So, I've been playing LoL for a year and a half. I started thanks to some of my friends and it was actually fun! I never played ranked because I'm not a competitive person, I don't care about my rank or whatsoever. But lately I decided that I wanted to try some ranked to see at what level I got to.
By "lately" I mean I decided that 4 MONTH AGO and until now I couldn't play because of my ranked anxiety. I even discovered like a week ago that it was really a thing and not just my head that was going crazy. So I try do read a bit about this thing and about the methods to cope with it and it actually helped (I have the same problem even in normal games if I'm not with at least one of my friends, so I had the opportunity to try them out).
Today I've done two ranked games. One in flex queue because my freind created the wrong lobby and both of us didn't noticed it. My lane was Malzahar vs. Zed; a pretty easy lane, unfortunately Zed got feeded and it was a bit over my control, but it ended with the enemy team surrending.
Then I tried alone, with only some friends in discord, since I was a bit more relaxed about it. My lane was Malzahar vs. Veigar (you can guess who I was lol); an obnoxious lane, but that can be won if you don't **** up too much. There has been some early problems in the jungle, our Udyr died two times before 5 minutes, I tried to help as best as I can but I was still level 1 at the first invade, so I couldn't do too much. Then the game continued. Long story short, before 15 minutes every lane was snowballing pretty hard and we couldn't do anything. I had my faults too, I overestimated my strength (really riot, malzahar needs a little buff :<) and underestimated my opponent strength, but then my teammates started flaming me for I don't know which reason. Irelia started pinging every time my ultimate/flash (she wanted me, an 2/7/? malzahar, to go inside 4 people and ult) and udyr said that "he never saw a more useless malzahar" (this because I couldn't get to a literally 20 hp veigar while he was at literally my range end. And no, I dind't have flash, I gave up after the third time trying to hit him).
What happened? We lost obviously, our Draven started to have some internet problems too at the end so we couldn't do too much. And my anxiety came back to full strength. I'm writing this soon after the game ended, I'm still shaking from what happened (and omg if it's hot today, I'm dying). I had to vent somewhere and it happens that mobafire has a blog feature, so... here I am.
I don't even know if I'll do my remaining 9 placements or even ranked all togheter, but surely not today.
Now I think I'll go get an ice cream, I need sugar in my veins.