So just to review, I quit school to focus on my job until the economy gets better, and as soon as I did that (like, literally while I was withdrawing from school) I received news that my job appears to be ending.

That was a rough week.

And then this happened: I received my lease renewal notice last Monday. Of course, I knew this was coming and had already made plans in my budget to handle two possible rent increases. One estimated increase was big but realistic, and the other possible increase was if my landlords wanted to be total a-holes. But moving is expensive, so I made plans to accommodate either. And then you know what happens next. The increase was exactly twice my high estimate, which puts the new rent for my two-bedroom apartment at almost $1300/month. Srsly.

So now I'm moving. Because everything else in my life is really stable, so why not move? I've been looking at apartments all week on my lunch hour and all day yesterday and today on my weekend. Such a stinky pastime. Why is every apartment manager a snotty 13-year old girl? And please, the next time you are looking to move, do yourself a favor and avoid online reviews of all apartment buildings. The last review I looked at encouraged cross-referencing the county homicide map with the complex. I couldn't resist, and sure enough - murder she wrote, right there in that very building.

I guess I had an outdated idea of what normal rental rates are because everything in my goal range has been kind of skeevy, and I can do a lot of things, but skeevy isn't one of them. So then I decided to try for a one-bedroom instead of a two, but I pretty much abandoned that today. I have a lot of stuff plus a 10' surfboard. A one-bedroom place isn't going to cut it.

I'm going to look at one more place tomorrow and then try really hard to just pick from what I've seen. It's only been a week, but I'm tired of the process and I want to make a decision so I can put this behind me. I hope that's the right thing to do. I can make just about any non-skeevy space comfortable and sunny and feel like home.

The whole school/work/apartment thing has sucked some ***; I'm not going to lie. But here are some good things:
I went to acupuncture, glorious acupuncture, today for the 2nd week in a row. I haven't done that since before school started - over a year ago.
It's really, really, really nice to not do homework before work, after work, on my lunch hour, and all weekend long. I love not doing homework.
I used to go to yoga. Remember? That's another thing I haven't done even once since school started a year ago. It hit me today that I can do that again if I want. And I think I do.
I've been reading. Books and stuff. Did you know they make books that aren't about the cognitive development of middle schoolers? Me neither.
I'm running 3 or so times a week, which feels really good. I've lost a couple ounces. That can't be bad.
I enjoyed the hell out of that three-week summer we had. I mean, Hawaii. And all those days by the pool. And a few weeks ago I went to a party with new friends and had a total blast. So there's that.
The apartment thing kind of effed this up, but I'm going to get to go up to Seattle to see friends at some point soon. I haven't been able to do that for ages. Why? You guessed it. School.
I put a few things up in my Etsy shop. Guess why? That's right. Because I had time. (Those pictures are horrible. I haven't had *that* much time.)
Remember all that fun I had dating last summer? Conceivably, if I could get my act (and my ***) together, I would have time to do that again. That's a goal of mine for relatively soon.
I feel off-kilter and wonky and, I'm not going to lie, a bit depressed. But, I don't know, some good things have happened, and more good things are probably in store. It helps to remember that.

I got up early today and made it to the coast by 9:00 for a little surfy surf. It was so beautiful when I arrived. It's crazy how you never know - last time (and, hey, I still had fun) the waves were rolling sideways and backwards, and it took all my energy just to stand in the water. This time the waves were rolling in perfect lines, 4-5'; the intervals were short, but there was almost no wind to speak of. There were about 6 or 7 guys in the water when I arrived, but there were enough little breaks in the cove that we almost each could have had our own peak.

My wetsuit is pretty thin (4/3? 3/2?), and my gloves are just 1.5 mm, so I was pretty worried about being cold. (Actually, I don't mind being cold at all. I just didn't want to be miserable.) It turned out to be great - water temp was about 57º - it was refreshing. No ice cream headache at all.

I'm exhausted lately - all the drama with school, work, and the apartment has taken a toll. I'm being faithful with my runs (5k about 3 times a week, sometimes 4) but that's about all I'm doing. Even though the water was beautifully gentle, I was moving slow and only stayed out for about 2 hours. I never really felt totally centered - I had a couple of long rides, but I was super fidgety and noticed I was walking around on the board the whole time, and looking at the deck instead of head/heart up.

Still, the low wind and absence of current in the water convinced me to go outside, which I've done at least a half-dozen or dozen times in lessons, but I don't think I've ever done that by myself. And more than the conditions, there was a little peak at the north end of the cove that I had to myself so I didn't have to worry about being in anyone's way, which is really what keeps me from practicing on the outside most of the time. I paddled out (even though you can almost walk it here) and was freaking exhausted paddling through the calmish 5' sets 15 yards to the outside. Lame. But I did it a few times and went for a few "real" waves and caught two. One I kind of crashed on, and one I did pretty good on. I don't pop early enough, so I end up starting to ride down the drop on my belly, but I do get up before it breaks (I think) and, well, it's progress. That's a big deal for me.

Other than that, I just rode a lot of whitewater, worked on standing up straight, thought about life, and just kind of meditated the whole time. I loved - looooooved - being in the water again after . . . my god, it's only been two weeks. It felt flowly and slow-motion and cushiony and comforting. I planned on putting my board up when I got tired and just swimming for a while. But, as usual, I couldn't force myself to get out of the water until I'd used up every ounce of energy, and wasn't even sure how I'd hoof my board back up to the parking lot. So when I was done, I was done.

I thought about Jules today. And my job. I thought about control - how surfing requires you give up every single thing you think you know. What else is like that? I thought about the reasons I came to surfing in the first place. And I thought about being 40: this weird time in life when I guess you realize you didn't grow up to be a rock star/professional basketball player/super model. I remember having lunch with a great coworker in NY several years ago, and he was telling me about a conversation he had with his teenage sons. He was telling them that they could be anything they wanted to be when they grow up, and he said to me, "So, I guess, I was lying to them." I remember being surprised that he was so cynical. But I was in my 30's then, and still wet behind the ears :) Now I understand what he meant. I thought about all of that today, and more.

I feel impatient and disappointed with where I'm at with my surfing. Here we go into another fall/winter, and the opportunities to surf will dwindle. All morning I wavered between frustration that I'm not further skill-wise, and being pleased at my adventure on the outside. It's fun to go head-first into a wave. Even with one pearl and one washing-machine experience today. Ray from Rockaway Beach was right - even a small drop looks like 20 stories from up there.

That's all I got. I guess it sounds like a mixed bag, but I was a happy, happy girl today.

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