Views: 716 Personal Demons and Starting from a "Blank Slate"
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Or how confidence issues, personal demons and other ****, combined with League makes for a very bad match.
Good Evening, People. I think I’ll be staying more often on Mobafire since the community here is actually pretty decent. At least people can understand the "wall" if you will, which is good. The stuff you do when you’re in desperate need for help... Now, excuse me as I’m going to rant on a lot, just like in the thread from earlier. I’d rather rant on and get some **** out of my head since chances are it will make me feel better. Excuse my French, I’m Scottish so I will end up swearing a bit.
Alright, Some people might remember me from the thread "Recently reached level 30, Now I feel like a noob." back in April the 11th, where I ranted on about that sudden difficulty jump that was getting me destroyed in every game ever since I got to level 30. Boy was that a bad time, for those curious about an update, nothing's changed. Still feeling like I’m out of my depth since I reached level 30 on this. I don't know if riot is telling me "Congrats on reaching level 30, now **** off to ranked games" or whatever. Could it be that if I go to ranked I’ll be playing with people my level? I don't know since I’m in this awkward spiral where I can't go to ranked games because I’m not confident enough with my skills as a player yet I can't practice because I’m suddenly against people who are waaaaaaaay better than me. I'm just not getting it here, is it this "unranked elo" that I’ve been reading up on? Does unranked elo even exist now? This must be some cruel joke by Riot or something because so far, being level 30 has been more trouble than it’s worth. I’d be better off starting a smurf account (Is that what the cool kids call them now?) and at least prove to myself that I’m not completely ****, but that could be considered quite a **** move.
And to think I was looking forward to getting to level 30, yeah. Lot of good that’s turned out to be so far.
(And don’t dare suggest playing against bots because I will personally come over there and choke you to death with a cordless mouse. I've had people suggest that before in games where I suffer and I just snap at them... *******s)
-Deep Breaths-
Let's think about this one thing at a time instead of getting ranty about one thing, because it's not just the difficulty jump that is screwing me over. Let me put you in my head for a while because it’s not just the game that was bothering me.
It felt like I was pressuring myself a little too much. I was pretty much on tilt since reaching level 30. Not a good thing to do, I should had listened to my previous idea and had a break right there and then. Why the hell do I not take my own advice?
No, seriously. Why are you doing that? Stap it. STAP IT!
The reason why I was so motivated on reaching level 30, and the reason why I put so much pressure onto playing good was because I wanted to play with my friend more. Known this friend for about 3 years and… yeah, had a bit of a crush on her. You can already see how this is going, can’t you? Known my friend since the Mabinogi days back in the European server for pretty much the majority of the time the server was up, in fact. I got her into that and she ended up getting me into League. When you spend so much time talking and chilling out with such an awesome person you end up having some feelings. I’m not going to go into much detail. But right now, worrying about the whole concept/fantasy of being able to at least meet this person is far too much stress than it’s worth right now. The possibility of something like that is way beyond my control right now and I don’t see anything that I can do to make that a bigger chance than it already is (which is pretty small from what I’m seeing). Now, I hate to be a quitter as it makes me feel like I’m a coward for “running away” but this is one of those rare things I’m just going to have to go “**** this, I’m seriously done” and just not think about going so far ahead. It would be a nice thing to have happen, yes. But I need to think realistic here. I’m lucky enough to have such a good friend, why am I asking for so much?
Because of this mind set I had, I was very… reluctant to join her team, or at least her group of friends that she hangs about with on league. Won’t name them for now. This was mainly due to experiences on Mabinogi Guilds. For the most part it was all fine and dandy in those guilds but there was times where **** hit the fan. Now, Mabinogi is quite a vacation compared to league since you can easily blame and argue with your own team over petty things and you’re stressing over your enemies and what they are doing and last hitting and not giving out still deaths and stuff like that. And when you think about teams, the first thing you think about nowadays is this image.
Why do I get myself in such predicaments?
And the last thing I need is to lose a good friend or two because the game decides to throw a massive curve ball and it all goes down south. It doesn’t seem worth it. Although, my friend ended up dragging me into the group yesterday and ended up playing some games with them. I might just need that push in the right direction but I don’t want to be such a burden to those guys, since I’m the least experienced in the group, everyone in that team is running around with 400+ plus, maybe even double that. And here’s me only about to scrape past 150 wins. These guys know their ****, and it should be ideal since I can learn from them, but I do not want to drag them down by constantly being the weakest link of the team. But, looks like I’m going to have to put those worries aside, bite the bullet and put down a clean slate. We’ll see how it goes, my friend might have done the best thing she have done for all I know. Although it always seems like I’m thrown into the deep end in league without a life jacket and left to fend myself against high winning sharks or something.
Now those are the things that have been preventing me from enjoying League so far, having those worries and stuff in my mind prevents me from thinking straight and I think that was the reason why I’ve been in tilt so much it’s like the ending for the ****ing Italian Job. By ranting on about this in such a fashion I feel like I’ve cleared my head a little. I couldn’t care less if people didn’t read this, it’s more for my own personal gain, but some people might just be curious about the mind of an average league player… or some **** like that.
I’ll introduce myself later, I should really be more joyful than this but no one wants to something similar to a clown crying, and I sure as hell don’t want to be that clown now.
(Feeling better now)
Good Evening, People. I think I’ll be staying more often on Mobafire since the community here is actually pretty decent. At least people can understand the "wall" if you will, which is good. The stuff you do when you’re in desperate need for help... Now, excuse me as I’m going to rant on a lot, just like in the thread from earlier. I’d rather rant on and get some **** out of my head since chances are it will make me feel better. Excuse my French, I’m Scottish so I will end up swearing a bit.
Alright, Some people might remember me from the thread "Recently reached level 30, Now I feel like a noob." back in April the 11th, where I ranted on about that sudden difficulty jump that was getting me destroyed in every game ever since I got to level 30. Boy was that a bad time, for those curious about an update, nothing's changed. Still feeling like I’m out of my depth since I reached level 30 on this. I don't know if riot is telling me "Congrats on reaching level 30, now **** off to ranked games" or whatever. Could it be that if I go to ranked I’ll be playing with people my level? I don't know since I’m in this awkward spiral where I can't go to ranked games because I’m not confident enough with my skills as a player yet I can't practice because I’m suddenly against people who are waaaaaaaay better than me. I'm just not getting it here, is it this "unranked elo" that I’ve been reading up on? Does unranked elo even exist now? This must be some cruel joke by Riot or something because so far, being level 30 has been more trouble than it’s worth. I’d be better off starting a smurf account (Is that what the cool kids call them now?) and at least prove to myself that I’m not completely ****, but that could be considered quite a **** move.
And to think I was looking forward to getting to level 30, yeah. Lot of good that’s turned out to be so far.
(And don’t dare suggest playing against bots because I will personally come over there and choke you to death with a cordless mouse. I've had people suggest that before in games where I suffer and I just snap at them... *******s)
-Deep Breaths-
Let's think about this one thing at a time instead of getting ranty about one thing, because it's not just the difficulty jump that is screwing me over. Let me put you in my head for a while because it’s not just the game that was bothering me.
It felt like I was pressuring myself a little too much. I was pretty much on tilt since reaching level 30. Not a good thing to do, I should had listened to my previous idea and had a break right there and then. Why the hell do I not take my own advice?
No, seriously. Why are you doing that? Stap it. STAP IT!
The reason why I was so motivated on reaching level 30, and the reason why I put so much pressure onto playing good was because I wanted to play with my friend more. Known this friend for about 3 years and… yeah, had a bit of a crush on her. You can already see how this is going, can’t you? Known my friend since the Mabinogi days back in the European server for pretty much the majority of the time the server was up, in fact. I got her into that and she ended up getting me into League. When you spend so much time talking and chilling out with such an awesome person you end up having some feelings. I’m not going to go into much detail. But right now, worrying about the whole concept/fantasy of being able to at least meet this person is far too much stress than it’s worth right now. The possibility of something like that is way beyond my control right now and I don’t see anything that I can do to make that a bigger chance than it already is (which is pretty small from what I’m seeing). Now, I hate to be a quitter as it makes me feel like I’m a coward for “running away” but this is one of those rare things I’m just going to have to go “**** this, I’m seriously done” and just not think about going so far ahead. It would be a nice thing to have happen, yes. But I need to think realistic here. I’m lucky enough to have such a good friend, why am I asking for so much?
Because of this mind set I had, I was very… reluctant to join her team, or at least her group of friends that she hangs about with on league. Won’t name them for now. This was mainly due to experiences on Mabinogi Guilds. For the most part it was all fine and dandy in those guilds but there was times where **** hit the fan. Now, Mabinogi is quite a vacation compared to league since you can easily blame and argue with your own team over petty things and you’re stressing over your enemies and what they are doing and last hitting and not giving out still deaths and stuff like that. And when you think about teams, the first thing you think about nowadays is this image.
Why do I get myself in such predicaments?
And the last thing I need is to lose a good friend or two because the game decides to throw a massive curve ball and it all goes down south. It doesn’t seem worth it. Although, my friend ended up dragging me into the group yesterday and ended up playing some games with them. I might just need that push in the right direction but I don’t want to be such a burden to those guys, since I’m the least experienced in the group, everyone in that team is running around with 400+ plus, maybe even double that. And here’s me only about to scrape past 150 wins. These guys know their ****, and it should be ideal since I can learn from them, but I do not want to drag them down by constantly being the weakest link of the team. But, looks like I’m going to have to put those worries aside, bite the bullet and put down a clean slate. We’ll see how it goes, my friend might have done the best thing she have done for all I know. Although it always seems like I’m thrown into the deep end in league without a life jacket and left to fend myself against high winning sharks or something.
Now those are the things that have been preventing me from enjoying League so far, having those worries and stuff in my mind prevents me from thinking straight and I think that was the reason why I’ve been in tilt so much it’s like the ending for the ****ing Italian Job. By ranting on about this in such a fashion I feel like I’ve cleared my head a little. I couldn’t care less if people didn’t read this, it’s more for my own personal gain, but some people might just be curious about the mind of an average league player… or some **** like that.
I’ll introduce myself later, I should really be more joyful than this but no one wants to something similar to a clown crying, and I sure as hell don’t want to be that clown now.
(Feeling better now)
Then you can start advancing in terms of playing seriously at your own pace.
League does have a steep learning cliff. One of the best ways to learn is to not give a **** about the people who flame and listen to the ones who have good suggestions. I have a general rule: flame once, apologise and ask for suggestion. Flame twice, reprimand them for not suggesting advice. Flame three times, blocked.
Also, we have something here on MOBAFire called 'Inhouses'. If you play on them, you can ask for constructive feedback. The hosts are all hospitable and most of the regulars are nice enough people. I encourage you to sign up.
As for ranked, don't go into ranked until you're a bit more knowledgeable about the game as a whole. For a start, at least familiarise yourself with every single champion in the game. I made the mistake of jumping into ranked, having never met
just keep playing normals, the difficulty(or maybe the skill level, i don't know) will be better pretty soon. after that point, you can actually get better and play on the level of the team of your friend(the fastest way to do this is by maining one champion)
when i got lvl 30, i had about as many wins as you, maybe a little bit less than you. right now i have about 200, many of them by maining
If it makes you feel any better I've had similar problems myself for a long time.
good that you have the attitude that you can learn from others. if you feel you are the weakest link and don't want to pull them down...just play a little less aggressive and inform them that you will be less aggressive until you feel ready to come out of your shell...they will understand. playing smart is usually far more effective than going ballz to the wallz and trying to be the mvp....it is the reason why I can compete with people that have 3-4x's as many wins as I do.