Views: 714 Tails of an Absolute Failure: I'm Making a Note Here- Moderate Success
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My name is Locke and I'm a toxic player.
Doubt it? Well don't.
I don't really intend to be, but I know in the end it's my fault. I get so frustrated when I perform poorly... and I get even worse when a teammate makes what seems to me to be an obvious mistake, walks into a trap or the like. The pinnacle of me raging can be seen when I perceive a pattern of bad results from an action but the team continually partakes in (for instance: for some reason we keep engaging in the jungle. They continually team wipe us. So we keep engaging in the jungle.) It... gets me seeing red faster than you can say 'Surrender at Twenty.' Unless I'm really tired then it just induces the urge to immediately 'surrender at twenty.'
This game is competitive, it's fun and it gives my brain a workout. Yet I've constantly been failing, been playing below what I know I can and letting my team down. It's strained and ended friendships, admittedly those based mostly on gaming anyway. I'm a toxic player. I admit it. I have triggers that even now I perceive as real... and no one's going to tell me that it's really that hard to notice a pattern and just freaking prevent it. We are actually evolutionarily programmed to recognize patterns... to fill in blanks, to make connections. It's only laziness or flat unwillingness to think, in my mind, that allows a person to fail in logical thinking so completely.
Even IF I am right on those points, I've come to the realization that it is my own reaction to these things that is holding me back as a player.
Yesterday I instituted a series of rules for myself. I didn't manage to follow them completely, in fact there was at least one point in which I broke one flat out in my irritation. My reactions are engrained deep in my behavior. Teaching myself to change is a long, drawn out process. However... immediately after implementing those rules for myself I went on an 8 game solo queue ranked winning streak. I lost the 9th game, which was the second of my B5-B4 promotion series... and I got pretty damned pissed off in the process. Something about the Blitz and the Garen saying “GG” “We Lost” “It's Over” while repeatedly running into obvious ambushes, splitting us up when we should have gone all mid and pushed and engaging multiple teamfights in the enemy jungle... just... really set me off. I didn't call them 'noobs' I didn't curse them out and I didn't tell them to uninstall. Believe it or not, I don't think I actually attacked them verbally at all, but I raged, hard. I was angry and I kept saying something to the effect of 'Can we all five group up at mid' pretty much every time one of them lead us off into a deathtrap. It was a serious step up. But damn was I pissed off and I didn't manage to follow my rule number four.
Even so, I made more progress in one day than I had in my entire League of Legends career, if one discounts the long, drawn out process of leveling to thirty... which frankly since it usually involved me being so pissed I've blacked large parts of it out of my memory, I do discount it. With the fact in mind that I'd hit B4 in about 10 games from nearly bottom of B5 (with the help of M0rman-a heavily jungle playing player I met midway through those games- and ClubsxDeuce-a long time friend of mine who took my frustration in that lost 9th game in stride and helped me keep my cool -as well as a couple really Pro support players) I decided to write down these rules and share my story with you guys in hopes that doing so will keep me honest and maybe help someone who is struggling to figure out why he or she is getting no further in their League play.
We hold ourselves back.
Rule #1: Your failures are your own: Very true. Even so, until your nexus has gone up in flames, you have yet to screw up enough that you can start playing like it was your first day. Put your failures down as learning experiences and come back more focused, more determined to do your best. If you ****ed up, don't blame it on anyone else either.
Rule #2: No blame, just game: If you're facing down a fed jungler wandering into your lane early game and you can damn well pick out which of your teammates looks like he's been busy saying “Hey, do I want to feed the Darius in my lane or do I want to give that Eve some gold instead?” What are you going to do? Don't chew him out. Shout out a bit of encouragement and then go about protecting yourself from the jungler. Ward if you have to, farm under your turret if you must, but don't blame a player who might already be having a poor early game. The only thing that is going to result is negativity. What form it takes is unclear but it's never good.
Rule #3: Patience: It's seven minutes in and you've seen that Tryndamere kill your Teemo three times already. Instead of getting onto him, wander up and provide a bit of lane pressure or presence. If you can't do that, encourage him instead. Offer him a tip, KINDLY maybe, but don't chew him out. Tell ya what, if you ever see a Trynd ripping into your teammate, try passing them this one tip: Usually if you can ignite a Trynd two seconds after his ulti pops, assuming he's using it right, you're likely to get the kill. That was information offered by our support in one game in which our Teemo was suffering.
Rule #4: PATIENCE: So it's gone poorly... X player in X lane is feeding Y enemy <EnterRoleHere> and at this point it's getting pretty ridiculous. Chances are you're frustrated... especially if say, you're jungling or laning with that person who is feeding. Or maybe you're just watching them once in a while and they're doing something... something wrong. They're doing it again... and again... and again. So you manage to kindly (hint, VERY KINDLY) suggest that the problem is this action being committed repeatedly. So they keep doing it. Well... if it's during the laning phase, then your best bet is to grin and focus on winning your lane. If it's during the teamfight phase... well then you probably are going to need to lead strongly, convince without insulting or raging as many of your teammates as possible that this course of action that is being repeated leading to team wipes or simple failed pushes needs to stop.
Rule #5: PATIENCE!: I really cannot emphasize this one enough, at least not for me. Encouragement to yourself and your teammates and positive thoughts and keeping your courage up goes such a long way when compared to allowing your temper to go from a flare to raging inferno.
Rule #6: Self-Control: Fairly evident.
Rule #7: Recognize Your Limits: No one and I repeat no one who is inclined to frustration and rage in this game can expose themselves for long without eventually slipping up. Know when to take a break or make a conscious decision not to type or to erase what you've just typed... and if you do slip up? THEN take a break. If you can't because there's plenty of game to go, take the time to apologize. Trust me, if you want to do better, the apologies help. Even if the other guy's response is unflattering at best.
If anyone reading this has suggestions for other things to keep in mind I am all ears.
Doubt it? Well don't.
I don't really intend to be, but I know in the end it's my fault. I get so frustrated when I perform poorly... and I get even worse when a teammate makes what seems to me to be an obvious mistake, walks into a trap or the like. The pinnacle of me raging can be seen when I perceive a pattern of bad results from an action but the team continually partakes in (for instance: for some reason we keep engaging in the jungle. They continually team wipe us. So we keep engaging in the jungle.) It... gets me seeing red faster than you can say 'Surrender at Twenty.' Unless I'm really tired then it just induces the urge to immediately 'surrender at twenty.'
This game is competitive, it's fun and it gives my brain a workout. Yet I've constantly been failing, been playing below what I know I can and letting my team down. It's strained and ended friendships, admittedly those based mostly on gaming anyway. I'm a toxic player. I admit it. I have triggers that even now I perceive as real... and no one's going to tell me that it's really that hard to notice a pattern and just freaking prevent it. We are actually evolutionarily programmed to recognize patterns... to fill in blanks, to make connections. It's only laziness or flat unwillingness to think, in my mind, that allows a person to fail in logical thinking so completely.
Even IF I am right on those points, I've come to the realization that it is my own reaction to these things that is holding me back as a player.
Yesterday I instituted a series of rules for myself. I didn't manage to follow them completely, in fact there was at least one point in which I broke one flat out in my irritation. My reactions are engrained deep in my behavior. Teaching myself to change is a long, drawn out process. However... immediately after implementing those rules for myself I went on an 8 game solo queue ranked winning streak. I lost the 9th game, which was the second of my B5-B4 promotion series... and I got pretty damned pissed off in the process. Something about the Blitz and the Garen saying “GG” “We Lost” “It's Over” while repeatedly running into obvious ambushes, splitting us up when we should have gone all mid and pushed and engaging multiple teamfights in the enemy jungle... just... really set me off. I didn't call them 'noobs' I didn't curse them out and I didn't tell them to uninstall. Believe it or not, I don't think I actually attacked them verbally at all, but I raged, hard. I was angry and I kept saying something to the effect of 'Can we all five group up at mid' pretty much every time one of them lead us off into a deathtrap. It was a serious step up. But damn was I pissed off and I didn't manage to follow my rule number four.
Even so, I made more progress in one day than I had in my entire League of Legends career, if one discounts the long, drawn out process of leveling to thirty... which frankly since it usually involved me being so pissed I've blacked large parts of it out of my memory, I do discount it. With the fact in mind that I'd hit B4 in about 10 games from nearly bottom of B5 (with the help of M0rman-a heavily jungle playing player I met midway through those games- and ClubsxDeuce-a long time friend of mine who took my frustration in that lost 9th game in stride and helped me keep my cool -as well as a couple really Pro support players) I decided to write down these rules and share my story with you guys in hopes that doing so will keep me honest and maybe help someone who is struggling to figure out why he or she is getting no further in their League play.
We hold ourselves back.
Rule #1: Your failures are your own: Very true. Even so, until your nexus has gone up in flames, you have yet to screw up enough that you can start playing like it was your first day. Put your failures down as learning experiences and come back more focused, more determined to do your best. If you ****ed up, don't blame it on anyone else either.
Rule #2: No blame, just game: If you're facing down a fed jungler wandering into your lane early game and you can damn well pick out which of your teammates looks like he's been busy saying “Hey, do I want to feed the Darius in my lane or do I want to give that Eve some gold instead?” What are you going to do? Don't chew him out. Shout out a bit of encouragement and then go about protecting yourself from the jungler. Ward if you have to, farm under your turret if you must, but don't blame a player who might already be having a poor early game. The only thing that is going to result is negativity. What form it takes is unclear but it's never good.
Rule #3: Patience: It's seven minutes in and you've seen that Tryndamere kill your Teemo three times already. Instead of getting onto him, wander up and provide a bit of lane pressure or presence. If you can't do that, encourage him instead. Offer him a tip, KINDLY maybe, but don't chew him out. Tell ya what, if you ever see a Trynd ripping into your teammate, try passing them this one tip: Usually if you can ignite a Trynd two seconds after his ulti pops, assuming he's using it right, you're likely to get the kill. That was information offered by our support in one game in which our Teemo was suffering.
Rule #4: PATIENCE: So it's gone poorly... X player in X lane is feeding Y enemy <EnterRoleHere> and at this point it's getting pretty ridiculous. Chances are you're frustrated... especially if say, you're jungling or laning with that person who is feeding. Or maybe you're just watching them once in a while and they're doing something... something wrong. They're doing it again... and again... and again. So you manage to kindly (hint, VERY KINDLY) suggest that the problem is this action being committed repeatedly. So they keep doing it. Well... if it's during the laning phase, then your best bet is to grin and focus on winning your lane. If it's during the teamfight phase... well then you probably are going to need to lead strongly, convince without insulting or raging as many of your teammates as possible that this course of action that is being repeated leading to team wipes or simple failed pushes needs to stop.
Rule #5: PATIENCE!: I really cannot emphasize this one enough, at least not for me. Encouragement to yourself and your teammates and positive thoughts and keeping your courage up goes such a long way when compared to allowing your temper to go from a flare to raging inferno.
Rule #6: Self-Control: Fairly evident.
Rule #7: Recognize Your Limits: No one and I repeat no one who is inclined to frustration and rage in this game can expose themselves for long without eventually slipping up. Know when to take a break or make a conscious decision not to type or to erase what you've just typed... and if you do slip up? THEN take a break. If you can't because there's plenty of game to go, take the time to apologize. Trust me, if you want to do better, the apologies help. Even if the other guy's response is unflattering at best.
If anyone reading this has suggestions for other things to keep in mind I am all ears.
Thats a nice one man...now make a post on how to stick those rules to someone's mind...coz some people like me...no matter how much i want to change this habit i just feel like im not meant to achieve this....
This is for you.
Thats a nice one man...now make a post on how to stick those rules to someone's mind...coz some people like me...no matter how much i want to change this habit i just feel like im not meant to achieve this....
The most effective motivator for me is success. The day I adopted these rules my Solo queue success skyrocketed. I literally went from 13th in B5 to 13th in B4 in 10 fast games, 9 of which were victories and TWO of which were trolled HARDCORE.
I also just... repeat the rules to myself on occasion when bordering moments of rageouts.
2nd, disable all chat =)