Morgana

You have no choice but to stand in her pool

Ahri

They always have the best adc to back them up. Ahri is actually easy it adc

Ezreal

Brandon will never hit his Q, they also started taking ghost making them easier to catch

Aatrox

A-Atrox got reworked and then nerfed to the ground

Akali

See A-Atrox

Alistar

CAN'T MILK THOSE

Amumu

This kid has no friends, in development he was referred to as patrick johnson

Anivia

She makes walls and makes mexico pay for them all. She's mostly a threat to national security

Annie

She's a minor so she's a minor threat of course

Ashe

Anyone with that many skins must be playable

Aurelion Sol

Is he even unbanned in pro play for all his bugs?

Azir

He makes towers just to knock them down #9/11

Blitzcrank

EmAn guitars only main, excapt thresh. His only weaknesses are mana, cooldown, minions, movespeed items, vision and escapes

Brand

I've never seen coleson happier than 5 man ulting

Braum

He is often found protecting annie. Unrelated, caitlyn is investigating a child porn ring in piltover. He's a threat to tiny things (like annie and zoe)

Caitlyn

Responsible for enforcing rules. Favorite character on principle

Camille

She was found guilty of the JFK assassination

Cassiopeia

Cole always forgets to buy boots...

Cho'Gath

Best jungler in season 2. Since then he has been found eating the best ***** on the rift

Darius

Mundo was never welcomed to the jam

Diana

Like most gamers she only comes out at night. Unlike most gamers she isn't usually fed

Dr. Mundo

You picked him, why the actual **** is this an option

Draven

Samson's ADC he love to feed with. Often found with a negative KDA until the mid game

Ekko

DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK, DON'T BLINK,

Elise

Best jungler in the game, cannot be beaten. Best to dodge in champion select

Evelynn

I think she ****ed mundo? Who know she's a bit of a ****

Fiddlesticks

Made mostly of straw he dies to the burn from red buff easily

Fiora

See A-Atrox

Fizz

I've never seen anyone get an S on Fizz

Galio

He's been a jungler, support, mid lane and top lane carry. He can taunt you by insulting your mother however

Gangplank

Careful and pay attention to his barrels. They are often filled with booze. Watching one explode will make you cry over said wasted booze.

Garen

If he spins to go faster you know he ****s

Gnar

Gnar is locked up in "top laners bullied out because of pro play" daycare.

Gragas

Ethan won a contest and they created a champion in his likeness.

Graves

Graves died from lung cancer a few years back.

Hecarim

HELICOPTER NOISES

Heimerdinger

Cole won't let me play him bot lane

Illaoi

She teaches he subs a lesson. Unironically hot

Irelia

Better nerf Irelia

Ivern

Ivern is known as the friend of the forest. He is really just setting black prisoners free from their amazing lives on the cotton fields. He is a menace and must be stopped

Janna

Wait out her shield then let her blow you

Jarvan IV

Does J4 even CS?

Jax

Once noted for his top lane prowess mains have been asking for a buff since 2015

Jayce

Also builds tear. Be careful of his giant hammer

Jhin

I'M RELOADING HERE

Jinx

Jinx is an Autassassinophilia

Kai'Sa

New champ, bet cole cannot name one of her abilities

Kalista

Who needs a smite?

Karma

Having to get your **** cut off is karma for making fun of jews

Karthus

Just like Dan's sister he prefers to be dead rather than alive

Kassadin

Once upon a time their lived a champion who ruled the game. 100% pick or ban for over a year, then, riot yelled LETS NERF HIM TO THE GROUND.

Katarina

asdifgujawo;elijfa;slkdjgas;lkdjfas;lkhgdakjhvaks;djfvhsad;lkfhj


PENTAKILL

Kayle

Best jungler this patch

Kayn

A cross dressing champion

Kennen

Colesons favorite since season 2

Kha'Zix

He turns invisible to hide from the IRS

Kindred

Jman will never let me play her

Kled

I think brandon wants to main him? He needs to learn spacing, auto cancelling, csing, map pressure, warding etc before he can

Kog'Maw

He often stands still making him immune to your build

LeBlanc

this match up is polarizing. He's either a fed faker leblanc or Samson's leblanc

Lee Sin

What does Lee Sin even do?

Leona

Also called, "WHY THE **** DID YOU GO IN AND FEED AGAIN YOU DUMB SUN OF A *****" (get it is a sun pun)

Lissandra

A mage with aftershock. Seem fair

Lucian

Currently serving time for missed child support

Lux

She will bind you and you will die

Malphite

Stacy's mom has really filled out

Malzahar

If this champion is jungle you can bet Samson's team is flaming him

Maokai

The only champion with a furry skin, meow

Master Yi

How did he get 15 kills?

Miss Fortune

Easy, she seems to have an issue dodging skill shots. Maybe her screen is zoomed in?

Mordekaiser

Hue Hue Hue Hue Morde Est Numero Uno

Nami

Eating her ***** taste like sushi

Nasus

He uses his cane more than Dan's dad

Nautilus

Slows are extra effective as they weigh him down

Neeko

She can copy you so she is just as op

Nidalee

A cougar also known as brandon's aunt

Nocturne

If he's fed watch out because he will dive and lose all his shut down

Name was changed due to witness protection

Olaf

Cannot be disabled, unlike Christopher Reeves

Orianna

Honestly the best of all the lore in game

Ornn

He never has to base but is always pushed out of lane

Pantheon

Usually scripters who can hit their skill shots

Poppy

Lolipoppy is just ****ing frightening

Pyke

Cole has higher support elo because of this man

Quinn

BIRD *****

Rakan

One half of the most iconic love story ever. Amanda Todd and bleach

Rammus

Ok

Rek'Sai

She wants to be called a she now, no I don't know for how long but it makes him happy (screeching) her, her sorry

Xayah

One half of the most iconic love story ever. Amanda Todd and bleach

Renekton

Mains are always toxic pieces of ****. Like honestly why are they allowed in the game. They always lose lane, toss up the FF then complain about "meta champs" and "kiting". this champion and all it's mains need to be removed. I bet the mains all love to punch babies and eat kittens, like ****.

Rengar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiaYDPRedWQ

Riven

Don't worry she will carry

Rumble

DAANNNGGEEERR ZZOOONNNEE

Ryze

Which rework?

Sejuani

I'm on a boar ***********er don't you ever forget

Shaco

I think jman has gotten one first blood, at least one, once

Shen

BRANDON ULT MY ****ING LANE

Shyvana

She's going to dragon her balls all over your face

Singed

In the words of the wize hashinshin "NERF SINGED, NERF SINGED"

Sion

WTF is that hit box

Sivir

Samson has yet to use the ult correctly

Skarner

I'M VIABLE, I'M VIABLE. No you're not

Sona

Anne Frank finally left her attic

Soraka

Fear the banana

Swain

One of several bird *****es

Sylas

Cole won't let me play him any role

Syndra

She floats but can buy boots?

Tahm Kench

If Brandon is in game always ban

Taliyah

She has kept mexico out for 15 years. Trump had made her his number one for national security

Talon

A bad zed, can often be found getting first blood then no other kills

Taric

Literally unkillable in the jungle

Teemo

Some call him Satan, lord of darkness. Some think he's cute and cuddly. What most don't realize is that he is always a solid pick because he will tilt the enemy laner

Thresh

Ethan plays this champ when he wants to win. Don't expect him to hit the hook in lane. Expect him to complain about how they don't walk that way in my elo, as he throws the hook backwards

Tristana

The champion who lost the most from the removal of pizza feet

Trundle

Somehow the troll king is not Samson's favorite champion

Tryndamere

Players in my elo put enough pressure for me to split push with no objectives up

Twisted Fate

Not creating a memorial for the man who killed hitler is a real twisted fate. How cynical is the world that they cannot create a memorial for this war hero

Twitch

Ethan will often play twitch, unstealth, die, then ping brandon's shen ult for assistance knowing in his heart it will never come

Udyr

Will never be as good as trick but don't worry will always complain you didn't let them split push more

Urgot

Prerework best champion in the game. Could not be beaten unlike rhianna

Varus

Varus can often be found in the local methadone clinic

Vayne

"Why skill shot that way, players don't shoot hooks like that in my elo"

Veigar

MY INVESTMENTS