get some insight in its origins and why the Greybeards are up there. There's even a mystery ignited when Arngeir mentions Paarthunax. Also it's implied that the Thu'um is really powerful as three members of the Greybeards won't speak for safety purposes. However, it becomes very clear that Bethesda wants us out of here and back to adventuring. There's no "months later", or more excersises, etc. The Way of the Voice and what the Greybeards do starts to feel pretty pointless because we aren't allowed to connect with it. Sure, in an open-world game the player should be allowed to do whatever want and go wherever they want, however, once a choice is made, it's not a big deal to restrict someone to that. You enter the monastary to learn about the voice, how to use this powerful gift, but instead you're not allowed to stay. Everything is done at once and there's nothing like meditation, physical training, language lessons, etc. Probably because people do not like to be challenged intellectually and just want to get the boring talky parts over with and get back to tomb raiding. Well then go play Tomb Raider, look at dat ***, and leave these games to the smarter people! My problem with it is that not only doesn't it ruin it because rushing completely contradicts the Greybeards' approach, but also hunting down some horn from an ancient, draugr-infested tomb, seems to serve no purpose to the story and more something along the lines of "Let's have another ancient tomb level". Also, again, we're not told why it's important and why they need it so badly. It's just said to be "a test", a test of what? A test that proves what exactly? Also, once retrieved, the thing is never mentioned again and serves no purpose at all. Additionally, the Greybeards do not seem like the type to be hung onto a physical object. The Thu'um seems to be, very much like The Force, something that goes beyond the physical. I mean, these guys are old, they're called Greybeards for a reason, and yet they are incredibly powerful. Another good aspect regarding the Greybeards is that there is a good explanation for why they are not interfering with the civil war and everything that's going on. It's kind of convenient, but at least it's explained. That's all I can ask of this game really.

Anyway, we go to retrieve the horn but it's not there, though there is a note. Now this seems like an obvious trap, but, of course we follow-up on it as we really need the horn. Okay, so it's not a trap, cool. Now you could call this original, but this is probably done either for convenience, for the purpose of not making the dragonborn look stupid while the player was like "obvious trap is obvious", or so we didn't have a reason to hate The Blades outright. Probably the latter, but who at this point can tell? Anyway we go to Riverwood (again), pick up the horn, and leave. Honestly, there's not much to it. Delphine doesn't share any useful background information other than what the dragonstone is, but then again, Farengar already told us that. Also, we know where the dragons are coming from, sort of, but not much is explained really. Then we give the horn to the Greybeards, who will do some kind of ritual, then grant you the word Dah and you can just piss off again. Really, you can't even stay or do anything at the monastary... Even to this day I'm still baffled that situations and locations like this aren't used to their potential, in fact they aren't used at all. All the background/lore discussions seem to be done in the same way; with an attitude of "Let's get this over with so we can get back to the action!". Then she takes you to a burial ground where she believes the next thing is gonna happen, obviously as you arrive, it happens. Another epic battle is started, and once it's over Delphine is convinced that you're the Dragonborn. The fact you can shout in front of her, etc. That's no proof at all, who cares what those Greyhounds, who have dedicated their entire life to the Thu'um, think?

Alright, next quest is up because Delphine's twisted mind has come up with the fact that the Thalmor are behind the dragons returning, or that they know something about it, and want to use it for evil or whatever. I've played through this quest at least five times and I still don't know why anyone would think the Thalmor are involved, other than them being obviously evil with no other purpose than being evil. Like really, her reasoning is that the Thalmor want the civil war to go on so they sent a dragon to prevent Ulfric from being killed. This is so paranoia that it beats every conspiracy theory that's out there today. So yeah, she just hates the Thalmor for killing fellow Blades members and that's it. If you walk with her to Riverwood, rather than fast travel, which is a dumb concept btw, she will explain the reasoning why she hates the Thalmor but it's still obvious that it's just a personal vendetta to which we obviously cannot say "Woman you're crazy! No way I'm doing this." So essentially TESV: Skyrim enforces open-world and/or RPG laws when it shouldn't and doesn't enforce them when it should. Now onto our next quest, which is, to be honest, kind of clever. No I'm serious here, no sarcasm. They don't even really spoil it, aside from the fact that you're doing this because some woman is paranoid. The idea is to be a guest at a party in the Thalmor Embassy and sneak into the embassy itself by setting up a distraction, and then look for papers regarding the dragons. I do want to remind you, that no one can actually confirm if those papers are there or not. The reason it's clever is because it fits almost every type of character, I mean even beggars can be dressed up as kings. So in Solitude we got to meet up with Malborn, a Wood Elf who hates the Thalmor for killing his family. Now you'd think that'd be a great reason to help us out, but what's in it for him? The poor guy is risking everything and doesn't even know we're just looking for something that might not even exist. Okay I lied. There's some stuff I'm unhappy about. Another big thing with this is a general issue with the game itself; there's no time limit. Like the party will apparently take place whenever you decide to go to it. Now you might say "Of course, otherwise we couldn't finish the quest!", to which I can say "and then what? We'd have to come up with an alternative story? Oh boy, that'd take time." Maybe they'd just wait for the next party which will take place in a month or so. I dunno, let there be some consequences. Then, once at the party, it's not exactly a big party. Now I didn't expect Skrillex but a more than 6 people who weren't in a place that looks like someone's living room, yeah that would've been a lot more fun. Also, there's no way for us to actually break our cover, which is kinda silly... why can't we fail quests?! Alright we sneak out, find out the Thalmor obviously don't know anything, however they are looking for answers too and are trying to find a Blade in Riften, whose existence was omitted by our good female partner Delphine. We get out, Balmorn gets caught and dies, etc. I do want to notice, that there's a way to fool the guards if you're an Altmer and are wearing either a full Elven Armour or Hooded Thalmor Robes. This is a nice touch. But yeah if you didn't know this because no one told you then Malboro just dies. So long buddy!

Next up we gotta find this mysterious Blade. Overall this is a decent quest, surprising actually that it's all storyline. Sad part of it is that we can't sit down to discuss much, we gotta talk with Esbern in his tiny hideout and quickly get it over with so we can fight with Thalmor. Go figure, they didn't find him but now that you are there, suddenly they are there! For example it would be fun if Thalmor agents were following you and if you'd lose them in Riften, like Assassin's Creed style. But no, that would be entertaining, exciting, and tougher to program. Esbern coulda even done a good part of the story while they would getting chased by Thalmor agents. Also these scenarios would involve bigger cities, and yeah, that'd be a real pain. So anyway, we bring Esbern to Delphine, who btw didn't help you at all in making sure her friend is safe and sound, and we get some backstory stuff. This stuff is nice, could've been a bit more in-depth but it's pretty neat overall. The sad part of this, however, is that it entirely takes place in the basement of the inn and not, say, on the road to the Sky Haven Temple, to which we're directed next. While it's an ancient temple no one has seen for years, Delphine obviously knows where it is and we're off. Upon arrival there's some Forsworn and a dragon. I have the feeling they should've done either one or the other, but not both. Like the dragon would obviously kill the Foreskins or at least cause them to run in fear.

So anyways, we'll find ourselves in Sky Haven Temple which is kinda cool, I guess. I'm just guessing because it's really hard to be impressed by it all, as nothing in the plot was building up to this point so there's no real tension. Overall the tone is very conflicting here because there's an air of mysticism, there's also a guy who knows everything, and at the same time we're also on our guard because every single ancient temple so far had numerous enemies. Luckily the latter isn't the case. Other than that the whole sequence is fine and interesting, except for the fact that we needed our blood to open the damned thing. I don't really hate it because it's like convoluted or anything, but mainly because it doesn't even seem to make sense in the context of the lore. Is the dragonborn some kind of Jesus of the Blades or...? Whatever. I'm getting used to not having explained stuff by now. Also the booby-trap stuff was weird because we already had a door that could only be opened by the blood of a dragonborn, ignoring the fact we probably can just blow a door to bits with magic but that kind of stuff is obviously impossible. In fact, we can't destroy anything in this game. Anyway, we finally reach Alduin's Wall which apparently tells of a shout that can defeat Alduin, later it turns out to be an Elder Scroll, but whatever. Also, I want to make a note that pictures carved in stone is something from before the script got invented. Now don't start about something like the Bayeux Tapestry because that has an entirely different role. Since all these events occured after that, there's no real reason to have a cryptic wall with pictures. They should've just written it down in the dragon language or something, or a made-up one, who knows? But instead the story writers show once again that they have no knowledge of history whatsoever. Then we're off, to find this mysterious shout. Then we talk to the Greybeards who disagree with your plan, explain to you why the Blades are up to no good, but then proceeds to help you for no real reason at all.

Now we learn a, seemingly, pointless shout to get to Paarthunax. The whole shout to get there thingy is such a stupid, uninteresting, lame device shoved in there for convenience. But well, then we arrive at the top where we get to meet Paarthunax, who is a dragon! Wow. Alright, I expected something like this, because I mean, you gotta show that a faction isn't all evil, just that they're evil except for one guy. However, I can't really say that this is a bad thing though. Paarthunax is, ironically, the most interesting character in the entire game. He's interesting, isn't a cardboard cutout, and the information he provides isn't tedious at all. The sad thing, however, is that he really doesn't play a vital role. He's not this master who teaches you in the way of the voice or any of that stuff. The designers treat him purely as a device to get the plot going which is sad, because would've liked it if he played a bigger part in the overall storyline. Although obviously we cannot spend too much time on talking, we gotta raid dungeons!

Now we're off to find an Elder Scroll, whatever that actually might be. We're directed from A, to B, to C, and then finally to the dungeon we are supposed to raid. Personally, just as a lot of other people, I found it tedious. This could have been a lot of fun, that was comprised of research, gathering info from experts around the world, etc. But right now, people don't know where exactly the scroll is, but they know where the crazy professor who knows where the scroll is, so there's no real difference. I must stress though, that I do not think the crazy professor guy is a bad idea or trope, in fact, I liked the character and was disappointed in the fact that I wasn't going to spend more time with him. Like maybe help him out with research, or make him a bit more sane? I dunno something extensive which could then result in him guiding you to the Elder Scroll, kinda like Neloth in the Path of Knowledge. The dungeon itself is alright but leads to Blackreach which is pretty nice, albeit felt a bit stretched, although I actually did enjoy the setup. Now then we get the scroll, use the scroll to go back in time or something, learn the shout in some way (suddenly we do not require souls), then use it to defeat Alduin who then flies off. I'm going through it this fast because there literally is nothing interesting going on. Nothing is really explained and the Alduin fight is kinda dull for an RPG. It feels like an attempt to shove in a LoZ/MP-style boss battle in the game, unsuccessful I might add.

So anyway, we have showed this Alduin guy what's what and he's on the run, and we must apparently catch one of his minions to figure out his hiding place. Paarthunax apparently cannot come up with anything, even though he served Alduin once and is also a dragon, but hey, he knows the darkest secrets regarding Elder Scrolls but doesn't know where Alduin could possibly be. Again one of those contradictions that ruin a character and situation. We also have never heard of the guy we gotta capture so it just doesn't mean anything; there's no actual tension. It's all like "yeah sure, let's do this, easy." Then we're reminded that Dragonsreach was onced used to capture a dragon and that we should use that to catch one of Alduin's minions. Uhm... I would guess that the dragons know this too and would be wary of a trap but since every character is apparently a complete idiot in this game, yeah sure this is probably going to work. Now then we get to our good friend the Jarl again - funny really how we don't have to go to other places at all to get through the storyline, just dungeons, High Hrothgar, and Whiterun, convenient - and tell him about our convoluted scheme. Of course he's right with you, but there's a little problem; the war. Now this is where it gets complex, because if he has chosen a side in the war, then you are required to make sure the war ends first. I mean, obviously, the war cannot continue without your help... right? Right. Now if he didn't, he will tell you that he cannot help you because of the war. He's currently impartial, and there is no real reason for either side to attack Whiterun because that would only cause more opposition, but alright. Sure. Let's believe this, very convenient, plot device. Therefore you must arrange some kind of truce meeting at High Hrothgar, the monastary of a bunch of peaceful monks... Why not just in Dragonsreach? I mean, they're neutral right? Ugh... Why am I still trying to make sense of all of this ****? I need to kidnap a hooker and kill her. That'll take the pain away right? Please say that it does! Now where was I? Oh yeah, the truce! Now there's a boring, implausible, poorly acted, corporate boardroom esque meeting of cardboard cutouts, and it's painful. Although once we have survived that - of which the opposite is not quite impossible - we are allowed to continue with our quest to capture a dragon! We set up the trap, shout his name, obviously he'll take the bait and we got him. Like why did he listen to us? Why did he fall for this trap? This sequence is so stupid and implausible that it just drains all the tension; our opponents are utterly stupid which renders them null and void and in turn makes our character no longer a real hero. More on that later. Anyway, once captured the dragon basically tells you that your trap was cunning and that he will take you to Alduin, then promise to side with whoever wins; you or Alduin. So essentially he's devised a little scheme to keep himself alive. Why do we not kill him? Well the place Alduin is, is apparently only reachable by having wings. Now while this might seem clever, it just raises a lot of questions as Nords once built these temples, so how did they do that? Did the dragons carry them so they could build a temple for the dragons right there? Temples are building in which people can revere their gods right? So why have them build a temple that cannot be reached by them on their own? You might argue that it's a dragon hideout, but it's also a temple, and there's even Draugr and a Dragon Priest so.. I.. I.. I really don't know what think right now.

Alright so next up is actually just going through a dungeon, that leads to Sovngarde, which is where we defeat Alduin. Personally I found the whole Sovngarde bit to be confusing and just outright weird. Essentially you safe the world by defeating Alduin in a place that's for the dead or something... even though Alduin has nothing to do with this underworld esque realm other than the fact that he visits this realm to devour souls for no real reason other than creating another quality that would make us hate him. Like even at this point, after defeating him, I still have no clue why I actually went on this endeavour other than that the game told me I should hate him. Alduin saved our lives at the start of the game, why he did that is also unknown. I mean that is also the one time he attacks a city, which makes it not just convenient but also leads me to believe that Alduin is incredibly stupid.

Anyway, at last the storyline is over and we have not gotten any answers to any of the questions I've been asking since the beginning. Even the lore that can be found outside the game, online, doesn't really answer this at all because it just hasn't been written. I could accept all these basic plotholes if the foundation of the story and mythos around Alduin were at least clear. The entire storyline feels rushed and not thought-out, probably because it was rushed and not thought-out. Or maybe because it needed to function with the gameplay, who knows? I just like to think that the designers were stupid, rather than doing this intentionally.




Tamriel feels like a world where nothing matters and at the same time everything matters. "How can it be both?", you ask? Well it's pretty simple, everything that happens in the game has no real impact on anything and at the same time, no storyline seems to be able to move on without our presence. Even things that supposedly have nothing to do with our protagonist in the first place, such as: the Civil War, the Thieves Guild jobs, the Dark Brotherhood's story arc, Windhelm's serial killer, and the College's Field Trip. None of these events occur until our protagonist meddles with it. Now this is obviously included for gameplay purposes but it could have been done a lot better. Now I'm quite hestitant on fixing games like these because most of their problems are at their core, thus requiring you to overhaul it, but here's some ideas. One: Make events occur in such a way that the protagonist has to deal with it, and make them look less convenient. For example, if the protagonist is female, they could've been a target of the serial killer in Windhelm; thus forcing them to do something about it. And then if they don't deal with it, days or weeks later word could be that the serial killer was apprehended. This would inform our player that some quests are there for the opportunists and that not everything is just waiting for them to intervene. Do make sure that it never triggers whenever a major quest with a time limit is active though, because that would just be obnoxious. Two: Add time limits to quest lines, and if they're important, say main story arc important, then find a way to patch things up but at the cost of missing a reward, paying up, or gathering something important. An example would be that, if you show up late for the Thalmor party, then you'd have to find Delphine, yourself, or another character a Thalmor outfit and infiltrate the embassy instead. And maybe, if you're a Thieves Guild member, that you can get a stolen one there. You know, makes sense. But instead of using these simple plot devices to make your player care about events and have a sense that the world doesn't revolve around them, we get lazy design for a game that's supposed to be suitable for role playing.

Next up there is the deal that all decisions made by the player have no real consequence in terms of gameplay. We can freely walk into Windhelm even if we have sided with the Empire and are an Imperial uniform, we can brutally murder someone at their wedding, get caught, pay 1000 gold, and walk around again without anyone caring. Now I do get that you don't want to punish the player for an eternity but that's what you get for trying to shove in story arcs and gameplay designs from other games - like Assassin's Creed and Splinter Cell - into your game which has an entirely different hook. Now there's a couple of things you could do in order to even prevent these things. One: Make it impossible for the player to bring - unconcealed - weapons into the city. In that case, the guards can just break up a brawl with another character or do something before you actually kill someone. Also this would give both light armour and stealth characters a different hook; the capability of sneaking daggers and throwing knives with them into cities, for example. Two: If weapons are allowed, make characters act on you drawing them; civilians would call the guards, or guards themselves would instantly act. This would also create a unique gameplay element for assassins. The problem with the approach the developers took, probably because this was the easiest and fastest one, is that it ruins immersion and takes me out of the game. This has happened before in games such as Fable, and its successors, and GTA, but in those games it was always less about immersion and role playing but rather about the gameplay and action respectively. TESV: Skyrim pretends to be a role playing game but the world the game sets in is one-dimensional on the emotional aspect which makes it impossible for players to get a real connection and thus the whole role playing aspect is lost. Dedicated and seasoned role players might be able to still pull that off but the game starts to get boring really fast that way because once you've finished a particular story arc, then you most likely have to resort something that's kind of out of character.




Now let's dive into TESV: Skyrim's core aspects and see how the game is the drunk at their own party. Arguably this is one of the reasons TESV: Skyrim fails to be a proper RPG, even though all previous reviews were so generous. Now everyone who has played this game for over two hours must have noticed how empty the world really is, although at first you might first still be impressed with the size. However once you realise how small the cities are, have only thirteen or so inhabitants, excluding the twenty-seven guards, and cover almost no ground. Then, aside from the big cities, it turns out that there are almost no villages. Riverwood, Ivarstead, Rorikstead, Dragon Bridge, and Karthwasten are the only villages in the entire province. And then I don't think one should count Dragon Bridge and Karthwasten but alright. Besides that, the world is mostly filled with caves, ancient ruins, and some old forts that hold bandits now (apparently no one cares about this). The problem with this is not necessarily on the fact that TESV: Skyrim isn't what it says it is, but it just feels really weird. The start of the game from Helgen, to Riverwood, to Whiterun makes you feel that the world is really populated but after that you realise how empty it really is. This feels fake and takes me out of the game. Are there games who do it right? Yeah there are. For example take GTA, Assassin's Creed, and maybe Fable. Fable isn't a prime example but the cities definitely felt more vast, even if they weren't. Now I do expect cities not to be as big as GTA because GTA restricts itself to one city, and in GTA you really cannot enter all of the buildings, but it's not really about that, it's about the feeling you get. I think Assassin's Creed did a great job, the cities felt like real cities, and buildings were of different height, there were markets, etc. Now consider the cities of AC combined with the open world experience of TESV: Skyrim and you're golden! Even if we only had three major cities and the rest were small villages, then it'd still be enough because the world would feel real. Bethesda went with the American myth "Bigger is betterer" which isn't always true, in fact I can't really think of a situation in which it is true. Oh yeah, guns. Of course!

Anyways, that's not the only contradiction that can be found within TESV: Skyrim, oh no. The amount of examples of contradictions that can be found are so numerous and obvious that they can be put in a giant list. Let's do part of that list, shall we?

1. Ancient Tombs With Visitors
   Apparently the ancient tombs are discovered by everyone because not only do most know where they are, but also they feature burning torches, bandits, and animals.
2. Nothing Is What It Seems Pretends
   The College of Winterhold doesn't really feel like a college, guards do not watch outsiders, no one goes home at night, the Thieves Guild is a collection of thieves of which everyone knows it but no one does anything about it; they're supposedly mobsters or something but I dunno, same for the Dark Brotherhood who wear clothes that clearly show that they're part of the Brotherhood, Jarls sit in chairs all day like George Lucas.
3. Evil vs. Evil or Good vs. Good
   The Empire are supposed to be the bad guys but are forced by the Thalmor, which makes them good guys, maybe? The Stormcloaks are the good guys, but they're a bunch of racist Nords, much like the Elves so they're bad guys? But they're also oppressed so... uhm... Yeah you know what? **** this!
4. I Guess I Care?
   The game doesn't explain anything. We are supposed to do things but have no say in it. When the game starts, we're forced to kill either Imperials or Stormcloaks. I guess we hate the Imperials because they just wanted to kill you for no reason at all. But later in the game they try to patch things up. I understand that they want to give the player a dilemma but if we dont know who our enemies are and, more importantly why, then we don't care. None of these dilemmas are choices we care about. In the end TESV: Skyrim has come down to whatever choice earns us the most stuff, not actual role playing.
5. Such A Quick Student
   Alright we're gifted in the Voice because we're Dragonborn. Okay, but what's the deal with magic? You know, the stuff people spend years and years on to get it right and we can read a book and it's done. I know, I know, it's a gameplay thing, but it's just so lame. How about a small minigame to learn a spell from a teacher at the College?

And the list goes on, and on, but these are some major examples. There's some other examples such as the dragons and the Greybeards but I already mentioned that and I just assume that your memory is better than a fish'. I do want to stress that TESV: Skyrim mostly ruins itself as a result of all these internal contradictions. If the guards in Whiterun would've never stopped me at the gate at all, or weren't even there at all, then I wouldn't have cared. Or well, I probably wouldn't have been this bothered by it.




Alright, the characters. I honestly can spent fourteen pages writing about how dumb the characters are in this game, but I'll try to keep it to the minimum. First, every character is a stereotype. Everyone! All Nords are racist jerks unless they support the Empire, but then they will be racist towards the Elves too so they're all big racists. Except for the one Nord in Windhelm who isn't part of anything so you might not have noticed him at all. All Elves are big jerks too, even if you are an Altmer, the Thalmor will still treat you like garbage. I get that some of them are racist, maybe even a big part, but still. Even not all people in Nazi Germany were Nazis, or even racists. Then all the Argonians are either thieves and murderers or dock workers. The Khajiit are either thieves or merchants, and are supposedly jerks because they all talk in the third person about themselves. You could argue it's a native language thing, but I'd teach a native English speaker Dutch, then I'd explain to them that Dutch has a formal form of 'you' so there's no reason no one told them this basic part too. And the Orcs are either smiths or brutes. Second, most of the dialogue makes no sense, is overall poorly written, and feels very clunky. The guards say random stuff; the dialogue based on your skills or what kind of weapon you wield is no better either. Other people in the city have random stupid lines that often involve their life story, which you would never tell a stranger. Now the cutscenes are even worse, regarding voice acting, mostly because the pacing sucks as well, especially when they involve two or more NPCs. For example the conversation in Dragonsreach after you've killed Mirmulnir; Hrongar interrupts Proventus and gets mad (and then I do), except it's not really an interrupt because there's a pause and he doesn't even raise his voice! Now this doesn't just point out that these lines were often recorded separately and not in one go and then edited, but it also shows that these voice actors either had no real knowledge of the entire scene, or that they're just bad. Also, it obviously shows how little everyone, who is involved, cares. Thirdly, there's no consistent accent prevalent anywhere. Every other character has a different sort-of accent and none of them sound Nordic or Germanic at all, despite that's what the game is supposed to relate to. It's not consistent and the people from Winterhold have the same strange voice as the ones in Falkreath; there's no substance to any of this. I mean, how hard can it be to come up with a few hundred voice actors? I'm pretty sure that there's a ton of people out there who'd be willing to do a random citizen in Skyrim.

So, again, the game pretends to be this RPG immersion experience but that's really hard to achieve when you invest so little effort in the voice acting and script writing. That on top of a static, consequence-free world that revolves around the player while constantly contradicting itself makes the game feel one-dimensional rather than the three-dimensional immersive experience it's supposed to be.




Alright so is TESV: Skyrim a terrible game? And how did it get such great reviews? Well this a great revelation so hold on. Well TESV: Skyrim addressed a lot of TESIV: Oblivion's issues and either fixed or avoided them. Then they decided to simplify the game in general, and made it a lot easier for people to play whatever they want. Now I sort-of agree with the latter, because I think that there should be High Elves who suck at magic and become warriors instead. And there should also be less short-sighted Nords who really enjoy magic. However, their idea was to essentially make every character the same which means that choice doesn't matter at all; which is, honestly, just a stupid gimmick to appeal to the people who just don't want to think about whatever is strategically appealing, or what is lore-friendly: the casual gamers. Now, don't get me wrong here, I don't blame the casual gamers for anything, nor do I blame Bethesda for trying to appeal to them. However, this game is nothing more than a carefully crafted product to appeal to as many gamers as possible. Like they got rid of the tedious RPG esque statistics that Oblivion featured. Now I'm not saying that this is a good or a bad choice, it really depends on what you do with it and why you do it. Well, first, they made everyone have the same base stats, which is bad. A female Altmer does not have as much stamina and health as a male Nord, no way. Second, it was just done to avoid any confusion for those who aren't used to these RPG elements. Simple. Next up there's the one-dimensional characters and the shallow plot. Most people, not all, do not really like to think or be intellectually challenged. The average IQ is 100, so if you want to create a game that can be sold to most people, you've gotta aim for average. This means that your plot needs to be simple and not explore a lot, because most people won't ask questions anyway; they care about the present: What do we need to do and how do I do it? Also, the Thalmor should just be evil, Nords should be racist, Imperials should be uh.. imperial I guess, and so on. People need to be told who to like, who to not like and who to do jobs for because you don't want to require people to think at all. The same thing finds its way into the overall difficulty of the game. There have been people comparing it to Dark Souls, and concluded that TESV: Skyrim is really easy. Well this is no coincidence, if you're making a game for casual gamers, then it better be playable. Also, it should be put on such a level of difficulty that people can just keep playing. A lot of casual gamers would give up after, say, the tenth try. This also gives us an answer to why all the cutscenes are very short, that's to match the pace of the overall game; you can't have people spend more time watching scenes than playing in a videogame! An example of the opposite would be an old game called Red Alert 2 (And I'm using 2 and not the more recent 3 because EA ruined it). In RA2 you'd play a mission that would take at least twenty minutes to complete. Then, once that was done, there was a cutscene, a filmed one, with real actors and sets, as a reward. These scenes lasted about 5-7 minutes. Yes the game definitely had a different tone than its predecessor, but the people who made this game really understood how pacing works in a videogame, and how advancing the story can be an amazing reward on its own if it's interesting enough and presented in a proper way. In TESV: Skyrim nothing like that really happens. The Jarl gives away axes and armours because they needed to remind the player that they did something worthwhile; advancing the story on its own wasn't enough of a reward by far, and plain gold would've been too convenient as well forcing the player to buy something, which would require knowledge on what's good and what's not good; which is not for the casual gamer. On top of this, the game should be packed with action, adventure and overall intuitive gameplay. Intuitive things such as left hand, right hand combat, steel armour is better than iron and orcish is better than steel, but better not make an Elvin heavy armour because that'd be confusing. Personally, I simply refuse to believe that the Altmer, those who deem themselves intelligent, fail to see the value of having soldiers with heavy armour. The perks are bland and not very creative but are intuitive and at least it's a system that works. The follower system instead of the party system decision is another classic example of simplification for the masses. So, in the end, was TESV: Skyrim just a game to make as much money as possible? I'll let you decide... But the answer is: "Yes".




Alright, we've almost reached the end of this review, but I do want the DLCs to touch me for a brief moment... Wait. Wait. Wait. I want to touch the DLCs for a brief moment. There. I got it. Jeez, that almost came out wrong. Anyways, the DLCs sort of try to salvage the game and they do a decent attempt. Dawnguard essentially makes vampires to be a lot stronger and I guess more interesting. The storyline is interesting although it doesn't have a real hook to it. Also the overall location to get to the Volkiar Castle is really stupid and based on the fact you're using fast travel. The Vampire Lord idea is stupid imo, they could've just given Vampires a perk tree of their own and be done with it, but no it needed to be epic. I don't know why. The main issue was that vampires were useless in the original game. Dawnguard didn't change that too much imo, except for adding the Vampire Lord ****. The same applies to werewolves; interesting but a failed attempt. The storytelling, voice acting, and storyline are all a lot better than in the classic game though, albeit not too much mystery going on.

Then there's Dragonborn and damn I was surprised. No really. Dragonborn attempts to fix almost everything that's wrong with the original game, within its own realm of course. The cities are still kind of small but that's okay because they are supposed to be villages. The NPCs are a lot more interesting, speak with a coherent and consistent accent and the voice acting is a lot better there. The way the DLC starts is very clever and a great hook. Cultists attack the player in the name of 'Miraak'. "Now I don't know who this prick is but I'll be damned if I let him get away with this ****!" is the kind of thought that crawls into everone's mind. We're instantly involved in a way that we care. Then a mystery is ignited, first by the ship's captain who says strange things are happening, then by everyone else who seems to know the name Miraak somehow but no one can quite place it. Some other people on the island are mindless slaves and building something. Then we finally meet Miraak and things are set in motion. Now I'm not going to go through another storyline again but I do want to mark that Dragonborn gets about everything right. It's engaging, challenging, unique, properly intergrated, compelling, introduces cool powers, and overall creates a powerful antagonist who doesn't have the ability to stop us at any moment but is currently unable to deal with us directly. There's also a lot of research we have to do represented in The Path of Knowledge and we overall have to wander across the island to get anywhere as we haven't discovered anything yet. On top of all that, the music from Morrowind is used! Dragonborn feels like a completely different game, so if you don't have it yet, or haven't played it yet, I wholeheartedly recommend playing it!




So in general, what did I think? Is it a bad game? No, not really. TESV: Skyrim aimed for average and hit the mark perfectly. If you forget about the ****ty voice acting, the empty world, and the terribly written scripts, then you're still left with a good action/adventure game that has some solid gameplay with aspects from a lot of games cramped in one. You can be a Dark Souls esque knight who takes on the forces of evil or an assassin with Assassin's Creed like stealth-gameplay. However a lot of the RPG things are up to the player and their imagination which is a tragic aspect. The player has to make the game engaging for themselves because the game itself just doesn't cut it. TESV: Skyrim is a very poor role playing game as it fails heavily at creating a realistic, believable world that we are guided through as a result of a compelling and adaptive story. And these are, in my humble opinion, the real issues with the game, not the tiny nitpicking about character names and their accents but the major problems. Role playing games are there for people to transport themselves into a magical realm and experience an adventure that they cannot get in the real world; to be someone they can't really be. The whole thing thrives on immersion and character customisation and not so much about the gameplay, but instead we just get another action/adventure game that presents itself as an RPG which is my major problem with the game; that it isn't what it says it is! In essence it's just another game that's there to make money by not spending time on story and character development but rather by making a world that's just bigger than the previous one and by combining the gameplay from other games, including its predecessors, and water it down for intuition and implementation purposes. Then, instead of having a compelling protagonist, we can just use a generic, customisable main character so it can pass as an RPG. TESV: Skyrim is not a milestone in game development, nor is it going to be the game we all look back on as a prime example of something great, such as KOTOR. However, in the end it's enjoyable for a lot of people, which attracted a lot of mod creators who made the game better. I mean I've spent a good 500 hours of playtime myself so I won't say that the game is completely terrible, but I am just incredibly disappointed because it could have been so much better.