Morgana Humor Guide by Zedera
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Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait, I've been busy recovering from my past wounds. Wha... what's with that look? Don't believe me? Try getting hit by Jarvan's Cataclysm sometime. You'll like the way you look afterwards, I guarantee it. Anyways, it's me, your host for today's show, and once again we will be interviewing some of the deadliest people in the League of Legends. After having tasted enough Demaciaaa for a lifetime, I've decided to turn to the darker side of things. Today's champion hails from a different world, where everyone has wings and lives forever...sounds like my kind of world! However, this champion was summoned to the League of Legends, along with her sister, in order to represent the conflicting sides of their world here on Runeterra. The champion I refer to, of course, is none other than Morgana! In this interview, we'll get to ask her what it's like to fly, what's her favorite cookie, and a host of other good questions. As you can tell from the runes above, Morgana is malicious, malicious, malicious, and malicious. O_O I'm looking forward to this interview... Anyways, without further ado, It's my pleasure to present to you....
(Applause in the background)
Straight out of the Sinful Succulence Bakery, huh? Welcome to the show, Morgana!
KAYLE!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!
W-wait! I-I'm not Kayle! (I've never been terrified this early into the interview before!)
...Kayle, why do you have a man's voice?
L-like I said, I'm not Kayle! I'm the interviewer! Now can you please put that fireball away?
Oh. Alright. But why are you wearing the same helmet as Kayle?
Well, one of these days, you're going to have to change it, or I'm going to murder you in bed.
In bed...hehe... (sweating) Anyways, onto the actual interview. First question. We all know why you joined the League of Legends, and we all know that you don't plan on staying forever. What do you plan on doing the moment you leave the League of Legends?
First I'm going to kill Kayle. Then I'm going to go home and bake myself a tray of cookies and settle down with a glass of milk.
A-and is it going to be that easy to kill Kayle? I mean, she can make herself invincible and things like that...
Bah! Invincible, for what, three seconds? There's a reason she was given away free to all the old geezer summoners a while ago. Summoners don't use her! She can't hold her own against me, and she knows it. All I need to do is wait a few hundred years or so...
and vengeance will be mine!!!
O-ok, let's change the subject now, how about...ummm...flying! Yes, what's it like to fly?
....you're mocking me, aren't you?
N-not at all! That was an honest question!
.....I, well, I.....I'm afraid of heights.
It's true. When I was two hundred years old, I was lining up for my first flying lesson when Kayle pushed me off a cliff.
I know! I mean, what kind of worthless sister would push their sibling off a cliff like that?
That's not what I was referring to! I mean, imagine having to learn how to fly when you're 200 years old! I mean, by then, you'd have wrinkly skin and shriveled up hands and saggy...
.....Are you saying I have wrinkles?
Wha...no, of course not!
FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I'M ONLY 23,984 YEARS OLD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! HOW OLD DID YOU THINK I WAS!?!?!?
19 centuries? Really? That's sweet of you...guess I haven't hit my mid-life crisis after all...
Well, I didn't mean it that way, but that works I guess... Moving on! Morgana, how's your bakery doing?
Sinful Succulence? It's doing fine. Demacia still won't let me set up a bakery in their city, but I'm getting a flood of orders from my bakeries in my current locations, and believe it or not, a Demacian mage dressed as a spell thief actually took the time to sneak into my shop in Noxus just to buy some pies from me!
Lux? So that's what she was doing on those 'secret' missions...kids these days. Anyways, so it sounds like you've been having no trouble so far with baking.
Well...there have been one or two incidences. I had to close down my shop in Zuan for a day or two because Dr. Mundo broke in and stole all my cookies!
Mundo eats cookies!?!?!? I never knew that...what kind?
I'm not sure. I saw him coming, so I spiked the cookies with a spell or two. Tomorrow when he wakes up he's going to have blue skin.
Wow...so much for being champions on the same side...
I don't care for the politics of humans. My best customers are the Demacians, and my best apprentice is from Mount Targon.
Mount Targon? Wait, who's your apprentice?
Wait, wha...? The manly man? The manliest of warriors who only does what a true man does? The paragon of all that men aspire to become?Mantheon himself!?!?!?
Yeah. He's a good baker.
Really!?!?!? What does he bake?
Well, that's the problem. He likes to bake things that customers don't really like.
What, like meat pies and rock cakes?
No...he makes cookies that are...well...see for yourself.
OH MY GOD, THEY'RE CUTE!!!
THEY ARE NOT CUTE!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE COOKIES SUPPOSED TO RESEMBLE ANYWAYS!?!?!?
WHAT KIND OF KITTIES ARE THOSE, I ASK YOU!?!?!? LOOK AT THEM!!! THE EYES ARE TINY! THE WHISKERS ARE TOO SHORT AND PERFECT! EVERYTHING'S OUT OF PROPORTION!!! TO ME, THAT LOOKS MORE LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN A YORDLE AND A YETI THAN A KITTY!!! SERIOUSLY, IF THAT'S THE KIND OF THING THAT PANTHEON'S BAKING, HE HAS SOME SERIOUS MANLINESS ISSUES TO OVERCOME!!! I SWEAR, THE OTHER DAY HE WAS BAKING COOKIES SHAPED LIKE RAINBOW PONIES!!!
RAINBOW PONIES!!! <3
My goodness, does everything in this world have to be idolized when they're out-of-proportions?
Well, let's see... Riven's sword, Ashe's arrows, Sona's chest...yeah, pretty much.
Ugh...where were we again with your interview?
Questions, questions...ah, right. Last question, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
Alright, you know your Exile skin?
What, you mean this? (snaps)
WHOA!!! You can change skins just like that!?!?!?
Yes, magic can be very handy sometimes. Anyways, you were saying?
Well...how do you keep it on?
...What do you mean?
.....You use magic to keep that on?
Well, yeah, that's because straps kinda get in the way on the battlefield. I just have to believe it'll stay on, and it stays on.
It's that simple? You just believe that it will stay on?
But what happens when you have doubts? Like, when you run out of mana and need to get just a tiny bit more magic to finish off Kayle, who's lunging at you with a flaming sword? How much would you believe then?
Ahhh...my life is now complete...
That's it! Kayle can wait, but YOU...
Wha...wait, I promise! I didn't look! Alright, maybe a little, but not that much! And no one else saw! Besides...the...audience...here...