This is in no way a serious build. It is meant for humour only. However, if you do in-fact manage to kill a minion after having read or heard of this guide in any way, I am legally obliged to take claim to any gold, xp and/or fame you get for said minion kill.
Also, if you do manage to get 14 points into Ashe's W, CONGRATULATIONS, you are teh greetest!

Minion #1: M*therF*cker-er Melee

These little guys are the direct descendants of Satan, armed to the non-existent teeth with a sword and a shield. Plus, Purple Hoods. These special, enchanted Purple Hoods grant the minions Jack **** in the way of armour, so attack them AT ALL TIMES.

Minion #2: The Australian a.k.a The Sniper

The educated, rich white kid of minions, this minion has a jeweled stick and a book, from which the minion summons forth the most evil of all things: a small purple ball of light. This little ball does minimal damage, unless this happens:


In which case you're f*cked.

Minion #3: He Rideth the Metal Bastion

Riding the metal behemoth known as Blitzcrank Jr., Siege Minion is best known for standing under turrets for all of eternity, tanking that **** like... well, tank.

Alright, we have our build. You are playing Ashe, because f*ck all the other champs, Ashe OP. You have your runes and masteries set to kill, and you have your build, you bought your starting items (boots and pots, ofc).
Now, after buying your items, wait for a minute on the summoner platform. Why? We're killing minions, not enemy champions, and for the first minute and thirty seconds, there ARE no minions to kill. So, to kill time, use CTRL+(1-3) and entertain your bewildered allies (they are in awe of your 120% CDR, which they can totally see).[/h2]
At a minute in, walk to the middle of the map. An ally already there? GOOD, they can witness the slaughter you are about to bring to bare.
When you espy the enemy minions, BE CAREFUL! M*therF*cker Melee leads the assault on your sensibilities with his mace and sword thingy. If you cannot avoid his mighty sharpened stick assault attack, you will lose. 0/32. It's happened before.
To kill a minion, walk to it as it attacks your own minions, and press W. If the minion survives your mighty shots of blue diamond arrows, press B and wait for 30 seconds.
Alright, you have slain a minion. You have faced it on the field of battle. You have seen the Purple Hood of Doom it hath donned, and you hath filled said hood to **** with blue diamond crystal ice arrows. I.E., you have pressed W. You might notice that you gained an amount of gold and experience for filling his head full of W.
Congratulations!
You now have what is called CS, or Creep Score, or Creep Steal, or Carbon Steel!
Your Carbon Steel amount (found by pressing TAB, next to your k/d/a) shows the amount of devil spawn you have killed up to your chronology in this match! Strangely, killing Cho'Gath doesn't cause your Carbon Steel amount to ryze...

Found at the wonderful Haven of:
http://foolions.tumblr.com/post/11319533568/thats-why-minions-are-so-****in-scary-from

For actual information about minions, especially last-hitting, visit here
Thank you so much for reading! :D