Good morning America, you are listening to channel 4, currently reporting on U.S. presidential candidate, Poppyobama! In this broadcast Poppyobama's current views on top-lane will be explained. The by-far most viable build, our first blue presidential candidate suggests, is that of an AP Burst assassin. This becomes obvious by the fact that all of her skills scale off of ability power, which would make and AD build completely useless. Ah, I'm getting the transmission now, Poppyobama is ready to talk:

"Hello, beautiful citizens of these beautiful United States of America, and welcome to my discussion of top-lane. First point, runes. These should be quite simple to figure out, and I will spend no more time on them."

"Ahh, the beloved masteries. Almost exactly like runes, these little buggers will only help during the earlier stages of the match, and are explained by my dear friend, cheat sheet."

"Again, this topic is quite minor, and cheat sheet has already taken care of it. If you like, take Hextech Revolver earlier, for sustain and survivability. Only get me one of those staffs from the void if the republicans have high magic resist, otherwise an Abyssal Scepter will be enough for me. If none of this floats your boat, just put more caps of death on my head, but I will not leave base without those two fancy, yellow, cutting utensils."

"If that fine graph up there isn't enough, I don't know what is. Let me hump that twerp Romney into walls at level one, because its fun."

"Now for this section, I have a very unique and less-used standpoint. Flash and ignite. Flash is a quite underestimated trick, that most democrats have up their sleeve, especially the blue, female ones. We know that a little peek at those Demacian cannon-balls can be the difference of life and death. And ignite is quite potent with my ultimate vote-catcher, Diplomatic Immunity."

"Ranked is silly. Most parties here are silly. Only let yourself fall into that deep, dark hole if you have nothing else to do. For example, go outside. Or talk to people."

" I have many pros. And no cons.
Pros:
-I carry a giant-*** hammer. Compared to my body size, at least.

Cons:
-None, as fas as I am concerned. Except I can't roll barrels. That would be fun."

"Kill the Karry. Don't let others do it for you."

"As a good friend of mine once said, you either suck at this or you don't. Quite wise, quite wise."

"John, what is this? How much else do I have to say? Oh, okay. Thank you, John.
Anyways, I usually smash people into the ground with a hammer. If I recall my superb knowledge of all other candidates, only I can do this."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was our future president. We know switch over to the latest cat fashion show, where Miss Swiffernif-....KRCKCKSKSSSSSSKRKSCKS.


(Might want to get a new radio)