I don't know you. Until proven otherwise, you are all automatons that are programmed just well enough to get to lane and attempt to CS.

How do you prove you are not Bots so I want to help you?

When the game starts run out to the jungle and take up a position to protect OUR jungle. If I lose our Blue buff and then you get cheesed at level 2 by their jungler wearing OUR blue buff, I'm probably going to be tilted and you are probably going to be tilted. Save us the trouble.

You get +1 human point if you run out and protect OUR opposite buff without me asking you to.

When protecting the jungle ward out in front of you and know your escape path! I smack my head every time I watch someone on my team setup in the river bush between the two paths back into the Blue side jungle and they get collapsed on and they die because they have not planned a retreat path.

If you are a lazy sluggard and don't make it out off the fountain at the 14 second mark, treat the damn jungle like it might have been invaded. You don't need to watch my opposite side buff because I've already warded it when I saw that your are a Bot. Likelihood of me helping you unless the needs of the game demand it -1.

8 times out of 10 the enemy jungler is going to gank a lane around the 3 minute mark. Have a ward out at the 2:40 mark that covers their most likely access to you. If you are Top lane Blue Side and pushed up then have their tri-bush warded. If you are Top lane Blue side and being pushed in try to have your river bush or the nearest lane bush warded. If I don't see that you have a ward out at the 2:40 mark, congratulations you have been downgraded further from human by -1.

If I put a ward out for you and the enemy jungler shows on the ward and you die to their gank. -10 human points.

2:40 with me going Red > Wolves > Blue on the Blue side of the map (assuming the enemy jungle is going Blue > Wolves > Red because their Bot lane came to lane at the same time as your laners and they are missing some mana). You checked that, right? -5 human points if not.

Top: Tri, River, or nearest lane bush warded depending on your lane position
Jg: Ward the enemy jungle entrance between raptors and the Baron pit and kill scuttle crab (Boom Top and Mid are largely protected from ganks on that side of the map).
Mid: Ward the river bush on the opposite side from where I warded or ward the jungle entrance on the other side of their blue
Bot: You have two wards. Minimally you can ward the river bush, but you might also want to ward the Tri-bush or one of the lane bushes depending on where you will be positioned in the lane in case you need a Teleport from your Top laner.

All warded up? Congratulations you all earned +1 human point. Jungler thinks odds of winning this game are looking up.

Getting me to help you:


Look at where I am at on the map. Look at how many camps are up in my jungle.

Tell me sweet things like.

Top flash down. Just used their ult. Wave pushing to me. Come after Gromp.

+10 Human points and I may friend you after the match.


During the gank:

You are reasonably healthy and have mana and cooldowns.

You've thinned the minion wave out.

If you have hard CC, you go first.

If I have hard CC, I go first.

If one or both of us has soft CC, we try to layer it.

We save our mobility spells until after they've used their escape abilities.

We orb walk to finish the kill if necessary.

I'll probably be back to your lane to help you in the future. +10 human points

Asking me to hold your lane:

This is tricky. Junglers like lane farm, but if we are melee and your laner is fed at all, then we have to be really careful about this. Like you we are also potentially susceptible to being dove if their jungler shows up. We are also visible on the map at this time, not taking camps, and not available to assist other lanes/go find out where the enemy jungler is at. If you've killed them though and are low, I'll happily hold your lane until you can get back.

*****ing at me for not ganking your lane when I'm getting other things done on the map:

-eleventy human points.

Just because I don't gank for you does not mean that I don't like you or I'm stupid or I don't want to win the game. I'm sorry that you may not get a chance to pub stomp the lane, but sometimes I need to be other places on the map then the lane which is holding even.

Maybe our Mid laner is stomping on their Mid laner and I'm helping them continue to be successful. Or maybe Bot lane is hemorrhaging but my champion has a skill set that can help stop the bleeding. Or maybe I'm busy making the other jungler useless.

Example. We had a Janna + Jinx Bot lane that was getting DESTROYED by a Draven + Nami Bot lane. 3 ganks with my ult as Sion later, I was wiping bits of Draven goo off my breastplate and I dragged my team to victory despite their best efforts to lose.

I try to get every lane ahead. That is like a junglers wet dream. But sometimes that isn't in the cards.

;tldr - do smart things that make your jungler think you are smart. work what you are doing in with what they are doing. Supply them with information to help them make an informed decision about what they should be doing with their time. If your jungler is on the other side of the map and you don't know where their jungler or Mid laner are, then play accordingly, which may mean having the presence of mind to give up a turret if you suddenly find yourself the recipient of way more attention than you want from their team.