Evelynn Humor Guide by Slauwwter
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Not Updated For Current Season
The masteries shown here are not yet updated for the current season, the guide author needs to set up the new masteries. As such, they will be different than the masteries you see in-game.
Guide is expired? No it's not, this is still a great way to piss off your team.
So, today, we have a guide on how to become your teams Rage Quitter. We all know him. We all hate him. We all want the dirty hippy to get a hair cut. But sadly, this is not what we are focusing on today. Today, we will learn how to BECOME such a rage quitter.
I'd like to thank:
Matt Ragequit Madness/Reselath/Dirty Hippy: For inspiring this. If you ever get a chance to play with him, just afk it out. It's not worth it.
Derek/Incediax: For motivating me to make this. Love you gurl.
David/Chinstrap: I don't know. Why am I putting you here again?
Bradley/Afkwithursister: Refer to Chinstrap
Myself/Slauwwter: Love ya gurl.
Credits to jhoijhoi for the template, which I am totally ripping off and you can find here.
+ You get to be a complete ****.
+ You'll think you're cool.
+ You may think you're funny.
- You'll have no friends.
- You'll smell bad. (Dirty Hippy)
- Everything you thought in Pro's, it's a lie.
- You're a dirty hippy.
We've got all our bases here. All of our perks are sure to be upgraded.
Our auto attacks will hit harder. Sounds good.
Demolitionist Siege Commander
If we find time between raging, quitting, and screaming at our team, our team will be sorry they got mad at us, as we feed another kill attempting to fight a tower. Those bastards will be sorry.
Resistance Hardiness Indomitable Evasion Juggernaut
Although it's unlikely, we may die less now.
Sync's well with our passive. NO MINION AGGRO FOR ME BUTTER CUPS!
The damned minions are still at it? Then let them kill themselves, sit in endless minion aggro as they slowly die a slow and painful death.
It looked pretty, thought it might soothe an enraged mind.
What, you think you'll be getting kills? Silly rage quitter, the best you can hope for is some assists with your death.
Less time dead. Trust me, you'll need this.
Realize this. We are rage quitters. We haven't the IP to buy tier 3 runes. So we buy Tier 1.
- Lesser Quintessence of Movement Speed: Gonna need these to run.
- Lesser Mark of Vitality: Incentive to stay until level 18. At which point we die slightly slower.
- Lesser Glyph of Scaling Cooldown Reduction: Incentive to stay until level 18. Then we can rage quit.
- Lesser Seal of Evasion: Possibly survive longer.
Ghost: As the enemy team is chasing us, this is a good ability to press, followed with Shadow Walk. This way, we atleast attempted to escape. For all the good it did.
Flash: It works essentially the same way as Ghost. And guess what, you can even combine them for more HOLY **** I'M GONNA DIE THIS IS MAKING ME MAD AS HELL power.
PASSIVE: Now this is an anti minion aggro passive. It works perfectly for our purposes. As we're running, if we're low on health and the minions are focusing us down, we take reduced damage, giving as a .0002 chance of survival instead of a .0001 chance.
ABILITY ONE (Q): Low cool down, must be good.
ABILITY TWO (W): Now, early on we won't need this. Our enemies will lack the damage to kill us before we can run. Therefore, we wait until level 8 to get this. Once we get this however, we can run very effectively. Maybe even, bare with me, scout out the enemies.
ABILITY THREE (E): Does lots of damage and reduces their resistances. We can steal kills with this.
- ABILITY FOUR (R): This ability sync's well with Ghost and Flash. With this ability, if we happen to be in a ****ed situation, we can use it, gain movement speed, and run quickly the hell away, with Ghost and Flash backing up our speed, stealthing if necessary.
Now the reason we picked this is, Agony's Embrace is our best built in ability to run.
From there, Hate Spike has the lowest cool down. Logic says, if you can spam it, it's good.
Next, Ravage is our last hitting tool. And I mean champion kills. Your team will *****. They will cry. They will call you a kill stealer. But you're a rage quitter, and they're randies. Who cares what they think?
Our last ability, Shadow Walk is saved for last because, we don't get it until 8, and the only thing that increases with time that actually matters for getting away is time. If you can't get away in a short time, you're probably not getting away in a long time.
: The fastest combat boots. These are perfect for running away. If it wasn't for the only out of combat effect, we'd go with mobility, but sadly, these are better.
: Lots of armor to help us eat their whole teams damage alone as we run. And, as we're doing this, we're hurting the evil bastards.
: Nice and cheap, good magic resistance to soak up damage alone, and if they try to cc us as we run, we can use the active. If you forget as your raging though, your team will understand, I'm sure.
: More armor and magic resistance, and a second life. After they've blown all their abilities on our first life, we can escape during their cool down period.
: Reduced CC, and ontop of that, if we catch a low health bro out in the open, we have a chance to crit on them, and even attack faster. Perfect for us.
- : Health for sustainability, mana for running, and even a spell shield for that nasty Rocket Grab. Perfect for your rage quitter.
Now farming requires careful timing as a Rage Quitter. What you must do, is this. As your lane mate moves in to get a last hit, you walk against a minion near him to block his path, and thus letting the enemy minions get the kill.
aaaa Your other option is, if your lane mate attacks a lot, wait until the minion is low on health, then steal the last hit yourself. Either will do.
Team fighting as a rage quitter is very difficult as well. Now, there's two ways to go about it. The kill way, and the Killed way. I'll explain both.
Now, what you have to do is stealth in the back of the fight. As the teams engage, watch careful, as an enemy may get low on health. If such a thing happens, move in, and pop all of your abilities on said enemy. You should be able to pull in a kill, maybe a few if you repeat it in the fight.
Rush the enemy team, attempt to kill a squishy by un-stealthing in the middle of the enemy team and blowing every ability you have. As you die, blame your team for not assisting you.
As a Rage Quitter, you should expect to be hated, hate the game you're playing, and realize that the path your taking will leave you with no friends, an alcohol abuse problem, and a death by stroke or Brain Aneurysm.
***Remember. Your team mates are randy trash that you shouldn't care about nor help. You are there to make their lives hell.***
To anyone other than JhoiJhoi that contributed to this guide in any way, whether it be ideas, inspiration, or motivation I have to tell you this.
I wish I had never met any of you, you have all done nothing but make my life worse. Thank you to anyone who made it this far.
Taking it upon yourself to become a rage quitter is a dangerous task. If you think you are a rage quitter, I urge you to join the program below. Thank you.
Credits to jhoijhoi for the template, which you can find here.