Intel® Core™ i7-3610QM Mobile Processor (to render Vorpal Spikes)
16MB 1333MHz DDR3 SDRAM
PowerIso
Intel GMA X4500

Really? If you are too stupid to have not figured this out on your own, you are not nearly sophisticated enough to understand the subtleties of my guide. Now please, there's the back button, click it, have a good day. Now for the rest of you who already understand the immense power in this champion, please light up a bong and watch this video while the rest of your incompetent colleagues file out the back.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWOnHuTmxWM

Excellent, now that I know only the most skilled remain, let us begin.

If you will pay even the slightest attention to Cho'Gath builds on Mobafire, you will notice that many people build him with high AP. This is because his abilities scale with AP, and the public seems to be of the opinion that more damage = better. Now building Cho'Gath as an AP caster is an entirely legitimate way to play this champ, IF you want to look like a massive *****.

Even the most casual observer will realize that Cho'Gath was born to be a tank. I refer to an expert on champion design to prove my point.

"Mage Cho'Gath is shtupid." - Morello, Lead Champion Designer

In this build I show how to make the most of Cho'Gath's natural ability to never die by stacking obscene amounts of health.

A completely valid question.

In my experience, enemies will likely use some form of damage in their amusing attempts to stop you. Because of this I recommend stacking armor reds and quints alonside magic resistance blues. This diversifies your defensive portfolio and will make any type of DPS champ immensely butthurt. Also, extra health from your yellows cuz, well, why the hell not.

As for summoner spells, grab Heal. No, you idiot, it's not a heal for you! It's for your teammates, who will likely not be as swag as you and potentially sustain a lot of damage. In addition, I recommend using Exhaust as other champs will be completely terrified of you and often attempt to run away.

To begin, make it clear to your team and your enemies that you are not ****ing around. They will expect you to buy some Ability Power, BS Item. Show them that you mean business and buy a Doran's Shield. This will make you tanky right out of the gate and boost your health regen considerably, thereby allowing you to ignore all but the most unbalanced early game harass champs *cough*Ashe*cough*.

After you have some money, go back to spawn, and purchase some boots, a Regrowth Pendant and a few health pots. These items will allow you sustain in lane for a long time. This will allow you to support your laning partner for an extended time and also allow you to gain a fair amount of cash. Next, turn that Pendant into a Warmogs, an investment I shouldn't have to explain to you, because I seriously doubt that you are opposed to not dying.

Next up, purchase a Glacial Shroud and build into a Frozen Heart. This item will give you extra armor to deal with those pesky AD carrys with their 6 Infinity Edges while also getting your unintelligent teammates off of your back about not being magey enough and having no mana. (Implying the blue bar is more important than the green bar...). After this, purchase a Rod of Ages. This item is wonderful, as it makes people think that you are going to start building AP, while secretly giving you more health, an addition which goes nicely with your tons of health.

Then, purchase a Guardian Angel, which will exponentially increase your enemy's feelings of butthurt as you simply will not die. Also, the rings of light that the item projects around Cho'Gath create an illusion, which makes him appear at least 50% larger.

Finally, sell that useless Doran's Cup Holder and get yourself a second Warmog, a decision which, again, I should not have to justify.

Unlike other champions, Cho'Gath has four abilities.

1.Rupture: This spell is incredibly useful for a variety of tasks. It's uses include but are not limited to: tossing salad greens, removing champagne corks, as a coat rack, combating global terrorism, and decreasing the mortality rate of baby rabbits. It's usefulness in lane cannot be overstated as enemies will dismiss the obvious red circle around them as much too clear to be a sign of their impending doom. Cho'Gath has also been known to troll the Richter Scale by using this ability to create anomalous seismic data.

2.Feral Scream: Nothing on earth is more annoying than hearing some whiny, useless support champ scream in terror and anguish after you have bitten the head off one of their teammates. Because of this, Cho'Gath comes equipped with Shut Up Rays, to silence any enemies who could possibly damage his delicate inner ear. Feral Scream also looks important. Use it to scare off enemies who have no idea what his abilities do.

3.Vorpal Spikes: Due to the high amount of particles that are rendered every time Cho'Gath attacks anything with this ability toggled, it is quite effective against players with ineffective hardware. Since, as we know, 99% of ranked players are Brazilian and live in trees, this ability is extremely potent in high Elo play.

4.Feast: Anytime one of your enemies taunts you with some BS about you not building AP, not doing damage, etc...swiftly remove one of their body parts. And then, as they caps rage in chat from the grave, politely inform them that you are unable to hear them over your incredible amounts of true damage.

In addition to these four abilities, Cho'Gath's passive is also useful. Carnivore restores health and mana everytime he kills a unit. This allows you to convert minions directly into health, thereby nullifying enemy poke in lane.

As any member of a self-respecting fraternity will tell you, tanks are generally hard to play early game. This is not true with Cho'Gath. If you are ever attacked, hold your ground. Even early game Cho'Gath has lots of health and armor. In addition, pop a health pot, use heal and casually dance to further signal to your enemies that you aren't going anywhere. By this time, your laning partner will have hopefully realized their error in running away at the first sign of enemy offense and will return to mop up whatever is attacking you. If they are 'lagging' or otherwise still indisposed, simply land a rupture and stroll back to your turret.

As soon as you hit level six, feast anything that comes within range. If you passed high school biology you will know that rapid growth requires a high amount of protein, which minions happen to be 90% composed of. Once you hit six stacks, began roaming. It doesn't really matter what you do at this point (jungle, lane, gank, etc.), as you now are the food chain.

By late game, your team should have realized their error in assuming that a Cho'Gath who is not wearing a wizard's hat is utterly useless. Lead charges against the enemy's turrets. Do not worry about the turret attacking you or defending champs. Simply stand there and allow your team to destroy the enemy fortifications. After you have defeated the enemies outer turrets, return to heal. Then, head back out to the next ring of turrets, and rinse and repeat your way to the enemy nexus.

Now, Cho'Gath may be a magnanimous bro, but even void aliens gotta eat (pun entirely intended). Remember to smart cast 'r' during team fights to pick up at least one guaranteed kill everytime. This will allow for a pretty steady gold income. If enemies become angered at your team's efforts to use teamwork in a team game, as will inevitably happen in high elo play, they may challenge one of you to a 1v1 fight. Oblige them. Instead of sending your team's AD carry, as they will expect, go yourself.

Despite being a tank, Cho'Gath has incredible burst, especially out of a bush. Use Newton's little known 4th Law of Physics to hide your incredible girth inside a bush half your size. Then, when they walk by, simply hit them with your full combo (Feral Scream, Rupture and Feast). After that, your enemies should have quite low health and will not have landed a blow on you. Use the rest of your health, the revive from Guardian Angel and the extra health from Heal to auto-attack/vorpal spike/rupture them down.

If you use this guide properly, you should become the envy of every tank on the planet, as you consistently go positive despite intiating fights and still doing your job. I hope you enjoy experiencing Cho'Gath's true power. And now, a good day to you all.

*This Guide has been approved by the National Department of Human Resources for public viewing.*

Also, THE GAME

God Bless America.