I don't usually make these but a whole lot of things have happened recently so why not. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So I'm not sure how many people will know this already, but I've been suffering with social anxiety and depression for a long time. I left school at 16, lost contact with all of my friends and haven't done a thing since then. It was fairly ****ty and as time passed I began to get negative mood swings more frequently, but I was always able to cope with them aside from the occasional outburst. Starting to play League probably helped since I made a lot of online friends and I could ****post on Mobafire, but it still kept happening.

I think after going to Cologne last year for Gamescom and having a great time actually feeling normal for once hanging out with Wayne and his friends for 3 days, it began to really hit me what I was missing out on by not having any friends around and not doing anything with my life. I began to get more and more depressed increasingly often, although I tried my best to avoid letting it show.

In April I basically had a complete breakdown after I finished watching something that reminded me of what I really wanted in life. I couldn't hide it anymore and my mother found me crying in the bathroom (which I'd been doing for most of the day). From then on things got pretty bad, and about a month later after arguing with her over something minor I started experiencing constant feelings of extreme anxiety and panic for about 4 or 5 days in a row, during which time my stomach completely stopped working right and I couldn't breathe properly. It was very fun!

Thankfully, after you hit rock bottom I guess there's nowhere to go but up. I went to a doctor and I was prescribed antidepressants. The first type I was given triggered the anxiety again, even worse than before, and I wasn't able to sleep for 3 days. The second type didn't cause a problem aside from a few initial headaches and one pretty nasty panic attack.

At this point it was August and I'd been on a waiting list for CBT for almost three months, so I lost my patience. I decided **** it, no one is going to help me except myself. I'll take matters into my own hands and force myself to fix this ****. I began taking every possible opportunity to go out places with my family, then I started talking to student advice at my local college and ended up applying to start my A levels in September. I was nervous at first and couldn't sleep, but the interview went fine.

Surprisingly, by the time enrolment came around my anxiety was completely gone - when I went in there were hundreds of people enrolling and I felt nothing at all, everyone working there was extremely nice and I even ended up talking to some of the other students. I'm starting college on the 7th and starting out at a Kendo club for the first time tonight. I feel normal for the first time I can remember, and all of my anxiety and hopelessness has been replaced by confidence and a certainty that things are going to work out fine. I don't know if it's the tablets taking effect or a change in my personality or both, but I'm very grateful and I hope things stay like this forever.

tl;dr: i was bad but now im gr8

sry 4 spam