Humor Guide by AnalSamurai
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Not Updated For Current Season
The masteries shown here are not yet updated for the current season, the guide author needs to set up the new masteries. As such, they will be different than the masteries you see in-game.
FEEDING FOR DUMMIES
Tired of not dying fast enough? Wish there was an item that stacked on deaths? Well, have no fear, because this build is here to teach people how to feed more efficiently.
Character- I chose Janna because of her combination of great level 1 move speed and low starting health.
Summoner Spells- Revive is used for coming back to life without having to wait for the death timer. Its a great way to reduce the overall time between one death and the next. Teleport is used to travel long distances quickly and thus lower the amount of time required to successfully feed. Later we will discuss an advanced feeding technique that can be executed with this summoner spell. If you don't like teleport or revive, ghost is another great option as it has a lower cooldown and can work wonders with Janna's passive movespeed.
Runes- I decided to go with movespeed quintessences alone because other runes only make it harder for one to die or are not helpful to the process. If these are too expensive, you can go with the Death Time Reduction quintessences as they will help out later game.
Masteries- Be careful not to upgrade anything that increases survivability. Notice how I fully upgrade Death Time Reduction for the times when revive is on cooldown. Remember, if you use ghost, you are going to want to put your point in that so it lasts longer and has a smaller cooldown. Now, whether to upgrade revive or not is a tough call. It does reduce its cooldown by 30 seconds, but it also gives an additional 400 health. If you think it takes you less than 30 seconds to lose 400 health, then its a good decision. Remember, not everyone is that good at intentionally receiving damage as fast as possible. Do not worry though, I will provide helpful hints later on.
Skills- We start off with a level in Zephyr because it gives additional passive movespeed. Sadly, we cannot level it up 5 times in a row, so alternate with Howling Gale so just in case it is accidentally casted, nothing will have increased health (Unlike if we were to level up Eye Of The Storm). After Zephyr is maxed out, you don't need to worry about spending points because Janna's other spells are useless for feeding.
Starting out- Begin by buying boots and a sight ward as fast as possible. Call out for solo mid for two reasons- 1) It's better to provide experience all to one person than to split people. 2) More often times than not, the opponents will put a good carry hero at mid. Right click and begin your journey down lane. If you notice that your allies might reach their lanes before you for whatever reason, you can go ahead and pop teleport on the furthest tower (Use this as a last resort). This will ensure that you arrive first and guarantee that first blood goes to the other team. Hopefully the mid opponent is ready to engage. If not, place your ward down just outside of their tower range. Take a couple tower hits without dying and then wait outside of range. Remember,enemies don't get the kill unless they have damaged you in some way. When they arrive, let them kill you and then quickly use your revive spell and then teleport to the ward you dropped. Proceed to tank a couple more tower hits while making sure they damage you.
Early to Mid game- Now that teleport and revive are on cooldown, you will have to walk all the way to your lanes to die. At the early levels, you will want to level up a couple of times normally in order to maintain a good experience curve with your killers. You may want to switch lanes at some point because the person at mid may be out leveling you by more than 3 levels. You can continue to buy wards with the gold you receive naturally per second. They can be used as nodes for teleportation, or to sight enemies in prime feeding positions.
Late Game- Do NOT over do the early game leveling however, because you will want to maintain a low death time. Your games should usually last exactly 25:00 minutes because your team should feel like surrendering.
After Game Lobby- By now, your allies will be wondering one of two things: 1) How is this player at my ELO? 2) This guy is the most professional feeder I have ever seen!
Note: It is generally a rule of thumb to not say anything to your team other than calling "Solo mid." After the game however, you may type "Its cuz I was lagging" if you want them to feel better about your numerous amounts of deaths.
Meant for entertainment only and because I was bored. Please do not execute this. Please do not rage comment about this. Look up satire if you don't "get it". Thank you.