Iratesniper
<Member>
<Member>
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
Jebus McAzn wrote:
"Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape."
OH HO, ITS FUNNY BECAUSE THOSE 9 PEOPLE ARE RAPING THAT OTHER ONE PERSON, OH HO YES
I like things that make me feel stupid. - Ken Levine
Iratesniper
<Member>
<Member>
A Policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration.
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment."
"Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his **** out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!"
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment."
"Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his **** out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!"
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ITT, post random jokes that you've seen, heard, or made up. Maybe even post links to websites if you feel like it.
Try to stay away from immature jokes, i.e. "yo momma", "that's what she said", etc. Also, please don't post anything "FML", "MLIA", "IMMD", or "DearBlankPleaseBlank" related because those are generally well-known and can be found pretty easily.
Feel free to make jokes in this thread as offensive as you damn well please.
This thread is for good jokes - hopefully the kind that takes you a good 10 seconds to get, but makes you laugh your *** off when you do. I'll kick off this thread with one of my personal favorites:
"Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape."