Views: 2802 Today, I uninstalled League of Legends
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Hey friends,
Many of you have used MOBAFire blogs in the past to share a personal story, talk about goals they wanted to achieve in life and, in some cases, how League (or gaming in general) has stopped them from doing what they really should be doing. Today, it's my turn.
Those of you who know me well probably know that I've studied Game Technology at the Utrecht University for almost four years now, a study which should normally only take three years to complete. One would expect me to be close to being done by now, but I'm afraid the truth is far from it. In fact, the reality of the matter is that after four years I'm only getting close to passing the amount of courses a "normal student" would pass in roughly half the amount of time.
Though there are many reasons I could think of which have led to this happening, ultimately the harsh reality is that I simply haven't done enough for far too long now, I haven't taken my responsibilities and/or shown the level of discipline one would expect a 24 year old student to have.
Because both of my parents know very little about computers and gaming, it was somewhat easy for me to tell them things were going ok and confuse them with fancy words whenever they pressed the issue. Even worse, I stubbornly convinced myself that everything was ok, too. After all, there really was no reason for me to be failing, so "one day everything will fix itself", "one day it'll pass", right?
In reality, I spent more and more time avoiding the problem by focusing on areas of my life which brought me joy / which I was proud of, areas in which I knew I was appreciated, such as my work here on MOBAFire. The longer this went on and the more I kept all university-related issues I was facing to myself, the more I slowly descended down a downward spiral with no way out. I realised of course that at some point my "luck" would run out, but as much as I tried I couldn't force myself to have the conversation I knew one day would come.
Today is that day. I suppose it should go without saying my parents are disappointed and mad at me for not telling them sooner - after all, I blatantly abused the trust they placed in me, and they don't deserve that. However, they were also supportive, and assured me they will do whatever they can to help me out.
Having that conversation was a big first step in the right direction for me, as I can honestly say it already feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. However, I also know that alone won't be enough, which is why mere minutes ago I followed that up with another measure of my own. As much as I'd like to deny it, I've spent way too much time gaming in the past four years, and I can't allow myself to keep doing that while also trying to balance time to study, work and play table tennis (competitively).
That, of course, leads me to the announcement you've all been waiting for: after five and a half years of playing, I've once and for all uninstalled League of Legends.
I know this may come as a surprise to some of you and I'm sorry to those who were looking forward to seeing me feed on the Rift, but trust me when I say I needed to do this in order to move forward. As for my work on the site / across the network, I had already discussed plans with Mowen which should see me move to a more general, network-wide role within the MFN team, while Psiguard will be the main admin for you guys to talk to whenever there are issues. As such, this decision won't influence my work rate / level of activity on MF one bit, I'll still be lurking around and helping out whenever necessary :)
Finally, a quick thanks to everyone I've had the pleasure of playing with over the years, hope you guys won't miss me too much. also enjoy dynamic queue :^)
Many of you have used MOBAFire blogs in the past to share a personal story, talk about goals they wanted to achieve in life and, in some cases, how League (or gaming in general) has stopped them from doing what they really should be doing. Today, it's my turn.
Those of you who know me well probably know that I've studied Game Technology at the Utrecht University for almost four years now, a study which should normally only take three years to complete. One would expect me to be close to being done by now, but I'm afraid the truth is far from it. In fact, the reality of the matter is that after four years I'm only getting close to passing the amount of courses a "normal student" would pass in roughly half the amount of time.
Though there are many reasons I could think of which have led to this happening, ultimately the harsh reality is that I simply haven't done enough for far too long now, I haven't taken my responsibilities and/or shown the level of discipline one would expect a 24 year old student to have.
Because both of my parents know very little about computers and gaming, it was somewhat easy for me to tell them things were going ok and confuse them with fancy words whenever they pressed the issue. Even worse, I stubbornly convinced myself that everything was ok, too. After all, there really was no reason for me to be failing, so "one day everything will fix itself", "one day it'll pass", right?
In reality, I spent more and more time avoiding the problem by focusing on areas of my life which brought me joy / which I was proud of, areas in which I knew I was appreciated, such as my work here on MOBAFire. The longer this went on and the more I kept all university-related issues I was facing to myself, the more I slowly descended down a downward spiral with no way out. I realised of course that at some point my "luck" would run out, but as much as I tried I couldn't force myself to have the conversation I knew one day would come.
Today is that day. I suppose it should go without saying my parents are disappointed and mad at me for not telling them sooner - after all, I blatantly abused the trust they placed in me, and they don't deserve that. However, they were also supportive, and assured me they will do whatever they can to help me out.
Having that conversation was a big first step in the right direction for me, as I can honestly say it already feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. However, I also know that alone won't be enough, which is why mere minutes ago I followed that up with another measure of my own. As much as I'd like to deny it, I've spent way too much time gaming in the past four years, and I can't allow myself to keep doing that while also trying to balance time to study, work and play table tennis (competitively).
That, of course, leads me to the announcement you've all been waiting for: after five and a half years of playing, I've once and for all uninstalled League of Legends.
I know this may come as a surprise to some of you and I'm sorry to those who were looking forward to seeing me feed on the Rift, but trust me when I say I needed to do this in order to move forward. As for my work on the site / across the network, I had already discussed plans with Mowen which should see me move to a more general, network-wide role within the MFN team, while Psiguard will be the main admin for you guys to talk to whenever there are issues. As such, this decision won't influence my work rate / level of activity on MF one bit, I'll still be lurking around and helping out whenever necessary :)
Finally, a quick thanks to everyone I've had the pleasure of playing with over the years, hope you guys won't miss me too much. also enjoy dynamic queue :^)
I know many people who have the same case as you (my brother, some people from my organization in my university), and it seems that they have a clear set of goals because they realized what they should be prioritized first. Hope that helps.
Best of luck to what path you have chosen to take.
Couldn't agree more.
You couldn't even get through your studies, right? So sorry to say, but it makes it seem like your strength of will is sort of wavering. And this is no foreign thing - I've said "I quit" many times, and most of those times it just made me want to play more than ever after a certain period.
Just admitting that you'll play it less and sort your priorities is already a huge step forward, and will possibly be enough to let you get through your studies with just a bit more hard work.
There is absolutely no reason to put your foot down that harshly, unless you've absolutely, positively decided to thaw it out of your life and focus on your future 100%. If you did, it's an admirable feat that I know I would never resort to unless I absolutely had to, but in the end it is admirable and it is perfectly fine.
I'm just here to remind you that taking extremes is not always the answer, at least from my experience.
tl;dr if you feel like league after 3 weeks of studying install it and play 5 games on the weekend, no biggie. Just make sure to keep studying :P
I suppose maybe I shouldn't have said I'll never go back to the game, but for the time being I'm going to focus on other hobbies over League.
Edit: Also, I suppose I should add I had originally decided to be more of a casual player this season, but after learning a new role (jungle) I immediately felt the urge to play more because I care (too much) about being good at what I play. I'm not sure I can be a casual player (or at least not for the time being), so this seemed like the better alternative, even if it may seem extreme.
I suppose maybe I shouldn't have said I'll never go back to the game, but for the time being I'm going to focus on other hobbies over League.
Edit: Also, I suppose I should add I had originally decided to be more of a casual player this season, but after learning a new role (jungle) I immediately felt the urge to play more because I care (too much) about being good at what I play. I'm not sure I can be a casual player (or at least not for the time being), so this seemed like the better alternative, even if it may seem extreme.
I suppose. It's not that hard though, at least for me. It's the same as having the determination to study. If you want to really ace the damn exams and put your foot down to do it, you can. Same with league, if you want to be a diamond level jungler you can do it. But the thing is, usually you'd cater to what's more fun, and that IS infact league atm. The sort of "success mine" here is just a list of priorities. What you have to realize is that league is just not as big of a priority as your studies, and that even if you have more fun with it, at the moment it's better to avoid it. That's how I'd go about it, anyways.
I do find it quite admirable that you can just quit with a snap of your fingers, even if it's nothing more than a hiatus in the end. Good luck friend! Hopefully temptation won't get the best of you :D
You have my respect for having the guts to throw your life upside-down, though I hope to still see you around some time (your business ****ing needs it at least).
Oh, how I would have enjoyed my last prank more had I known it would be the last. Don't mind me if I suddenly reach out to tell you how to find your first post sometime. Thanks for all the games and the sighs, it was fun playing with or against you.
Keep tight on that saddle, cowboy. Godspeed.
I disagree with jhoi and I say finish your degree and then see where your life is going. Education is worth a lot and stuff.
Hopefully things will go great now, I beeleaf in you and you made a bee proud to focus on your studies <3
Once he has a degree he doesn't have to worry anymore about paying back the money plus he has a basis to fall back on if his career would somehow be damaged in the future.
Although I must say, if it is really a struggle and Wayne had a better idea on what else to do with his life, I would agree that it is an option to drop the degree and go with what he wants. Since I didn't really feel like that was the case, I felt like I should support his decision of focussing on his studies.
Yes, it would be a waste of money. An expensive waste. But done bun can't be undone. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind or realising something isn't right for you.
Everyone posting seems to think Wayne's made the right decision. In the event that Wayne is actually not happy with his degree but only shouldering on because everyone expects it of him, I just wanted to him to know that it really is his life.
What's clear is: he had a status quo in his life. Nothing happened. He spent too much time in game, because he had too little time to do or figure out what he wanted to do (in his opinion). He broke free from that and now he's back in business.
I don't think anyone here is telling him what to do with his new free time except from you two. I don't mean to say that's wrong, but I want to clarify this before my and everyone else's posts get more colored than they already are.
Also good luck in life and stuff :) please don't stop posting just because you quit league, I hate it when people do that
Just saying, we are of the generation where 9-5 jobs don't appeal. We are the generation where we turn what we love into a living: streaming, writing, creating, doing. Do what you feel is right for you, not what is expected of you. Your parents will always love you, even if you don't finish a degree; even if you've studied for 4 years; even if you never go back to tertiary education (ask War).
Wishing you all the best, Wayne. It's your life, live it doing something you love and what makes you proud and happy.
<3