Garen is an incredibly strong pick for normal pubstomps at the moment. Seriously, if you have half a brain, you'll destroy people with this guy. Since the buff to his W that let him get +25 armor/MR with only level 1 Courage, he has become a lean mean grilling machine. This guide is here to cut through the fat of other Garen guides and get your DEMACIA on.

Ok, check this @#$@ out. So you picked Garen, an easy mode, spin-to-win champion that takes no skill to master. But to become a true Garen player, you have to become the Gaston of LoL. Yeah the dude from Beauty and the Beast which should of married Belle but had it stolen by that haggard creature living in an enchanted mansion. You need to become him, because noone fights like Gaston. Noone

I don't mean one of those buttmad players that gets up in everyone's business when someone builds a character differently. I mean the guy that types in "NOPE CHUCK TESTA" in /all chat whenever you kill someone with your ult right as they flash and the ult gets them anyway. If anyone asks what role you're filling, tell them "CHUCK NORRIS". Become the Gaston of League of Legends. You need to embrace all DEMACIA has to offer and scream that @#$@ all day long when you get kills. Brag about how much you're getting fed, and build 3 warmogs with your core items just to be an @#$hole. You're the best in your entire country, and you need to let everyone on the opposite team know that you're gonna beat their buttocks and there's nothing they can do about it. In all caps, of course. True Garens never use lower case letters. If your team calls a surrender vote, never vote yes. Boys give up, but Gaston keeps going.

Do it, it's a videogame, have some FUN and don't get caught up in the manure the ranked tryhards feed you.

Marks: flat AD marks for early game stompin. Armor pen is perfectly fine on him as well, since it scales with his Q and E. It's all preference mang.
Seals: flat armor marks for early game stompin. Dodge is getting removed so yeah.
Glyphs: flat MR marks for early game stompin. If you have MR/level glyphs it's probably OK to substitute them.
Quints: I like flat hp/5 quints. And by like, I mean I stole the idea from Elementz and call it my own. Flat health mixed with armor pen runes is fine as well, but if you're gonna mix armor pen in there, you might as well make your marks armor pen.

See above. Magic pen/cdr in offensive tree for DAT ULT. Either put 3 points in lifesteal for dat slightly better survivability, or put 3 points into armor pen for some early game DUNKS on whoever's facing you. Havoc is awesome and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, more damage on your ult is never bad.

See above. This build is so well known, but it's never gonna suck. Fratmogs destroys freakin' everything, even heimer can use this build and eat babies for breakfast. This works well on Garen because:

-He's Garen
-Gives him SO MUCH DAMAGE BRO on your Q and E until late game
-Lets him go Juggernaut on everyone's #$% when you have 3k+ health

Boots are situational ofc. Ninja tabi against teams that are too dumb to function, merc boots for everyone else.

Max E first, then Q. One point in W because your movespeed bonus and SPINNAN are more important imo. You'll get your +25 to armor/MR with it, and you'll be a credit to your worthless team.

I'm gonna catch @#$@ for not including flash. Whatever.

Ghost: Combined with your Q gives you speeds even Rammus and Mundo would be super Smuckers jelly over. Your mallet will slow them down and keep them slow as a starfish for your teammates to come in and steal your kill, or you could just finish them off yourself.

Exhaust: This #$@# is so awesome, especially for early game and to avoid getting out Demacia'd. Throw it on that jungler trying to gank you and steal your glory and haul #$% to the turret. Throw it on that guy that you REALLY want to kill. Throw it on an enemy trying to kill your terrible teammate so you can NOPE CHUCK TESTA them when you run in for the kill. It's awesome, try it before you knock it.

Flash: Try it if you want idc, you can hop over ledges and stuff with it, but it's not GOTTA GO FAST mode like Ghost

Cleanse: It's not really needed since your E is just 2 guuud at stopping snares and slows, but it wouldn't hurt i guess.

Anything else: Is it April Fool's Day already?

You can use Q while you're spinnan all over the place mollywhoppin kids. This will allow you to instantly silence and damage the next thing you try to attack after your E ends. Some people are bad and like to run into battle on E alone and Q, but it should only be used like that when you're not chasing/initiating. Aka teamfights and house parties.

Don't forget W. It's there, it's awesome, but it's got a long CD.

The only learning curve Garen has is the ult. It's mostly a guessing game, but if a player's health is somewhere below 33% (especially if it's a tank or someone with way too much hp) try it. You get a feel for it eventually.

You're not really a carry, but you can steal kills from your carries for lols. You do a lot of damage, but you're mainly useful for your ult, chasing down fleeing enemies, initiating, and messing up everyone's day.

Disregard females, acquire kills.

THE MORE YOU KNOW READING RAINBOWWWWWWWWW

It doesn't matter if you're solo top, or at bottom lane, the gameplay for Chuck Norris doesn't really change much.

Start with the boots and 3 pots. Movement speed + E = OH GOD WE CAN'T ESCAPE HIS SPINNAN. If you're hurt, sit behind your terrible minions and let your passive heal you up a bit. If you're not, and you shouldn't be because you're GAREN, be aggressive. You have no mana. NO MANA. NONE. NOTHING AT ALL IS HOLDING YOU BACK SUMMONER. Make people pay for picking their peasant tier mana users and silence/E them to death. And if they wanna play ruff, HOKAY, SEY HILLO TA MAH LITL FRAND and ult them.

When you hit 6, let everyone and their mother know and start ganking people. Before then though, you'll probably have to b and spend your piles of gold on something, so start building phage and grab a ward. Put it in the alley bush. BAM. YOU CAN'T BE GANKED. COO COO CA CHOO.

Why Phage first? Because you've got your Q for Sanik Da Hegehag speed, and your boots. Use your Q before you gank, slow them with dem manly autoattacks, ?????, profit.

Depending on how much you're fed, you start building mallet (low feed) or early atmas (high feed lol). Either way you'll have about 2k health at this point and you'll be a @#$@brick of damage and fun. You'll have over 100 MR/Armor, you'll have damage out the patoot, heaps loads of health and regen, and all the women within a 5 mile radius of your computer will have to change their underwear from the amount of power you now possess. Yeah even your mom.

Build a Warmogs as you rack up kills. Game will probably be close to finishing by this point. If it's not, make an executive decision. You're good at this game, find something in the defense items that you like and buy it. Randuins, Banshees, FoN, Guardian Angel, Thornmail, Sunfire Cape are all good options. Or you could build something completely stupid just to mess with people. AP is always a good option if you're going full trololol mode. You could also build MOAR WARMOGS and stomp on kids with your mighty health and regen advantage.

Everyone lanes well with Garen. Especially someone with ranged harrassment/autoattacks.

The biggest opposition you're gonna have are the current top lane gods. Yorick, Riven, Irelia, doppelganger Garens trying to soak up your glory, Rumble, Laneplank, Renekton, Trundle, Jarvan, Nasus sorta, and some excellent mids who don't go mid for some reason. Your silence is your biggest weapon against these people, along with jungle ganks and miracles on the Insane Clown Posse level. Riven and Yorick are the alpha and omega of top, don't mess around with them. Srs Gaston face must be present when dealing with rebellious swine like them. But even with them, Q, E, W, DEMACIA.

At bot lane, everyone sucks equally but you. THIS IS IMPORTANT and goes back to the whole Gaston mindset I told you about. Everytime they try to convince you otherwise, you gotta step in and say, "OH NO YOU AIN'T, YOU'RE GONNA PLAY POOOOOOOOOOLE POSITION"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiEj4RNpYME

AND YOU GOTTA BE THAT GIANT HAND AND CARRY YOUR TEAM LIKE THAT FAMILY'S CAR.

Go play the game. Criticism in the comment section gogogo.