Swain Humor Guide by Felkaranos

Introduction

This guide is about Swain, in case you haven't noticed. Swain is a caster champion with lots of clever tricks. He's able to regenerate mana, heal and own enemies even when he's walking with a cane.

This is Swain

Swain's skills

KILL=MANA=PROFIT: Swain's passive. It gives him mana when he kills enemies. So unless you are stupid, farming minions between damaging the enemies will be a big part of the game. You saying you can't last-hit? THEN GO FIND ANOTHER CHAMPION! On second thought, go watch My Little Pony instead.

LAZOOOOOR BIIIIIIIIRD: Press Q to use this ability. You want it. I take the first point in this skill, as it's both a good supporting skill and deals some damage. By supporting, I mean that this skill makes you place a ******* BIIIIIIIIIRD that fires a FREAKING LAZOOOOOR at an enemy. I have no idea how the bird does this... magic, you know... Anyways, it will deal damage over time and slow your enemy. For some reason, the LAZOOOOR actually slows down its target. Could be magic that too. A good thing with this skill is that you place the bird, which means you can run away from it while the skill continues to cast from where you stood when casting. A drawback is that it can be broken if the enemy runs out from its range.

Tentacle Rape: Proof that Swain is an old perv, and also a nice skill for any situation. Swain marks an area, then after a rather short delay, enemies inside the area get snared and dealt damage to. You want to use this skill for everything from stopping a chaser, stopping an escaping enemy, doing the laundry and making dinner. I get it at level 4, so I have my full combo ready early. Leveling it doesn't significantly increase anything, so I wait with this until the end.

I HAZ A TINY GREEN COMEEEEEEET: This is a tiny green comet. You throw it at your enemies, which would be rather rude if you were in a tea party. Luckily, most matches are not tea parties. Your COMEEEEEEET deals damage over 4 seconds, which means no insta-nuke power. It does, however, increase all your damage against the afflicted target. That's why you want to combine this with you LAZOOOOOOR BIIIIIIIRD.

IMA BIRD! HURR DURR!: Some champions are known for having insane ult damage, others are known for their terrifying ultimate CC effects. Swain is something different. He concentrates all his pervertedness, age, knowledge and taco into an amazing shapeshift spell that would make Udyr jealous, and scare away Nidalee. But what does he transform into? A FREAKING BIIIIIIRD?! Don't misunderstand me, this skill is great, but couldn't he transform into a dragon, or a giant void monster, or a stripper? Hell, I'd even accept an octopus! But he chose to be a BIIIIIIIRD. Well, not everything's bad. This skil actually does something good. When in BIIIIIIIRD form, Swain sends out up to three BIIIIIIRDS once every second. They deal damage to enemies they hit, and prioritize champions. Swain is healed for 25% of the damage they deal to minions, and 75% of the damage they deal to champions. Unfortunately, the BIIIIIIIRDS are very territorial, so only one will hit each enemy.

How to play

L2P




Seriously, L2P




I mean it




**** you

How to WIN

• You have a snare. Use it for all it's worth and you'll get free wins. It can often be a good idea to begin with LAZOOOOOR BIIIIIRD, because the slow will make it much easier to land your snare properly.
  
• Remember that your cooldowns are too long for spamming constantly, so you'll want to use I HAZ A TINY GREEN COMEEEEEET as early as possible, to maximize damage.
  
• The damage increase from I HAZ A TINY GREEN COMEEEEEEET affects all kinds of damage, even damage from Ignite and Deathfire Grasp. That's why you need them. If you don't want to deal lots of damage, you are stupid. Go watch My Little Pony.
  
• If your enemies seem to know what you are going to do, try delaying your skills or changing the order you use them. Unpredictability is good.
  
• QEW QEW QEW QEW QEW QEW R!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!
  
• My Little Pony makes you a better Swain player. It's been proven by Dr. Mundo's research team.

Summoner spells

Ignite: YOU DEAL A LOT of damage with this. Seriously, you can combine this with your I HAZ A TINY GREEN COMEEEEEEET to deal more damage than usual. Great for finishing enemies when they are low.

Flash: Your enemy runs away? No problem, just FLASH closer. No, not that kind of flashing.

I don't want to talk about the other spells. Just choose what you feel suits you best, but I advice you to take at least one of my two chosen spells.

If you choose Heal, Clarity or Revive, you need to go watch My Little Pony.

Thanks to

Your mom

Swain himself

Me!

You, since you obviously cared enough to read this thing

Your mom again

Your dad

Or... not really your dad

Dr. Mundo's research team

Your stepmom

Your sister

Beatrice (Swain's BIIIIIIIRD)

Your grandma

If you suck...

Watch this. It helps. I promise.